Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
S ierra
He was hurting, and it was best I stayed away from him. But he didn’t have the right to speak to me the way he did. I went to my bedroom and threw on a pair of leggings and a long sweater. After doing my hair and makeup, I put on my coat and boots.
“Where are you going?” Jack asked.
“I’m meeting Becca, so you’ll have to stay and watch Ellie.”
“When will you be back?”
“I don’t know. Later.”
I grabbed my purse and walked out of the house.
When I was far enough down the street, I hailed a cab to my apartment. Stepping inside, I threw myself down on the couch. The same couch that had always been there for me during troubled times. As much as I loved staying at Jack’s, it felt good to be in the comfort of my own tiny space.
I thought about how Jack told his father we weren’t involved last night. Did he mean it? Or did he just think it wasn’t any of his father’s business? I didn’t know where we stood, and it bothered me. I was so in love with that man that I couldn’t see straight. I never thought I wanted kids, but being with Ellie made me see things differently. When I thought about my future, I saw Jack and Ellie in it. That was a huge deal because I never saw my future with anyone.
I put on my coat and walked down the street to a church. Opening the door, I stepped inside and sat in one of the pews. I hadn’t been inside a church since I was five years old. Tears streamed down my face as the memories of that night came flooding back as I sat there staring at the altar. I could hear the music and the choir singing in my head as people packed inside one by one. I could still smell my mother's perfume and remembered the red dress she wore that night.
“Hello, there. Is everything okay?” The priest walked over.
“I wish I could say yes, Father.” I wiped the tears from my eyes.
“Would you like to talk about it?” He sat beside me.
“I haven’t been inside a church since I was five. I’d forgotten how beautiful a church can be.”
“And why is that?” he asked.
“My mother brought me to midnight mass on Christmas when I was five years old, left me sitting in a pew, and never came back.”
“You poor child. I’m sorry that happened to you.”
“I hate the holiday season because of her. And I don’t believe in God. If there were a God, he wouldn’t have let her leave me.”
“People leave their loved ones for various reasons. What about your father?”
“I never had a father. I have no idea who he even is. I remember being so scared that night. And honestly, the frightened child is still inside of me. I met a man with whom I fell in love. He hates the holidays as much as I do because of his father. After his mother passed away, his father sent him away to boarding school and left him there for the holidays while he traveled. But I don’t think he feels the same way about me.”
“It sounds like you’re both very wounded.”
“We are.” I breathed out a laugh. “Two wounded souls who find company in the bitterness and resentment of what had happened to us.”
“That’s no way to live your life, my child. You must find peace and put the past to rest.”
“Easier said than done, Father.”
“I know you said that you don’t believe, but God will pave the way if you let him. All you have to do is ask. And there’s no better place than inside his home.” He placed his hand on my shoulder. “I have to get ready for mass. I’ll be here if you need to talk again.”
“Thank you, Father.”
I sat there for a few more minutes and left. My phone pinged. Pulling it from my purse, I saw a text from Jack.
“When are you coming back?”
I ignored him and kept walking, staring at the trees that glistened from the snow. I was on a street filled with shops with decorated holiday windows. People passed by—happy, laughing, with shopping bags in their hands.
As I pushed open the door to a bakery, my eyes were immediately drawn to the festive decorations that plagued every inch of the shop. I couldn’t escape this holiday hell no matter where I went. The smell of freshly baked goods filled the air, diverting my attention away from the Christmas décor. One of the cases was filled with holiday-themed desserts—cakes, cupcakes, and pies.
“Welcome to Sweet Sensations. How can I help you today?” a woman asked.
Looking up, I stared at her momentarily as my heart started racing with the same eyes I had staring back at me. No. It couldn’t be. I was imagining things.
“Is everything okay?” she asked.
“Um, I changed my mind.” I gripped my purse strap and ran out of there as fast as I could.
I ran down the street, almost falling on the ice that hadn’t been salted. I caught myself and sat down on a bench. What just happened? My phone pinged, and another text from Jack came through.
“I’m sorry for how I spoke to you earlier.”
I ignored his text and sat there, trying to catch my breath.
“Sierra, will you please respond to my texts?”
“I’ll be home soon,” I replied.
I stood from the bench and hailed a cab back to his townhome. When I walked through the door, I put my purse down and found him in the living room, his feet on the coffee table, watching the football game. I didn’t even know he liked sports. Ellie sat quietly next to him, playing a game on her iPad.
“You’re back,” Jack said.
“Hi, Sierra.” Ellie smiled.
“Hi, sweetheart.” I leaned over and kissed the top of her head.
Walking into the kitchen, I grabbed the wine bottle and poured myself a full glass. Jack walked in and looked at me.
“Drinking already?” he asked.
“Really? You were sitting on the couch with a beer in your hand.”
“I was watching the game. Beer is a necessity while the game is on.”
“I didn’t even know you watched Football,” I said, drinking the wine as fast as possible.
“I do sometimes. What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing.”
“Don’t lie to me, Sierra. I can tell something happened.” He took my glass from my hand and set it down. “Did you and Becca have an argument or something?”
“I wasn’t with Becca,” I blurted out.
“You lied to me?”
“Yeah, Jack, I did. You pissed me off with your attitude, and I needed some space. So, I went back to my apartment.”
“Wow. Okay. You lied to me.”
“I did, and I’m sorry. I went to a church and sat in one of the pews.”
“Why?” His brows furrowed.
“Honestly, I have no idea why. The priest walked over and asked if I was okay. I told him about my mother and how she left me. I told him about you and your father and how we’re two wounded souls who find company in the bitterness and resentment that consumes us from our past. He said that’s no way to live life and told me that God will pave the way if I let him and that I need to find peace and put the past to rest.”
He didn’t say a word and only stared at me.
“After I left the church, I walked down a street filled with shops. I stumbled across a bakery and was going to pick up some treats for Ellie.”
“You didn’t buy anything?” he asked.
“No. A woman asked if she could help me. I looked up at her and froze, Jack.”
“Why?” His brows furrowed.
“I think she was my mother.”
“I’m sorry. What did you just say?”
“Her eyes, her hair, and her voice.” I picked up my wine glass.
“Daddy, are you coming back to the couch?” Ellie walked into the kitchen.
“I’ll be there in a minute, sweetheart. Sierra and I are talking.”
“Okay.” She turned and ran back to the living room.
“You seriously think she was your mother?”
“I don’t know, Jack.” I sighed. “Maybe my mind was playing tricks on me. Maybe I was so wrapped up in confusion after I left that church. But I will tell you this. I did sit in that pew and asked God to pave the way. I don’t even know why. I don’t believe in God. But being in that church stirred up so much shit about my past. I’m being ridiculous. I know.” I shook my head.
“What’s the name of the bakery you were at?”
“Sweet Sensations. I feel like an idiot, and that lady probably thinks I’m a psycho. I’m never stepping foot inside there again.”