Chapter 30 Playlist If My Soul Had a Soundtrack
“UH-OH. WHAT’S WRONG?”
“Is it that obvious?” I ask, folding my arms across my stomach. I just walked into Pearl’s, and Shelby intercepted me as I exited the back office.
“You look like someone died. Or someone told you the ocean will dry up tomorrow. Or both.”
“The only thing that’s dead is my friendship with Kat. And maybe Gregory, too… I’m not sure yet.”
Her eyes go wide, and she pulls me into a hug. “God. What happened?”
“It’s a long story.”
She pulls back, keeping her hands on my shoulders. “What are you doing after our shift? Want to go get iced coffee and talk about it?”
I just nod. I want to say Yes, please and Thank you and I’m glad you’re my friend but I’m afraid that if I open my mouth, I’ll start sobbing.
Shelby saves me from having to speak and declares, “It’s a date. But first let’s kick this shift’s ass. It’s my last week here, and I want some cash money before I leave.”
“Let’s do it,” I agree, and we fist-bump and head to the kitchen.
Pearl’s is super busy today, full of tourists soaking up their last days at the beach before heading back to their real lives.
Labor Day is coming up, and things will become significantly quieter around here.
While I meant what I said—I don’t mind tourists—it’s at this point of the summer when I am kind of ready to have my town back.
Lucky for me, we have a few generous tables and the tips are off the charts, and I focus on that small win with everything I have.
As promised, Shelby ushers me into her car and we head straight to Latte Love after work. Once we’re settled at a table on the sunny patio with two ultra-sugary iced lattes between us, she looks at me worriedly.
“Tell me everything. Does this have to do with that kid who went to the hospital the other night? By the time I got to the bonfire, everyone was talking about it.”
“No. I mean, that kid, Luke, is Kat’s brother, and Gregory and I took him to the hospital. But that’s not why everyone hates me.”
“I’m sure no one hates you,” she says carefully, but it lacks confidence. “What happened?”
I tell her everything. I start at the beginning—from the shared crush that Kat and I have had on Myles since we were preteens, to the current-day pact, and how my budding relationship with Myles this summer felt like a betrayal to my best friend.
I tell her that at first, even before anything actually happened with Myles, I kept things from Kat the few times we spoke.
And that I had the perfect opportunity to come clean after I kissed him, but I didn’t.
I hold nothing back, and admit to the text message mix-up too, and what Kat said when I admitted what I’d done.
I also tell her about Gregory and how badly I think I hurt him when I brushed off his question about Myles and insinuated there was nothing between Gregory and me to even discuss.
By the time I’m finished, Shelby’s eyes are wide and her fingers are at her temples, rubbing tiny circles like she’s trying to process it all. I stir my iced coffee miserably.
“Shit,” she finally says.
“Yeah,” I agree, wishing the little whirlpool of coffee would suck me into the abyss. “I’m a terrible person. In fact, I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to leave right now. Cancel our friendship for good.”
She snorts. “Nah.”
I glance up at her quickly. “No?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know Kat. I know you. And you’ve been a good fried to me this summer. Therefore, I’m on your side unless a body turns up somewhere. In that case, I’ve never seen you before in my life.”
I laugh a little, and it feels nice. I haven’t smiled for two days.
“No bodies, just good old-fashioned backstabbing.” I bend my straw back and forth.
“I shouldn’t have done it. Everything with Myles, I mean…
and lying to her about it. I know that. I just…
I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.” It was nice being the person people wanted to talk to, instead of a stop along the way to get to someone else.
But that just sounds too pathetic to say out loud.
“You were mad at her and you liked Myles,” Shelby fills in. “I’m not saying it was your best idea, but I can understand it.”
“You can?”
“You haven’t told me a lot about Kat, but I’ve gathered some.
And I saw you two together at Summerfest and noticed how you acted around her.
You made yourself smaller somehow. I’d never seen you do that before.
It was like… I don’t know, like you pulled back so she could take center stage or something.
And she was more than happy to step into that role.
It was pretty clear she liked the attention. And that she’s used to having it.”
Her assessment is spot-on, but I used to think I liked Kat’s and my dynamic that way. “Kat has always known exactly who she is. She’s always been comfortable in her own skin, more confident than me, and never worried much about what people thought about her.”
“Yeah, I got that. And I was only around her for, like, two hours.”
“I think I sort of absorbed some of that confidence by proxy sometimes when we were together, but the second she moved away, it was like she took it with her. And what was left was just me. Boring, plain, barely noticeable old Amelia, without her outgoing best friend. And I realized pretty quick that if I didn’t want to be miserable and lonely all summer, I’d have to do something different. ”
Shelby frowns. “You’re not boring or plain. There’s more to you than that.”
“I know that now. I think I always knew I was my own person, deep down, but I’d never really figured out who she was. Or, maybe I did but I just never showed her to anyone else. So after Kat left and I finished wallowing, I decided this might be my chance to figure all that out.”
“That’s a good thing, right?”
“I thought so too, at first,” I agree. “But does finding myself mean losing people along the way? Did I go about it all wrong?”
Shelby shakes her head. “There’s no right way to grow up. We’re all going to mess it up a few times. There’s no way Kat hasn’t made some mistakes too, and I bet she’ll realize that and come around. It might just take some time.”
“Wow, college made you so wise.” I dip my chin with a sigh. “I hope you’re right.”
A few moments of silence pass, and I watch a group of high school freshmen approach the counter to order drinks.
They’re chatting and giggling, like they’re best friends who don’t have a care in the world.
I have the urge to march up to them and make sure they understand how rare that is, and how important, and that they should protect it at all costs.
Shelby’s voice pulls me back to our corner of the patio. “What are you gonna do about Myles and Gregory?”
I groan and drop my forehead to the table.
“I don’t know,” I say into the wood.
She pats my hair. “Yeah, it must be hell, having two hot guys into you at the same time.”
I fling myself back up. “It is! It is terrible!” I can’t stomach the thought of hurting either one of them, or cutting one of them out of my life.
Shelby sobers. “I know, I’m sorry.” She blinks at me a few times. “So you have to choose between them?”
“Technically no one’s asked me to.”
“But you have feelings for both of them.”
My heart feels like it’s about to split in half. “Yes.”
She nods knowingly, like this isn’t a surprise. “You have to make a decision, then. It’s not fair to them not to.”
My eyes burn with gathering tears, and I blink them back. “I don’t think Gregory’s an option anymore. I messed that up pretty good.”
“I bet he’d hear you out,” Shelby says. “If you wanted to talk to him. I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”
I stare at a water spot on the table, and my voice is dull when I respond. “I doubt it. And even if he was willing to talk, he’s moving back to Arizona soon. Trying something long distance sounds miserable.”
Shelby doesn’t say anything for a moment and takes a drink. “So you think you’ll go for it with Myles, then?”
“I can’t,” I start. “Kat—”
Shelby holds her palm out like a stop sign.
“Nope. If you ask me, her opinion doesn’t matter anymore.
She’s not here, it’s not like she’s gonna date Myles, and you’re a free woman.
She’s already pissed at you, even though you explained how things went down and apologized for hurting her.
It’s up to her now if she wants to forgive you and put away this silly pact thing.
It’s time to move on, and if you’re doing it without her because she’s gonna hold a grudge, seems to me you can do whatever you want with Myles. ”
I chew on my lip, ruminating on that. Is she right? Is restoring my friendship with Kat a lost cause? Is whatever situationship I had with Gregory gone too?
“Maybe you’re right.”
“I am. And you’re gonna have to figure out what you want sooner rather than later. Like, way sooner.”
I frown. “Why do you say that?”
“Because he’s blowing up your phone right now.”
“What?” I’ve been so tied up in our conversation, I haven’t even noticed my phone. It’s sitting on the table between us, lit up with text messages from Myles. I shoot her a wide-eyed look as I grab it and read them.
Myles: hey, I just stopped by pearl’s to see if you were working.
Myles: can we meet up somewhere? to talk?
I meet Myles at the beach, just past the pier.
He’s sitting on the sand as I approach, facing the water. A few clouds have moved in, and he’s wearing a gray hoodie and navy-blue shorts. His blond hair blows around around in the wind, and he reaches up with one hand to push it out of his face.
“Hey.”
At the sound of my voice, he jumps up and immediately pulls me into a hug. I automatically wrap my arms around his waist to return the embrace. “How are you?” he asks. “Are you okay?”
I frown into his sweatshirt, wondering if he somehow heard about Kat’s and my fight (and that it’s all about him), but then he adds, “That thing with Luke was so scary. I’m just glad he’s gonna be okay, you know?”