Chapter 15
Knox
Wednesday morning, I do something I haven’t done since opening my doors all those years ago: call in sick.
I just can’t face Taylor today. I don’t know what the hell got into me last night. A shitload of bourbon, my asshole of a brain points out.
Now I have the guilt of lying to Phil and Javi on my conscience, along with using Taylor, and I’m still a mess over having to call Karen back.
While my hungover ass is in the shower, I decide to hash my shit out with Karen first. I’ve already ripped the proverbial Band-Aid off, and I don’t want this hanging over my head any longer than it absolutely has to.
I already knew she was getting remarried.
I’d found that out through the grapevine a while ago, back when Hudson and Shannon were just getting together.
I’d honestly assumed she’d already tied the knot, but hearing that she plans to do it at the cabin was the real kick to the balls.
I loved that place, and she knew it. So did her parents, which is why they left it to us in their will.
To use it as her new wedding venue is a dick move.
Slightly more prepared to hear her voice this time, I keep myself together long enough to agree to grab coffee on Saturday morning to sign her stupid papers. The phone call wasn’t so bad, but my stomach’s still going to be a mess for the next few days.
I try to keep myself busy the rest of the day by doing all the responsible adult shit I’ve neglected recently, but by three o’clock, I’m dying.
Finally, allowing myself to surrender to the thoughts I’ve been running from all morning, I relive the moments Taylor was in my lap last night.
The way it felt when his lips brushed against my neck.
The way his tongue felt brushing against the same spot.
Despite his position on my lap, it wasn’t overtly sexual, but was somehow still the most erotic experience of my life.
More confused than ever, and a little scared I’m going to do something to get myself in trouble, I grab my phone and shoot a message to the guys in our group chat. Hell, I’ve opened up to Taylor about Karen, maybe it’s time I told the guys about Taylor.
Knox
I need to talk.
Yeah, my friends stay busy and have their own families, but none of us work traditional nine-to-five jobs, and right now, I’m insanely thankful for that.
Phoenix
Sounds serious, Knoxy.
Colt’s with Alexis, so Walk’s coming with me. We’re on our way.
Jake
Dyl and I are wrapping up at the shop. We’ll be over ASAP.
Hudson
Just pulled back into the warehouse.
Give me fifteen to finish paperwork, and I’ll be there.
Thirty minutes later, a Range Rover and two trucks pull into my driveway. When I hear the first car door slam, I start rethinking this.
Oddly, it’s Walker who gets to my front door first. He doesn’t bother knocking, just comes in and claps a hand on my shoulder. It’s so different from the way Taylor touches me.
“Hey, Knox. We’re glad you called. We’ve been worried, but we know you needed to open up on your own timeline.”
Behind him, Jake, Dylan, and Hudson file through my door, offering fist bumps. Phoenix brings up the rear and ball taps me with a grin on his face. “‘Bout time you tell us what’s really going on, you cagey bastard.”
Honestly, this is why I love Phoenix the most.
“Anybody want a drink?” I offer.
“No,” Phoenix says. “It’s three-thirty in the afternoon and we aren’t on the water. Now sit your troubled ass down and start talking.”
The rest of the guys don’t talk to me like that. They all have some level of respect for me as the oldest member of our group, but Phoe doesn’t give two shits about my age. It’s because of this that I do as he says.
God, he reminds me of Taylor.
I grab the remote to turn the game up a little because I’m going to need some background noise as five pairs of eyes try boring into my soul. Now that it’s time to open up, I find myself shutting down.
I stall, focusing on the TV until Phoenix walks up to the electronic device mounted on my wall and turns it off before taking the remote from my hands.
I don’t fight him.
I’m fucking drowning, and if I don’t start processing my shit, I fear the outcome.
“Out with it,” he says gently.
Planting my elbows on my knees, I dip my head to rake my fingers through my hair as I try to figure out how to ask my question.
“Knoxy, whatever it is, you know we’ve got you, right?” Hudson asks.
I nod, swallowing the lump in my throat.
Sentimental assholes.
Taking a deep breath, I force the exhale. Here goes nothing.
“Can…is…fuck,” I sigh before finally biting the bullet.
“Do you think being bisexual or homosexual or whatever is like, contagious?” Five pairs of eyes widen, and Jake hides his smile behind his fist, but to their credit, no one laughs at the ridiculous question, which encourages me to elaborate.
“I mean, it’s not really something I’ve ever considered, but I don’t know, there’s this guy on a jobsite and…
” I trail off, getting frustrated, not really knowing how to explain Taylor or my reaction to him. “Our interactions are…intense.”
“Knox,” Jake interrupts gently. “Take a breath, man. We’re here to help, not judge. Just relax and get it out as best as you can.”
I nod, but keep my eyes firmly on the ottoman in front of me.
“I’ve watched you two,”—I wave my finger ambiguously in Phoenix and Jake’s direction—“end up with guys, and the more I’m around you, the less weird or unnatural it seems. Not like I was ever against it to begin with,” I add, quickly realizing I’m totally fucking this up.
“But it never occurred to me that maybe I’d be attracted to a guy someday. ”
There, I said it…sort of.
Unsurprisingly, Phoenix is the one who clarifies. “So, are you trying to tell us you’re attracted to this guy on your jobsite?”
I scrub my hands down my face. “I don’t know. Maybe?”
Hudson chuckles. “Maybe like you are and you’re having a hard time coming to terms with that, or maybe like you legitimately don’t know?”
“I legitimately don’t know, but I get all fuckin’ flustered around him and do dumb shit that could get me fired from this job,” I admit, the words coming a little easier now, like I’ve crested the top of the hill and am starting to gain speed as I come down the other side.
“Like what?” Dylan asks from his spot on the couch.
“Texting him?” I’m unsure why it comes out as a question.
“Since when is texting a fireable offense?” Walker asks. “Unless you’re texting dick pi—ohmygod, are you texting dick pics?”
“No!” I shout emphatically, whipping my head toward Walker.
“Then what’s been going on?” Jake presses.
“We…” God, this is awkward. “…uh, keep finding ourselves alone. Like we’re looking for ways to see each other.”
“Is he hot?” Phoenix asks, like that’s the most natural question in the world.
I shock the hell out of myself when I answer just as easily. “Yeah.”
Phoenix’s eyes widen as a smile creeps across his face. “Like, Dylan-level hot?”
Dylan looks at Phoenix. “You guys know I’m not some kind of standard for male hotness, right?”
“Oh, but you are,” Phoenix and Hudson say at the exact same time.
Jake rolls his eyes and pulls Dylan onto his lap. “Mine,” he says, playfully biting Dylan’s neck.
And it’s completely normal. Dylan and Jake belong together, just like Walker and Phoenix. So why is it so hard to believe that maybe my person could be a guy, too?
“Getting back to the reason we’re here,” Phoenix says, steering the conversation back on track.
“There’s a hot guy on a jobsite who’s into you, and you want to know if being bisexual is…
contagious because you might be attracted to him as well despite never having the hots for a guy before. That about sum it up?”
“I guess so,” I answer, conveniently omitting the part about kissing him twice.
Silence descends over the group as they figure out how to respond.
“Can I read the text conversation?” Hudson asks.
Figuring it might help him get a feel for the weird vibe between Taylor and me, I unlock my phone and pass it to Hudson. It takes exactly four seconds before he bursts into laughter. “Oh shit. He’s definitely into you. Is this him?”
Aw, hell. I forgot about the selfie he sent me. Please don’t open my camera roll and see that I saved it.
“The selfie in the text stream? Uh, yeah. That’s him,” I confirm.
“Oh, let me see!” Jake says, practically lunging for the phone.
“Pass it over here when you’re done,” Phoenix says impatiently.
“Wow.” Jake’s surprise is evident in his tone.
“What?” Phoenix demands, beginning to stand. He hates being left out and clearly can’t wait for his turn while everyone looks over Hudson’s shoulder at the picture.
Meanwhile, I grab the blanket from the back of the couch and pull it over my head in an effort to make myself disappear. If I can’t see them, they can’t see me, either.
“Wow, is right,” Phoenix says a second later.
“God…I know. I fucking know.” I’m whining like the child I’d accused Taylor of being.
“How old is he?” Walker asks from somewhere to my right.
“Twenty-four,” I groan from under the blanket as another realization dawns. “Oh Christ, he’s even younger than you. What is wrong with me?” I ask rhetorically. “I’m fucked up. I should probably be in jail…or on a registry or something.”
Suddenly, the blanket is ripped from my head.
“Jesus, maybe you are gay, you drama queen,” Phoenix says.
“Are you done? Because I was just going to say he’s really fucking hot and those lips are the only ones I’ve ever seen that rival Walker’s.
Sure, he’s young, but he’s legal, and there are plenty of chicks who date older guys, and no one gives a shit.
By the looks of this picture, he doesn’t seem shy… and are those diamonds on his cheeks?”
“Yeah, he’s definitely not shy,” I confirm, thinking about his request to see my abs in the driveway and the way he demanded my address so he could show up last night.
“And I think they’re rhinestones. My niec—” I quickly catch my mistake and correct it.
“Karen’s niece used to wear them for her dance recitals. ”
Jake mumbles something that sounds suspiciously like cunt, but I let it go because I know he’s talking about Karen, not the now-sixteen-year-old girl.
“Okay, so he’s hot and you’re into him. Why not give it a try?” Jake says rationally.
“I’m not trying to decide which Girl Scout cookies to buy for fuck’s sake…never mind the fact that I’ve never, not even one time, been attracted to a man, Taylor is in a totally different stage of life than me. Can you honestly see that being long term?”
Phoenix places a hand on my shoulder. “Not every relationship is meant to be long term, Knox. Sometimes you have lessons to learn and memories to make that can only be taught by or made with someone who was always going to be temporary.”
And therein lies the next problem.
“That’s not how I’m wired,” I argue. Karen and I were high school sweethearts who got married before we’d even graduated from college. My parents were married for forty years before death claimed them both.
“So, maybe it’s time to do a little re-wiring,” Hudson chimes in. “Because having this wiring for the last five years hasn’t done you any favors.”
I’m trying to decide if I’m excited that my friends are on board this train, or if I was really hoping they’d help me shut this down.
Suddenly, my phone dings in Hudson’s hand, and instinctively, he looks down at the screen, a wide smile spreading across his lips as he holds the phone out for me.
“Looks like maybe you’re not telling us the whole truth about the fireable offenses there, Knoxy. ”
I read the message on the screen.
Taylor
I can’t stop thinking about that kiss, but I’m sorry if I pushed last night too far.
I glance back up at Hudson to find him smirking at me. “Care to tell us the rest of the story?”
In for a penny, in for a pound, I suppose.
But before I dish the dirty details, I reply to Taylor because being on the waiting end of a text message that never comes, isn’t a position I want to put him in.
Knox
You didn’t. It’s just a lot to work through.
Thank you again for coming over.
Sorry, I passed out. Not my finest moment.
But I took your advice, and I’m talking about it with some friends.
I’m uncomfortable as hell, but at least I’m finally working through it.
By the time I’ve laid it all out there, including the part about meeting Karen on Saturday, Jake blows out a breath and says, “Fuck, man, why don’t we take the boat out tomorrow afternoon? Sounds like you could use a day on the lake.”
We’ve solved many problems out on my boat, and I’m a little surprised the thought hadn’t already occurred to me.
“Yeah, sounds good.”