Chapter 30 Playlist If My Soul Had a Soundtrack #2
Oh. “It was awful, but I’m okay. I’m good.”
He pulls back. “You sure? You must know him pretty well, him being Kat’s brother and all.”
I nod. “Yeah, I do. But I promise, I’m fine, now that I know he’ll be all right.”
“Yeah. Okay, good.” He smiles at me, and it’s not one of his wide, confident ones. He grips the back of his neck and almost seems… nervous. “Wanna sit?”
“Sure.”
I settle in beside him and wrap my arms around my bare legs. I should have brought a jacket today.
Myles must notice, because he tugs his hoodie over his head. “Here, take this.”
God, he’s so sweet. “Thanks.” I pull it on, and it’s warm and cozy and smells like him. I lean into him a little. “Thanks for helping out with Luke that night too.”
“Of course,” he says, resting his forearms across his knees. We’re facing the water, watching the waves roll in with their steady rhythm. “I, um, I wanted to talk to you about that night. Not about the thing with Luke, but what happened before that.”
I fidget with a string at the bottom of my cutoffs. “Okay.”
“I think I had one too many beers, and I might have come on a little strong.” I feel his gaze on my face, but I’m too much of a coward to meet it. “I just… I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable.”
I do look up at that. I shake my head. “You didn’t.” I think everyone within a five-mile radius knows I was pretty into whatever he was doing. Kat heard about it all the way in New York, for crying out loud.
Relief fills his features, and his shoulders drop. “No?”
I shake my head. “Promise.”
“Okay. Good.” He smiles, and this one is the usual Myles variety. The kind that makes my heart race and my breath catch. “Because I meant everything I said.”
I think about you all the time.
I’m really into you, Amelia Madden.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to wrap my brain around it. I think about you a lot too. “So did I.”
He reaches over and tugs at a fold of his sweatshirt near my elbow. “It was pretty shitty timing for me to ask you out right before I left for ten days,” he says. “So I guess I just wanted to make sure… do you still want to? Go on a date?”
Gregory McLoughlin is probably the last thing I should be thinking about right now, but for some reason his face pops up front and center in my brain.
Just a few days ago I admitted to myself that I had feelings for Gregory, and here I am sitting in the sand with another guy and wearing his clothes while he asks me on a date.
But Gregory has never asked me for anything. Yes, he shares my love for nineties music, he co-parented a couple of stray cats with me, and he held me at the hospital while I cried. But I’ve never been sure what he wants from me. He’s never even said he has feelings for me.
And maybe most important, he’s about to move across the country.
I’ve watched Myles from afar for most of my life. He’s sweet and thoughtful, and he pursued me and made sure I know just how much he likes me.
He’s a gentleman who offers to drive me home when it’s raining, invited me to hang out with his family, and switches tables with me when customers make me uncomfortable. Plus, I lost my best friend over this guy. That sacrifice should be worth something, shouldn’t it?
He’s looking over at me, waiting patiently but probably wondering why I haven’t responded yet. So I turn to him and smile.
“Yes,” I say. “I’d love to.”
That night, after I’ve changed into my pajamas and climbed into bed, I think about Kat.
The salty air flows in through my open window, and I listen to the waves as I sift through memories from elementary school, middle school, and just last year.
I think about how different this summer has been—how much she hurt me and vice versa.
And I think about what Shelby said today about making mistakes, and my upcoming date with Myles.
I hate the way Kat and I fought and how things ended. I have more I want to say, so even though it probably won’t go through and she might never see it, I pick up my phone and open our text thread.
Kat, I type. I know you’re mad at me. I would be mad at me, too.
I broke a promise and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for lying to you and that I hurt you.
I didn’t want to. But when I think about this summer, there are some things I’m not sorry about, too.
I’m not sorry I made new friends after you left.
I’m not sorry I had fun with Myles at work, or that I let him drive me home when it was raining.
I’m not sorry that I changed this summer, because I think it was really good for me.
Myles asked me on a date tonight, and I said yes.
He likes me, and I like him. He’s been a good friend to me this summer.
So even though I promised you a long time ago that I wouldn’t date him, we both know things are different now.
I still care about you and I still miss you.
I still want to be your friend and I hope you want that too.
So I hope one day you can forgive me—I’ll never stop wishing for it.
But if you can’t, well… I’m not going to let that stop me from moving forward.
Good luck this year—those New York tennis teams have no idea what they’re in for.