Chapter 27
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Jax
“Okay, you definitely rigged these cards!” I reach for Lauren’s hand to get a peek. “There’s no way you have that many skips. You must have all of them.”
She pulls them close to her chest, swatting me away. “Quit complaining. You have all the reverse cards.”
“But you’ve also had two color change cards already.”
“I’m not the one who shuffled the deck. The only person you have to blame is yourself.”
“You suck.” I throw down the only skip card I had in my hand and ask her the question I’ve been building up to for a while now. “Why are you taking a chance on me?”
“What do you mean?”
I quickly lose my nerve. It seemed like a good question to ask. Lauren makes me feel like a good man when I’m with her, but every time I think about the way we’re hiding our relationship, my brain tells me it’s because I’m not enough. I need to hear her assurance again.
Setting my cards facedown on the coffee table in front of me, I explain. “I know I’m not known as a relationship guy, but here you are diving into one with me without asking any questions. I want to know what made you believe in me.”
“I see the good in you, even if you don’t see it yourself.” That right there is enough to send warmth to my chest.
“You’ve done so many things to make me feel loved and supported, and I trust in your actions more than your lack of experience with relationships.
I’ve seen that desire in you to be a good man when you’ve offered me your jacket, sent me thoughtful good-mornings texts, or stepped in to help with the ranch.
Nothing you’ve done has led me to believe you can’t be in a committed relationship if that’s what you want to do. ”
Unsure how else to respond, I pick up my cards, throwing one down since I just skipped her turn. “Uno.”
Disappointment floods her face, but she quickly recovers as she hovers over me. “Hmmm, what color do you have in your hand there, Grinchie?”
Her voice drips with sweetness, and I know she’s trying to beat me at this game, but it does things to me anyway.
Refocusing, I say, “I’ll never tell.”
She studies me, carefully changing the blue six to a red six.
I toss my head back as I draw another ten cards until I get something I can play. “I hope you’re ready to be annihilated because I have some good ones now.”
I have literally no ammo to back my claim up, so on my next turn, I settle for playing a green card that’s the same number as the last one she played. At least that will make the color something I can play on again.
My plan gets blown to pieces when she puts down a color change card. “Red.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Nope.” I hate that the smug smile on her face is so cute. It makes it difficult to stay mad.
“Don’t make me do another dare. Your dares are lame.”
“Well, excuse me for being nice with my dares, unlike someone.” She places her hands on her hips.
“At least I actually do the things I’m dared to do.”
Pressing her lips in a firm line, she ignores my remark. “I dare you to tell me where your head is at with our physical relationship.”
“That feels like a truth to me.”
“It’s my dare. I get to pick how I want to use it.”
“Okay. What do you want to know?”
She bites her lip. “You’re known in town for sleeping around. I get that things are just starting between us, but I want to establish expectations before we get too far down the road.”
“That’s fair.” Again, I place my cards down and open my arms for her to crawl into.
“I’m sorry we haven’t talked about it. I didn’t want you to feel pressured.
You’re special to me, and I want to do things differently with you.
I’d like the next physical steps in our relationship to mean something.
I’ve never been in love with the girls I’ve been with.
I told you you’re not just another girl to me, and I want to prove it. ”
I rub her arm. “Don’t get me wrong, I can hardly keep my hands off you, but I want to make that moment special when it comes.”
“I’d like that.” She peels herself off me. “Now you’re going to have to try to keep your hands to yourself for a little while longer because you’ve still got a stack of cards left.”
“Maybe we can ditch the cards?”
“No way! You wouldn’t have said that if you were still about to win.”
“Maybe not.”
“It’s your turn.”
We go back and forth with no special cards for a little while. I guess I’m feeling nice. When I can’t keep it up any longer, I throw down a reverse card to flip the turn back to me and then change the color to yellow. “I’ll be nice to you and let you pick one. Truth or dare, Freckles?”
“Truth.”
“What are you going to check off your list next?”
She bites her lip. “I don’t know. There’s really not much left on there.”
With no warning, she leaps up from the couch, grabbing my hand and dragging me to her bedroom. We walk right up to the list, and she reads through the items that are left. “The first three are all checked off. Good job me.” She pats herself on the back with a smile. Why is she so cute?
“Go to a concert. I checked that off in Tulsa.”
“You did. Unless you had something else in mind. Was there a specific concert you wanted to go to?”
“No, I just wanted to go to one. I’ve only been to one concert in my life, and I was five.
I hardly remember it.” She continues reading the items that still need to be done on her list. “Do something for just me. Regenerative agriculture conversion on the ranch, which is in the works. Ride Lucky for fun again…” She turns back to me.
“I don’t think I can check off the regenerative agriculture idea for a while.
The transition is going to take some time, but it could be fun to ride Lucky. Will you go with me?”
“You know I will. Just name the time and place.”
“What about right now?”
I chuckle. “Name another time and place.”
She bites the inside of her cheek, pulling her phone out to scroll through her calendar. I didn’t realize it’d be such a hassle to pick a day.
With her nose still in her phone, she says, “What about an early morning ride? I don’t have much time during the day, and it’d be nice to watch the sunrise like I used to in high school.”
“Okay, how about we do dance lessons on Thursday night, and I’ll stay over at your place so we can do an early horseback ride on Friday?”
She scrolls up and down. “I think that should work.”
We make our way back into her living room, playing a few more cards before I change the color again. “Blue. Will you do a dare, or should I just do a truth?”
“Truth. I’m not falling into your dare traps anymore.” She crosses her arms.
“I ask you for a one-minute lap dance one time as a joke, and suddenly I’ve scared you off?”
“Yes! I don’t know how to do that.” She tilts her cards slightly, gesturing in my direction. “What’s your question?”
“What are you holding back from me?”
She frowns. “What are you talking about?”
“Something has been off all night. I’ve been trying to let it slide, but you could hardly find time to ride Lucky, and every time I look into your eyes, I see that you’re tired.”
“It’s just been a long week.” She sighs. “I’m sorry. I’m having a good time. I promise.”
“You don’t need to apologize. You’re always running around and conquering the world, but it seems to me like you never take time for yourself, unless I make you.”
As I say it, one question echoes in my mind: Am I not good enough to share your struggles with?
Maybe processing Charlie’s words and hearing the story about my mom has led her to the realization that I don’t protect the people I love.
But this moment needs to be about Lauren, not me.
I’ll just have to show her I can be enough.
She plucks at the threads on the rug beneath us. “I guess I don’t know how to slow down. Even if I wanted to, I don’t have a choice right now. Resting means the things on my never-ending to-do list won’t get done. I have people counting on me.”
“Things will still get done. I don’t think you’re capable of leaving a project and not coming back to it to see it through. You might find that taking time to rest will allow you to do things better than you otherwise would’ve done.”
She raises her eyebrows and presses her lips together in a look of doubt. She’s still not sharing exactly what’s going on under the surface, and it kills me because I can’t fix it if I don’t know what’s wrong.
Narrowing her gaze on me, she says, “I see that ‘I can fix it’ look on your face. I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”
But I don’t believe her. I grab her, holding her close. “I’m not the same man I used to be. I’m not just going to stand by and watch you suffer.”