Chapter 25
Jesse
Rico is crying.
Out of everything I’ve experienced in the past twenty-four hours, that’s the most frightening.
It takes me a second to properly wake up and realize what’s happening. Klaus whimpers as Rico wraps around me like an octopus. He’s got his face turned away like he’s trying his best to be quiet and not disturb me. But he’s clinging to me like driftwood in a storm.
I’m honored to be his lifeline. Pride and love well up in me as I turn to face him, sliding my arm around his back and kissing his neck.
“It’s okay, baby,” I tell him softly, stroking his hair. Hearing his anguish makes my heart want to break. But strangely, it also gives me strength. My husband needs me and I’m not going to let him down. “I’m here. I’m right here.”
“I didn’t mean to wake you,” he says, still not looking at me. “I’m sorry.”
That won’t do.
“There’s nothing to be sorry for.” I nuzzle against him until he finally looks at me with bloodshot eyes. “Oh, Rico,” I croak, hastily reaching for a tissue from the nightstand for him. He’s always so steadfast. I hate seeing him broken like this. “What happened?”
Has he been worrying himself into a state about me? I know Emerson was a dick, but it was more my trauma response that unsettled me rather than any actual threat from him. If Rico’s been imagining some kind of assault all night, I’m going to feel incredibly guilty.
“Don’t want to lose you,” he sobs into my shoulder.
“I’m right here,” I tell him again. There isn’t much I can do but hold him tight and feel bewildered as he cries himself hoarse.
But after a few minutes and some more tissues, he mercifully starts to calm down.
“I’m not going anywhere, baby,” I say once I feel like he’s listening to me again.
“Is this about my bullshit? Or did something happen at work?”
“Work,” he admits, rubbing his forehead and taking a couple of deep breaths. “Although I was worried about you, too. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I assure him. After a good night’s sleep hugging the pillow that smells like him, I actually mean it.
Klaus refused to leave my side, either, so I’m feeling pretty grounded again.
“That guy just triggered a bunch of crap for me, but I think it’s actually good I worked through a few things. ”
Rico studies me for a second. “Did you want to…were you tempted…”
I can tell from the way he’s hesitating what he wants to ask. Pride rushes through my whole body. “It didn’t even occur to me to have a drink,” I tell him honestly. “In fact, I’m pretty sure he’d been drinking, and I couldn’t get away from him fast enough.”
For a moment, Rico’s eyes go wide. Then he pulls me against him again, carding his fingers through my hair. “That’s amazing, Jesse. I’m sorry I even asked.”
“No, I’m glad you did,” I say. “I don’t have anything to hide. It feels good to not let you down.”
“You’d never let me down,” he growls into my ear, making me shiver. “But if that prick threatened your recovery, I would have had to find his address and…and give him a stern talking to.”
I laugh and hug my husband tighter. Even when he’s imagining defending my honor, he still can’t be a bad person.
“Do you want to talk about what happened at work?” I ask. He’s had bad shifts before that he hasn’t wanted to relive with me. But not one that made him lose it like this.
He leans back so we’re both resting our heads on my pillow.
We just gaze at each other for a moment as he plays with my hair.
“There was a fire, but some people had potentially OD’d in the basement.
They were either already gone, or so out of it they didn’t realize there was an emergency right over their heads. I just couldn’t stop thinking…”
Ah.
“What if that had been me?” I prompt and he nods. “In another life, it probably was. Many times over.”
“No, don’t say that!” he rasps urgently, but I shake my head.
“I’ve talked about this a lot in group therapy,” I tell him.
“I want to make sure I understand how lucky I am that this is the path I ended up taking. I’m sure the further into my recovery I get, I won’t dwell on it nearly as much.
There’s a risk I could use it in a negative way against myself.
Like, if I tell myself I can’t ever be sad or frustrated because my life could be so much worse, you know?
That’s not okay. But right now? Yeah. I am fucking grateful I didn’t overdose that day you found me in my apartment or any of a hundred other times.
It could have easily happened, and I’ll be eternally grateful it didn’t.
” I cup my hand to the side of his face, feeling the bristle from where he hasn’t shaved in a couple of days.
“I’ll be forever indebted that for some reason, fate decided I deserved a chance to finally be happy and brought you to me. ”
“Oh, Jesse.” He presses our foreheads together and for a while, we just lie like that. I feel a kind of peace settle over us as we breathe in sync, simply touching and resting and being.
“You’re my sanctuary,” I say quietly after a bit. “I hope I can be that for you, too.”
He hums and kisses my lips gently. “You are, baby. I used to come home to an empty apartment with nothing but ghosts and regret for company. Now I walk through that door and my whole world is waiting for me.”
“You mean Klaus, right?” I tease him, because I feel like we’re done being sad. It’s not like either of us are going to forget the darkest moments from our past. But we can’t let them overshadow the present any more than is necessary.
To my delight, Rico barks out a laugh at my silly joke. Then he tickles my sides in retribution until I squirm on top of him and distract him with a heated kiss. He rests his hands on my hips, and I pause for a second while we look at each other.
“You’re my whole world, Jesse,” he says reverently. “You’re my home, my heart. It scared the shit out of me thinking how that could have all been taken away. Or not ever existed at all.”
A thoughtful smile curls at my lips. “I had a revelation last night, as well,” I tell him, trailing my hands down his chest. “It hit me that I’ve never had it so good.
There are still plenty of things I want to accomplish and make amends for.
But my life is amazing, Rico. I’m not throwing it away and I’d never give it up without a fight now.
So I’m afraid that means you’re stuck with me. I’m not going anywhere.”
He surges up and grabs my face, crashing his mouth into mine.
The kiss is frantic and searing hot. I’m not sure if it’s in spite of or because of the serious heart to heart we’re having, but my skin feels electrified and my aching cock is hard and throbbing as I rock on top of Rico’s equally engorged length.
The sex so far has been amazing. But I’ve very much taken a back seat, allowing Rico to be in charge and not feeling able to do anything adventurous.
All that’s over now.
I yank my T-shirt off and toss it to the floor.
Klaus seems to have made himself scarce, and that’s probably for the best with the feral urges overcoming me.
I tug at Rico’s T-shirt, and he gets the hint, leaning up so I can pull it off, too.
It’s awkward, but we kiss fervently again as I wriggle out of my underwear.
Between us, we get Rico naked as well. We roll on the bed, the covers kicked back, him on top then me on top once more.
It’s probably a miracle I don’t knee him in the crotch as I fling my arm out, fumbling for the drawer in the nightstand.
That would have killed the mood pretty damn fast and I’m not letting that happen.
We already talked about our sexual health and decided when the time was right, we didn’t need or want to use condoms.
That time is now.
Rico watches as I snatch up the bottle of lube, squirting a hefty amount onto my fingers before reaching behind myself and sliding a digit straight inside.
Just because I haven’t been fucked in a while doesn’t mean that I haven’t been practicing in the shower these past few weeks.
In my mind, I’d always pictured Rico preparing me for our first time together.
But right now, doing it myself feels like I’m taking care of him, which is exactly the vibe I want.
He’s panting hard as he holds my hips, his eyes wide as he drinks in what I’m doing. The only question comes from a slight rise of his eyebrows when our gazes collide again. Of course he has to check in at least once to make sure we’re on the same page. I’ve been so hesitant until now, after all.
Not only am I a hundred percent sure this is what I want, I feel like some sort of sex god as I thrust a second finger past my fluttering hole. I put on a show for him as the muscles wrap around me in eager anticipation of the fat dick I hope is soon to come.
“You look incredible,” Rico says, already sounding wrecked.
“Want you to fuck me, baby,” I say, rubbing our dripping cocks against each other as I ride my hand, stretching myself out. “Want to feel you inside me.”
“Yes, yes,” Rico hisses, leaning up for a messy kiss on the mouth.
I don’t bother with a third finger. Right now, I want to feel everything as intensely as possible—the opposite of how I used to numb myself and hide away.
So instead, I grab the lube bottle again and pour a generous amount over my entrance, pumping my fingers a few more times, then retract my hand and reach down to coat Rico’s hard cock.
The air is heavy with anticipation while I line him up. Sweat runs down my body as we cling to each other, breaths sawing in and out of our chests and our gazes locked together. A moan crawls up my throat as his leaking head breaches my tight ring.
Forget anything I used to chug down my throat or sniff up my nose.
This right here is what pure bliss feels like.
Being connected in the most intimate way possible to the person I love more than anything else in this life.
Rico said I was his world and he’s absolutely mine as well.
There’s a whole solar system in this room.
Fate drew me into this wonderful man’s orbit, and here’s where I intend to stay.
We grunt and gasp as I impale myself down farther, loving the burn as he fills me to the brim.
“Jesus fucking Christ all mighty,” Rico hisses, gnashing his teeth and arching his back. “You feel amazing, baby. So good. Oh, god. Yes, yes, yes!”
I roll my hips and the blunt tip of his length grazes that sweet spot deep within me, making me wail. “Rico,” I cry, dropping my hands to his chest and digging my fingers against his pecs. “Fuck me, please. Fuck me!”
He seizes around my ribs hard enough to leave bruises as he starts thrusting up into me. Fireworks explode every time he slams against my prostate and my whole body feels like it’s electrified.
“Rico,” I utter, leaning down to kiss his mouth between desperate gasps for air.
“Jesse,” he mumbles against my swollen lips. “Baby, my baby.”
As I hurtle toward my climax, the realization surges through me that by being his, that’s what’s set me free.
People have tried to control me and own me my whole life, so I tried to self-destruct as a way to escape.
It’s kind of ironic that by pledging myself to one man, I don’t feel tied down.
He’s opened up a world of possibilities that I never even knew existed.
I am safe and loved and desired and protected and thriving and have never felt more present or alive in my own skin as I have in this explosive moment.
When Rico wraps his hand around my cock and strokes, it takes about three seconds for me to shatter into a million pieces, blowing my load all over him as I scream the house down. He convulses and I can feel him pulsing as well, claiming me from the inside out.
After several seconds, I collapse on top of him, and he flings his arms around me, hugging me tightly as we both gasp for breath. “I love you, Rico,” I tell him. I’ll tell him a hundred times a day if I need to.
I won’t let my past ruin what promises to be a beautiful future ahead of us. I won’t let my old mistakes or his guilt from the ghosts that haunt him sabotage this beautiful life we’re building together.
Because he’s right. The vision he caught a glimpse of last night absolutely could have been my fate, dozens of times over. It terrified him, but it’s sharpened my resolution. Whoever those lost souls were, they have my heartful pity. I’m sorry they weren’t given a chance at redemption.
I can’t feel guilty that I was. Otherwise, it will be dishonoring their tragedy as well as countless others.
Every day, I meet with people who have taken a stand against addiction and declared that they will fight.
That they will no longer be held hostage to the demons that want to tear them down.
Some people don’t get the chance to fight.
Some start at such a disadvantage they never have a prayer.
Some have people in their lives actively working to harm them. Some simply don’t care.
But for whatever reason, the universe sent me a guardian angel. A protector. A friend. A lover. The euphoria flooding me in this moment isn’t only from the gorgeous sex that just rocked my world. It’s from knowing that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be with exactly who I’m supposed to be with.
I don’t need a ring on my finger to know that for me, this is it. Even if it doesn’t work out for whatever reason, no one will ever come close to Rico Flores.
Call me hopeless, but I can’t help but feel like this could be a forever sort of thing.
And the ring is pretty nice, too.