Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
Jax
In all the times I wondered what it would be like to kiss Lauren, I’d never considered it’d be like this.
It feels like a firework display is going off in my chest as my heart beats rampantly.
All my senses are simultaneously shot and supercharged.
I can’t feel my feet on the ground, but I’m aware of her hands brushing the hair at the base of my neck and the way she gently nips at my bottom lip.
“I’ve wanted to do that for so long,” I say.
“Me too.”
My heart soars knowing we’re on the same page.
She leans against the counter. “I’m thankful you stopped me that night after the bar, but I’ve been wondering ever since.”
I guess we aren’t exactly on the same page. This isn’t just a kiss for me. I’ve been waiting for this moment for years.
I’m not about to blow this by not communicating with her. I open my mouth to set things straight, but a knock on the door interrupts us.
I rush to answer it, opening it to reveal room service with our giant ice cream sundae on a platter.
Lauren rushes to my side, but I shift my body to hide the tray before she can ruin the surprise.
“What is it?”
“Trust me, you’ll like it. Cover your eyes.”
“Jax—”
“Cover your eyes, Freckles.”
She presses her lips into a firm line as she sits on the bed and follows my instructions.
“Don’t even think about peeking. I’ll know if you do.”
“Just hurry up. You’re killing me.”
I glide across the room and set the tray down in front of her then gently pull her hands from her face. “You can look now.”
When her eyes land on the sundae, her face fills with a smile bigger than Texas. The glass is at least the size of her head and filled to the brim with brownies, chocolate ice cream, and chocolate fudge.
“Don’t get too excited because we do have to share,” I tease.
“Yeah right! You’ll have to get your own.” She snatches the sundae with both hands and leaps off the bed.
I gasp and bound after her, just barely catching her before she can lock herself in the bathroom. “I can’t believe you just did that!”
She shrugs. “I had to at least try. This looks heavenly.”
“New rule: the sundae has to stay on the bed at all times.”
“Second rule: I get three bites for every one bite you get.” The satisfied smirk on her face makes me laugh.
“That’s fine. Three of your bites are probably equal to one of mine anyway. You’re the daintiest eater I’ve ever seen.”
“What do you mean?” She picks up a spoon and curls a bite of ice cream from the sundae, savoring every second of it as her eyelids flutter in satisfaction.
“That!” I thrust my arms out at her. “You just proved my point.”
She looks embarrassed, so I quickly lean in to plant a kiss on her forehead. “It’s ridiculously cute.”
She hides the joy on her face by taking another bite. “You better jump in before I finish this without you.”
“You haven’t had your third bite yet. I’m waiting.”
She swats at me, laughing. “Just eat.”
We sit in silence for a few minutes as we savor the decadent chocolate brownie paired with the rich chocolate ice cream and fudge. It’s too much chocolate for me, but she looks so happy that it’s worth the stomachache.
The lull in the conversation sets loose a swirl of questions in my mind. What’s next for us? Did the kiss mean something to Lauren or was it just about physical attraction?
I spoon a bite out, leaving a chunk of brownie behind for Lauren. “We need to talk about this weekend.”
Lauren glances up at me cautiously. “What about this weekend?”
“We kissed, for one, and I don’t know what headspace you’re in, but I want to let that moment stay magical without things becoming weird between us. Tell me what you’re feeling.”
She lowers her spoon. “A little confused.”
“Confused how?”
“The last few days have been a lot to process.” She finds the chunk of brownie I left and scoops it up. “It’s not like I didn’t notice our chemistry before, but everything changed so fast, and I don’t know what to make of it. I’m scared.”
“Scared of what?”
“A lot of things. I’ve been hurt before by the one person who was never supposed to break my heart.
That makes it hard to trust anyone.” She folds the napkin in her lap in half before glancing up at me.
“You’ve shared some personal things with me tonight, but I can’t figure out why.
Why me? And I know it doesn’t mean anything because you’re not a relationship guy, but I still don’t get it. ”
Her words cut me deep, even if they’re true. I haven’t been known as a relationship guy, but if there’s anyone in the world I’m willing to try for, it’s Lauren.
“It does mean something.” I move the empty glass to the floor and scoot closer to her.
“We’ve built a friendship over the years, and we’ve only grown closer over the last few weeks.
That kiss, it was amazing, and to me—” I inhale, trying to gain the courage to say this next part.
“To me, it was everything. I don’t want only one night with you.
You’re not just another woman to me.” She’s the woman for me.
Her eyes go round, and she draws back a little. They set me into panic mode. Have I said too much and ruined this before it even started?
Finally settling her hand on my leg, she says, “That kiss was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, and I’ve loved spending time with you. I’m scared of opening myself up to someone again, but I’m more scared of not seeing where this could go.”
Hope sparks in my chest. I’m on the cusp of what I’ve wanted for so long.
“Where do we go from here? I love spending time with you, holding your hand”—I squeeze her hand—“and kissing you, but what happens when we get back to Roots?”
“I want to keep exploring this.” She looks more certain of herself now.
“Me too.”
“But why am I the one you want more than a night with? What makes me different?”
“If you don’t understand that, then we have some work to do.
You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, and I’m not just talking about your gorgeous eyes or your incredibly distracting curves.
” I trace a finger along her waist and wonder if she feels the same tingling sensation I do.
“You’re kind. You’re smart. You’re a hard worker, and you’d do anything for the people you love.
You’re humble. You’re brave. Do you need me to go on? ”
“I don’t know if I could take it if you did.” She covers her blushing cheeks. “What about Charlie? Do you think he’d be weirded out by us being together? If we decide to see where things go, would that ruin your friendship?”
“I don’t know. Charlie is my best friend. I love the guy, and I know he loves me, but I’m worried it’ll be a different story if I’m dating his little sister.”
She presses her lips together. “You’re right. Maybe it is a little weird.”
After a beat, she sits up straighter. “What if we don’t need to tell him? Or anyone else for that matter.”
“What?”
“We’re just figuring things out. I’m worried our relationship will become more complicated if everyone in town knows.
It puts pressure and expectations on us.
Charlie might be weirded out at first, but you and I both know he would be so excited to see his best friend and his sister together. ” She pats my leg, beaming.
Did she not hear him on the phone yesterday?
She continues. “My parents would be over the moon too. Everyone would be planning our wedding before we’ve even had a chance to figure out what this is. Isn’t it easier to keep this between us while we figure out where this can go?”
I scratch the back of my head. “Yeah, I guess so.”
That turns her smile brighter, like she’s already made up her mind, but this doesn’t quite sit right with me.
I search for something to do with my hands, but there’s nothing, no napkins close by, no loose threads on my sweatpants or the bedding, so I sit there stiff like a board.
“Are you sure? You don’t even want to tell Callie and Olivia? ”
“Oh, there’s no way I can keep this from them, but I’ll swear them to secrecy.”
“Not even your parents?”
She shrugs a shoulder. “I’d like them to know eventually, but for now, I don’t think it’s necessary.”
My mind races as two conflicting thoughts battle for dominance.
I guess this could be a good thing. It keeps the pressure off us, and a secret relationship does seem exciting.
Plus, this gives me the opportunity to explore things with Lauren without the risk of hearing the one thing I’m most terrified of: I’m not enough for her.
Still, I wonder if Lauren wants to keep us a secret for the same reason I would if I were her: to hide from the truth just a little bit longer.
“We can keep it quiet if that’s what you want,” I finally say.
She springs into my arms, pressing a kiss to my lips. Just like that, I’m putty in her hands.
Drawing back only the slightest bit, she says, “I need you to know keeping this a secret has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. When Austin and I got together, it felt like our fate was decided for us, and I guess I’m afraid it’d be the same with you because, like you said, we do have a foundation.
Our families are intertwined in a wonderful way, but it means there’d be pressure.
I want to fall in love with you because that’s what we want, not what anyone else wants. ”
I hear her words, but all my brain registers is that she doesn’t want to tell people about us. She cares for me but not enough to share our relationship with others.
I could let this consume me, convince me I’m not enough and never will be, just like I did every time I didn’t fight for my mom, but I’d rather fight for the person I love this time.
The opportunity to be with Lauren is something I’ve wanted for so long. I’m not going to throw that away, so I shove my feelings aside. “I’ll do whatever it is you need to be happy. I just want to be with you.”
“Me too.”
I kiss her forehead. “Then let’s do this.”
We’ll figure it out. I’ll prove myself to Lauren and, maybe along the way, I can get her to change her mind about hiding us.