2. Fighting Feelings
two
Fighting Feelings
Koda
H er presence is fucking impossible to ignore. Utterly impossible . It has been years since I last saw Ember, so her sudden appearance on my doorstep caught me completely off guard—the guys too.
After being warned to stay away from her, I did my best to maintain my distance. I didn’t want her entangled in our world back then, and I don’t want her mixed up in our world now. My friends and I make our living as male dancers, leading a life doused in secrecy, darkness, seduction, and crime. Ember is still unaware of it—completely innocent—and fuck, I still intend to keep it that way.
Seeing her again has stirred up emotions I thought I had tucked away since moving out—excuse me, being kicked out. Now that she’s in my home, resisting the temptation that's seeping into my bones is going to be even more challenging. I know how Everest and Baine feel about her too, which complicates matters even further.
Ember was always the one girl who felt just out of reach—none of us could have her. It wasn't just the age difference; our parents outright forbade it. I was never good enough for her, just a fuck-up in their eyes, and I couldn’t bear the thought of dragging her down with me—at least, that’s what they believed.
Leaving her behind was one of the hardest decisions I ever fucking made, and to this day, I haven’t explained to her why I left. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s forgotten all about it by now, but the thought of her—the sight of her—brings everything rushing back.
I can still picture her laughing in the summer sun, her hair dancing like fire against the breeze. The way she lit up a room without even trying—the way her smile could cut through the darkness of my world like a knife. Yet here she is, standing in my space, and I can feel the tension crackling between us like dry kindling ready to ignite.
As she brushes past me, I inhale her scent—something warm, vanilla, and delicious, and fuck, entirely too inviting, a reminder of everything I tried so hard to forget.
“What’s with the gloomy vibe?” She asks, taking in my apartment, which is more like a bachelor pad, cluttered and dark.
I watch her face light up as she traces her fingers over the various photographs of us as kids I have hung on the wall. “You still have these?”
“Guess some things never change,” I mutter. I can't afford to have things change, especially not now.
“Yeah, like you being a brooding mystery,” she teases, glancing over her shoulder at me. “You haven’t changed at all, have you?”
The truth stings, for sure. “You don’t know me anymore, Ember.” The words slip out, harsher than I intend—I can't help it.
She’s a reminder of my past, and I’m a fucking storm of tangled emotions—fear, desire, and regret.
Her smile falters for just a moment, and in that flicker, I see hurt mingled with confusion.
“Then why am I here?” She steps closer, eyes searching my face, as if they can dissect all the layers I have built up. “Don’t you want to reconnect?”
“I do, but... " I hesitate, weighing my words. “I’m not the same guy you remember. This life…” I gesture vaguely, knowing I can never explain it completely. “It’s not a good place for you. You shouldn’t be around it.”
“I’m not afraid of you, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“No, it’s not me I’m worried about.”
Her confusion deepens. “What are we talking about then?”
Footsteps echo from the back, voices drifting closer. I feel a wave of panic rise within me. “Just—wait here. Please .” I motion for her to stay while I try to calm the brewing storm behind the door.
“Who is it?” she whispers, glancing towards the faint sounds.
“It’s just the guys.” The guys who live in the same dark world I’m trying to shield her from. “Trust me.” I quickly step out into the hall, shutting the door behind me.
Everest, with his ever-ready bravado, and Baine, who could charm anyone with a flick of his smile, lean against the walls.
“You sure about this?” Everest’s brows knit together as he locks eyes with mine.
“It’s fine. Just… act normal.” It’s a futile request. “With Ember around, nothing will feel normal.”
“Normal? This shit isn’t normal.” Baine runs a hand through his tousled hair. “We agreed on no distractions. And if she sees— ”
“She won’t see anything. Just keep it fucking cool.”
As I return to the room, my heart races. I open the door, but Ember isn't where I left her. Instead, she stands by the window, her back to me, staring out at the street below. The moonlight catches her hair, framing her in a halo of warmth that makes me forget about the chaos brewing at my back.
"Ember... listen,” I start, but she turns around, a smile playing on her lips.
“Do you really think I’d let you push me away that easily?”
Desire and desperation crash against one another within me. I have to protect her, but a part of me wants nothing more than to pull her close, to drown in the familiarity of her presence and forget everything else.
“You don’t understand,” I press, my voice low, as if the very walls can hear the weight of my admission. “This isn’t just a simple reunion. It’s dangerous.”
“Maybe I’m okay with that.” Her gaze holds mine, unwavering.
“No, you don’t get to choose that.” I take a step forward, the air thick with tension. “Not when it’s my job to keep you safe.”
The lines of duty and desire blur, and I find myself anchored in the moment, just a heartbeat away from losing everything I fought to protect. Her warm vanilla scent drifts right up my nose as she walks past me and out of the room, sending tingles through my body that awaken something inside of me. But I try my hardest to ignore the feelings. I can't fuck her life up now.
But now she’s right in the middle of it, and I have no idea how to handle the situation.
Everest and Baine catch my eye as I follow her, and I can see the concern in their faces as they watch Ember in our home. They know how much she means to me, and they also know the danger of her finding out about the secret I kept from her for so long. I have to do something to distract her—to keep her from finding out the truth.
As Ember turns to me with a smile, I know I have to come up with a plan, and fast. But with the way her eyes sparkle and her familiar, addicting laugh fills the room, I can't deny the rush of old feelings flooding back. This shit is going to be a lot harder than I fucking thought.
The truth is, I'd do anything to protect her, even if it means keeping her in the dark and pushing down the feelings that are coming back even stronger. But as I watch her take in her unfamiliar surroundings, I can't help but wonder if I made the right choice leaving all those years ago.
"I think I'm going to try and go to bed." She yawns, and as she stretches, I can't help my eyes from checking her out.
I know the guys are too; it's not surprising. Her shirt rises as her arms reach above her head, showing off her toned midriff, the sparkling diamond in her naval catching my eye. No more blonde hair, but shiny lavender-colored hair falls down the middle of her back, stopping just at her hips, her curls bouncing with each movement she makes. Her gorgeous brown eyes glisten in the flames of the fire but hold dark secrets that she thinks she's hiding from me—she isn't. I can tell she's hiding something—holding onto something—but she isn't going to come off of it so easily.
"Alright, I guess we'll see you in the morning," I tell her, pulling her in for another hug.
Slightly disappointed that she's going to bed already, I linger with my arms around her, but she doesn't pull away either. I can tell something is on her mind, but she finally pulls away and forces a smile, trying to pretend that everything is okay even when I know it isn't.
"I'm making breakfast in the morning," Everest says, licking his lips as his eyes fall to her plump, shiny lips.
"I can't wait," she says, rubbing her hands together before she walks off. The three of us staring at her ass hugged perfectly in her sweats.
Fuck, this is going to be hard with her staying here.
As soon as she's out of sight, I turn to the guys and give them a stern look. "We need to be on our best behavior with her here," I warn them. "She's going through a tough time, and we need to be respectful."
They both nod in agreement, knowing that I mean business. But when it comes down to it, they're grown men who make their own decisions, and I can't fucking stop them no matter how hard I try.
The moment Ember's footsteps fade down the hall, I feel a wave of unease settle over me. It’s like an old, unwanted coat that I can't shake off. I turn to Everest and Baine, who are still lingering near the couch, their expressions teasingly indifferent but their eyes giving away their interest.
"Respectful?" Everest raises an eyebrow, clearly skeptical. "You sure you know what that means, Koda? She's not some delicate flower. You might want to remind yourself of that."
“It’s not about her being tough,” I snap back, my voice sharp. “It’s about her being naive. She doesn’t know what kind of monsters lurk in the shadows of our lives—but if she sees one slip up, that innocence is gone, and she’ll be in danger. And I can’t let that shit happen.”
Baine chuckles, leaning forward, his playful demeanor shifting slightly. “Can’t crack a few jokes, then? You know, liven things up a little? She always did like our sense of humor.”
“Be fucking serious, Baine!” I growl, the tension threading through my veins like a live wire. “This is not a fucking game. If anything gets back to her—”
“Chill, dude.” Everest holds up his hands, a mockingly placating gesture. “We just wanted to lighten the mood. But I get it; you’re head over heels, and we need to shape up. We won’t give her any hint of our lifestyle... as long as you keep your own feelings in check.”
“I’m not head over heels,” I shoot back, though I can feel the heat creeping up my neck. “I just want to protect her.”
“Whatever you say, man. We’ll be on our best behavior,” Baine promises, amusement dancing in his eyes. “As long as it doesn't involve us hiding our personalities. This isn’t a setup for a fucking funeral.”
Before I can reply, there's a soft knock on the front door. My heart sinks; it's too soon for another visitor—too soon for anyone other than Ember, but she’s in the bedroom, so I know it can’t be her.
“What now?” I mutter under my breath as I hesitantly open the door.
The face staring back at me isn’t one I expected. It’s Mia, a girl from our crew who had somehow woven her way into our lives over the last few months. Her dark hair is tangled messily, an electric green streak caught in the light. She eyes me with a mix of mischief and concern.
“Hey, I didn’t want to interrupt," she says, tilting her head slightly, “but I was driving by and wanted to see if you guys needed anything."
“For what?” I ask, trying to hide my irritation.
“Just in case you need some extra help or were in the mood for a little fun." She leans against the doorframe, her attitude casual but her eyes darting around, taking in the chaotic energy of our place, trying to be nosy as fuck.
Before I can respond, Ember pops her head out of her room, yelling down the hall, looking genuinely curious. “Did you call me?"
Mia’s eyes widen slightly as she takes in Ember’s presence, and an almost predatory glint sparks in her gaze.
“No, you're good,” I say quickly, feeling my stomach churn until she goes back into the room and closes the door. I can't help but think of the potential fallout if Ember were to overhear any conversations or catch wind of our secrets.
“Why the fuck are you here so late, Mia?” Everest asks, his tone deep, seemingly annoyed by everything going on.
“Just wanted to check on the guys,” Mia replies, her charm dialed up to eleven as she nods toward the closed door where Ember is. “Make sure that young little thing is not causing too much trouble. ”
My jaw tightens. “This is why I told your ass to stay away, Mia. It’s late, and Ember is—”
Ember steps out of her room again, her smile a bright light against my growing tension. “You know, it’s nice to meet new friends. Whatever you need, I’m happy to share.” She says, looking at Mia, unaware of how manipulative and evil this girl really is.
“Right, because we’re all about sharing,” Baine chimes in. “Like Koda shares his burdens—”
“Baine,” I growl warningly, my eyes narrowing at him.
This is spiraling fast, and I need to regain control. My gut tells me it’s only a matter of time until things go sideways. “Mia, no offense, but can you just—”
“Actually, no offense taken.” Mia steps in, raising an eyebrow as she detects the tension simmering between us. “I didn’t mean to intrude on some special moment. I’ll be gone in a few, no worries." She winks at Ember. “But seriously, if you ever need a girl’s night out or just want to hear about the craziness going on in our world, just let me know.”
As she turns, I catch the glimmer of challenge in her eyes, aimed solely at me. She knows more than she should; she can easily blow apart the fragile world I curated for Ember.
I have a feeling that, in a wreckage of unresolved emotions, there’s no safety net left. As Mia finally slips away, Ember looks at me with renewed confusion, her eyes narrowing with sudden realization.
“What is she talking about?” Ember asks slowly. “What craziness?”
I groan internally, realizing that the night is about to get a lot more complicated. The sanctuary I hoped to create for us felt increasingly like a cage ready to collapse.
“Just some old friends,” I say, deliberately using the words with a casualness I don’t feel. “Don’t worry about it.”
“Don’t worry?” Ember’s voice holds a note of disbelief. “If it’s no big deal, why are you acting so weird?”
I can’t look into her eyes; I can’t face the potential collapse of the truth bearing down on us. “I’ll explain everything tomorrow. Just… trust me?”
“Trust you?” She echoes, her brow furrowing. “How can I trust you if you won’t be honest with me?”
I sigh, the weight of her unfiltered gaze pressing down harder than I anticipated. “Because I care about you,” I explain, my voice low and earnest. “And I’m trying to protect you, but I can’t do that if you’re afraid of the truth.”
“Then tell me the fucking truth.” The challenge in her voice is unmistakable, pulling me in with an urgency I can't ignore.
But how can I lay my past bare, the risks that come with it, and the way my heart races when I’m close to her? What if it shatters the fragile walls shielding her from what lurks just beyond our moments of stolen bliss? I realize now that walking the line between protecting her and letting her in has never felt more treacherous.
Can I ever truly be the man she needs? I know I have to find a way to balance the storms within me if I ever hope to keep her close. Just one misstep, and everything can fall apart—her innocence, my heart, and the fragile delicacy of the life we have a chance of building.