Chapter 28
Chapter Twenty-Eight
J ack
“I’ll clean up while you three go into the living room and talk,” Sierra said, grabbing her plate and standing up.
“Leave it. We can clean up later.” I placed my hand on her arm.
“Okay.”
We all got up and went into the living room. I was a ticking time bomb and ready to explode.
“I want to know why the fuck you didn’t tell me about Ellie?” my father spewed. “Four years, Jack. Four fucking years and you never told me you had a daughter. What the hell is wrong with you? Who does that? And who the hell is her mother, and where is she?”
“Her mother is a woman I briefly saw. She got pregnant and moved away. She dropped Ellie off with me a couple of weeks ago and took off to travel with some guy from Seattle.”
“She abandoned her?” His brows furrowed.
“Yes.”
“At Christmas?” Gabriela asked. “What a horrible person. What kind of parent does such a thing?”
“That would be my mother.” Sierra held up her hand.
“Maybe you should be asking your future husband that question, Gabriela,” I said.
“Excuse me, son?”
That was it. I could feel the pressure in my chest as my heart raced.
“Are you that oblivious to what you’ve done to me as a child? You made a remark about not having Christmas decorations when you walked into my house. Do you want to know why, Dad? Because I fucking hate the holiday season!” I spoke through gritted teeth. “I’ve never decorated, but you were always too busy staying out of my life to notice.”
“Jack, where is all this coming from? How can you hate the holiday season?”
“I’m with him. I hate it too.” Sierra raised her hand again.
“What is wrong with the two of you?” Gabriela asked. “Christmas is a beautiful and magical time of the year. It brings joy into people’s lives.”
“Joy? It brought me nothing but misery since my mother died!” I shouted.
“Jack, Ellie is upstairs,” Sierra said.
“What are you talking about?” my father asked.
“You dropped me off at boarding school the minute Mom was put into the ground, and you never looked back. You left me there every Thanksgiving and Christmas while you traveled, celebrating Christmas as if you didn’t have a son! I was seven years old!”
“Christopher, is that true?” Gabriela looked at him.
He wouldn’t answer her.
“That’s the reason I fucking hate this holiday so much. And the reason why I’m stuck in a never-ending loop of holiday hell. This holiday brings nothing but bad memories of abandonment and bullshit! You reap what you sow, Dad.”
“Enough!” My father pointed at me. “I have given you everything! A good life with no financial worries and a good education. I handed my company over to you. And you have the audacity to blame me for your hatred of Christmas? Is that the reason you never told me you had a daughter?”
“My daughter was none of your goddamn business, Dad! And you want to know something? For the past four years, I barely saw her. When she came here, she barely knew who I was. And you want to know why? Because I was too afraid I’d fuck up her life as you did mine!”
“That’s it!” He stood up. “I don’t need to sit here and listen to this any longer. Get some therapy, Jack. God knows you need it. And as for you, young lady.” He pointed at Sierra. “It sounds like you need therapy as well. Take the money my son is paying you and get some help.”
“Excuse me?” Sierra cocked her head. “When I was five, my mother took me to midnight mass at church on Christmas, sat me in a pew, and told me she’d be right back. It’s been twenty-two years, and I’m still waiting! So excuse me if I view the holiday season as nothing but a load of crap and misery.”
“God help that child upstairs.” My father shook his head, grabbed his coat, and walked out the front door with Gabriela.
I started to go after him, and Sierra grabbed my arm.
“Don’t, Jack. Let that narcissistic asshole go. He’s not worth it.”
I sat back on the couch, placing my hands over my face, waiting for my heart to slow.
“I am never talking to that man again.” I turned and looked at her.
“I don’t blame you.” She softly rubbed my back. “You never had this discussion with him when you got older?”
“No. I hated him and spoke to him as little as possible.”
“It must have been tough working with him,” she said.
“I kept to myself and only talked to him when necessary. You have no idea how happy I was when he told me he was moving to Spain with Gabriela. Now, he’s back in New York and already making my life a living hell.”
“He can only do that if you let him. Jack, listen to me. I know he was a shitty father, and what he did to you is unforgivable, but at least he’s here. He may have abandoned you during the holidays, but he was always around the rest of the year.”
“I wish he wasn’t.”
“I know in your heart you don’t mean that.”
“Yes, Sierra, I do. Maybe that makes me a monster. I don’t care.”
“Uh, Mr. Atlas?” Gretchen walked into the living room. “I put Ellie to bed and read her a bedtime story. She’s out like a light.”
“Thank you, Gretchen.” I pulled some cash from my pocket and handed it to her. “Be careful walking home.”
“I live a few doors down. I’ll be fine, Mr. Atlas. Call me if you need me.”
“We better clean up,” I told Sierra. “And I don’t want to discuss anything further tonight. Understand?”
“Yes.” She nodded.
After we cleaned up, we headed upstairs to get ready for bed. The anger and rage were still there. Was my father that oblivious to what he’d done to me?
The following morning, I got up early, threw on a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt, and went for a walk. I was quiet enough not to wake up Sierra.
As I walked down the sidewalk, the snow crunched under my feet. Thoughts of my father consumed me, flooding back all my childhood memories. I walked to a coffee shop, grabbed a coffee, and continued walking. Where was I going? I had no idea. All I knew was that I needed space. My phone rang. Pulling it from my pocket, Sierra was calling. I declined it and slipped my phone back into my pocket.
Entering Central Park, I walked the snowy path and sat on a bench, sipping my coffee. The sun was up, softening the crisp air, although I could still see my breath. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I dialed Daniel.
“Hey, Jack.”
“Can you meet me in Central Park?”
“When?”
“Now.”
“Are you okay?”
“Not really. I need to talk to my best friend.”
“I’m on my way. Drop a pin of where you’re at, and I’ll be there soon.”
“Thanks, Daniel.”
I wasn’t one to talk about things or how I felt, but I needed my friend. I knew he was the one person who would never abandon me.
“What’s going on?” Daniel walked up and sat beside me.
“My father and Gabriela have decided to move back to New York. They also canceled their wedding in Spain and are getting married here on New Year’s Eve.”
“What? When did that happen?” he asked in shock.
“He was at my house last night.”
“Shit. So, he met Ellie?”
“Yeah, and he wasn’t happy that I never told him about her. He went off on me like a madman, so I told him exactly how I felt.”
“Shit. How did that turn out?”
“He said he’d done nothing wrong, gave me a good life with no financial worries and a good education. I told him how I felt about him leaving me at boarding school and the reason I hate the holidays so much. He became irate, told me to get some therapy, and stormed out.”
“I’m sorry, buddy.” He hooked his arm around me. “I know it must be hard. What did Sierra say?”
“He told her to get therapy, too. The thing is, Gabriela had no idea that he had left me at school during the holidays, and when she asked him, he wouldn’t answer her. I hope she sees him for the monster he really is.”
“Listen. Why don’t you give Stella Bradshaw a call? She and Miles are our friends. I know she’s a child psychologist, but you can talk to her, and she’ll listen.”
“No. The only people who know about my past are you and Sierra. I don’t need anyone else knowing.”
We stood up from the bench and walked out of the park.
“Thanks for meeting me.” I gave him a light hug.
“No problem, my friend. Think about what I said. I’ll see you at the office tomorrow.”
When I arrived home, Sierra and Ellie were playing with Ellie’s kitchen set.
“There you are.” Sierra jumped up from the floor.
“Hi, Daddy.” Ellie turned and smiled at me.
“Hi, sweetheart.”
“Where were you?” Sierra asked.
“I went for a walk.” I headed up the stairs, and she followed. I wasn’t in the mood for her.
“Why didn’t you answer my call?”
“Sierra, back the fuck off. I went for a damn walk because I wanted to be alone,” I spoke authoritatively.
“Sure, okay. I’ll back the fuck off and leave you alone.” She stormed out of the bedroom.