1. Christmas Break
one
Christmas Break
A few months later
Ember
I can feel his gaze piercing into the back of my head as he sits behind me, his breath warm against the nape of my neck. I stifle a shiver and focus intently on the clock, counting down the minutes until the bell rings—the start of Christmas break.
My professor drones on about safety and a myriad of other topics that filter through my mind like water through a sieve; I find it impossible to concentrate on his words.
From the corner of my eye, I catch a glimpse of snow cascading from the overcast sky, accumulating in a soft blanket just outside the school. Winter has always held a special place in my heart; there’s a soothing magic in the gentle descent of snowflakes and the invigorating scent of the crisp air. Since childhood, I've cherished the cold, contrasting sharply with my aversion to the sweltering heat that summer brings. I'd much rather be bundled in layers than half-dressed on a beach somewhere.
My mom and stepdad have always celebrated the holiday season with great enthusiasm—an aspect of it that captured my heart. Twinkling lights, freshly fallen snow, steaming mugs of hot chocolate topped with marshmallows—the simple treasures I’ve always cherished.
My stepbrother Koda would take me sledding or snowboarding, and we’d play hockey with his friends until he vanished from my life, leaving no explanation and worse, not even saying goodbye.
To this day, I remain in the dark about his disappearance. Whenever I try to ask my mom or his dad, they quickly shut me down; they're reluctant to discuss it, even all these years later.
I've managed to speak with Koda since then, but the conversations are scarce—far fewer than I would have wished. Still, I’m grateful for the few moments we share over the phone.
He used to be my confidant—someone I could confide in without reservation, without judgement, or a lecture. But when he disappeared, that safe space vanished with him, and I haven't found another since.
I still find myself unable to share with him what's been going on with the annoying football player behind me. But as Bella wisely says, “Some things are better left unsaid.”
The bell finally rings, resonating through the classroom like a long-awaited sigh of relief. I grab my bag and quickly shove my notebook inside, eager to escape the oppressive atmosphere. As I stand, I feel his gaze linger on me, an unseen noose that hangs around my neck, continuing to choke me even months later.
" Don't look back ," I tell myself, but my curiosity gets the better of me.
I glance over my shoulder just as he pushes away from his desk, a faint smirk playing on his lips. The fleeting moment catches me off guard. Who the fuck does he think he is, acting like he owns this place? I can feel a mixture of frustration and intrigue twisting in my gut as I rush toward the exit, desperate to get as far away from him as I can.
He made sure I didn’t open my mouth to anyone these last couple months, sending me threatening text messages, leaving notes in my locker, and even showing up at my apartment in the middle of the night just watching from down below.
Outside, the world is an enchanting wonderland blanketed in white; it’s fucking beautiful. Snowflakes swirl delicately in the air, and the chill wraps around me like Koda’s arms used to. I take a deep breath, inhaling the sweet smell of winter, and let it ground me. I weave through clusters of students who are animatedly discussing their holiday plans, laughter echoing off the frostbitten trees.
I pull out my phone and scroll through my messages, hoping for a text from Koda. It’s been a week since we last spoke, and I worry about his silence, wondering if everything is still okay. My heart sinks as I see no new notifications. Maybe I should just call him—a voice is often more reassuring than a string of words on a screen—but the fear of rejection keeps me at bay.
Lost in thought, I barely notice the football player walking toward me until he’s almost beside me. The familiar grin that he wore that night spreads across his face, and I feel a flush creep up my cheeks that I can’t quite explain.
“Hey, Ember,” he says, his tone light but with an underlying seriousness. “You ready for the break? I’m throwing a party tomorrow night. You should come.”
For a moment, I’m taken aback. Why the fuck would he want me there? I open my mouth to decline, but the muted gasp of surprise escapes instead. The thought of spending time with him feels utterly daunting, and my hands begin to clam up. Before I manage to respond, the swirling wind nudges me, and suddenly, everything feels unclear again as I start running away from him, not bothering to glance behind me.
As I quickly walk home, each step crunching on the freshly fallen snow, I replay the encounter in my mind. The warmth of the moment lingers, prompting a mix of anticipation and unease within me.
I tread through the snow-blanketed streets on my way home, filled with disgust and dread; thoughts of Koda swirl in my mind like the flurries around me. Memories of our time together flood my consciousness, and a deep longing for the way things once were fills my heart. Hopefully one day I’ll find the answers I’ve been wishing for, but for now, my focus is fixated on rediscovering that sense of safety and warmth I crave.
Just past the halfway point to my apartment, I spot Bella waiting for me outside our favorite coffee shop, two steaming cups of hot chocolate cradled in her gloved hands.
“Hey! I was starting to think you'd gone straight home!” She exclaims, her expression brightening as she hands me one of the cups.
The heat radiates into my fingers as I wrap my hands around it, lifting it to my lips and gently blowing to cool the rich, chocolatey liquid, careful not to scald my tongue.
“The snow picked up and slowed me down, but here I am,” I reply, smiling as I take a sip. The warmth flows down my throat, melting away the cold that has seeped into my bones.
“So, does this mean you're postponing your trip to your parents?” Her eyes sparkle with hope as she bats her long lashes at me, clearly not wanting me to leave for the entire break.
I shake my head; a smile forms on my purple lips. “No, I’m still planning to go. Mom is expecting me, and Koda is supposed to be there this Christmas, so I can’t miss him.” Heat creeps into my cheeks as I think about him.
“Ugh, I’m so jealous! Is he bringing his friends?” A playful wink dances across her face, and I can’t help but chuckle.
“I don’t think so, but I haven’t asked him... maybe ,” I respond, shrugging while images of Koda and his hockey friends flit through my mind.
Bella and I used to cheer them on during practice until my mother convinced me it was a waste of time—Koda was too busy to notice us. To me, it wasn’t about acknowledgment. Just being near him lifted my spirits; sometimes silence spoke louder than words. I knew something had transpired between Koda and my mother, but with him remaining tight-lipped and my mom hesitant to share, I would likely never learn the truth.
“When can we go watch them practice? I need my hockey fix,” Bella says, a flirtatious laugh escaping her glossed pink lips as we turn the corner toward our apartment complex.
“I’m not sure, Bell. I’ll ask him when I see him at Mom’s. I know they’re still playing, but I have no idea for what team since they’re out of school now.” I push aside memories of the two of us gliding together on ice, both of us so delightfully carefree.
I wave her off and step inside our building, greeted by the scents of gingerbread and pine that swirl in the air. Christmas decorations glimmer and twinkle throughout the lobby, bringing a smile to my face as I take in the festive atmosphere.
Ah, the feeling of Christmas truly is irreplaceable.
As we enter our apartment, I shove aside the unwelcome thoughts of my older stepbrother and his stunning friends. Collapsing onto the couch, I watch as Bella heads to the kitchen.
“When are you leaving?” she inquires, rummaging through the cabinet for a bottle of wine.
“Not until tonight. I still have to pack and all that,” I groan, dreading the tedious task that looms before me.
“Good, then you can have some wine with me,” she laughs, handing me a glass before plopping down beside me. “So, are you going to tell your mom what happened?”
I freeze, the rim of the glass hovering by my lips. “No fucking way. I don’t want anyone to know.” I shake my head firmly, dark memories rushing in from that night.
Concern flickers in Bella's eyes. “But what if he does it again? You have to tell someone,” she insists.
I inhale deeply, battling the memories that threaten to resurface. “I’ll figure it out,” I finally say, taking a sip of wine.
All those insignificant encounters with him, along with the texts and notes warning me to stay silent, remain locked away in my mind. No one needs to know about the threats he’s made—how he’s wielded blackmail like a weapon to keep me in line. He’s promised to share the incriminating video with the entire school, which is part of why I’ve kept this to myself—not wanting to endure further humiliation or torment. I’ve faced enough; I refuse to let it continue.
Bella studies me for a moment, concern etched into her features. “You know I’m here for you, right? Whatever happens, you don’t have to go through this alone,” she says softly, her voice laden with sincerity.
I nod, grateful for her unwavering loyalty, even as the shadows of my fears claw at my resolve. “I appreciate that, truly. Right now, I just need to focus on getting through the holidays.”
My heart aches as I think of the laughter and joy that the season usually brings, while I battle internal storms of anxiety and despair all by myself because I’m too afraid to open my mouth to tell someone what happened.
As if sensing my need for lightness, Bella clinks her glass against mine, drawing me back to the present. “To survival! We’re going to enjoy this holiday, even if it fucking kills us—or at least one of those awful fruitcakes from the neighbors!”
Her laughter fills the room, infectious enough to elicit a chuckle from me, and I feel the tension in my shoulders ease slightly. I’ve always loved this about Bella. She knows how to lighten the mood, even when the weight of the world seems to press down upon me.
“Okay, okay! I’ll help you eat that fruitcake. Just promise me you’ll find a way to make it better—maybe douse it in chocolate?” I nudge her, laughing while scrunching my nose at the mention of a holiday fruitcake.
“Now you’re talking! A chocolate-covered fruitcake will definitely save Christmas,” she giggles, and for a moment, it feels as if we are simply two friends lost in holiday cheer, untouched by the darkness that lurks outside our door .
The wine flows, and the conversation shifts from lighthearted banter to reminiscing about our high school days, those innocent moments before everything changed. I tell her stories about our silly traditions, like our annual “hot chocolate Olympics,” where we’d race to make the best cup, complete with unusual toppings we dared each other to try.
As the sun begins to set outside, the warm glow of the fairy lights strung around our apartment fills me with a sense of peace. Yet, the gnawing worry remains just beneath the surface, and I know I can’t keep avoiding it forever. The looming trip to my parents’ feels both exhilarating and terrifying, and with Koda's imminent presence, I worry how my unresolved feelings might surface when confronted with the very essence of my past.
Hours slip by, the sound of Christmas carols streaming through the air as Bella and I dive headfirst into a karaoke session, belting out our favorite tunes with reckless abandon. It feels good to laugh, to momentarily forget about the weight pressing on me. But then, as I glance at the clock and the time grows nearer for me to leave, the reality creeps back in.
“Hey Bella?” I say, the laughter fading as a pensive expression takes form across my face. “Can we talk about Koda? Just... where things stand?”
She pauses, her playful demeanor shifting to a compassionate one as she nestles into the couch. “Of course, bitch. What’s on your mind?”
“I don’t know how to act when I see him. I can still feel that weird tension, the way everything changed between us after... everything .” I fidget with the hem of my sweater, unwilling to meet her gaze.
Bella leans in closer, her expression earnest. “You need to be honest with him, especially if those feelings are still there. Maybe it’s just as complicated for him, you know? You both deserve to be happy,” she says, her voice steady and infused with encouragement .
“Happy?” I manage a laugh, the sound hollow against the surge of emotion welling within me. “What if telling him just opens old wounds? What if he doesn’t feel the same? What if…”
“The fucking what ifs won’t help you,” she interrupts softly, reaching for my hand. “You deserve clarity, Ember. Take it one step at a time. Remember, you don’t have to figure this all out at once. Just take a breath; see how it flows.”
She’s right. I realize that while I can’t control the past, I have the power to shape my future. The way the snow continues to blanket the streets outside reminds me that sometimes, covering up the past isn’t about denying it but rather finding ways to embrace what comes next.
As I take a long, slow breath, I finally allow myself to imagine a different scenario—one of understanding, laughter, and maybe even healing. Christmas is a time for miracles, and perhaps mine is just around the corner.
“I’ll try,” I finally say, a tentative light flickering within me.
“Good. Now let’s finish this bottle and create a toast for your new beginnings,” Bella beams, lifting her glass high as I follow suit with a newfound determination.
“Here’s to new beginnings,” I echo, my heart swelling with hope despite the remnants of fear lurking in the corners of my mind. If there’s one thing I know, it’s that life is full of unexpected twists, and perhaps the magic of the season could guide my path to freedom.
As the evening unfolds, Bella and I find ourselves wrapped in laughter and conversation, now sipping our water as if no time has passed since we last shared these moments together. It's as if we've traveled back to a simpler time, before everything turned upside down. I begin to unwind, the tension in my body easing away. But as I finish packing, a nagging thought strikes me: I need to make sure to keep my secret from my mother, who has an uncanny knack for sensing when I'm not being entirely honest.
I glance over at Bella, who has succumbed to sleep on the couch, and I can’t help but smile at the thought of how much I’ll miss her, even if I'll only be gone for a couple of weeks. When the moment comes for me to leave, I gently wake her, fully aware that she’d be upset if I slipped away without a word.
“Did you call your mom to tell her you’re leaving?” She asks, a hint of concern lacing her voice.
“Yes, I did,” I reply, rolling my eyes, even though I secretly cherish her caring nature. “She knows I’m coming.”
“Have a safe trip, and I’ll see you after break,” she yawns, pulling me into a massive hug that takes the breath right out of me.
I wave goodbye and make my way downstairs, dragging my suitcase behind me. Once everything is stowed away in the car, I turn on my favorite playlist and head out, squinting through the thick curtain of falling snow. The roads are worse than I anticipated, and I can only hope to reach my destination safely.
Sipping my large coffee from Dunkin, I drift into a daydream, haunted by the same nightmare that has plagued me for months. No matter how hard I try, I can’t escape the clutches of that dark memory. But I remind myself that I need to forget about it, especially since I’ll be at my mother’s soon, and one look at me, she’ll be able to tell that I’m hiding something.
Suddenly, my phone buzzes, jolting me from my thoughts. It’s Bella.
“Hey, be careful out there. The weather looks really bad,” she warns, concern evident in her tone.
“I will; don’t worry. Talk to you soon,” I assure her before ending the call, not wanting to be on the phone while driving in these conditions.
As I continue to drive, the snow becomes even more relentless. Yet, I keep my focus on the road, determined to reach my destination. But before long, the snow’s coming down with such ferocity that driving becomes nearly impossible. Recognizing where I am, I realize that my stepbrother's house is nearby. I take the next exit, my palms growing clammy around the steering wheel as nerves begin to take hold at the thought of stopping by unannounced.
It has been years since I last saw him, and uncertainty gnaws at me—how will he react to me showing up? With him and his friends now in their thirties, do they even want a younger sister barging into their lives? Yet, with the storm escalating outside, I feel I have no other choice.
Will he be angry if I drop by? Will he send me away even amidst such a fierce storm? The barrage of questions threatens to make me second-guess my decision, but I summon every ounce of courage and drive to his house regardless, holding my breath the entire time it seems.
Upon arriving, I take a deep breath, steeling myself for whatever awaits. I approach the door and knock, hoping he’ll be home. Moments later, I hear his voice from the Ring doorbell, sounding surprised yet welcoming .
Koda opens the door with a warm smile, instantly putting me at ease after all this time. His dark hair, tousled and piled loosely atop his head, accentuates the vibrant green of his eyes, which are framed by long, dark lashes. The soft light above casts gentle shadows across his chiseled jaw and defined cheekbones, which are barely covered by a rough layer of stubble from a missed shave.
Even dressed in a long-sleeve shirt, it’s clear just how strong he is as the fabric clings to his physique. Standing tall, towering over my petite five-foot frame, I feel an overwhelming urge to wrap myself around him, as if he were a comforting tower I could cling to forever.
“Wow, baby sis. You’ve grown up,” he laughs, stepping aside to allow me entry into his home without asking questions.
“I’m not a baby, Koda. I’m about to turn twenty-two—I’m an adult,” I retort playfully, a hint of flirtation in my tone. I flip my lavender hair over my shoulder, shaking off the last of the snowflakes that have settled there.
“Yeah, well, when you’re more than ten years younger than me, you’re still a baby.” He envelops me in a hug before I can step further inside, and I take a moment to savor the comforting embrace that I’ve missed for so long. “The guys are here too; I hope that’s okay,” he adds, taking my bags from me.
As I step into the living room, I notice Baine and Everest lounging on the couch. Baine glances up from his phone, a playful grin spreading across his face, his hazel eyes glinting with mischief.
“Well, well, look who finally decided to drop by.” He winks, sending butterflies fluttering in my stomach.
Everest, with his impeccably styled black hair and piercing blue eyes, flashes a smile while chewing on the hoop embedded in his thick bottom lip. His imposing six-foot frame, adorned with muscles and tattoos, nods in agreement, and I can't help but smile at the familiarity of their presence. They’ve all changed dramatically, though in the best possible ways; the years have molded them into even more striking versions of themselves that I remember.
“I’ve missed you guys,” I say, warmth bubbling in my chest as I meet their familiar gazes, fighting to keep my emotions in check.
Koda sets my bags down and places a firm hand on my shoulder. “We’ve missed you too, little sis.” His voice is low and smooth, eliciting an unfamiliar thrill within me.
I settle between Everest and Baine as conversation flows effortlessly, catching up on each other's lives as if no time has passed since our last reunion.
Being back home with my brothers—even just for a little while—feels right. The familiar atmosphere washes over me like a warm embrace, easing my nerves and making me believe nothing has changed between us—almost as if Koda had never vanished from my life without an explanation.
Of course he did. And I need to know why.
“So, what brings you here unexpectedly?” Koda finally asks, sipping his Bud Light as his gaze drifts over me, making my skin tingle.
“I was heading home for Christmas, but the snow is absolutely furious,” I admit, catching the unmistakable traces of my Boston accent—the sound of home that I thought I had lost but which stays tucked away after all these years. The flicker in Koda’s green eyes sends a chill down my spine, a reminder of the place he has tried so hard to forget.
“You’re not going anywhere, Baby Girl,” he replies, his tone casual but heavy with gravity.
“Yeah, what he said,” Everest chimes in, nudging me playfully. His spicy scent surrounds me, a comforting reminder of the connection we share. “The storm is only going to worsen. You might just find yourself stranded here with us until it blows over.” He winks, mischief dancing behind his crystal blue eyes.
An enveloping silence descends upon us, the howling wind outside and the crackling fire in the fireplace serving as the only soundtrack .
“You mean, stay here with you guys for Christmas?” My heart races at the thought, and I sense the anticipation in the air, knowing that whatever unfolds will only tempt me further than before.
But perhaps this unexpected time with them is exactly what I need to finally shake off the haunting memories of my nightmare and reclaim a sense of peace.
Koda nods slowly, a serious look crossing his face. “You don’t have to go home if you don’t want to. We're family, and we want you here with us. There’s no point in risking your safety on the roads tonight.” His tone is calm, yet there’s an underlying insistence, as if he knows more than he’s letting on about what this storm might mean for me.
I glance at Baine and Everest, their expressions echoing Koda's sentiments. My heart swells at the warmth radiating from my brothers, but I’m also acutely aware of the questions simmering in my mind. Can I really stay here? Can I face whatever that means?
As if sensing my hesitation, Everest leans in slightly, his muscular arm brushing against mine, grounding me in the moment.
“Christmas here means big dinners, late-night games, and maybe even some adult fun.” He grins, and I remember the laughter that always erupted whenever we hung out; it didn’t matter that I was ten years younger than them—they treated me like I was one of them. “Wouldn’t you rather be doing that than stuck in some lonely house surrounded by family tension?”
His words resonate, stirring a desire within me that I can’t quite suppress. I catch Koda's eyes again, and, for a second, I see the worry shadowing his gaze—a flicker of Protector Mode—my heart swelling.
“Okay, let’s do it,” I finally say, the excitement bubbling up into my voice, quelling the storm of fear that had initially gripped me. “I’m in. I’ll stay for Christmas.”
The room erupts in a chorus of cheers, making me beam with a warmth that had been foreign for far too long. Koda claps me on the back, his grin as wide as I’d seen it in years. “That's the fucking spirit. ”
As we dive further into small talk over drinks, I can’t help but feel overwhelmed with gratitude. Yet, beneath that warmth, a part of me remains vigilant. Something lingers in the corners of this cozy home. There are pieces of my past that could come rushing back, unexpected and unwelcome. But for now, the laughter surrounds me, blessing me with the reminder that, even in chaos, we can find joy.
As the light dims in the living room and we gather around the fire to reminisce and share our fondest memories of the holidays, I watch Baine and Everest tease Koda about his infamous knitting phase when he’d insisted on making everyone Christmas sweaters. Laughter fills the air, and an easy camaraderie wraps us like a familiar blanket.
“So what are you planning to do while you're here? Any special requests?” Koda asks, nudging me with his shoulder, breaking my reverie.
“Honestly?” I say, biting back a smile. “I’d love to bake cookies and go skating. Oh, and we have to watch Home Alone—all of them.” The mention of the classic films sends a wave of nostalgia rushing over me, and I feel the childlike glee bubbling up within.
“Count me in for all of that, especially the cookies,” Baine says, leaning back with a playful smirk. “I can already promise you I’ll try to sneak the best ones when you're not looking.”
The banter continues, and I relish every moment—the warmth, the laughter, the familiarity—drowning out the chilling memories that have haunted me for too long. Yet deep down, I can’t ignore the nagging feeling that my arrival wasn’t purely coincidental.
In the corner of my mind, shadows whisper reminders of why I left and of the elusive truth behind the gaps in our story. But surrounded by my brothers, wrapped in their laughter and love, I momentarily push those thoughts away, granting myself permission to enjoy this unexpected gift of time together.
The wind howls a little louder outside, shaking the windows just enough to make us all chuckle uneasily. As I observe the warmth in the room, I can’t help but believe that this Christmas will be the start of healing broken bridges, rekindling buried memories, and ultimately uncovering truths best left not hidden.
With my heart settled for the time being, I nestle deeper into the couch cushions, surrounded by laughter and light, feeling ready to reclaim who I am and forge new memories as the storm rages outside. I had found my way back home, and this time, I wouldn’t let fear guide my steps.