Chapter 17
Rosie collapsed onto the hotel bed face down, groaning.
“I think that might have been the most exhausting eighteen hours of my life.” Between the flight, the drive across the border, and then heading straight to the coroner’s office, it was like someone had pulled the plug out of her, leaving her drained in every way possible.
“That could be partly due to a lack of fuel. You haven’t eaten anything since that granola bar you found at the bottom of your purse,” Shay said. “Do you want to get room service?”
Rosie rolled over and dragged herself higher up the bed. She pressed her hands over her stomach, trying to decide if she was hungry, or if she was over it and just needed to sleep.
Shay waved the menu in her hand. “They’ve got a tasty-looking grilled club sandwich with fries.”
Rosie smiled. They’d talked about so many things on the flight to San Diego and in the car to Tijuana, from food and movies, to pets and travel. She was impressed Shay had remembered such a tiny detail. “Someone was paying attention on the journey here.”
Shay shrugged and sat on the edge of the bed beside her. “What kind of friend would I be if I asked the questions and didn’t pay attention to the answers?”
She laughed. “You’d be like every other friend I’ve ever had since childhood—apart from Lori. Though I guess with all the moving around I did, the other kids didn’t really have much of a chance to get to know me.”
Shay handed Rosie the menu. “You know, with all you’ve been through, it’s a wonder you’re quite so well put together.”
Rosie chuckled. “You think I’m ‘well put together?’” She bit her bottom lip and shook her head.
She was pretty certain that there was no way back to their friends with benefits situation after all of this, so there really was zero point in keeping her mess in a box.
“It’s a lot of work. I told you why I became a therapist, but part of the qualification involves a lot of your own therapy.
Even though I don’t have to do that anymore, I still see someone.
Three and a half decades of being Brenda Morgan’s daughter is a lot to unravel.
” She glanced away from Shay’s intense gaze.
“Maybe it’ll get easier now that she’s…now that she’s gone.
” She took in a stuttering breath and clasped her hand to her chest, as if that might help.
It didn’t, and her breathing became more erratic.
Shay took her hand. “Rosie. Relax. Take some deep breaths,” she said gently.
“I’m sorry,” Rosie said between mini gasps. She pulled in some oxygen and tried to calm herself. Slowly, her breathing returned to normal, and the rhino sitting on her chest faded away. “I probably shouldn’t say things like that.”
“You should be able to say anything to a friend, shouldn’t you?”
And there it was again. It was as if Shay was subtly pulling back from their situationship and confirming Rosie’s belief that, after this, they could only be friends.
No more spectacular sex or late-night booty calls because how could Shay still find her attractive after she’d seen behind the veil?
Maybe another friend wouldn’t be so bad.
“Because of your mom. I sound like I’m relieved it’s over, which I probably shouldn’t say out loud, when you’d probably give anything to have your mom back. ”
Sadness flickered across Shay’s expression, and Rosie wished she hadn’t drawn attention to her highly inappropriate emotion, even though it was competing with a kind of grief too.
Though if she said that now, it’d just seem like she was trying to dial back her original feelings. And she knew better than that.
Shay folded her leg beneath her to sit sideways on the bed, facing Rosie.
“I’m not a therapist, but even I know that people should be allowed to feel what they feel.
” She looked away briefly. “Our experiences with our moms were so very different, and it’s not a comparison or a competition when you tell me how you’re feeling.
I’m glad that you’re comfortable enough to share with me. ”
“How did you get to be so good with emotions when you seem to keep them at bay most of the time?”
Shay frowned. “What do you mean?”
“Like how you are with intimate relationships. You keep people at a distance and don’t get involved. You like everything simple.”
“Oh, I get it. If we’re going to get heavy, we should both get some brain food.” Shay tapped the menu on Rosie’s lap.
Rosie didn’t look at it and opted for her favorite comfort food.
“Will you order? I’m going to shower before the food arrives.
” She dragged herself off the bed and closed the bathroom door behind her.
She’d been tempted to ask Shay to join her, but she felt a little too grubby to get sexy, and she was exhausted.
The judgmental part of her brain raised its eyebrow at the fact that she could even think about having sex when the ink was barely dry on her mom’s death certificate.
She silently countered that argument with the logic that being around death made her realize just how precious and fleeting life was, so every last drop of existence should be squeezed out of each moment.
Her skin tingled when the hot water hit her body, immediately invigorating her.
Rosie pumped the shower gel into her palm and inhaled the refreshing lemongrass and bergamot scent before soaping up.
She ran her hands all over her body, washing away the grimy feeling of the travel day and the gritty sensation she’d had since going to the coroner’s office to see her mom and to collect the medical examiner’s report.
She shuddered despite the warmth of the water and blinked away the image of her mom’s lifeless body on the metal table they’d pulled out of a cabinet door on the wall, like she was in an oversized safety deposit box.
Her mom definitely hadn’t looked like she could’ve gotten up and cackled, “Rosarita!” like in Rosie’s weird dream.
That total lifelessness had been so misplaced; while she’d often thought her mom would end up like that, she’d never stopped to imagine it.
Death was certainly an equalizer and had dragged away all sense of the power her mom held over her. At least it had in that moment.
Tomorrow, they had to go to the Justice Center to file the death report, which she’d been advised would take a couple of hours, but for now, she wanted to focus on getting clean and continuing to process the gamut of emotions assailing her as she faced the reality that her mom was actually gone.
Rosie washed the suds from her body, wishing that it could be as easy to do the same with her parental baggage.
Logically, she knew she didn’t owe her mom anything other than to follow the last wishes she’d detailed in her decades-old letter, and maybe not even that.
But she didn’t want to miss the opportunity for personal growth.
She patted her skin dry with a fluffy towel and decided she’d just let the situation be what it was going to be.
No amount of second-guessing or trying to see into her subconscious would expedite the process.
There were stages, and she’d work her way through them.
She pulled on a light cotton robe and tied it at the waist before going back out into the bedroom to see Shay lying on the other queen bed by the window. Rosie wrinkled her nose. “Do you think they assumed we were just friends when they allocated this room?”
Shay’s lips quirked before she seemed to school her expression. “They were probably just playing it safe. Does it bother you?”
Rosie sat on the edge of Shay’s bed. “Kind of. I don’t like when people assume two trad feminine women can’t possibly be lovers—or friends with benefits,” she added quickly, hoping there might be one last connection possible.
To hell with it. If this was going to be the last time she was this close to Shay, especially in a nice hotel room, she’d damn well make the most of it.
Most people didn’t know when their last time for anything would be, so they didn’t get the chance to treasure it properly.
She wasn’t going to let their last time be on the same day she’d learned her mom had died.
But now wasn’t right. Her growling stomach let her know she wanted food more than she’d realized.
“But you didn’t correct them.”
Rosie frowned. “What?”
“You’re not happy that the guy on reception assumed we’d need two beds, but you didn’t correct him or ask for a room with just one bed.”
“I don’t think I was paying enough attention,” she said. “But if I hadn’t been emotionally and physically exhausted, I definitely would’ve called him on it.”
Shay grinned. “I’m just messing with you. I’ve always thought you were feisty.”
“Really?” She liked the idea of Shay thinking of her before they’d gotten together, as much as they were together. “Tell me more.”
Shay shook her head. “You don’t need to fish for compliments, do you?” She laughed when Rosie nodded enthusiastically. “Okay, okay. Gabe told me how you warned her not to hurt Lori, and when I saw you the first time at the garage, I could see you weren’t someone to play with.”
Rosie arched her eyebrow and caught hold of Shay’s bare foot. “But you have played with me,” she said hoarsely.
The knock at the door came before Shay responded, and Rosie reluctantly got up to answer it.
She tipped the server after they’d brought everything in and laid it on the small table by the window.
When they server left, she turned back to the table and moaned.
“That looks amazing.” She gestured to Shay’s plate of quesadillas.
“Are you eating in bed?” Rosie giggled at Shay’s mortified expression as she practically jumped off the bed.
“No way. You should know I hate crumbs in the bed.”