Chapter 15 #2
Shay frowned. She had no idea how it worked when a US civilian died in another country, but she’d expected Rosie to want to bring her mom’s body home, not just her ashes.
She checked herself. Rosie had a different history with her mom than Shay and her momma had, and different cultural traditions too.
From the little Rosie had told Shay about their relationship, she could see why Rosie wouldn’t want to celebrate that life.
Her own momma’s funeral had been attended by almost the whole town, though Shay had been unable to sing or dance.
She’d spent the entire time numb and cold despite the near-hundred-degree heat.
“When You Hear of My Homegoing” hadn’t lifted Shay’s spirits or allowed her to be okay with the Lord calling her momma home.
Her momma wasn’t just another soldier going home to be with the Lord; she was Shay’s momma, being dragged away before her time.
She couldn’t have wanted to go. Heaven wasn’t home.
She drew in a long, deep breath through her mouth until she could pull in no more air, then she exhaled slowly and quietly.
If she was doing that, maybe she could stave away the rising tide of her own grief that lurked, ready to wash her away.
Six years and she was no closer to healing than she had been when she saw her momma in the open casket and finally accepted she was really dead.
None of this was about her. She had to concentrate on being Rosie’s friend, on being there for her when she needed her the most, and she had to park her own painful past.
She tuned back into the conversation to hear Lori saying something about wearing a gas mask, but Shay had totally missed the rest.
“It’s okay, Lori,” Rosie said. “I’m not asking you to go, and you can’t risk spreading COVID or making yourself sicker.”
“What if you waited a couple of days?” Lori asked. “I’m sure I wouldn’t test positive by then.”
“No. I can’t. I have to get there as soon as possible. I need it done.”
“Is Shay with you?”
Rosie flicked her gaze up as if to ask for permission, and Shay nodded. “Yeah. She got here last night.”
“Oh… That’s good. I’m glad you’re not alone. Could Shay fly with you?” Lori asked. “Gabe’s here. They could chat now about her not being at the garage for a few days.”
Shay’s phone vibrated quietly in the pocket of her dress, and she knew instinctively it would be Gabe asking her if she was supposed to agree to that proposal or not. She finished her coffee and got up, pointing down the hallway. Rosie nodded, and Shay headed to the bathroom.
Do u want 2 go 2 Mexico?
Of course she didn’t. She didn’t want to be mistaken for a Haitian migrant and not live to tell the story. But despite her own trauma, a big part of her felt an increasing urge to support Rosie, especially now that Lori was unable to step in.
Tough call. Leave it with me.
Shay flushed the toilet and ran the faucet for a few seconds to really sell the subterfuge. She turned her cell to flight mode and slipped it back into her pocket before walking back to the sofa. Rosie’s phone was face down on the coffee table.
“Talking to Gabe?” Rosie gave her a half smile. “You don’t have to make excuses, Shay. I didn’t ask Lori to go with me, and I won’t ask you. This is my family drama, and I don’t want to drag anyone else into it.” She looked into Shay’s eyes. “Especially not you, because this is far from simple.”
Rosie was handing her a pass. She’d refused her best friend’s help, and she was telling Shay the same thing.
But Shay couldn’t get beyond the overwhelming sense of isolation Rosie must be feeling, and she wasn’t saying outright that she didn’t need Shay’s support.
Her distress was blatantly obvious, and what kind of friend ignored that?
One who only took the benefits and ignored the other expectations of friendship. “Let me go with you.”
Rosie looked as surprised as Shay felt when the words emerged from her mouth. But the offer had been made now, and she’d work it out. This was the kind of thing her momma would do without hesitation, and Shay could almost sense her presence and guidance.
“I couldn’t ask—”
“You’re not asking; I’m offering.” Shay sat beside Rosie, much closer this time, and took her hand.
“And I won’t take no for an answer.” Of course, she would if Rosie was insistent that she didn’t want Shay’s help, but the relief that seemed to wash over Rosie’s expression indicated that wasn’t the case.
Rosie hung her head, but she didn’t pull away from Shay’s embrace.
Her chest began to rise and fall more rapidly, and tears fell onto her sweatpants, creating dark spots on the soft, gray material.
Her shoulders began to shake, and then she fell forward onto Shay’s chest. She wrapped her arms around Rosie and held her close.
She eased back into the sofa, and Rosie huddled down onto her lap, sobbing softly.
Shay stroked Rosie’s hair slowly and gently while Rosie death-gripped her other hand.
Rosie tried to choke something out, but it was incomprehensible, so she simply continued to comfort her as she cried herself out.
Shay swallowed back the memory of herself in a similar fetal position on her old bed when she’d gone home for her momma’s funeral.
No one had held her like this, and maybe if they had, she might not have felt so abandoned.
Gabe had wanted to go home with her but hadn’t been given permission.
She’d said she’d go AWOL, but Shay refused the offer and went home alone.
Her brothers had been too wrapped up in their own loss and expected her to comfort them and to take her place as the new matriarch instead of recognizing her grief.
But that didn’t have to be the same for Rosie. There was no reason for Shay not to provide the same support she’d needed.
Rosie’s sobbing subsided, and she turned in Shay’s lap to look up at her. “Why would you waste your time coming with me?”
Shay smiled lightly. “Being there when a friend needs you isn’t a waste of time.”
The look of absolute and unguarded vulnerability in Rosie’s eyes reached out and squeezed Shay’s heart so tight, she had to catch her breath.
There was no way she could or would leave Rosie alone.
Not now, when she was most in need of…solace, a friend, someone to care.
Rosie’s expression and words made it clear she didn’t take any of those things for granted, even from Lori. And now, not from Shay either.
Rosie’s brow knitted tightly. “Are you sure? I don’t think I could bear to drive you away with this. I’d rather not impose on you at all. Keep things simple.”
“Simple can be supportive too.” Shay cupped Rosie’s cheek and smiled. “And you’re not imposing, I promise. I want to do this for you, and you really shouldn’t be doing it alone. Okay?”
Rosie gave a small smile. “Thank you.” She glanced away. “And thank you for last night. I needed to be claimed that way. I needed to be taken that absolutely.”
Shay nodded, not knowing quite how to respond to that.
Claimed? She held no claim on Rosie. She pushed away the urge to analyze Rosie’s words more deeply—Rosie was the ex-therapist, not her.
Shay was just a well-educated mechanic, trying to keep things from getting complicated and working hard to stay afloat in a sea of her own grief.
Being by Rosie’s side as she faced this wasn’t going to make either of those things easy, but Shay had never been capable of taking the easy route to anything. Why change that now?