Chapter 20 And Then You #3
“He…wasn’t exactly in a good state of mind last night.”
His attention lingered on my mess of hair. “Celebrating, was he?”
Heat spiked through my nerves. “Mourning,” I snapped. “Actually.”
A skeptical wrinkle formed on his brow. “Mourning? You believe that?”
“Unequivocally.”
Disgust and pity warred in his expression. “How many people did he execute?”
My eyes narrowed. “The same number you failed to rescue.” A vicious satisfaction coursed through me when his eye twitched. In his silence, I asked, “Have you ever considered why Lucas performs so many executions, Theo?”
“Because he’s efficient, obviously.”
I rolled my eyes. “Right. Why do you think he chooses to be efficient when the others torture first?”
Scoffing, he brushed me off with a wave of his hand. “Don’t start acting like Lucas Scott kills innocent people as some kind of, what, charity?”
“Those people are condemned to die, regardless. At least he—”
“If he were truly decent, he never would’ve risen to a position to do it at all. He didn’t stumble into his rank, Sophia. You’re forgetting who he is and where he came from.”
How dare he patronize me? I hadn’t forgotten anything. Theo was the one who didn’t understand the full picture. “You don’t even know who he is. You’re such a hypocrite.”
“This is war, Sophia.” He rapped his knuckles on his desk to emphasize war. “They’re a regime that supports totalitarianism. Supports subjugating women.”
I crossed my arms. “I know, but this isn’t black and white. Lucas Scott isn’t purely evil. His actions have reasons.”
“What could possibly excuse—”
“How many people have you killed?”
Theo’s mouth tightened. “That is irrelevant.”
“Irrelevant when it’s convenient for you.”
“That is enough!” he barked. He looked at me like he was staring at a stranger, like I was some NAO sympathizer who refused to see the error of my ways.
“I never should’ve let you do this. Look at you, coming home after hours alone with that pathetic excuse for a man, agreeing to do God-knows-what with him, then defending him as if the blood on his hands and the desecration of your body aren’t unforgivable sins. ”
I blinked, shocked into speechlessness. Desecration? Lucas had done nothing but try to protect me from the moment I met him.
Theo would know that if he’d ever bothered to ask.
He never had. That was his problem—assuming he already knew.
“What would your parents say?” he asked as I gaped. “I promised your father I’d watch out for you, and this is what I’ve let you become.”
A wave of affront passed over me, hot and cold all at once. I pitched my voice low, daring him to insult me. “What have I become, Theo?”
He said nothing.
I stepped closer to the desk, supporting my weight on the tips of my fingers. “Are you insinuating I’m a whore?”
His silence spoke more than words ever could.
Whore. Damaged. Compromised.
Maybe he was right.
I stood before the general of the Defiance, wearing a Hunter’s clothes, armed with his weapons, his taste still saturating the back of my tongue. Lucas killed thirty-two people yesterday, and I’d rewarded him by inviting him inside my body.
Why had I done it? For the hope he’d keep giving me information? Keep allowing himself to live? Keep looking at me like I mattered to him?
But Theo had asked me to do this, and now he was judging me for it. If I was damaged, he was the one holding the weapon. If I was a whore, he was the pimp who sold me.
Rage erupted, scalding my skin. “You gave me away for the mere promise of useful information, and you have the gall to insult me for doing exactly what you wanted me to do?”
“I never wanted you to do it. Williams—”
“You didn’t use the words, but you begged me to fuck him into compliance. Are you happy you got what you wanted? Did I play my part well enough for you?”
He winced. “Sophia—”
“Don’t! You don’t get to stand there and accuse him of being an unforgivable sinner and me a dirty whore when you gave me to him. You sacrificed me to the slaughter, and all he has ever done is try to protect me.”
Theo snorted. “Protect you? Is that how he protects you?” He gestured toward my mussed hair, my rumpled clothes. “You have teeth marks on your throat.”
My breaths deepened as fire spread through my cheeks, and my heart pounded in my chest. “I wanted his marks on my skin.”
His eyes widened.
“Ask me what he makes me do for him. Go ahead, ask me.”
He didn’t.
“Ask me if I like what he does to me.”
He ground his teeth. “Stop it, Sophia.”
“Ask me, Theo. Don’t you want to know if I’ve been a good little slut for him?”
Theo stared at my face for a long time. “I’m not sure what you’re implying here, but let me remind you who this man is. In the last year, he has personally executed dozens of people, and that’s not including the people he killed in battle.”
“Again, I ask, how many people have you killed?”
His jaw hardened.
“How many soldiers have you ordered to kill people?”
“Sophia—”
“It isn’t black and white. I know exactly who he is. You’re the one who doesn’t understand.”
He sighed. “I’m not sure I can allow you to keep doing this.”
I smiled with rancor. “Try sending someone else. See what he does. I don’t think you’ll like the outcome.”
Theo’s jaw went slack. “This is not a tenable situation.”
“You’re getting your information. Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“Yes, but at what cost?”
I sneered at him. “You’re not paying any price. You gave me away and lost nothing.”
“I lost you!” he yelled.
“Oh, don’t pretend you give any fucks about me, Theo.”
“Williams… But I-I gave you the option. I didn’t want this for you.”
“Could have fooled me. But it doesn’t matter because I’m not stopping now.”
“Sophia,” he said in a low voice, evening out the rough edges of emotion. “The fact that Lucas Scott has a conscience doesn’t negate who he is. Maybe I’d feel more charitable toward him if he didn’t need to test that conscience so frequently.”
The injustice of it all—Lucas’s position he didn’t want, Theo’s preconceived notions—they ate away at my patience.
“Lucas suffered yesterday because you failed to follow the plan he’d spent weeks strategizing with you.
If you had, those people he had to kill yesterday wouldn’t have died.
You can’t blame him for following the orders he’s given when you want him to keep his position.
It was your decision to abandon those people.
We didn’t blame our own soldiers for your mistake. ”
With a sneer, he dropped his gaze to his desk, his papers, everywhere but my eyes. “You really shouldn’t speak to me that way, Soph.”
I deflated, and my voice softened. “If you weren’t there to kiss away my boo-boos when I was a little girl, I probably wouldn’t.”
A faint smile smoothed the lines of his face, and he placed his hands on his desk. “Perhaps there’s more to this situation than I understand, but you need to be careful.”
“No, I don’t, Theo. He’d never hurt me.”
“Yes, well, he’s more than willing to hurt others. Remember that. Because when his usefulness has expended itself, he will be discarded.”
My jaw clenched at that word. Discarded? Lucas wasn’t some tool that could be thrown out when broken.
But Theo went on. “Williams believes he’s a liability. She won’t allow him to live. If the NAO doesn’t execute him, she’ll order it herself.”
A liability? In what sense? Was she ashamed of working with him?
“Besides,” Theo continued, “his death will be a great win for the Defiance. A morale boost before the final blow. Scott is used to you. He lets his guard down with you, right? When the time comes, you’re the weapon Williams will choose to end him.”
Time slowed. A sudden deluge of ice water pumped through my veins with every heartbeat. He could have stabbed me in the chest and I’d have been less shocked.
“Wh-what?”
“Lucas Scott will not survive this war, Sophia. He didn’t ask for immunity, and I was clear with him he’d never receive it. He knows what will happen when we win. I thought you understood it as well.”
“I…” But I had no words. Nothing.
“Williams plans to finish him before the end, in case he decides to disappear. She’ll get as much information as she can, and then it’s over for him. You’re the only one who can get close to him.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I whispered because if I attempted anything louder, my voice would break.
Pity bled through his hard expression. “It was obvious, Sophia. I’m sure Scott has been expecting you to attack since your first encounter.”
“If he expects we’ll double-cross him, why would he do this at all?”
He finally settled into his chair, his shoulders dipping in a rare display of exhaustion.
“That’s what I’ve been asking from the start.
The catch is coming. I just hope Williams gives the go-ahead to end him before that happens.
We’re getting closer. A few more strategic wins and the NAO will be in our hands, and you’ll never have to deal with Lucas Scott ever again. ”
“Because you’ll order me to kill him?” I said, not bothering to hide the weighted despair in my tone.
Theo dipped his chin in a stiff nod, and a fresh wave of tears thickened my throat. I spun to hide it, and he didn’t order me to stay.
When I made it to my bed, flares of panic stole my breath, too great for even my forest to disband. I wouldn’t do it. I refused to take his life. They couldn’t make me do it.
…Could they?