Chapter 24
TWENTY-FOUR
As Grayson recounted his version of events, it took everything in me not to fall apart. It was such a stark contrast from my last memories of him, of hearing him say we made a mistake, that it was hard to breathe. His side of the story was everything I wanted to hear after all this time. To know he had loved me just as much as I loved him… It made the remaining pieces of my walls shatter into dust.
“I don’t remember any of that.” My words came out whispered, shame coating each one. Maybe if I had, things would have been different between us. Maybe I would have fought for us instead of walking away.
“Figured that out the next morning.” Gray smiled sadly. “And while most of the night’s gone for me too, that, I do remember.” He stepped closer, cupping my cheek with his palm. “I promised you I’d never let you go again, and I broke that promise.”
“Gray, I?—”
“No, let me get this out, Ace.” He sighed, running his thumb along my cheek. “Letting you walk out of my life was the biggest mistake I ever made. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I was a fucking idiot. I should have fought harder for you.”
“And that’s why you never signed the divorce papers?”
He shook his head. “Maybe it was the coward’s way, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it, to sign away the last thing that tied you to me. And when you kept sending them, it almost became a game, trying to imagine your face when I found new ways to ruin them.”
“I did like the time they came back shredded.”
Gray chuckled. “Liked that, did you?” As I nodded, he moved closer, close enough that I could feel the heat emanating from his muscular frame. “Nothing’s changed, Devyn. Not for me. I still know you’re the one for me, married or not.”
My words failed me as I stared up into his eyes, memorizing all the different dark shades. All I wanted was to say the right thing, to explain to Gray how much he meant to me, but nerves kept me tongue-tied.
So, instead of giving him my words, I reached up on my tiptoes and slammed my lips to his. He initially didn’t respond, either too shocked or stunned to match my kiss. But as soon as the veil lifted, Gray met me with the same level of passion, his lips bruising mine with a possession I craved.
“Fuck, Devy,” he whispered between nips of his teeth. “Told myself kissing you was a fluke, that there was no way it could have felt this right.” He kissed me again, as if he needed it more than his next breath. “But fuck, baby. It’s the best thing I’ve ever experienced.”
“Better than winning the World Series?” I joked as I pulled him in closer, needing to feel more of him against my body .
But there was not a single trace of humor in his expression when he answered. “Without a doubt.”
His rough hands found the strip of skin between my sweater and leggings, wrapping around my middle. His strong arms lifted me into the air then turned us around until we sat on his workout bench. I gasped as my core met his hardened length, shifting to feel more of him on instinct.
Gray’s hands moved to my waist, stilling my movements. “Shit, baby. If you keep doing that, I’m going to come in my shorts.” He wrapped his hand in my ponytail, forcing my eyes down, “And there’s no way I’m coming before you are. So if you want to stop, tell me now, Devyn, because I’m already losing my mind over here.”
For a moment, my mind got the best of me, reminding me what would happen if this all fell apart around us. Given our history—Gray and I had never gotten this right before—what made us think we could work this time?
As if he could read my thoughts, Gray tightened his hold. “Look at me, Devyn.” When I forced my gaze up to meet his, he continued, “I’m sorry I hurt you, more than you’ll ever know. And if you’ll let me, I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”
“The rest of your life?”
“Every goddamn day.”
The words unleashed something inside me, uncertainty I’d been holding back. Gray would never intentionally hurt me, our circumstances being a mix of misunderstandings and outside forces. He’d proven more times than I could count that I could depend on him, that he would lay his life on the line for me. Could I forgive one horrible moment after a lifetime of evidence to the contrary? Looking at the mark on his chest, my heart spoke for me. For him, I think I could .
I stood, moving out of his lap. Gray’s eyes shuttered in disappointment as I moved backward toward the mirrors that lined the far walls. But before he could get up, I shook my head, wanting him right there, his eyes on me only.
“You want my forgiveness, Grayson?” He nodded, and I reached to the hem of my sweater, lifting it above my head. His eyes dropped down to my chest, studying the curve of my breasts. I internally high-fived myself for picking out the pale lace bra and matching panties this morning, because Gray couldn’t stop staring. “Try asking again,” I said, moving on to remove my leggings. As I kicked them away from me, I grinned at him. “But this time? Try asking on your knees.”
Gray didn’t waste a moment before crossing the room. His lips collided with mine before he stroked down my body, his head dropping to my chest. “I’ve been dreaming of this for so long. The real thing is so much better.”
He didn’t give me time to respond, lowering himself to his knees as his hands wrapped around my waist. While one hand unhooked my bra, the other stroked my leg, leading to the apex of my thighs but never getting close enough to satisfy me. As I squirmed to get him closer, Gray chuckled, reaching out to lick a circle around my nipple. When I moaned at the touch, he pulled his head back, blowing gently on the now-hardened peak. “So responsive, baby. Like your body was just waiting for me.” He repeated the move on my other breast, and I almost screamed out from the exquisite torture. “Can’t believe I get to see you like this.”
I shook my head. “Nothing you haven’t seen before.”
Grayson frowned, leaning back on his haunches. “What are you talking about?”
“Vegas,” I said, trying to force him back to where I wanted him, but Grayson refused to budge. Annoyed, I let out a huff. “We woke up together, so I assumed…”
Grayson chuckled. “You assumed wrong, Devyn. I don’t remember much, but I know we didn’t have sex.”
“We didn’t?”
“Nope,” he said, leaning in to press a light kiss to my stomach. “Not because I didn’t want to, but there was no way I was taking you for the first time when we’d both been drinking. I wanted you to remember every single moment of our time together.”
Hearing the sincerity in his voice made me want him even more, happier than I could explain that I hadn’t missed out on this moment. I hadn’t lost this precious memory. Because after years of pining for Gray, he was right. I wanted to remember this, wanted to recall every touch of his skin against mine.
I sighed happily, reaching down to brush his hair off his face. “Nothing is stopping us now.”
Gray’s smile was wolfish as his grip hardened against my skin. “No, there’s not.” With those simple words, he put his mouth on my breast, lavishing my nipple with his tongue. It felt incredible, only fueling the sparks growing in my core.
“Gray…” I whispered. “Give me more.”
“I’ll give you everything, Ace.”
As he moved his mouth to my other breast, his free hand reached for my panties. First, I felt him pulling the fabric, then came a distinct rip and a gust of cool air against me. I gasped when I looked down and saw the fabric on the floor. “Grayson!”
He just chuckled as his fingers slowly stroked me, just enough to make my head swim but not enough pressure to get me where I needed. He nipped down my body before lifting my left leg onto his shoulder.
The way he stared at me made my heart pound in my chest, my mind already racing with reasons why this was a mistake. As his large hands caressed my sides, my insecurity got the worst of me. ”Are we still playing pretend?”
Gray leaned back on his haunches, gripping my hips hard enough that it would leave marks. I relished in the exquisite pain, loving how his eyes flared with desire when he looked at me. “No, we’re not. We never fucking were.”
Wordlessly, I nodded, feeling the certainty in his tone. As soon as I leaned my head against the mirror, he shifted down, spreading me further apart. His resulting moan of appreciation made my insides clench, loving how sexy it made me feel. His fingers toyed with my slit, pressing just enough to ignite the fire in my veins. “Been dreaming about this, Ace,” Gray said, continuing his slow ministrations. “About getting to have you like this.”
“Then you should have me,” I said, bucking my hips to show my impatience.
But he just chuckled, nipping at my inner thigh. “Slow down, baby. I’ve been dreaming about this perfect pussy for a decade. Don’t rush me now.”
I was about to protest when his tongue brushed my clit, and my back instinctively bowed. Gray groaned, trying to slowly taste every inch of my core, giving me just enough to drive me wild. “Fuck,” he groaned, pressing his forehead against my thigh. “I could come just from the taste of you.” His hands tightened, and then I was moving, Gray lowering so his back was on the mat flooring while I floated above him.
“What are you doing?” I said, placing my hands on the mat for balance .
“Need you to ride my face, Devy.” He tried to pull me down onto his face. “Can’t get nearly enough of you in that position, and I want you to soak my tongue.”
I sat back, chewing on my lower lip. “I…I’ve never done that.”
“Thank fuck,” Gray whispered. “Because I want to be your first, baby. Now get your sexy ass up here and ride your husband’s face. Use me to get yourself off.”
Maybe it was his words, or maybe it was the fact that this was Gray, and despite my resolve not to, I trusted him more than anyone. I took a breath before letting him guide me to the right position. But even as his tongue started to work me, I couldn’t quite relax, terrified I would smother him.
Gray must have sensed my unease, because he pulled away for a moment. “Devyn, stop holding back and fuck my face. I’ve been dying for a taste of you, and this halfway bullshit is not enough.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t. Now sit down and let me fucking eat. And trust me—if you were my last meal, I’d die a very fucking happy man.”
As his fingers dug into my skin, I reluctantly dropped my weight, letting him continue to work me. For a moment, I was in my head, wondering if I’d ever be able to get there like this, too worried about him to focus on my climax. But as Gray’s lips bunched around my clit, sucking deeply, my head fell back, suddenly unable to think about anything but the pleasure he was gifting me.
“That’s my wife,” Gray groaned underneath me. He trailed his fingers along the inside of my thigh before pushing them inside me, and I groaned at the sudden fullness. “God, you moan so beautifully. Can’t wait to hear what it sounds like when you come for me.”
I could barely hear him, too absorbed in the sensations. As his tongue continued to explore, tease, and fuck me, my hips finding their rhythm, grinding against him like it was my last wish. His beard scraped along my delicate skin, and it only added to the feeling of being utterly claimed by this man. Every swipe of his tongue, every crook of his fingers, I was barreling closer and closer to the edge, and once I fell, there was no chance I’d ever be the same.
Sparks danced along my spine as Gray worked me, and my body contracted, feeling like I was on the verge of a tsunami. But Gray never stopped, continuing to work my body like he was teaching a masterclass, needing to know all the things that drove me wild.
“That’s it, Devy. Come for me. Be a good little wife and soak my face.”
With a flick of his tongue, my body exploded, light flaring behind my eyes, drowning the world in a sea of bright whites. There was nothing in that moment, nothing but Gray and me. Nothing but the pleasure he made me feel.
He continued to work me through my release, and once I finally came back down, I collapsed against his chest. My breath was heavy as Gray’s fingers stroked a line down my spine. I lifted my head, staring at the man below me. My best friend. My greatest ally. My husband. The love of my life. I waited for that prick of terror that usually accompanied the thought, but it never came. Not now. Maybe later, when I was alone, all my negative thoughts would return. But right now? I refused to let them ruin this moment.
Gray shifted his hands, rubbing his thumbs against my side. I flinched when he hit my tattooed skin, hoping he hadn’t noticed. But Gray always noticed everything when it came to me. His hands found my hips, shifting us so I was underneath him. He lowered himself so he was at eye level with my rib cage, staring at the small bit of script transcribed there. No one else had ever seen it. I kept it covered, even when I wore a bra or my bathing suit, which was one of the few requirements I had when I made the appointment.
I waited for Gray to say something, but he continued to breathe heavily against my skin, his thumb running back and forth over the word. I tried to read his expression. It was one I rarely saw from him, only saved for those precious moments that indeed rendered him speechless.
“Always,” he finally whispered, daring to look up at me. My throat caught when his eyes met mine, so much love and devotion pouring out of him.
“I wanted a piece of you with me,” I said, my words barely audible over my heartbeat. “Even after everything that happened between us…” I pushed out a breath. “Having a small piece of you with me gave me strength.”
“I always was,” Gray answered. “Even if it didn’t seem like it at the time, I have always been on your side, Devyn.” He sat up and pulled me into his arms. “I’m sorry it took me so long to get back to you.”
My eyes dropped, guilt overwhelming me. “I’m sorry I made it so difficult for you, Gray.”
Suddenly feeling too vulnerable, I motioned for him to let me go. Gray did easily but stayed close to me, even as I started to gather my discarded clothing. I pulled them on quickly, then crossed my arms over my chest. “You asked me to forgive you, but you‘re not the only one who made mistakes. The things I’ve said, what I’ve done… I’ve been so angry at you for so long, Gray. I convinced myself I hated yo u, all because…” I sucked in a sharp breath, looking up at the ceiling. “Because it was so much easier than admitting how much I missed you.”
Gray stepped forward, brushing his thumb along my cheeks, catching tears I didn’t even realize had fallen. “There’s nothing to forgive, Devyn.”
I dropped my head to his chest. “How can you move past this so easily?”
“Because it’s you.” I pulled my head back to meet his eyes. “And I know how much I hurt you when I didn’t choose you the first time. I would never hold your reaction against you, Devyn.” He brushed the back of his fingers along my cheek. “And now that you’re here, I’m going to make sure you never feel that way again.”