Chapter 25
TWENTY-FIVE
FIVE YEARS AGO
After my nausea subsided, Gray helped me up and walked me back over to the bed. I wallowed in my stupidity as he tucked me in, then listened to him call his teammates to let them know he wouldn’t be joining them for the day.
My phone chimed away on the end table, and I groaned as I forced myself to look at it. There was a notification for my group chat with the rest of the associates on the trip. Technically, the conference ended yesterday, but my team had made plans to debrief before catching a flight home tomorrow. And by debrief, they meant go wild on the strip and make the most out of our limited free time in Vegas. However, considering I was still recovering from my last bout of impulsivity, I sent off a quick text, telling them I didn’t feel up for it. No one bothered to reply, probably already betting I’d find some excuse to avoid them.
Gray walked out of the bathroom, scrubbing his hands on one of the hotel towels. Maybe we should have left this room to talk, but the idea of moving more than ten steps made my body want to explode, so I wasn’t leaving this bed anytime soon. This stupid fucking bed, where I finally got to be with Gray, and my drunken brain decided to block it out. Score one for karma.
“Red or blue?” Gray asked, holding out two sports drinks.
“Red, please,” I said, reaching out to grab it. As I did, my finger touched the band on his finger. We both recoiled. If it didn’t hurt so much, I would have laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation. I was wrapped up in a fluffy white, terry cloth robe, sitting in a hotel with my childhood-best-friend-turned-husband. And despite the fact we hadn’t acknowledged the rings after that first awkward moment, neither of us had removed them either.
Gray must have followed my thoughts, because he leaned away, clearing his throat. “So we should talk about next steps.”
“Next steps?”
Gray leaned his phone screen toward me, showing me a picture of us kissing in the middle of a cheesy Las Vegas chapel. The officiant was dressed as Cher, being far more fabulous than anyone had any right to be. “Apparently, the guys have all the documents.” He cleared his throat. “They didn’t want us to worry about anything but the honeymoon.”
“Just perfect,” I sighed, dropping my head into my hands. “Is it possible that none of this is legal?”
“You’re the lawyer,” Gray grumbled, passing me the phone to swipe through his texts. “But looks that way to me.”
My heart pounded as I looked through them all in quick succession. Outside of the first few pictures from the bar, I don’t remember taking any of them. It was odd, staring at myself, looking happier than I had in years. And when I reached the ones at the chapel…if it was anyone else in the im ages, I would have thought the night was planned. Gray and I were beaming at each other. Not like drunken fools doing something stupid, but like two lovers who couldn’t wait to be joined together forever.
I shook my head, continuing to thumb through the photos until I reached the one I was looking for. The marriage license. It looked legitimate, and my signature, although sloppier than normal, was there for all to see. What the fuck had I been thinking? Getting married was never one of my goals, never something I’d dreamed about growing up.
Before I think any more about it, I passed the phone back to Gray. “We’re going to need to get those back if we want to annul the wedding.”
“Annul it?”
Gray’s face morphed into a frown, and I kept staring at him, waiting for him to say more. When he didn’t, I reluctantly climbed out of the bed, needing space between us. I dug through my bag, trying to find a pen so I could write everything down. “That’s what makes the most sense. Obviously, we weren’t in the right frame of mind when we signed the marriage license, and any judge would agree based on those pictures.”
Gray nodded, still staring down at his phone.
“Gray,” I snapped. “I need you with me if this is going to work.”
His steel eyes met mine with a fierce determination. It was a look I often saw when watching his games, right before he pitched an amazing inning. But now, it was aimed at me, and I felt it from my fingertips to my toes.
“What if we don’t?”
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t get an annulment,” Gray sighed .
I shook my head. “A divorce would be much messier and would go on our records. An annulment is more?—”
“No,” Gray said, stepping closer to me. “What if we…stayed married?”
I stared at him, my mouth hanging open at the suggestion. When he didn’t say anything more, I just shook my head. “You can’t be serious.”
I turned my attention back to my bag, almost frantically searching through it. This was too much; it was all too much. I had one goal when I set off this weekend: to improve my standing at the firm. Now, I was not only linked to my best friend, but I was legally his wife. And he had the audacity to think, what? That this could be a real thing? A real marriage?
As my thoughts continued to spiral, Gray placed his hand on top of mine. I exhaled slowly then turned to face him. Shaking my head, I said, “This is ridiculous, you have to know that.”
Gray took my left hand with his other, his thumb toying with my wedding ring. “Maybe it is, Devyn. But it also makes more sense than anything in my life. I’ve been sleepwalking for years, and last night, I finally felt alive again. Because of you.” He linked our fingers together. “You’ve always been the best parts of me, Devyn, and I don’t want to waste another day without you.”
My breath stuttered out of me, and I could feel tears pricking the corners of my eyes. My heart wanted to believe him, to think we could really do this, but my rational mind wouldn’t let me. “Gray, we barely even know each other anymore.”
“True,” he admitted. “But this could be our chance, Devyn. Get to know each other again. No one fits me like you, Devyn. Nothing feels as good as when we’re together, and I want to figure out why. Don’t you?”
My heart wanted to burst out of my chest as I stared into his steel eyes, knowing he meant every word. If it was anyone else, I would think this was some elaborate practical joke, but this was Gray. No, I never saw myself getting married before, but if I did, it would have been to him.
But fear was a powerful beast, and despite my initial impulse to say yes, I couldn’t quite bring myself to do it. I thrived on facts and numbers, having had too many unknown variables derail my life. No matter how much I wanted it to work out, being with Gray was a risk, one I wasn’t sure I was willing to take.
Having to live without him was hard enough once, and that was when our friendship had a slow, gradual decline. What would happen if we gave into these feelings, only to find out we didn’t work as a couple? That would devastate me.
“I need to think about it,” I muttered, running my hand over my face. “Preferably after a large cup of coffee and the biggest breakfast burrito I can find.”
“Take your time, Devy.” Gray nodded, leaning forward to kiss my forehead. “You stay here. I’ll grab you some breakfast.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I know, but I want to.” He released me and winked as he walked out the door. “Gotta take care of my wife.”
Over an hour later, Gray hadn’t returned, so I made myself comfortable in his bed. The TV blared in the background, but I didn’t pay it any mind, too busy looking at my wedding ring as it caught the light.
Something so simple shouldn’t have felt so significant. As I twisted my hand, small details started to stick out to me. There wasn’t much to the ring, just three thin silver bands twisted together. Tiny diamonds were laid into the center band, making it sparkle.
The ring symbolized something I wasn’t even sure I wanted, a marriage I’d entered when I was too drunk to even remember my actions. And yet, the idea of taking it off pained me.
I toyed with my fingers again, smiling as the stones caught the light. What if I didn’t take it off? What if we really did this, and I wore my ring with pride, declaring to the world Gray was my husband?
Oh God, that sounded way too tempting.
Closing my eyes, I imagined what it would be like to show up at work with this new accessory and try to explain I’d gotten impulsively married. No one would believe me. While I’d only worked at the firm for a few months, I was known for being cold and aloof. I’d heard many of the other associates joke behind my back, saying I was heartless.
It wasn’t the first time I’d heard these things. Growing up, the comment followed me like a second skin. Everyone thought that because I didn’t automatically smile or exude bubbliness, I was mean. Even Gray hated me until he got to know me. He was one of the first people to put in that effort.
I smiled at the idea of being with Gray. It sounded too good to be true, which meant it probably was. If we did this, we needed ground rules. Maybe we should start slowly—dating before deciding whether to announce our marriage to the world.
Oh my God, we were going to do this. I was going to date Grayson Anders. After pining after him for most of my life, it was hard to even believe we were finally giving this a shot. I thought it would never happen, convincing myself he would never want me in that way.
I should have been terrified, petrified at the idea of loving someone else. Even though the fear was still there, happiness overwhelmed it. This wasn’t anyone I was giving my heart over to—it was Gray, the person I’d loved most for almost all my life.
As I heard the lock click open, I couldn’t hold back my bold smile. I climbed out of bed to greet him, desperate to tell Gray I wanted to try with him.
But as soon as his eyes met mine, my heart sank into my chest.
Even through his hangover, there had been a light in Gray’s eyes before he left. Now, it was gone, ripped away like it had never been there in the first place. He softly closed the door, moving toward me before stopping himself. He ran his hand through his beard, and my pulse battered in my chest. Cold, icy realization washed over me, and I knew what he was about to say before he opened his mouth.
“Wow. That was fast,” I scoffed. “Not even an hour, and you’ve changed your mind.”
I pulled my robe tighter as I turned away, needing to get away from Gray. It was hard to breathe, each step feeling like a stabbing in my chest. It was only amplified with the heavy pulsing of my heart, so loud, it tuned out the rest of the world.
I shouldn’t have been surprised Gray changed his mind. I wasn’t the woman people pined for, the one who lingered in the back of their minds. Even with my family, I was always there for them, but beyond Calla, they put in no effort to do the same. The only person who paid me special attention was David, and that was because I refused to bend to his will.
My feet suddenly stuttered to a stop, and my hand flew to my mouth. Nausea flowed through me, and I almost emptied my stomach. What if this was about Calla? Was Gray still in love with her? When they dated in high school, I thought they were serious, but Calla insisted that wasn’t true. She said they were better off as friends, never really falling deeply for each other. But what if that wasn’t the case with Gray? What if he couldn’t have the sister he wanted, so I was nothing more than a consolation prize? And now that he had a moment to clear his mind, he knew this whole thing was a mistake.
“Devyn.”
I flinched at the sound of my voice, finding Gray staring down at me, barely an inch of space between us. God, it hurt to look at him, to know I’d allowed myself a moment to pretend, to imagine this incredible man could be mine. But that was never meant to be my story.
“Whatever you’re thinking right now,” Gray whispered, “don’t. This has nothing to do with you. I…” He snapped his mouth closed and took a step back, running his hand over his beard. “I didn’t think any of this through. We made a mistake–”
“It’s fine.” I tried to step past him, trying to keep my face from showing the depth of my pain. “Just give me a minute to grab my stuff, and I’ll get out of your life again.”
“Shit,” he hissed, grabbing my arm. “Please, Devy. Don’t leave like this.”
Suddenly, my temper snapped, and I yanked my arm from his grip. “Don’t leave like this?” I laughed bitterly. “Are you serious, Gray? An hour ago, you asked me to stay married to you like it wasn’t completely insane. But when I actually start to think it’s a good idea…” I shake my head. “Forget it.”
Gray stood in front of me, his eyes flaring with something I couldn’t place. “You were going to say yes? You wanted to give us a shot?”
“Does it even matter?”
Gray’s jaw tensed so hard, I thought he might crack a tooth. For a moment, hope blossomed in my chest, like this was just a moment of doubt. God knew I’d had one when Gray first suggested we try to be together.
But that ember was smothered when he shook his head. “No, I guess it doesn’t.” His steely eyes met mine. “I never meant to hurt you.”
“You didn’t.” The lie burned on my tongue. “You didn’t hurt me. This is the right move. It never would have worked between us. Maybe this was the closure I needed, and now I can find someone else. I’ve wasted enough time pining after you, Gray. I’m moving on, once and for all.”
“Moving on?” Gray’s nostrils flared. “You’re my wife.”
I ripped the ring off my finger and dropped it to the floor. “A mistake I’m going to remedy as soon as I get home.”