Chapter 31 #2
“Yeah. I’m pretty sure she’s fantasized about killing me before. This is the perfect opportunity to live out that fantasy.” Daegan folds his arms and looks at me with mild amusement.
He’s wrong though. Even when I was scared of him, unsure about him, I didn’t ever think about murdering him. Not even after he held a knife to my throat. I’ve never had those thoughts about anyone, to be honest.
I have had other fantasies about him, though.
I hope my eyes don’t reveal as much, because as I glance at him, his eyes flash with something I can’t name, and he averts his gaze.
“What are we even doing?” Raef asks.
“I’m going to trap your head in a water orb. You need to try to escape.”
“Nice,” he says, clapping his hands together and widening his stance. “I’m ready.”
I still hesitate.
“For the love of all curses, just quiet him already,” Meela adds. But when she looks his way, there’s a smirk on her face.
“Fine.” I flash a glance at Daegan, shrugging my shoulders.
His shoulders give a very subtle shrug of defeat.
I release a very stressed sigh, then face Raef. He grins, then steps back more.
“Ready?”
He nods, looking completely unafraid.
I conjure the water and form it into a large moving orb, then move it through the air around his head.
It’s hard to see his face, since the water is constantly swirling inside of it.
At first, he doesn’t move. He just stands there, his stubborn arms still crossed.
But then, he makes a few calm attempts to get it off.
He swipes at it, and his hands dip into the orb, but it remains around his head.
He pulls a flask of something from his pocket and pours it on his head, but that does nothing either.
I begin to move toward him, ready to release it, but he senses me and holds his finger out, wiggling it at me.
He drops to the ground on his hands and knees and bangs his head against the ground. It temporarily moves it, but every time he breaks contact, the orb reforms again.
We all step back more, giving him space as he starts to move more frantically. The huge, muscular, bronze-muscled dragon shifter is flailing around with an orb of water over his head, and if I wasn’t so concerned for his life, it might even be funny.
He pushes his hands through the air, signaling for us to clear the path in front of him.
Daegan suddenly looks more alert as he grabs me and yanks me much farther back. “Move!” he tells us with a loud, commanding voice.
Raef stills suddenly, bracing himself for something. I turn my head away as a fire erupts from him that shoots out farther than several body lengths.
I feel the heat as I cup my face and then there’s a body pressed tightly against me. Shielding me.
As soon as I feel the heat dissipate, the body backs off. I turn around and my eyes meet Daegan’s.
Something unspoken passes there, and it’s as if time freezes for a moment. But then I remember Raef is currently drowning, and we all turn to him. The fire is gone, but the orb is once again intact around his head. And he’s looking more frantic.
I hold out my hands to break the orb, but nothing happens. A rock sinks to the pit of my stomach, and my heart begins to race. “Shit.” My mind is cloudy. Unfocused.
Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and attempt to clear my head. Trying hard not to panic, I open my eyes, hold out my hands, and break the orb’s formation, the water splashing to the ground.
A heavy gasp escapes Raef as he falls to the ground on his hands and knees, coughing and sucking in deep breaths. We all keep our distance, giving him a moment.
The reality of what I just did terrifies me. I held someone’s life in my hands, and they trusted me with it. After hating the elves their entire lives, they’re still choosing to trust me.
I won’t let them down.
Meela runs to his side, kneeling on the ground.
She does care when it comes down to it.
Daegan looks at me with a newfound appreciation, maybe even respect, and something… more. “That was… effective.”
“I’d say so,” I whisper, staring off toward Raef and Meela, but really, my thoughts are a moment in the past, when his life was hanging in my grasp.
“Don’t be afraid of it,” Daegan says softly, but with purpose.
I shake my head, casting away the very recent memory along with it.
“How many of those do you think you could do at once?” he asks.
“I don’t know.” I face him again. “I don’t even know what I’m doing.”
“Elysande,” he looks away, shaking his head and speaking smooth and low. “You have so much more power than you know. You could probably kill me with one glance.”
I stare at his side profile, unable to think of a response.
Unsure of what to make of anything. The image of the deceased guard flashes in my head again.
I haven’t forgotten it. It still haunts me every night.
And now, I have this memory, the one of Raef near death at my hands.
For a moment there, I didn’t know if I could undo it. And it scared the shit out of me.
I’m not sure I’m ready for all of this.
“Well, shit!” Raef calls out, snapping me out of my spiral. He stands, wiping his hand down his face as he approaches us.
“That was crazy!” Meela hollers beside him. She looks excited. Everyone seems excited. Raef has a wild grin plastered on his face.
And I just feel… dread.
“So you guys can still breathe fire even without shifting. Nice,” Meela says, far too casual for what just transpired.
Daegan’s gaze lingers on me, like he’s just noticed something. But he doesn’t speak.
“Why don’t you look surprised?” she asks, looking at me curiously.
I shrug.
“It can’t be all that impressive to you,” Raef says. “You can conjure flames out of the air, do cool stuff with it. We have to breathe it from our throats like animals.”
“Yeah,” Meela replies. “But I’ve never cast nearly that much fire. That was insane. And terrifying.”
They chatter some more, but I tune it out.
Suddenly, I feel like I’m in a bubble, and everything around me is hazy and muffled.
I see some fire shooting around out of the corner of my eye, but I don’t really know what’s happening.
I’ve gone to a dark place. I’m suddenly thinking of all the things that could go wrong on this quest. My mind shows me endless possibilities of my friends dying in ways I simply can’t prevent as I helplessly try to save them.
I know it’s not real, it’s just my fear taking form in my uncontrollable thoughts.
I’m no oracle, I know that. I remind myself of that fact as I try to push the images away.
“Are you okay?” A voice breaks me out of it once again. Barely.
I know it’s Daegan, but I don’t look at him as I shake my head weakly.
“Let’s go,” he mumbles.
I feel the warmth of his arm around my waist as we walk back to the castle, just the two of us. It makes me feel a little better somehow. Safer.
“I’m okay,” I say out loud finally, mostly to myself, as we approach the castle. I’m starting to feel better after the walk. I don’t know what that was.
“You had a moment back there…”
“I did.”
He stops, facing me, and the absence of his arm around my lower back feels like I’ve been stripped naked.
“You don’t have to do this.” His eyebrows are lowered in concern. For me.
“I know,” I whisper, looking away.
When I don’t elaborate further, he puts his arms back where I need it, and we walk all the way back to my rooms.
He walks me inside, then stops inside the doorway as I take a seat in the front room.
He stands there in what’s probably awkward silence for a little while before he releases a long breath. “We’ll talk about it more later.”
I finally glance at him for a moment and find his eyes swirling with emotion. What kind? I don’t know.
“Thank you,” I tell him. “I’m okay,” I assure him again, attempting a smile.
His lips pull into a tight line, and though he’s usually difficult to read, I know he’s not saying what’s really on his mind. He nods, then retreats to the door and opens it. “I’ll let you be.”
He lingers for a moment. I think maybe he wants me to protest, but I don’t.
What we have isn’t real, after all.
After the door shuts, I stare at my painting of the stars in the quiet of my room for a long time.