Chapter 22 #2
Rae smiled. “I think this is excellent progress. But I want to make sure you’re both being realistic about what this means.
Being together again is a big adjustment.
You’re going to have moments of friction, times when you get on each other’s nerves, and times when the old patterns try to reassert themselves.
” She held up her hands. “That’s normal.
The key is to keep communicating, keep being honest, and keep coming back here to help you process things when you need to. ”
Hannah nodded. “We will.”
Rae smiled then checked in about the custody case. They filled her in on the timeline, with the hearing scheduled in three weeks.
“That’s a lot of stress on top of rebuilding your relationship,” Rae said. “Make sure you’re truly supporting each other through that and not just focusing on presenting a united front for the court.”
“We’re trying,” Janie said. “David is preparing us well. But I won’t deny that it’s scary.”
“Of course it is. Your mother is threatening your family. But from what you’ve told me, you have a strong case. You’re engaged parents, you’re working on your relationship, and you have support systems in place. A judge is going to see that.”
Janie nodded and tried to soak up Rae’s positivity. The niggling doubt that her mother was going to ruin everything wouldn’t fade or quiet though. They talked some more about Janie’s depression and methods for Hannah to support her, and Rae gently ended the session.
Out in the parking lot, Hannah took Janie’s hand. “You’re sure about tonight?”
“I’m sure,” Janie said and got in the car. “I want to be with you and the girls.”
“Then I’ll see you at home.” Hannah closed the car door, her smile so full of hope it made Janie’s chest ache.
On Thursday morning, Janie woke to the sound of small feet padding down the hallway and Tia’s voice calling “Mommy! Mommy!” She rolled over, reaching across the bed to find Hannah was already gone, likely heading off the triplets before they could invade their bedroom.
“Give Mommy five more minutes,” Hannah said in the hallway. “She’s still sleeping.”
Janie threw back the comforter and swung her legs out of bed, powered by the desire to see the beautiful faces that belonged to those voices.
She pulled on a pair of sweatpants and headed to the triplets’ room, where she found Hannah changing Chloe’s diaper while Tia and Luna bounced impatiently on Tia’s bed.
She stood in the doorway and watched for a little while, thinking that she’d almost lost all of it. “Morning.”
Three little faces lit up. “Mommy!”
Tia and Luna scrambled over the cot’s lowered side and wrapped their small arms around her legs, their voices competing to tell her things about their dreams, and their stuffed animals, and the birds they could hear outside.
Hannah looked up from the changing table and smiled softly, her gaze warm and full of love. “Good morning.”
“Morning.” Janie scooped up Luna and Tia, breathing in their sweet scent. “Did everyone sleep okay?”
“Like three little logs, right?” Hannah finished with the diaper and lifted Chloe down. “Want to help with breakfast?”
“Yes. Absolutely.”
They moved downstairs together, the triplets trailing between them, and fell into a rhythm that seemed like a distant memory, one Janie’s depression had tried to force her to forget.
Hannah started coffee while Janie filled sippy cups with milk.
Hannah pulled out eggs and bread, and Janie settled the girls at their little table with coloring books to keep them occupied.
She and Hannah moved around each other in the kitchen with ease, and something tight in Janie’s chest unfurled, as if ready to embrace their renewed future.
This was what she’d been missing out on with her self-imposed isolation. Not just being with the girls but the two of them as a team.
Tom appeared in the doorway, already dressed for the day. “Well, this is a nice sight,” he said, smiling at them. “Both my girls making breakfast.”
“Morning, Tom,” Janie said and sank into his strong embrace.
“Good to have you here, Janie.” He hugged her tighter. “The house feels complete when you’re in it.”
“Thank you,” was all she could manage in response, and even that came out croaky and weak. She caught Hannah’s gaze, and the combination brought tears to her eyes. Janie looked away quickly and concentrated on the chaos of their breakfast routine instead of the overwhelming beauty of belonging.
They ate breakfast together, with the triplets being overly demanding: more juice, more toast, help with cutting their eggs into even smaller pieces. Janie happily indulged them, recognizing their behavior for what it was.
“They’ll get used to that,” Hannah said.
“They’re just acting out a little.” Janie ruffled Tia’s hair and was rewarded with a huge smile.
“They’ll calm down when they realize I’m here to stay.
” Even as she said it, the cogs began to whir.
What was she doing, going back to the apartment tonight?
Why separate herself from them again when everything felt so good?
And if it got too much, she could always leave once the kids were in bed.
Carmen arrived at eight to take over, and Hannah and Janie got ready for work with the efficiency of having done this dance a thousand times before.
At the door, Hannah kissed Janie goodbye with a passionate intensity that made Carmen tactfully turn her attention to the triplets.
“See you tomorrow,” Hannah murmured.
Janie grasped a handful of Hannah’s tee and pulled her close. “Or I could come back tonight,” she said without overthinking the implications.
Hannah’s eyes brightened, and she grinned widely. “Tonight? Are you sure?”
Janie nodded then kissed her hard. “And maybe there could be less sleeping,” she whispered and nibbled Hannah’s ear. Hannah practically melted against her.
“Aw, that’s not fair.”
“It’s plenty fair when it’s a promise of more to come.” Janie gave Hannah’s chest a light shove. “Go, paint some magic.”
Hannah winked. “Yes, ma’am.”
After Hannah left for the garage, Janie drove to her office. The day passed in a blur of meetings, phone calls, and paperwork, all of which she breezed through, feeling more focused and present than she’d been in weeks. She went for lunch with Austin and filled him in on how things were going.
“That’s great news,” he said. “Does that mean you won’t be dropping any more C-bombs on Katherine?”
Janie flushed, embarrassed at the reminder of her behavior that night. “That wasn’t my proudest moment, but it depends on whether she keeps her distance or not. A couple of weeks ago, she made it clear that she’s interested in me. And for some reason, she seems to think it’s reciprocated.”
Austin waved his hand. “Then she’s seriously deluded. It’s always been Hannah for you. Any idiot with eyes can see that.”
Janie laughed lightly. She’d been the idiot who couldn’t see it for herself for a little while, but Austin was right. Her short-lived attraction to him had just been a confusing aspect of her depression, and Hannah was her north star. She had been since the moment they connected.
That evening, she pulled up curbside behind Hannah’s car and cut the engine.
Home. She could still do this, couldn’t she?
They weren’t moving too fast, were they?
She drew in a deep, cleansing breath and headed inside, anxious but eager for whatever the night held.
After being mobbed by the triplets, she and Hannah made dinner while Carmen kept the girls busy.
Just as Carmen left, Tom returned from his new racquetball club, and they ate together.
Bathtime was a challenge Janie had missed.
Tia splashed water everywhere, Luna refused to get her hair washed, and Chloe kept trying to drink the bathwater no matter how many times they told her no.
By the time all three were clean and in pajamas, Janie and Hannah were soaked, and Janie’s heart could barely contain the joy the evening had created.
“Bedtime stories, Momma.” Tia thrust her favorite book about a boy sparrow toward Janie.
Chloe tugged on Janie’s slouch pants. “Yeah, story!”
After a quick change into dry clothes, they read stories, all five of them curled up on the giant sofa at the far side of the triplets’ bedroom, and one book became three until finally, the girls were settled in their cribs with their various loveys and the nightlights switched on.
Janie and Hannah retreated to their bedroom and collapsed on the bed. “Oh my god,” she said. “I forgot how exhausting they are.”
“Right? And that’s with Carmen and Dad helping out. It’s no wonder we were drowning before.” Hannah rolled onto her side to look at her. “You did great today. Did it feel okay?”
Janie sighed deeply, the ability to think returning slowly after a whirlwind few hours. “I was terrified I wouldn’t be able to slip back into the mom routine and that I’d lost my connection with them.”
“You didn’t lose anything. It’s all still there.” Hannah tucked a strand of damp hair behind Janie’s ear. “How are you feeling? For real?”
Janie didn’t respond immediately, something she was working hard on.
The instant answer was usually a broad stroke paint brush that covered up the truth of it, and they’d promised each other honesty.
She was exhausted, yes. Overwhelmed, a little.
But underneath all that... “Happy,” she said. “Tired and happy. Is that weird?”
“Not even a little bit.” Hannah’s smile was soft. “Are you still glad that you came over again?”
“More than,” Janie said. “I won’t lie and say that I wasn’t anxious. I don’t want to rush things, but I so wanted to be home again tonight.” She caressed Hannah’s cheek. “Back in your arms and in our bed.”
Hannah kissed the top of her head. “You’re exactly where you belong.”