Chapter 21 Three Points
Three Points
I hate war as only a soldier who has lived it can, only as one who has seen its brutality, its futility, its stupidity.
— DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER
You’re the weapon Williams will choose to end him.
The words haunted me for days. When I wasn’t reliving those moments of foolish ecstasy in Lucas’s arms, I was imagining how I’d tell him they planned to kill him.
Should I tell him?
He deserved a head start, at least, but I could already imagine his response.
I wouldn’t stop you, Sophia…
Despite his perpetual mystery, I was certain of that. If I attacked, he wouldn’t defend himself, just like that day he killed the kid. I’d set my blade to his skin, and he’d raise his hands in surrender.
Every time I imagined plunging a knife into his throat, I was assaulted by the serrated agony in his voice when he said, You make me want to live.
There was something ironic in dying at the hand of the only person who sparked the will to survive.
I wouldn’t do it.
They couldn’t make me do it.
I was so distracted that I leapt in surprise when someone touched my shoulder in the hospital wing. Hand pressed to my chest, I ignored my racing heart to turn.
Dr. Grayson shot me an apologetic smile. “Sorry, sorry! Didn’t mean to scare you.”
I set aside the supplies I’d been organizing and tried to smile. “No, it’s my fault. I was deep in thought.”
He nodded. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You’ve seemed…a bit out of sorts recently.”
My mouth opened, but I had no response.
“Zara says you’ve pulled away?”
Heat seeped into my face. She’d asked me to chat several times, and I always found an excuse not to.
He raised a hasty hand. “Not that I’m prying.
I really just want to make sure you’re all right.
” His sincere smile plucked at emotions that lived far too close to the surface.
I swallowed down the ridiculous urge to cry.
Why couldn’t Theo be more like Dr. Grayson or Zara?
I wanted to talk. I wanted to spill it all the way I used to with Tekqua, yet the only people available were my judgmental fake uncle and a Hunter who’d fucked me and walked away without a word.
No matter how much I wanted to talk, Lucas’s role was still top secret.
“It’s just been a hard few months,” I said. “Lonely.”
He squeezed my shoulder. “War is a terrible thing, and we see only a portion of it within these walls. It takes a large toll on our hearts to see so much senseless death.”
Senseless.
Such a good way to describe it.
Where was the sense? What was the point? Why were we still killing each other in the streets? I could no longer remember what we truly fought for, and wasn’t that a terrifying truth? Did the soldiers on the other side feel the same?
We were all pawns in the game of war.
“My heart feels…disfigured,” I muttered because at least that was true. Truer than silence. Truer than I’m fine.
“I know, Sophia. I’m here any time you need to talk,” he said and gave me a smile. “Zara as well. She misses you.”
With a stiff nod, I returned to the supplies that needed organization, still distracted, grateful to the schedule that I had no patient responsibilities that day.
The following Thursday, I headed to the house on Evanston under a lovely fall sunset. The trees had transformed into a rainbow throughout the neighborhood, and the air caressed me with the unique notes of autumn—dying leaves and burned wood.
The smell of death.
Despite the beauty, my stomach twisted into knots.
What would I walk into? Would Lucas even show?
Last week had been a series of mistakes that we couldn’t undo.
Would he pretend nothing happened or pick a fight with me about it?
I’d played out this encounter so many times in my head that it felt as if I’d already lived it.
I’d argued with him. I’d brushed it aside and returned to the status quo. I’d leapt into his arms. I’d dropped to my knees. Any scenario was equally likely, yet each one had a single thing in common: I had no idea how it would end.
With nerves tingling in my stomach, I opened the front door to find Lucas standing in the middle of the living room, waiting.
His unblinking stare latched onto me while I shut the door and leaned against it.
Before I could speak, he crossed his arms. “I have three pieces of information for you to take to Harrison today,” he said in a clipped tone. “You ready?”
Narrowing my gaze, I searched his face and found a well of bewildering anger. He stood straight, cold, military-stiff, and I fought the urge to shrink away from this version of him. Why was he so furious? Was it with me or the situation at hand?
“Lucas,” I said, a plea and argument all at once.
“Three things,” he repeated, eyes bright in the candlelight. “Are you ready?”
I hesitated, unsure how to navigate these unfamiliar waters. Of all the scenarios I’d imagined, incandescent rage on his part wasn’t one of them. “Is—is this how it’s going to be?”
“Moving forward, this will be a transactional relationship. You will arrive on time and safely deliver my information to General Harrison. In exchange, I will provide the most accurate information I can.”
My shoulders slumped despite my desire to stand tall. “That’s what I wanted in the beginning.”
“And now it’s what you’re getting.”
“But I don’t want that anymore.”
His jaw clenched. “I don’t give a fuck what you want.”
The tiniest flame of resentment ignited. What the hell had I done to deserve this? Fury wasn’t a fair reaction on his part, and why did he always get to make the rules?
I was so tired of the power imbalance between us.
“I can see you’re gearing up to say something that flaunts your suicidal stubbornness,” he said, “so let me stop you now. There will be no argument. From now on, this will be the arrangement.”
A thick sensation surrounded my throat, making it ache. “I don’t understand.”
“Yes, you do,” he said. “You’re not a stupid person.”
The sudden impulse to throw things at him was a difficult one to suppress. “Then explain it to me like I am,” I snapped.
His expression didn’t change, but something brightened about him, almost as if he found me funny. Fiery anger sizzled deep in my belly.
“If I’d known about you from the beginning,” he said, “I never would have done this. I would rather have died.”
My entire soul went slack. He couldn’t have meant how that sounded…
He would have chosen death over me?
The corrosive anger spread through my chest and poisoned my bloodstream. “Why? What changed?”
His flat stare spoke volumes.
“Are you ashamed that you fucked me, Lucas?”
A tinge of red appeared on his cheekbones, but other than that, he yielded no reaction. “Not ashamed. Disappointed.”
The insult was like a slap to the face. Sudden, stinging pain spread through my nervous system, and I fell victim to the shock of it. Everything went prickly—my heart, my emotions, even my words. “Was I not as good as you imagined?”
A joyless smile appeared at his lips. “You were more willing than I imagined.”
“Willing? Do you prefer to take women against their will, Lucas? Are you disappointed to discover women actually have desires of their own?”
I wanted to hide from his sudden scrutiny, like he could read my every feeling as it shimmered across my face.
Embarrassment. Anger. Shame. Confusion.
“Disappointed that you have desire for me,” he said eventually.
I blinked, at a loss for words.
His voice lost a smidge of its sharpness. “You are deeper in this than you should be, Sophia.”
“I’m not—”
“You used to guard yourself from me,” he said.
“Do you remember that? Every week, you’d show up terrified that would be the day I collected what you thought I wanted.
I’m not sure when that fear stopped, but last week, you willingly gave me the one thing you never wanted me to have.
Why would you do that if you weren’t invested? ”
My throat dried up like desert sand as I recognized the truth in that statement. I could blame passion or the heat of the moment, but I’d slept with him because I wanted to. Because I felt something for him I knew I shouldn’t. “It doesn’t mean anything,” I croaked.
He shook his head, surveying me with a regret I hated.
“Don’t lie to me, Sophia. It’s insulting.
I am a dead man. They will hunt me down and destroy everything good that has ever touched my life, including you.
Why are you giving your soul to the devil?
You don’t hang with a hunted man if you want to live. ”
Theo’s words crept into my brain—You’re the weapon Williams will choose to end him—but I shoved them away. “That’s not what—”
“No!” He went sharp as a blade again. “There is no arguing with this. What have I been telling you from day one? Protect yourself. That includes your heart. Guard your fucking heart, Sophia. It’s the most sacred part of you.”
“Then why the fuck did you carve your name all over it?” The words flew out before I could stop them, heated and desperate, and I slapped my hand over my mouth.
He blanched, but it only made the blue-green gleam brighter in his face. After a long silence, during which I considered melting into the floor, his words punctured the escalating tension between us. “I didn’t.”
Words deserted me.
“Not intentionally,” he added. “This is a losing game, and I refuse to be another thing that hurts you.”
I rolled my eyes.
He marked that reaction with a flash of his eyes, and the fury returned. “What will you do when I die, Sophia?” As I started to answer, he cut me off. “Do you remember the months of self-destructive grief you described to me after Tekqua died?”
I fell victim to silence, wishing he wasn’t right.
Perhaps I’d grown too attached to him, but losing him to this sudden code of ethics wouldn’t hurt any less.
I was free-falling, and if he didn’t catch me, if I didn’t land safe in his arms, I’d crash over jagged rocks.
“It isn’t your job to protect me from that,” I finally ground out.
We stood in the stillness, facing off, until eventually, he opened his mouth. “I have three points for you to take to Harrison. Are you ready?”
My spirits sank. It felt as if he’d started a chess match, but he was both more patient and a better strategist. What else could I do but play the game?
“Fine,” I said. “Yes.”
“Russia officially joined the fight in Canada. If we don’t end up in a nuclear war, it looks like Haynes is finally outnumbered. He’s already started pulling back. If that war ends, he’ll have more manpower domestically.”
I nodded, perturbed by that information.
“There has been talk of a counter-invasion into the US. You are particularly vulnerable located here so close to Canada. We’re aware your Prime Delegate has been in talks with the Canadian prime minister.
She needs to establish a peace treaty with Canada, the European Union, all of them to protect—”
“Yeah, okay. I got that.”
He nodded, then hesitated. His gaze dipped to my throat, my feet, my hands before returning to my eyes.
“While Haynes is alive, the Defiance will never have more power than the NAO.” He ignored my glare.
“But I think I’ve found a way for the Defiance to get to Haynes. You could end his entire cabinet.”
I blinked. “Wait. Are you serious?”
His tone dipped to a careful, almost apologetic register. “Giving this information will compromise me. Once the Defiance acts on it, I’m dead.”
“What?” I demanded. “No! We aren’t doing that.”
His eyes fluttered closed. “Sophia.”
My anger finally burst to the surface. “Don’t Sophia me, Luke. You can act like you’re doomed, like I’m stupid for caring, like sleeping with me was a mistake, but I don’t care about any of that. We will not be willingly leading you to the slaughter. You’re not some sacrificial lamb.”
“I am a spy with a winning hand. If you keep that information from them, they’ll try you for obstructing the war effort.”
“I don’t care,” I said.
We stared, neither of us giving an inch. With a concise, emotionless voice, he relented. “We can discuss it later. I need more intel anyway. You got the rest of it?”
I nodded again.
“Good.” He pointed at the door. “You can leave.”
I gave him an icy stare. He lifted a single brow in response, and I was struck again by the desire to throw things at him. How could he dismiss me so easily?
Annoyed by the sharp pang of sadness, I left.
When I made it back to my bedroom, I stared at the wall and tortured myself by reliving the conversation over and over. With each replay, one detail grew hideously more apparent. His words had been laced with a thread of steel.
He wouldn’t give in.
He knew I’d begun to feel something for him. He’d admitted that he didn’t want to die, that he wanted to live for me. But it didn’t matter. He still planned to offer his life in service to this war.
His days were numbered.
Soon, I would lose him, and he’d taken away our last days together in some sort of bid for morality.
It was only then, with the certainty of his voice ringing in my ears—they will hunt me down—that I realized how deep my feelings truly dove.
I hadn’t been lying when I told him his name was carved on my heart. I wished I could remember at what point he’d taken his scalpel to it. When had he laid claim to this part of me I’d never given anyone?
Why was it so one-sided?
I fell to my knees. “Shit.” My hand pressed over the abrupt black hole in my chest.
I knew better than to get invested in anything these days, so how did this happen?
With no emotional currency available, I couldn’t afford to want people this way.
Caring for Lucas Scott exacted an agonizing toll on my bankrupt soul.
Fierce and strange, the pain cut deep. Like grief, but worse because he wasn’t dead.
Not yet. He was alive but indifferent. Warm but untouchable. Right there, but so far away.
I knew how to grieve. I was an expert at it. What I didn’t know was how to grieve for someone still alive.