Chapter 31
Chapter Thirty-One
Jax
“Hey, ladies. Can I get y’all something to drink?” I ask as Lauren, Callie, and Olivia approach the bar Thursday night for swing dance lessons.
“Nothing to drink, but we might need a dance partner again,” Olivia says loudly.
I glance from her to Lauren for guidance. Lauren leans over the counter, whispering, “She’s apparently awful at keeping secrets.” Turning to Olivia, she adds, “I thought you’d be better at this. You were kind of closed off when you came to town.”
“There’s a difference between being reserved and keeping secrets.
I was never all that good at hiding things when people asked me questions.
Plus, now that I have such a good support system, I don’t want to screw that up by keeping secrets.
” She grabs a cup, filling it with water from the jug on the bar.
“I think I’m doing a great job! I’m helping you. ”
“Helping them get caught,” Callie murmurs.
Olivia’s mouth falls open, and she gives Callie a playful smack on the shoulder. “Am not!”
I lean in and drop my voice. “It’s okay. Lauren is going to be the one giving us away tonight anyway.”
Lauren arches a brow. “Why would I do that?”
“Because I’m irresistible. You won’t be able to tame yourself around my magnetic charm.” I smirk and toss a wink in her direction, which instantly makes her blush. “Told you.”
She presses her hands to her cheeks. “Not true. If anything, you can’t resist my charm.”
She bats her eyelashes playfully before pulling her purse off her shoulder and grabbing a tube of lip gloss. I almost forget I’m supposed to be resisting her while I watch her pucker her full lips and apply the shiny coat.
“Point proven.” Her mouth curves into a devilish smile.
“I’m sorry for what I said, Olivia. It looks like these fools are going to give themselves away.” Callie rolls her eyes as she walks toward the crowd forming to sign up for dance lessons.
“Nuh uh!” Lauren shouts back at her, but Callie is easily ten feet away already and shrugging her shoulders without looking back.
Lauren glances at me like I’m going to do something about it, but I hope we do give ourselves away. I’m tired of this charade.
Betsy starts up her mic and calls everyone forward to the dance floor. I pretend to be completely uninterested, but I’m just listening for my cue. As everyone joins up with partners, Betsy tsks. “Looks like we are one person short. Would y’all be okay with rotating through partners today?”
“Just make Jax join us,” Callie suggests. “He’s done the lessons before. I’m sure he’d be a good partner.”
I glance up in fake horror, sure that my reaction could win me an Oscar. Once Olivia supports Callie’s claim, as well as a couple other older ladies who have a hungry glint in their eye, I come out onto the dance floor.
“You should dance with Lauren. You two worked well together last time,” Olivia says, shoving me in her direction. I don’t even have time to fake protest.
Once Lauren is in my arms, I lean down, whispering, “You ready for this?”
“I was born ready. I’m going to kick your butt.”
I choke on a laugh. “I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure we’re supposed to be partners in this, not competing with one another.”
“You’re right. Sorry, I don’t know how to act.”
“You don’t need to act.” I slide my hands down to her waist. A lick of fire ignites inside of me.
Touching her already drives me wild, but touching her when I know I shouldn’t be erases my ability to think straight.
Everything around us melts into the background, Betsy’s instructions, the other couples awkwardly trying to act out the steps as she explains, the clanking of bottles as my crew sets up for the night—it’s all gone.
“What’re you doing?” Lauren asks nervously, but she isn’t glancing around, wondering what other people are thinking. Her hazel eyes are laser focused on me.
“I told you I was going to make you want to kiss me.”
She places a hand on my chest, pushing away. “I’m not falling for that. Besides, if anything, you’re the one who wants to kiss me. I can see it in your eyes already.”
“Of course I want to kiss you, but I respect your boundaries. I’m not going to cave.” I gently rub my thumb on her hip. “But I can’t help it if you’re impervious to my charm.”
Betsy stops her instructions, turning to Lauren and me. “Is there something you two would like to share with the class, or are you two going to actually pay attention?”
Murmurs float through the group. I don’t have to hear them to know what they’re saying.
Lauren and I suck at keeping our relationship a secret.
The whole town was already talking about how I’ve been seen with her on more than one occasion, from the diner to our first dance lessons together.
The excuse that I’m just looking out for Charlie’s little sister is no longer working.
I can’t help the fact that I don’t look at anyone else the way I look at her.
Lauren’s face sets on fire, and she freezes.
“I’m sorry,” I offer, swooping in. “We were just talking through the steps as you explain them.”
Betsy nods primly and resumes her instruction.
When she turns us loose to practice the sequence she demonstrated with her volunteer, I take advantage of the moment to pull Lauren closer than I should.
I let our fingers linger together longer than they’re meant to, and I gently rub my thumb on her waist whenever it’s in my hand.
It’s working. She melts into my touch, her eyes going soft. God, I just want her to kiss me, right here, right now, in front of everyone. I want her to claim me as hers, and not just because Ms. Sanchez won’t stop looking at me like she wants to eat me for dessert.
After I spin Lauren around to complete the sequence, she leans into me, pressing us chest to chest as her lips brush against my ear. “I see what you’re doing, and it’s not going to work.”
She presses a soft kiss to my neck before quickly pulling away from me as if nothing ever happened, but now all I can think about is grabbing her and slamming my lips onto hers. Forget the lesson. Forget taunting her. I just want her, now. The game isn’t fun anymore.
“You don’t need to finish this lesson, right?” I give her hand a little tug, tilting my head toward the dark hallway that leads to my office.
“Are you saying I won?” she asks, looking smug.
“I don’t think anyone wins unless we blow this popsicle stand.”
Betsy helps Ms. Sanchez and her partner to our left, so Lauren leans in closer to me. “No, I definitely won. I’m not the one who wants to skip out on the rest of the lesson right now.”
“It’s not about winning or losing.”
“Because you lost.” She laughs, a look of pure glee on her face.
Betsy calls out words of encouragement to Ms. Sanchez and her partner, moving to Lauren and me. “How’s it going over here?”
Lauren straightens, putting her hands behind her back. “Great.”
“Really? It doesn’t look like there’s much dancing happening.”
“I’m trying to get Lauren to let me lead, but she’s refusing. I think we’ll get the hang of it soon,” I say, taking Lauren’s hand and starting the sequence again.
Betsy moves on with a satisfied smile, throwing over her shoulder, “I know it’s hard to give up control, honey, but it’s so much easier when you do.”
Little does she realize how perfect her words are. Still holding tight to Lauren, I lead her two steps to the left.
She picks up our conversation as we reverse the steps. “We can’t just leave. People will wonder where we are.”
“Does it really matter?”
She frowns as I spin her around. Once I pull her back to me, she lowers her voice so I almost can’t hear her. “The whole point of keeping this a secret is to not let everyone know about us.”
“How long do we have to keep it a secret for?”
“I don’t know.”
I stop dancing. “Is it something I’ve done wrong?”
“Of course not. You’ve been amazing. I’m just not ready.” She motions for us to start the sequence over again.
“What will it take to make you ready?”
“I don’t know.” She looks upset, causing a hint of fear to settle in my chest.
“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to pressure you. I just want to understand. I want people to know you’re mine and vice versa. The secret-keeping hasn’t been as exciting as I thought it would be.”
“That’s because you’re not even trying to hide it.” She draws back.
“What did I do? Please don’t be upset with me.”
Betrayal flashes in her eyes. I don’t understand! Why is it so terrible that I want people to know we’re together?
Instead of coming from a place of compassion, I can’t restrain my fears anymore. “Are you really that embarrassed to be seen with me?”
Her eyes soften, and a look of confusion settles on her face. “What? No. It’s just—can we finish the lesson?” She holds her hands up, ready to take mine. “We should talk about this later.”
“No, we should talk about this now.” I guide her down the hallway to the office where we can hash matters out in private.
She glances around in horror, making sure no one is watching. Everyone seems to be pretty busy except for Ms. Sanchez, who arches her brow in curiosity when her partner dips her. Good, let her see. I’m tired of her looking at me like I’m a slice of chocolate cake.
Once we’re in the safety of my office, I let go of Lauren’s hand, and she unleashes on me. “Jax, you can’t just drag me off like that!”
“You have to tell me what’s going on, or I won’t be able to fix it.”
Releasing a sigh, she crosses her arms. “You don’t have to fix everything for me.”
My chest aches at her remark. “This isn’t about fixing things for you. I want to know what we’re doing in this relationship. In case you’ve forgotten, there are two of us involved.”
“No, you’re trying to fix me like you always do.”
“I couldn’t if I wanted to.” Anger surges in me. Things have been building up for too long. “You won’t let go of control for five seconds. Everything has to be just right, according to your standards.”
She leans against my desk, her shoulders sagging. “What a pair: a control freak and a fixer.”
I join her, leaning against the desk. “I guess we both have some things we need to work on, huh?”
She nods, staring at the ground. “I guess so.”
When she glances up at me, there’s regret in her eyes.
“It’s not just that I’m a control freak.
I hate to admit it, but my relationship with Austin left me with some scars.
The other day, when we went horseback riding, it felt like you were hiding something from me.
It was like being back with Austin again, feeling you pull away the same way he did. It felt awful.”
Instantly, I pull her into my arms. “I’m sorry. I’m not hiding things from you. I’ve opened up with you more than I have with anyone else.”
“I know that, but I haven’t been able to shake the feeling.”
“I was a little off the other morning.” I rub her arm up and down. “I feel caught between being excited about where things are going and being scared.”
“Why are you scared?”
I don’t want to make this conversation more difficult by telling her what Rhett said the other day, but I don’t want to hold back either.
If she already feels like I’m keeping things from her, hiding this won’t help us move forward, so I fill her in on the conversation, adding, “It stirred up some of my own insecurities about not being good enough for you. I understand why you want to hide this relationship, but it’s still hard for me to separate reality from the messed-up thoughts in my head. ”
She looks up at me, cupping my cheek with nothing but affection in her eyes.
“You’re more than good enough, Jax. I still have so much I need to overcome.
I’m terrified I’ll ruin this beautiful relationship developing between us if I open it up to all the external obstacles we might face before I overcome my internal ones.
” She tilts her head. “Does that make sense?”
“It does.” I snake an arm around her waist. “You take as long as you need. I’m grateful we get to work through it all together. We’ll share our relationship with the world eventually, but for now, I’m content to be us in whatever way that looks.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.” I give her a squeeze. “I don’t want to push you to do something before you’re ready.”
The three little words that have rang true for years sit on the tip of my tongue, but I catch myself.
I’ve had more than enough time to develop these feelings for Lauren, but she hasn’t always felt this way about me.
She fell in love with another man and planned a life with him.
I don’t want to scare her off by saying something too soon that I won’t be able to take back.
So instead, I offer her the best comfort I can. “I’m not going anywhere.”
She bites her lip. “So, since we’re already here, I guess they won’t notice if we’re gone a couple extra minutes, right?” She stands on her tiptoes to meet my lips, and I take everything I can get from her.