Chapter 11
ELEVEN
The night before the wedding, everyone gathered at the Fox Creek Lodge, running through a simple but effective rehearsal. Without an official part to play in the wedding, I mostly stood on the sidelines, watching as my parents fussed over Cole and his bride.
The lawn was already decorated to perfection, with rows of seating lined up for guests to view the ceremony. I couldn’t get over how Calla had managed to transform the space. It was gorgeous, filled with the region's natural beauty.
As the rehearsal wrapped up, Cole, Alex, and their guests hung around the area, looking over all the final details for the morning. While they worked, I moved to the gazebo, sitting on the bench that faced the lake. It was easy to feel at peace while staring out over the water. The mountains lined the horizon like sleeping giants protecting this town—like nothing could disturb this quiet slice of heaven.
Perhaps, in another life, I could feel at home here as well. And while I’d gained a newfound appreciation for this town, it was Cole’s home, his world. I was only a bystander, watching as he got to live his dreams.
While everyone else filtered inside for dinner, I stayed out in the gazebo, enjoying the silence for a little bit longer. I fiercely missed Emilia. Cam and Hadley gave me updates every single hour, and we called each other multiple times a day. Even with the ache in my chest, though, I had to admit—it was nice to have some time to just breathe. Ever since she was born, my life had been about her, making sure all her wants and needs were tended to. In every moment, she was my first thought, my first priority. And while I didn’t regret that, it had taken me coming here to realize that while worrying about her, I’d forgotten something important.
Me.
When was the last time I’d done something I wanted to, for no other reason than that? My life was carved out from Emilia’s, and even in no small part, Cam’s. His schedule shaped ours during baseball season, which seemed to stretch longer and longer each year. And as hard as it was when he was away, sometimes it was even more difficult during his stretches of home games. We spent a lot of our time in the stands, supporting him as he lived his dreams. Most nights, I loved it, but there were a lot of times when it was draining, especially when they went into extra innings. Dragging a tired little girl through the stands was not exactly my dream, but it was what we’d do for family. Yet over the past week, it felt like a curtain had been lifted over my eyes, and I was realizing how I’d forgotten my dreams to help Cam pursue his. Hell, even living on his parents’ property was a choice we made to make his life easier; that way, he could see Emilia during his brief time off.
It had been so long since I’d been asked what I wanted that I didn’t even know where to start .
Learn how to play poker. The chuckling voice in my head sounded a lot like Adam’s. He’d teased me mercilessly about my terrible card skills and even offered to teach me how to play better. Maybe I should take him up on it.
A shiver crept up my spine as I thought of how he looked at me at the end of the night, how his fingers felt against the apples of my cheeks. God, how was that man able to elicit such a reaction out of me with seemingly innocent touches? It was like he was a flame and I was the moth, desperate to get closer, even if it meant getting burnt.
Without thinking, I grabbed my phone from my pocket, texting Hadley before I could freak myself out even more.
ME
So I’m starting to think you might be right
HADLEY
About what exactly? I’m right a lot of the time.
ME
Ha. Ha.
About me getting back out there.
HADLEY
HOLY LORD JESUS, IT IS A MIRACLE
Is this a purely hypothetical thought, or is there someone you have in mind?
ME
On a scale of 0-10, how stupid would it be to try and hook up with my brother’s best friend?
HADLEY
100. But if we’re talking about Adam Rice, then you should do it anyway
ME
You are supposed to say don't do it
HADLEY
If that’s the reaction you were looking for, you texted the wrong friend, babe
I rolled my eyes and tucked my phone back into my pocket. She was right. If I wanted a reasonable answer, Hadley was the last person I should have reached out to. The girl was the most empathetic and kind person on the planet, but Lord knew she didn’t like to think things through when it came to the male sex.
I was about to join the rest of the party when someone came to my side. As if my thoughts conjured him, Adam sat down on the bench before passing me a bottle of water. “Didn’t feel like joining everyone else?”
“I’m still trying to soak everything in,” I sighed contentedly. “I only have a few more days, and I want to enjoy every minute of it.”
He followed my gaze, smiling softly at the setting sun. “Yeah, it’s something.”
“You know when you see the same thing all the time, so you lose appreciation for it?” I said. “That’s how I feel like my life has been lately. Like I’ve just been going through the motions.” I turned toward him. “But here? It’s like the world has forced me to stand still. Time’s suddenly stopped, and I have to enjoy the world around me, notice what I took for granted before.”
“I know the feeling.”
My heart stuttered as he turned to look at me, letting his eyes drift across the corners of my face. Although I told myself that Adam would never see me as anything more than Cole’s little sister, I let myself wonder for a moment what it would feel like to have his lips on mine.
“Poker,” I blurted out, needing something to pull me out of the dangerous direction my thoughts had veered.
He chuckled. “Looking for a rematch?”
“Not yet.” I chewed on my lower lip. “I was hoping you’d teach me. I’d like to learn so if I’m ever invited to another game, I can win all my money back from you fools.”
“I’ll always save you a seat, Tor.”
My cheeks once again flushed pink. Those traitors . Adam stood, offering me a hand to help me do the same. But as I got to my feet, he didn’t let go, instead staring past me like he was in the middle of an internal debate. Just as I was about to ask him what was on his mind, he said, “How about tonight? After everything else wraps up? We can meet out here.” He cleared his throat. “Or in your cabin, if you’d like.”
“Cabin would be better,” I answered quickly, wondering what it would be like to have Adam in my borrowed space. Even though it wasn’t my real home, the idea of having him there made me feel vulnerable and a little exposed. But I’d shied away from enough challenges in my life, and if I wanted to find myself, I had to start facing some of the things that scared me.
Adam stared at me, and for a moment, I thought he’d take it back. Then, all the pressure inside my chest evaporated when he said, “It’s a date.”
“That’s it?” I squawked, throwing down my hand of cards. “Just all of the cards in order? ”
“Yup,” Adam chuckled, shuffling the deck between his hands. “That’s called a straight.”
I rubbed my forehead, trying to organize the rules and gameplay in my mind. When Adam laid it out in basic terms, it was easy enough, but once the cards were dealt, my mind started to get frazzled, unable to keep track of what cards I needed and wanted.
“Maybe I should just stick to Go Fish.”
I leaned back in the chair, studying him across the patio table. When Adam came over, my cozy little cabin suddenly felt too intimate, as if I couldn’t get enough space to breathe. Luckily, on the back porch, Cole had set up a wrought iron bistro table. It was only big enough for two people, but with the fresh air filtering around us, I could break away from the brewing tension, ignore the way my pulse fluttered every time Adam took a step toward me.
“Stop stressing, Tor,” Adam chuckled. “It’s just me and you here. I’ll take it easy on you.”
My lip instinctively tucked between my teeth, hating that my mind immediately wondered what other things this man could show me. I wasn’t naive when it came to sex, but if the rumors were true, Adam was a lot more experienced than me. I’d never been adventurous in the bedroom, an obnoxious parting gift from years of religious education that taught sex was a sin and only meant for procreation. Even though I’d broken away from the church years ago, the voice still nagged in the back of my mind, making me feel shameful when I wanted something that wasn’t strictly vanilla.
Adam’s swift hands broke me out of my spiral, forcing me to focus back on the cards in front of me. I rearranged them, trading a few duds for hopefully something better. He watched me, nodding in agreement, as if he could read my thoughts before I even had them. “So, Tor….” he said as he rearranged his own hand. “What made you want to learn how to play poker?”
“Besides a desire to keep my money in my wallet?” I chewed the inside of my cheek. “I guess it’s just always something I’ve wanted to try. You know how my dad has those weekly games with the guys from the base?” Adam nodded. “I used to watch them, fascinated by how easily they could read each other, the way they’d make moves without flinching. It made me want to add it to my list.”
“What list?”
My mouth snapped shut, hating that the words had fallen out without thought. “Nothing.”
“C’mon, trouble,” Adam urged. Even though it was hardly the first time he’d used my childhood nickname, now, it felt different, like there was a deeper meaning to the word. His blue eyes continued to stare into mine. “Talk to me.”
“Promise you keep it between us?”
“Do you even have to ask?” He smiled. “I think I’ve proven I can be trusted. After all, I kept your last secret for over a decade.”
“Hey!” I pointed at him across the table. “You and I both know that asshole didn’t deserve to breathe the same air as his dog, much less claim ownership. She deserved a family to love and care for her.”
He reached out, wrapping his hand around my finger and bringing my hand back down to the table. When I thought he’d immediately pull away, he left his hand on top of mine, his heat pulsing through my skin. “I know, Tor. That wasn’t an accusation. I think it was so fucking brave.”
“You do?”
“Yeah,” Adam said, meeting my eyes again. “You were just a kid, and you were already fighting for the things you believed in. It was badass.”
My cheeks colored for what felt like the millionth time that day. “Thank you.”
“Don’t have to thank me for the truth, Tor. But I do want one thing.” He leaned in conspiratorially. “Tell me about this list.”
I rolled my eyes, leaning away from him, “It’s stupid.”
“I doubt anything stupid has ever come out of your mouth.”
“You’d be surprised,” I chuckled. “It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while. I have all these things I want to do that I’ve been putting off for the ‘future’. But now…” I stared out at the lake. “I keep asking myself what I’m waiting for. At what point am I going to be ready to do the things that scare me? If I’m waiting for some kind of sign, I’m pretty sure it’s never coming, so I might as well push myself to do them now.”
Adam nodded, as if he understood what I meant. “What are some of the things?”
“Oh!” I squeaked, sitting up a little more. “I haven’t put them on paper or anything; it's more like these random thoughts. I haven’t sat down to think them through.”
He smiled. “Then don’t start now.”
“What do you mean?”
He placed his cards face down, leaning his elbows on the table to get closer to me. “Don’t think. Right now, if you could do anything you wanted, what would you do?”
Without thinking, my eyes darted down to his lips, wishing I was bold enough to claim them for myself. Would his kiss be tender, soft, as if he thought I would break? Or would he take my mouth with just as much passion as I felt, bruising the delicate skin with his need for a deeper taste ?
But I wasn’t brave enough for that, especially now that we were carving a friendship for ourselves outside of Cole and their bond. So instead of doing what I really wanted, I shot him a sly wink. “Kick your ass in poker.”
Adam leaned back, sighing deeply, as if that wasn’t what he wanted to hear. I tried to ignore the flicker of disappointment in his gaze, wondering if he knew where my thoughts had gone. Did he want me to cross that line?
No, there was no way. He wouldn’t be interested in me—not like that, anyway. Sure, maybe his eyes lingered a little too long on my face or body sometimes, but that wasn’t the same as wanting someone.
Before I could overthink anymore, Adam’s careful smile returned. “You’re on, Campbell.”