Chapter 09
DARIUS
I could tell the moment Xander realized I was awake, because his whole body went from soft and supple against my side, to a board of rigid muscles.
I tried to pull him closer, but he pushed me away, as far as was possible while we were still knotted.
I leaned up on my elbow.
“Are you all right?” I asked him.
The answer came back, sharp and not very convincing.
“Yes. If you consider being unable to move freely all right,” he snarked.
I flinched. I didn’t mind that he had a bit of sass, but I was quite enjoying being so intimately tied to my new mate, and it was disappointing to think he might not feel the same.
“I’m sorry if it’s uncomfortable. Try not to move and it will go down faster.” If he wasn't enjoying it, I didn't want to draw things out any longer than necessary. I tried to pull him into an embrace, but he resisted.
“No. Just… don’t touch me,” he turned his head away.
“Did I hurt you?” I asked, concerned. Honestly, I thought I’d been careful. I’d taken as much time and care as I could. But maybe I’d hurt him anyway.
“Not really,” he said. “I really don’t want to talk about it. It’s done now anyway.”
It should have been the most wonderful time for us both, lying together knotted after our mating.
For me, the whole experience had been primal and deeply moving.
I felt changed by it, and at peace. My wolf was sated and happy.
I felt so close to my mate, but clearly Xander didn’t feel the same.
I sighed. I’d been half-enamored even before I’d met him, it was unavoidable really, after having seen his photo.
There’d been something about him that called to me, and I hadn’t been able to resist. Although he’d responded to me in the bedroom, obviously Xander hadn’t felt the same emotional connection. I hoped he’d come around.
We spent the next twenty minutes in uncomfortable silence.
Eventually the pressure from my knot eased as the swellingsubsided and I pulled out gently.
Xander rolledover without a word, pulling the covers up over himself.
Hesitantly, I slung an arm over him, and although he tensed up, he didn't shrug me off.
Maybe he slept a little, if the regular breathing that eventually filled the room was anything to go by, but I barely got a wink.
I couldn't help wondering if this mating was doomed from the start.
When morning came, Xander got up and without a word or casting so much as a glance in my direction, went to our ensuite. A moment later I heard water hitting the tiles and the sound of Xander showering.
I made no attempt to follow him. I smelt of sex and my mate, and I didn’t particularly want to wash any of that away yet. Besides, I had the strong impression Xander wouldn’t welcome my presence in the bathroom.
“Can we talk?” I asked Xander when he finally re-entered the room, a towel wrapped around his waist. He looked beautiful with his damp locks towel dried and sticking up all over the place, a few missed drops of water glistening on his smooth chest, his cheeks flushed.
The mating scar was already forming at the base of his neck.
Xander wouldn’t look at me. He went to the walk-in wardrobe and I could hear him moving things around as he selected his clothes.
“Alright, what do you want to talk about?” he emerged from the walk-in already dressed in jeans.
I felt disappointed that after all we’d recently done, he was trying to hide from me.
His torso was still distractingly bare though, and despite my niggling unease and confusion, I instinctively licked my lips.
He glared at me as he pulled a T-shirt over his head, hiding his perfect body.
“You don’t seem very happy,” I told him. “And if you don’t tell me what’s wrong, I can’t do anything to make it better.”
“I don’t need you to make it better. I can look after myself.”
“I’m sure you can, but you don’t have to. We’re mates, and I’m your alpha. It’s my job to take care of you.”
“I’m not a job to be taken care of,” he snapped.
I blinked. I was puzzled, completely confused at his attitude. Perhaps he was worried he wouldn’t have any autonomy in our pack. Certainly, plenty of packs still treated their omegas as possessions.
“Um. That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry – it was a bad choice of words.
I’m here to support you. We’re really big on omegas’ rights in this pack, you’re free to do what you want here – well, provided it’s not harmful to the pack – and as Alpha Mate, you’ll have a lot of say in the running of the pack. You can create your own programs…”
“You told me that before. Pretty words, but they don’t mean much.”
I didn’t understand his attitude. The lines on my forehead and the sharply angled brows must have hinted at my confusion.
“Because I don’t see how forced matings do much for omegas’ rights,” he added, when I stood there staring at him.
What the ever-loving fuck? My blood ran cold. And then hot. I was furious!
“Wait! You told me you were doing this of your own free will,” I argued.
“Let’s just say it was the least bad of my options.” I thought I heard a sob as he whirled and left the room, his soft feet padding down the hallway as I collapsed on the bed in stunned silence.
Fuck! What had I done? I’d been blinded by my own enthusiasm, my own attraction.
I should have asked more questions before diving into this.
If he hadn’t had any real choice, if his other choices had been worse…
then… then… fuck! I groaned and covered my face with my hands.
That meant I’d been the worst alpha ever.
It hadn’t been rape – thank the Goddess, there’d been no doubt about his enthusiasm for the sex…
but not for me, and not for our union, apparently.
Our mating night would forever be symbolic of a choice he wasn’t allowed to make.
Fuck! What could I do?
All I could think of was to try and do better going forward. I couldn’t make things right, couldn’t make it up to him, I knew, but I could do everything in my power to ensure the rest of his life was everything he wanted.
I’d tied myself to a man who didn’t care for me. Given he’d been forced into this mating, would he ever?
Perhaps with time, and if I tried really hard, he would come to accept me as his mate.
And if he didn’t…
Well, if he didn’t, he didn’t have to consummate the mating, and by the night of the next full moon, my mark would have disappeared and he would be free again.
A deep sadness overwhelmed me at the thought.
I would do everything in my power to make him want to stay, but if he chose to leave, I’d make sure he had the resources, financial and otherwise, that he needed. I owed him that much.
My heart desperately hoped it didn’t come to that.
◆◆◆
When I entered the kitchen, Xander wasn’t there.
I’d assumed that was where he was heading when he left the room, but instead I was greeted by Marta, the kindly beta who did the cooking for the main pack house.
She was an older woman, and she’d been like a mother to me when I’d first arrived at the pack, green as any young 22-year-old alpha could be.
She’d helped me settle into the pack, and she held a mother’s place in my heart.
“ ’Morning, Darius,” she smiled at me. “Everything going well this morning?”
I tossed up whether to tell her but decided not to. Whatever problems Xander and I had, they should be treated as private.
“Good morning, Marta,” I replied, but avoided answering the question by asking, “Have you seen Xander? He was just ahead of me. I thought he was heading in here for breakfast.”
Marta’s curly dark locks bounced around as she shook her head. “He didn’t come in here,” she told me, “But I heard the screen door close – those hinges need oiling! - maybe he’s exploring his new home.”
“I wish he’d waited for me to show him around,” I muttered.
Marta arched an eyebrow, her gaze thoughtful. “Something wrong?”
I sighed. “Just… teething problems, I hope.”
She nodded. “It’s a big transition for both of you, especially as you didn’t know each other before. Give it time.”
I hoped she was right, however she didn’t know Xander had not had a choice about things. But right now, I needed to find my mate.
I backtracked up the corridor until I came to the screen door that opened out into the compound. The door snapped closed behind me with its usual squeal of protest punctuated by a thump, which barely registered as I scanned the yard for Xander.
The yard was largely empty, most of the pack already at work for the day, or inside their cottages, but one or two people wandered about, none of whom was Xander.
I drew in a deep breath, scenting the air.
And there it was, the faint but already familiar sweet scent of my partner, wafting on the slight air currents.
I followed the trail straight to the omega house, where the trail led inside.
As Pack Alpha, I could go anywhere I wanted on pack lands, and at any time, but it was respectful to knock and wait to be admitted when visiting the omega house.
Alphas, in general, were not permitted inside.
It gave the omegas a safe place to relax and be themselves without having to be concerned about the more dominant designations.
As Pack Alpha, I was permitted access, and as second, Zendius was too.
Knock! Knock!
I waited only a few seconds before the handle began turning and the door eased open. A tall, willowy omega stood there, long hair billowing around her, a frown wrinkling her brow, her lips pursed. My sister. I wondered what had put her in a mood but it didn’t take long to find out.
“Hey, Sis, is Xander in there?” I asked, peering hopefully over her shoulder, hoping to see my mate.
“He is,” she confirmed, then added in a decidedly disapproving tone, “Why is Zendius taking him on a tour of the pack, and not you? That’s your job, he’s your mate!”