Chapter 21
21
It wasn’t easy to work the following day so close to Enzo, because the magnetism between us is a tide so forceful anytime I’m near him it threatens to drag me out to sea. I’m drowning in my attraction to him. Mentally we’re always on the same wavelength. Physically we brush up against each other and the air sizzles with tension. Spiritually… we’re connected in an understanding I never thought I’d find in another human being.
Something happened when he shared his past on the couch in that dim lit, downstairs cinema. Knowing his story, knowing how his soul aches in the same way mine does, knowing his need for justice comes from a deep well of darkness just as my own… I can’t imagine I’ll ever feel closer to a person, and it’s made me think about the man night and day. I can’t sit next to him without wanting to touch him and breathe in that masculine spice of his. Concentrating has become a feat of determination.
And I really do need to tell him my story, too, now.
I close up my laptop and steal another glance of his chiseled jawline in the blue light of his computer. Code reflects in his glasses, and he’s the most handsome thing I’ve ever seen. I wish I could throw myself on him, legs spread, and whip our shirts off, dive my tongue in his mouth like I almost got a chance to at the Perks shop. But there’s still too much at stake.
I am here to chase freedom, not dick. He’s my boss, and even if we did hook up, which I know is only frowned upon, not forbidden by the contract I signed, I’m not sure my inexperienced heart could take it if we got involved romantically. If when he finds out I’m damaged goods he doesn’t want to touch me with a barge pole.
All I used to think about was freedom. Now, I think about where I want to be free, and somehow, knowing that’s Echo Valley, even on this ranch, even possibly with Enzo, raises the stakes of my confession.
I slide my laptop into my backpack. “I thought we’d make more progress today.”
It’s a lie. The minute I sat down and felt his energy, I knew I wouldn’t get as much done as I would have in my bed with the breadcrumbs.
He throws me a brief smile of agreement.
Enzo hasn’t withdrawn since telling me about Ensenada, but I can tell he’s feeling raw and vulnerable. I give him grace because I’ll need his before too long. I don’t want to detract from the hacks, it’s the most important thing to him right now, but I’ve decided I need to tell him about Father whether we figure out the source of the hacks or not.
Enzo wants the truth from me. And if Father has any chance of closing in on me, I well and truly feel like there’s too much to lose now.
“All right, time to head to Pen’s.” I smooth my hands into my back pockets and gaze down at his gorgeous profile. “See ya.”
He glances up and holds my gaze for longer than a goodbye should last. So much passes through his deep-brown eyes. So many questions. So much closeness that wasn’t there before.
“Have fun, Scottie. You deserve a break.”
It’s not easy to peel myself away from his side, but he’s right. “You need a break, too. Maybe go ride Estrella or something?”
I worry he’ll work himself to the bone. Then again, if he’s anything like me, and I’m quickly learning he is, you lose all sense of time when you fall down a cyber rabbit hole.
I put my hand on his shoulder. “Promise me you’ll at least eat?”
He puts his hand on mine, and fireworks explode on every inch of my skin.
“Have fun.”
“You’re so stubborn,” I tease.
A smile ghosts his lips. “I’ll eat.”
I didn’t want to leave Enzo, and at the same time, I’m relieved to meet up with friends and not let this shitstorm of confused feelings sweep me away in a muddy river. I need to get the waters running clear before heading back into the office tomorrow.
I really want to tell Enzo about Father soon. I’m getting way to complacent and comfortable here, forgetting for hours on end I escaped and he’s probably looking.
I’m going to need some serious composure to tell my story and be clear about my aim. Right now, I swear every time I talk to Enzo I sound like a breathless teenager.
A Monarch Hills guard drops me on the main street near the Pages and Perks alleyway. I wander past the coffee shop and up the side street, up to the warm light pouring out onto the hammock outside Pages and Perks. The door tinkles its soft bell, and I walk out of the still, warm evening and into the cool air-conditioning to find Penelope.
Penelope asked me and Callum to watch the new video put up by the SETI Foundation and listen to her Ham radio over wine and mocktails. I need this breather. I need something light and fun for a while. Just a short breath of fresh air, then I can dive back underwater again.
The search for extraterrestrial intelligence is a true-life obsession for Pen. I love having a friend who is passionate about something. She even writes alien cowboy romance which, I’m new to the spicy scene, but I’m thinking is even more niche than Arthur’s art. But who knows. There were a lot more people showing up for Luis’ book club in the teeny town of Echo Valley, so it seems to me, romance readers have taken over the world.
Pen is in the “perks” department stocking vibrators. I squint my eyes at a women’s toy on the shelf that’s basically a tiny stick with a suction cup thingy .
She senses me staring and rattles one of the boxes in her hand. “It’s La Langue Fatale . Honestly, I’m shocked it took that many years to come out with a clit sucker.”
I laugh, but before I can say anything, I get a text.
ENZO
I’m watching the movie Fourth Citizen… don’t you hate when they show hacking as some frantic task that gets done in a few minutes?
He followed my suggestion to take a load off, and it makes me smile.
Enzo has become more communicative since he opened up to me. I was afraid he might do the opposite after talking about Ensenada. Maybe he would have thought I’d judge him or he’d retreat in some way.
But it had the opposite effect.
A goofy grin spreads over my face as I type back.
ME
Truly painful. Matrix Two uses proper SSH exploit at least. Hard to find good hacker movies.
ENZO
You’d like this one though… I know penetration testing is your thing.
Oh my good Lord… please tell me that’s a double entendre…
Pen lines the last of her stock on the shelf. “I can give you an employee discount on one of these.” She turns, and her next words are a clear response to my mile-long smile. “Unless you have Enzo to take care of your needs now?”
“What?” I slide my phone in my pocket, even though I’m desperate to text back. My cheeks prickle. “No… he’s my boss.”
“You know how I feel about bosses.” She gazes at me from under her straight eyelashes.
My brittle laugh is full of admission.
“Tell me you weren’t having a lover’s heated argument here at the weekend? And then you two left all alone in a hurry? Come on!” She braces herself as if the answer is going to excite her so much she’ll explode. “You can tell me.”
“It was… what happened is hard to explain.”
“Ooooh… complicated, eh? I have plenty of experience with that. Shit. I was hoping you roped in the Valley’s Clark Kent. He’s been single almost all the time I’ve known him.”
My stomach drops at the word almost .
“Oh, yeah?” I pretend to peruse the handcuffs. “He had a girlfriend?”
“It was a long time ago, but she lived in San Francisco. Since Enzo is allergic to the city, she was here sometimes and came to town once in a while. It was like a long-distance thing, though, so I don’t think it was that serious.”
I hum a response, but it has a nervous, metallic tinkle to it. “How was San Francisco long distance? It’s really only about an hour and a bit away.”
“She was in Doctors Without Borders so was gone a lot.”
Of course Enzo would have dated a doctor or lawyer or someone insanely smart. I don’t get the impression he’d have the patience for anything less. I bet she was beautiful, too.
“Oh…” I should have stayed silent because this one syllable speaks volumes.
“Oh gosh, babe, I’m sorry I talked about her. I didn’t realize you like him like that. ”
I make some expression that I imagine is comical because my eyes and eyebrows and mouth all seem to move in different directions since I don’t really know how I feel.
“Girl, I should have known. The pool? The tense argument in the sex shop…”
“We didn’t come in here voluntarily, you pushed us in here. And it wasn’t a sexual argument.”
A smug smile quirks the corner of her mouth. “I said an argument in a sex shop not a sexual argument but I think that there is a Freudian slip. It was something all right. You were all loud and annoyed, and suddenly I couldn’t hear what you were saying.”
“You were listening at the door?”
“Luis was listening, too.” Her shrug tells me she thinks somehow this justifies her snooping.
It’s not like I need to hide things from Penelope, but Luis? Would he have talked to Enzo about it?
I throw my forehead in my hand. “Does everyone think we have a thing for each other now?”
Just then, Callum walks in.
Great.
Penelope doesn’t skip a beat, and why should I expect her to? She already told me she tells Callum everything. She’s totally relaxed as if I’m not blood-red over here.
“Ava just asked if everyone thinks she and Enzo are hot for each other.”
“Oh.” He digs around in a candy bowl on the checkout counter and picks one out. “Pretty sure the pool party cemented that rumor.” He unwraps the chocolate and pops it in his mouth. “So what’s the deal?”
Ugh. I’m having another moment wondering what’s appropriate to say. Enzo is my boss. But we’re friends, too, right? But then there’s the wave of hot lust that shivers down my core every time he leans over my shoulder to point at my screen…
“I don’t really know what’s happening. I feel chemistry on my end, but it’s not going anywhere.”
I didn’t even think Enzo was a relationship guy until I heard about Dr. Frisco.
I’ve gone from feeling warm and fuzzy to inadequate real quick.
“You two would be a good match,” Pen offers.
Callum nods, still chewing something that clearly had caramel in it. He swallows. “You would. And he hasn’t been with anyone since Tara.”
Pen smacks his arm. “We’re not talking about her.”
“Oh.” Callum scrunches his nose and tilts his head at me sympathetically. “You like him enough you’re jealous already?”
“It’s not jealousy …” I try to find accurate words for how I feel. “I was surprised to hear about her…”
Penelope throws a hand on her hip and points at me. “Whatever you’re thinking, scratch that now. Yes, she was a decent woman, I’m not a hater like that, but you are more than enough woman for Enzo. You’re gorgeous, intelligent as fuck, kind, and down to earth… which is something that guy needs in his life by the way. I hope you’re not even thinking just because his ex was a doctor that you can’t replace her. People break up for a reason anyway.”
“Plus, he’s into you,” Callum says. “The man doesn’t take his eyes off you when you’re around. He’s obsessed. If I didn’t know he’s a good man, I’d put one of my guys on your doorstep.”
My heart feels all floaty again. “I’m just happy we’re getting along and working together on something meaningful. I mean, at GhostEye.” I wonder if Callum’s observation could possibly be true. “It’s just a temporary, silly crush.”
As soon as the words leave my lips, they feel all wrong. Crush doesn’t seem like the right way to describe what’s going on in my guts when Enzo is near. But I don’t know much about being in love. Nothing to be exact. I don’t know what it’s like to have a feeling beyond some flutters downstairs over Manny Montana in Good Girls . I mean, that bathroom scene with her husband outside was enough to make any woman fall to her knees. But liking a man romantically? Is this what it’s like? Being so crazy you compromise your morals? Jealousy? Feeling not enough in an instant?
I liked it better earlier today when he grabbed my mouse off me and his warm, manly skin sent fireworks across my own. That felt good. Now that I’m trying to define it, it’s confusing.
Maybe the way my stomach dropped hearing about Tara is all part of the messy emotion, because Pen seemed to read me perfectly. I guess she’s been there before. Maybe with Callum. There’s no doubt there were people staring at him at that pool party, too. And some did more than stare. Not that he entertained any of it.
Penelope goes behind the counter to lock the cash register. “We better go. These sessions are actually live first so you can ask questions. We can’t miss the beginning.”
Just then, my phone beeps in my pocket. I slide it out.
ENZO
Did Penelope and Callum mention the festival Thursday?
We walk out of the back shop room, and Penelope locks it with a key.
“Hey, guys, is there a festival on this weekend? ”
“Oh! I forgot to ask actually,” Callum says. “One of the guys from the station offered for us all to hop in his minivan. The festival is in Mount Hamilton, about forty minutes away.”
We wander down the Main Street to where Callum is parked, and he hits the car clicker to unlock his Jeep. “You have to come. Pen and I always go. You can meet some of the guys from the station and eat nut-free brittle until we roll you out of the place.”
I eye up Penelope because she’s the only person who could have told Callum about that night.
Her cute little shrug makes it impossible to be annoyed with her.
“I told Callum about the chocolate spread incident.”
I sigh. “Just more fuel for the rumors.”
We get in the car with Penelope and Callum in front, me in the back.
“I’m more discreet than that,” Callum scoffs. “But by the way, I’m glad you’re okay, but how the hell didn’t you know you were allergic to nuts?”
Using Enzo’s classic technique, I simply don’t answer, and Callum doesn’t push.
As we drive, I take my cell back out and consider Enzo’s message. Does he want to take me? Is this like a date? This curiosity over what’s happening between us exceeds anything I’ve ever wondered about in my life. And that’s saying a lot because the question marks around my existence are true mysteries.
I shouldn’t lead his text to where I want it to go. I’d love for him to ask me on a date even though it’s wrong. Shit. Hormones really do make you do stupid things. I try a neutral approach.
ME
You mean the one in Mount Hamilton? Callum just offered to take me and Pen with some of the guys from the station.
As soon as I send the text I regret it. The little dots come and go, come and go. Maybe a simple “yes, they told me” would have been better and left it open-ended? Was he going to ask me to go with him? Did I just cock block myself? But if he wasn’t going to ask me, I kind of wanted him to know I might be there… maybe we’d run into each other and go on a ride or he could win me a prize by pounding a sledgehammer with those thick biceps of his. Maybe we could end up trapped in some romantic moment I’ve watched in a YA coming-of-age drama…
I will the dots to say something.
Beep.
ENZO
Glad you’re going. You’ll enjoy it.
Wait. I never said yes to Callum. I didn’t say that I was going with him in my message, just that Callum offered. Maybe I implied it? But should I backtrack and seem like I’m asking Enzo to take me instead? I click the edges of my fingernails nervously, considering my next move.
ME
Are you going? I’d love to see you there.
My stomach is on a rollercoaster ride… it’s a move, but not really. My head is screaming I’m an idiot, but my mouth is hell-bent on kissing those deep-red lips of his.
ENZO
I’m taking Dad and Santi. But it’s a big venue, so we might not run into each other.
I scrunch my nose and consider his message. It seems like he was going to offer to bring me with the gang. Maybe I’m the only one feeling the tingles between us. I think I’ve been friend-zoned. Which, much as my heart splattered on the leather car seats disagrees, is definitely a good thing.
My phone beeps again.
ENZO
Save me a ride on the Ferris wheel.