CHAPTER 21
Nina ~ seven days later
Even Mr. Mittens misses the gentle giant.
Six times, the stupid cat has bashed himself against the bedroom window, his gaze set on the tree branch slightly below.
Others might think he’s seeking a bit of adventure.
I know he’s hoping Sampson will come by and rescue him again, if he could only manage to leap outside.
Cats are like that. They’re creatures of habit. Once done, oft repeated. But me, I know an ending when I see one.
Nicholas puts down the old laptop I let him use to build cities on some site he likes, and crosses to the cat. Gently, he lifts the mewing beast into his arms. Mr. Mittens is happy to settle for a second or two.
Cats are like that, too—they live in the moment, content with second best if what they really want is far away or lost to them. Me? Not so lucky.
I slam my laptop shut. I don’t even bother to save my draft. I don’t care. Not about the book, not about my life, not even about eating the pineapple ice-cream that Chase just delivered for Nicholas. My life, seemingly so full just a month ago, is as empty as a well-licked plate.
The urge to run out, go somewhere, do something to escape the pain, scrambles wildly through me. But I already know from the past seven days, there’s nowhere to go.
Nicholas looks over at me. “Are you going to the fire station again?”
“I would, but I’ve been banned.” Apparently, showing up multiple times a day, begging to be let upstairs into the private quarters, and shouting Sampson’s name from below when denied, isn’t what a sane person would do. I’m supposed to stay away until I can return to my senses.
Well, that’s not happening.
“Probably shouldn’t have started the fire in the garbage bin right outside the station doors.”
“I wanted to get Sampson’s attention.”
“How do you know he’s not at home instead? Have you even looked?”
About a hundred times. “Gee, Nicholas, that’s a spiffy idea. Too bad the elevator is now locked and requires a key.”
“Only because you yelled at Mr. McGuire and told him to mind his own business when he caught you upstairs pounding on Mr. Dean’s door the day after he broke up with you.”
Yeah. There’s that. Subtle and gracious in my grief, I’m not.
If I thought for a moment that Sampson was serious about not loving me, I’d retreat into my own private shell to lick my wounds.
But I don’t believe him. I can’t, and I figure that if I cause a big enough scene, he’ll have to deal with me.
If he has to deal with me, he won’t be able to resist the bond we share.
As targeted plans go, it’s right up there with “let’s commit Armageddon just to destroy the ant population in my basement.” Unfortunately, I don’t have a lot of other options.
“Well,” Nicholas says with all the solemnity of a boy his age, “you’re thinking about this all wrong.
First, Mr. Dean was gaga about you. He’s not going to stay in town and risk seeing you, because it will hurt too much.
Second, he won’t want to deal with you when you’re acting crazy, so even if he visits, he’ll avoid you. ”
“And third, you don’t know shit. Er—shoot. Fuck. I mean—funk. Ugh.” I run my hands through my hair and swing my desk’s swivel chair from side to side. “How did you get to be so smart?”
He shrugs and lets the squirming cat down to the ground. Mr. Mittens races off to less stressful pastures. “Probably my mom. She always knows everything.”
“Not arguing that one.”
He nods. “Plus, before my father left, I heard him say that he won’t go near my mom when she’s on the rag. That means when she’s screaming.”
It’s a big point in my favor that I don’t snort.
“How’s your mom’s job going?” I ask, trying to distract him, and maybe myself.
He sinks down onto the bed again and lifts the old laptop onto the pillow I make him place between his folded legs and the device. I don’t know. It’s the best I can do to shield him from radiation.
“She said to say thank you for watching me until she can find care. I don’t need care, though. I’m big enough to watch myself. Plus, I told her I don’t bother you.”
“You don’t. In fact, you’re great company.”
And the only person I haven’t chased away. I’m almost happy that Mari just started her job with O.G.R.E., Ltd. I’m not sure what they manufacture, but I swear she’s got the hots for her boss. Every time she brings him up, which is often, she blushes.
At least someone’s finding love. Good thing the Board of Education rejected her in favor of Mrs. Lovelace. Talk about closed door, open window. The job she applied for two days later fits her perfectly.
“Got any suggestions on finding Sampson and making him talk to me?” I ask, since Nicholas is being so wise and helpful.
He just shrugs, already lost in building his empire again.
With a sigh, I pick up my empty glass. “I’m going downstairs for some more tea. Want anything?”
He waves his hand, so engrossed, he can’t speak.
I putter around, cleaning up a little since I haven’t touched the place in weeks and weeks, ever since I precipitously left to go live with Sampson.
Everything seems so small. I used to think my home was cozy and warm, but now it just looks ridiculous.
I’ve decorated like I’m a ten-year-old girl.
It’s all too innocent, and a world away from where I need to be. I’m trapped in a bubble of unreality.
All of a sudden, Nicholas comes pounding down the stairs. “Did you look outside? Look outside! Quick!” And he races past me to the front door, which he slams open.
Great babysitter that I am, I take a few moments to lay my head in my hands while I try to work up the energy to care about whatever might be happening on the street.
I’m sure it’s something riveting, like a parade.
Or a saber-tooth tiger. Or one of those dire wolves everyone is talking about lately.
But when I walk out the door, I find Nicholas standing at the foot of the large tree from which Sampson rescued me a month ago.
And standing next to him is Sampson, wearing his MFD uniform.
Both are looking up high into the branches.
Parked on the street with the engine idling is the MFD truck.
Pete sees me and waves before circling his hand so the truck pulls out.
Sampson, alerted by the sound, turns around to stare at the departing vehicle, his mouth open with disbelief—until he rotates again and sees me. Unbelievable agony scrunches all his features. He begins to shake.
His hands come up as if to ward me off, but then he falls to his knees and hides his face in his hands. And I’m there… except I’m not quite there, not yet. I’ve got some things to say, and he’s got some come-to-enlightenment moments to assimilate. So I stop about ten feet away.
“I thought you quit?”
He heaves a shuddering sigh before looking at me again.
Even on his knees, he’s taller than I am.
“I took a leave of absence. Pete called me at the hotel I was staying at in Charlotte and told me there was a huge emergency, so I came back. Then he dropped me off here, and I was so in my own world, I didn’t.
..” His gaze drinks me in like he’s been in the desert for weeks without water and I’m a flowing clean spring. “There’s no emergency, is there?”
“I don’t know. I think there is. And I think the emergency is that you’re a fucking idiot,” I snap.
Nicholas covers his ears and begins to sing before walking past me and back into my house.
The kid is smart. He really is.
“I know,” Sampson agrees. “Look, I can’t do this. I can’t. Let me just...”
But I don’t let him do anything. “First, tell me you lied. Tell me you love me.” Because until he admits that, there’s really no point in talking.
He covers his face again, takes another deep, shuddering breath, before he manages to straighten his spine.
From there, he angles onto his feet, his hands dropping to his side.
“Fine. I lied,” he admits in a voice devoid of emotion, except for a little wobble on his words.
“But admitting that I love you doesn’t change anything.
Yes, you were right, and yes, I was spiraling, but my instincts were good.
” He straightens even further. “We don’t have a future, Nina, because I love you too much to trap you in whatever world those bastards have cooked up for me.
I won’t do it, and there’s nothing you can say that will make me sacrifice you to that life. ”
Something about the way he calls them bastards gives me pause. First, that’s definitely using a curse word, which he doesn’t do—most of the time, unless he’s deeply upset by Xy. Second, he’s intimating they’ve got a plan for him, which is disturbing. “Did they contact you?”
“Followed me right to the hotel. Long talks. I visited The Council headquarters in the Tennessee mountains, got interrogated, and did some interrogation of my own. Bastards. Fucking bastards, the whole lot of them.”
Whoa. That’s a lot of cursing.
“Are you going to go live with them?”
“No.”
“But they’ve got plans for you?”
“They think they do. They think they’re going to set me on some demented throne and breed me like a bull.
Apparently—and wait for it, because this is the laugh—I’m as fertile as a first-gen Neph should be.
They need me to fill out their ranks. Fucking, fucking bastards.
” His chuckle has sharp edges. His eyes hold great lakes of sorrow.
He shakes his head. “Look, none of that matters where you and I are concerned, but you should know that you don’t have to worry about seeing me around town. I’m leaving North Carolina.”
“What?” I can barely push the word out. “You can’t.” Because I can’t stand it if he does.
“I’m moving to Arizona. I’ve been in contact with a department there, and I can start work next week, so maybe it’s a good thing I’m seeing you today. To say a proper goodbye.”
And there’s that chill that he wraps himself in again, the same one that makes a future impossible.
“Nope. Not happening.”
“I’m sorry, Nina. Truly. But I’m moving. It’s the only way I can keep it together.”
“You can keep it together by coming home to me.”
I say the words quietly, but he hears. His face creases again, and he spreads his hand over his gut like I’ve punched him there before he shakes his head. His face resolves. There’s nothing there but indomitable will. “We’re over. You need to get used to the reality that I’m moving to Arizona.”
Time to take another tactic.
I offer him a brilliant smile. “Sure. Don’t worry about it, Sammy.
I can get used to hot, dry weather. It’ll be fine.
I’ll only need to pack half my wardrobe.
Plus, my hair probably won’t frizz like it does in this humid mess of air.
Downside is, I’m going to miss the kid.” I gesture towards my home, in which Nicholas, hopefully, is keeping out of trouble.
“And Mari. Heck, I’m going to miss all of Mossburg.
But that’s okay. I’d rather be with you, so if you’re in Arizona, then I guess that’s where I’m moving to, too. ”
He blinks at me, as if he’s having trouble understanding what I’m saying. I just wait and let it sink in.
“Wait. No, you’ve got this wrong,” he objects when it does.
“You’re not going with me. That’s not what I meant.
I’m sorry, Nina. I really am. You’re the most beautiful, perfect soul I’ve ever met, and if I could be in your life, and bring you joy instead of actual Hell, I’d stay here, future be damned. But I can’t.”
And there’s that ending again.