Chapter 26
Rico
I probably should have scheduled the call in advance, but if I’m being honest, I’m not sure that would be any less stressful. So before I can change my mind, I take a breath and hit the icon to dial.
I’m alone in the apartment and do my best not to pace as I wait for the line to connect…or ring out. It’s in fate’s hands now.
When my mom’s face pops up on my screen, I try not to drop the phone in surprise. I am the one who called, after all.
“Sweetheart!” she cries, sounding genuinely happy. “So nice to hear from you! Is everything okay?”
It takes me a second to remember what the hell I was even doing. “Uh, yeah. Yeah! I’m really good. How are you and Dad?”
“Good, good. We had a wonderful cruise over the holidays. You looked like you had fun.”
I smile tightly, my determination already flagging.
It wasn’t like I had a choice whether or not I spent Christmas with them.
But I remind myself that I doubt it would have gone well if they’d invited me along, anyway.
If a phone call is this strained, spending days at a time together probably wouldn’t have worked out well.
I’d rather celebrate with the One-Thirteen on almost any occasion.
“It was nice, yeah,” I say, nodding. “There were a few of us from the firehouse that got together.”
“Good, good.” My mom’s gaze flicks to the side. She’s clearly feeling as awkward as I am. “Oh! I think I hear your father.”
We never have anything to talk about, so I don’t really blame her. Except today, I actually have some news, and I really want her to listen. Her and Dad, if possible.
“Um, there’s something exciting I was hoping to share with you, if you guys have a minute?”
She blinks into the camera. “Uh, yes. Of course, sweetie! Did you get a promotion? Don’t tell me Captain Valentine is retiring.”
I chuckle. Naturally, that’s the only thing she’d think I’d have to offer. “Um, no. It’s not work related. Oh, hi, Dad.”
My father peers into the middle of the screen over the top of his glasses. “Enrico? Good grief. Is the sky falling? It must be for you to bother calling!”
He chuckles at his attempt at a joke, and I force a smile. Neither of them have ever understood or supported my career given our shared history, but I refuse to humor his consistent niggling. Besides, I’m not the one responsible for our extremely strained relationship.
Or maybe I am.
I shake myself internally and try and think about everything I’ve talked about with Jesse and the station’s therapist. I can’t keep torturing myself for an accident that happened two decades ago.
“Well,” I say, forging on. “I just wanted to tell you something amazing that’s happened in my life over the past few months. I’ve started seeing someone.”
Their lack of response speaks volumes. “Oh, that’s lovely, dear!” my mom says eventually.
Maybe I can’t blame them. I’ve been lukewarm myself about most of my boyfriends in the past. But Jesse is different.
Jesse is also complicated. Even I have enough sense to acknowledge that.
“Is it serious?” my dad asks.
“You could say that.” I glance down at the wedding ring on the hand not holding my phone up.
“Well…isn’t that nice,” my mom says, her eyes flicking left and right.
I try not to be hurt that they’re not asking any questions about who this special person is and try and remember that we’re just very out of practice. I’m sure they’re not expecting to meet him and are probably wondering why I’m even bothering to tell them he exists.
“He’s actually someone you kind of know,” I prompt. “You remember Adam Silverman?”
“Isn’t he married with children?” my mom immediately snaps.
I sigh. “It’s not Adam, Mom.”
“But you said—”
“Do you remember Adam’s brother, Jesse?” I interrupt.
My mom scoffs. “That drug addled attention seeker? Goodness, he thought he was something special, didn’t he?” Her laughter peals down the phone like church bells out of tune. “What about him?”
Nausea washes over me. I’m tempted to say this call has nothing to do with him after all to spare myself hearing any more gross insults. But I’ve been letting my parents dismiss me ever since the day my sister died.
I was the child. They were the adults. It was an accident. They should have consoled me. Instead, they abandoned me.
“We got married,” I tell them, completely deadpan. My intention had been to simply let them know we were a couple. However, something reckless has taken hold of me. “I was feeling guilty for not telling you. But maybe it would have been better for everyone if I hadn’t bothered.”
My mom’s face is a picture. It would be funny if it wasn’t so sad.
She laughs. Then frowns again. “That’s not…what?” she finally manages. “Honey, what are you talking about? You didn’t get married without telling us. Eduardo, did he say anything to you?”
“No, Maria.” My dad scowls at me. “Is this a prank, son? You wouldn’t disrespect us like that, would you? Cut us out of your wedding?”
My mom flaps her hand, looking panicked. “And you’re not talking about Jesse Silverman, are you? He was bad news, Enrico!”
Pain twists inside me. Isn’t this exactly what I was upset about the other night? Knowing how people have judged Jesse and still do. All my parents really know about him is that he went off to become a Hollywood star and ended up in the gutter instead.
“He’s changed, Mom,” I try and explain. “He’s been sober for over five months now and is doing well. Actually, he’s doing incredible. I’m sure if you met him—”
“That won’t last!” my mom shrieks, her eyes welling up. “We heard all about his failed attempts at rehab. Oh, sweetheart. Why did you have to jump in and marry him for heaven’s sake?”
“Young people these days,” my dad says with a scowl.
“Always have to rush into everything. Got no respect for the sanctity of marriage. You’re lucky they let you guys marry each other at all these days.
And this is what you do with it.” He shakes his head.
“At least it’ll be easy enough to get a divorce. ”
My mom’s lip trembles. “Divorce? Dios mío. What will I tell people at church?”
My dad wraps his arm around her and continues to glare at me. “We won’t have to tell them anything, I’m sure. Honestly, mijo, what were you thinking? Look how you’ve upset your mother.”
I wasn’t foolish enough to think this conversation would be all sunshine and warm fuzzies. But I have to admit, I didn’t anticipate quite this soul-crushing level of disaster. My throat is tight, but I steel my resolve, not wanting to appear weak in front of them.
A deep sadness washes over me. Perhaps this is finally the moment where I realize that nothing I ever do will be enough to win back their love.
“All I was thinking,” I begin. “Is that I’m the happiest I’ve been in…
well, forever. And I wanted to share that with you, because I thought you’d be happy, too.
But I guess I don’t deserve that, do I? It doesn’t matter that I was the one who survived.
I let Esmeralda die, and there isn’t anything I can ever do to make that okay.
You don’t have to like who I love if you don’t want to.
But I’m telling you right now that Jesse isn’t who you think he is.
He’s an amazing person and I’m lucky to be with him.
I hope one day you’ll come to accept that. Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad.”
There are squawks of protest as I end the call, but my heart can’t take it. Yes, I threw them a curveball. But they didn’t so much fumble it as throw it back in my face.
A wave of grief threatens to overwhelm me, but something in my core fights back, resists. Before I know what I’m doing, I’m dialing another number. And no matter how this conversation goes, I know that there will at least be mutual love and respect exchanged.
At least, I hope so.
Coming home to Jesse yesterday morning was one of the most healing experiences of my life.
Not to mention insanely hot. But as great as the sex was, the connection we shared was a balm my soul has been yearning for these past couple of decades.
If there’s one person on this earth I’d hope would put in the effort to understand that, I really hope he’s about to pick up this call.
“Hello?”
My heart leaps into my throat. “Adam?”
“Rico! My man! What’s going on?”
I’m still reeling from the conversation with my parents, and I didn’t even stop and check what the time is in Switzerland. So it takes me a moment to scramble my thoughts together. In the second I hesitate, Adam’s already peering through the camera lens in concern.
“Hey, Rico? What’s wrong?”
I shake my head. “Sorry, I should have checked if you had time to talk first.”
Adam looks at me curiously. “You know I wouldn’t have picked up if I didn’t. I’m just walking the dog. I’m free for as long as you need me.”
Something eases in my chest, and I laugh weakly, rubbing my eyes and clearing my throat from where it had clamped up. “I just spoke to my parents,” I say by way of an explanation.
“Ah,” says Adam, nodding. “That’ll do it. Why’d you even call them? Did something happen? Are they all right?”
“Yeah, they’re fine,” I tell him. “I wanted to share some news with them. But I think I’ve finally learned that they just don’t care.”
My friend sighs from across the globe. “You don’t have to explain that one to me, buddy.
But I care! Do I get to hear the news? Is it good?
Bad? Or is this more of a salacious gossip sort of situation?
” He waggles his eyebrows at me, cracking a laugh from my lungs that feels nice after all that tension.
“It’s good news,” I admit with a wince. “But also…maybe a little salacious as well?”
Adam blinks at me. “Well now you’ve got my attention. Go on. Spill.” His expression suddenly becomes serious. “Oh, shit. Is this about Jesse? You both keep telling me he’s fine, but I’ve barely spoken to him since before Thanksgiving.”