Chapter 16 #2
She caught Shay’s wrist just as they were about to go through security. “I really appreciate you coming this far, but I think it might be best if you let me go alone.”
“What? Why?” Shay asked, not pulling away.
“You’ve got your own grief over your mom’s death to deal with, and I think traveling with me as I face mine probably isn’t the wisest move.
” She released Shay’s arm reluctantly and hoped she’d infused her words with a genuine encouragement she didn’t feel.
Having Shay by her side for this already felt natural and comforting, and she really didn’t want to do this alone.
But the hesitancy in Shay’s response and the multitude of emotions that flashed across her eyes told Rosie that she’d said the right thing…
for Shay. “I’ll text you when I land and let you know when I’m coming home. ”
“Uh, but I’ve got a ticket, and I’m here now.” Shay held out her phone and pointed to the boarding pass on the screen.
Rosie smiled and touched Shay’s arm. She wanted to caress her cheek, but that seemed too intimate and not friend-like at all.
“But you’re not really here, are you? You’re in your head about losing your own mom—” she held up her hand when Shay opened her mouth to protest, “and that’s okay.
Honestly.” She tapped her purse. “Lori’s sent me a whole raft of information about the American Citizens’ Service and how they can help me get my mom home and sort her estate, what there is of it. I’ll be fine.”
Shay continued to look torn between the sense Rosie was making and her sense of duty, which solidified Rosie’s resolve not to let Shay come with her. She took a few steps back, and Shay followed.
“Shay, please. I’ll be okay. Go home.” Rosie turned and walked away, rolling her small suitcase behind her.
She didn’t look over her shoulder as she showed her ticket and passport to security, or when she rounded the corner to join the line of people taking off their belts and sorting their electronics and liquids from the rest of their luggage.
She sucked in a deep breath. She’d always been alone, whether she was barricading herself in her bedroom to keep her mom’s boyfriends from coming in or graduating from college with honors.
Bad or good, Rosie had learned to rely only on herself, just as she had to now.
So what was that gnawing disappointment doing lurking in her gut?
And why did this time feel that little bit different?
An announcement for a delayed flight came over the speaker, and everyone in the airport paused to listen in case they were affected.
Shay watched Rosie disappear around the corner to security and frowned when the back of her eyes began to burn.
She couldn’t just let Rosie face one of the worst moments in her life alone.
Could she?
A slew of passengers parted around her like the Red Sea. She stepped to the side and pulled out her cell.
Gabe answered on the first ring. “Aren’t you supposed to be on a plane?”
“I’m at the airport, and Rosie’s already through security. I’m still in departures,” she said as if that explained everything.
“You’re not going,” Gabe said. “It’s too hard, right?”
Shay’s lips quirked. After twenty-plus years of friendship, they were practically in each other’s heads, pulling out thoughts without the need for explanation. “I’m being a coward.”
“Hey, no. No, you’re not. You’ve never been a coward, and you never will be. Pretty sure cowards don’t pull their unconscious buddies out of the line of fire.”
Shay laughed lightly. “That was a long time ago. It’s about time you forgot that.”
“I’m never going to forget that you saved my life.
” Gabe cleared her throat. “Anyway, Lori’s isolating because of her COVID, so I’ll be home from the garage in a half hour if you want to get dinner.
Though I’d drop everything even if Lori wasn’t sick, obviously.
We can shoot some pool and not talk about everything you need to talk about. ”
Not talking sounded tempting. She looked up at the line of airport staff checking tickets and passports, half-expecting Rosie to be behind them trying to get her attention, but she was nowhere to be seen. “I need your advice, Gabe.”
“You do?” Gabe chuckled. “You never need my advice when it comes to women. And you won’t take my advice when it comes to your family.”
“I want to support her through this, but it’s bringing all my own stuff a little closer to the surface than usual. Things got strained at Aaron’s birthday, and Momma was already on my mind, then Rosie told me what had happened to her mom and—”
“You got pulled in. Your overwhelming desire to do the right thing took over, and you offered to get on a plane and go with Rosie to Mexico. I get it. But I’m going to ask you a question, and don’t jump down my throat. Just sit with it for a minute before you answer, okay?”
Shay groaned. “Okay. Do it,” she said, not quite sure what the hell Gabe was about to say.
“When I was getting my boxers in a bunch over Lori, you asked me how she’d become so special to me so quic—”
“This isn’t the same—”
“I said not to jump down my throat. I hadn’t finished.”
Shay huffed. “Fine. But it’s not the same.”
“Shut up and listen. You asked me how Lori had become so special to me so quickly when I didn’t let many people in. You and me get along so well because we’re the same in a lot of ways, so I can ask: is Rosie special to you?”
Shay resisted the urge to answer immediately and allowed herself some time to really think about her answer. “Yeah, she’s special to me but not in the same way as Lori is to you, or even was at the time I asked you that question.”
“Okay. And you’re always there for the people who pierce that strong outer membrane of yours, aren’t you?”
“Of course I am. My momma taught me how to treat people.” Beyond the immediate stab of loss that her momma was no longer around to keep teaching her lessons, Shay could see what Gabe was trying to say.
“The problem with that—”
“Whoa, what? How can there be a problem with being someone people can rely on?” Shay had lost the point she’d thought Gabe was making.
Gabe sighed heavily. “The problem is that you don’t leave room for people to look after you.
Lori’s told me that Rosie is pretty self-sufficient and doesn’t like inconveniencing people.
So I’m guessing that she’s said she doesn’t need you to go with her because you’ve got your own stuff going on. Is that about right?”
“That’s exactly right.” Shay glanced at the departures screen.
The flight to San Diego was already boarding, and she was still no closer to deciding what to do.
“I get what you’re saying, but you know why there’s no room for people to look after me.
There are only two people in the world who’ve ever really done that: one’s dead, and I’m on the phone to the other one. ”
Gabe grumbled. “What was it you recently told me about opening up and letting new people into my life? Was that a ‘do as I say, not as I do’ piece of advice?”
“That’s the only way I know how to give advice.” Shay laughed, despite the situation.
“Look, buddy, all I’m saying is Rosie is obviously special to you, and she’s trying to look after you. Maybe you should let her. It sounds like she’s a tough cookie, and she’ll be fine. But—”
“Did there have to be a but? That was beginning to sound like a direction I could follow.”
Gabe laughed so loudly that Shay had to pull the phone away from her ear.
“We’re not in the army anymore, Shay. I don’t give you orders or directions,” Gabe said. “But maybe going with her would be good for both of you if you go because you want to and not because you think you have to.”
Shay ran her hand over her braids and blew out an exasperated breath. “How am I supposed to know the difference?”
“I don’t know the answer to that question, and maybe you don’t either. You’re usually pretty tuned in though, so maybe you should be asking yourself and not me.”
“That’s great, Gabe. Really helpful. I’m so glad I called you.”
Gabe chuckled. “You didn’t call me so I could tell you what to do, buddy. You called me so you could hear yourself saying it all out loud and figure it out for yourself.”
“A little push in the right direction would be well-received this time.” Shay looked toward the security gate, having gotten closer to her decision.
“Okay. Then I’ll ask you this: when Rosie told you to stay, why did you?”
Shay bit her bottom lip as she contemplated Gabe’s question. “Confusion, I guess. I’m not sure what I’m feeling or where it’s coming from.”
“Mm. Then I’d push you to follow her and see what happens. I think you’ll soon find out if you’re by her side because you want to be or because you feel obligated. What’s the worst that could happen?”
“My grief for my momma could become the focus of the whole trip.”
“So what if it does?” Gabe asked. “Rosie isn’t close to her mom, so maybe the distraction would be good for her.
There’s only one way to find out. You staying here means you’ll only have questions that you can never get the answers to.
And if I know anything about you, it’s that you like answers and solutions. Not knowing would drive you nuts.”
“You’re right. Okay, I’m going.” Shay grasped the handle of her cabin bag. “You’re sure everything’s going to be good at the garage? It’s been crazy busy since the auction.”
“We’ll cope, and you won’t be gone that long. You’re doing this?”
“I’m doing this… Thanks, Gabe.”
“Anytime, Shay. Let me know when you’ve landed.”
Shay smiled at the slight hint of concern in Gabe’s voice. “This civilian life is making you soft,” she said and laughed.
“Nah, it’s loving Lori that’s doing that,” Gabe said and hung up.
Shay bypassed the growing line and went to the express security lane, which she navigated in less than two minutes, and hurried to her gate. Final boarding had been called and as she approached, she saw the gate staff were about to retreat onto the plane. “Hey, wait!”
The two stewards turned to look at her and waved her forward. “Cutting it fine, ma’am,” one of them said as he inspected her phone and passport.
“Sorry. My friend’s mom just died, and this was a last-minute thing to go get the body.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry.” He snapped her passport closed and handed it back before stepping aside.
There were those words to taunt her again.
But now she was doing something that felt more useful than the empty sentiment.
Shay rushed down the tunnel and onto the plane.
She paused when she saw Rosie seated by the window, staring out and looking so incredibly alone.
Even when Shay slipped in beside her, it didn’t pull Rosie’s attention.
Shay snapped her seatbelt into place and cleared her throat. “I’m not letting you face this alone,” she said quietly.
Rosie’s head snapped in Shay’s direction and for a moment, she seemed confused before she sighed deeply. Tears edged her eyes, and her bottom lip quivered slightly.
“Why?” Rosie asked.
“Because I’m your friend, and friends support each other, especially at times like this.”
Rosie gave her a half-smile and shook her head slowly. “I’m used to supporting myself. You really don’t have to be here.”
“I don’t have to, no. But I want to.”
“Thank you.” Rosie looked like she might dissolve into a sob, then she threw her arms around Shay’s neck. She pulled back and looked into Shay’s eyes as if she were searching for something. “I know how hard it is for you to be here.”
Shay nodded. She wasn’t about to deny that.
Even though Rosie wasn’t a shrink anymore, it was clear her skills were still sharp, and she’d probably see through the untruth before Shay had even finished verbalizing it.
“Did you get the car rental worked out for San Diego? It’s too bad there were no direct flights straight into TJ. ”
Rosie rolled her eyes. “I did, but I had to take out special Mexican liability insurance. They were eager to stress that I couldn’t have a one-way rental.
The coroner’s office has picked up Mom’s body, so that’s our first stop.
And I had a little time to skim the details Lori sent me; I need a death report from the Justice Center before I can get a funeral home to pick her up.
” She patted the purse on her lap. “Mom wanted to be cremated, and that makes it easier to get her back—”
The air stewardess came over the speaker system and loudly announced details of their departure, silencing Rosie for a moment. Shay took Rosie’s hand and held it tight.
The announcement finished, and Rosie smiled. “Let’s just get this part of the journey out of the way.” She nodded to the screen set in the headrest. “We’ve got time to watch a couple of movies or binge-watch a show.”
“Sure.” Shay hadn’t been as calm as Rosie when she was traveling home for the funeral, but she reminded herself that their situations were poles apart, and she had no idea what Rosie was hiding inside, if anything. “What kind of movies do you like?” she asked then frowned. “How do I not know that?”
Rosie arched her eyebrow. “My viewing habits don’t really come up when we meet. We’re usually a little preoccupied with ripping each other’s clothes off,” she whispered.
Shay hadn’t felt guilty about that until now. “I guess we’ve been focusing on the benefits and neglecting the friendship.” She tapped her watch as the airline staff began their safety presentation. “We’ve got four hours to rectify that. Do you want to start with movies and TV?”
Rosie’s answering smile calmed Shay’s racing heart, something she hadn’t been aware of until just then.
The confusion she had about whether or not she should be here fell away, and she could almost hear her momma’s voice telling her this was the right thing to do, not just for Rosie but also for herself.
And Gabe had been right too. Shay would get her answers in the next few days, and her life could go back to normal. She and Rosie could go back to normal.
The niggling doubt that was calling their situationship into question at the back of her mind? For now, she’d park that and deal with it when she got home.