Chapter 36
Chapter Thirty-Six
Lauren
As soon as we are inside my house, Charlie rifles through my freezer. “All right. What flavors do you have?”
I slide onto a barstool at the kitchen counter. “You were serious about the ice cream talk tonight? We just baked cookies.”
He turns to face me, a carton already in hand. “And I don’t know about you, but one measly little cookie isn’t going to ruin my appetite.” He grabs the other carton from the freezer. “Since when did you start turning down ice cream?”
Since I realized an ice cream talk could last for hours and delay me seeing your best friend. “Okay, fine.”
“Do you want chocolate thunder or mint chip?”
I peer over the counter top. “I thought there was a cherry chunk in there too?”
“Yeah, but I know you’re just being the best sister ever and stocking that one for me because you refuse to eat ice cream that doesn’t have chocolate in it.” He beams, and it instantly churns something inside of me. It’s been so long since we’ve had this. I’ve missed my big brother.
Handing me a spoon and the pint of chocolate thunder with a knowing look, he settles onto the couch with the cherry chunk.
“So, tell me, little sis, how’s life?” he asks as I plop down next to him. “And don’t give me fake fluff. This is our first life talk in ages. You need to be honest with me. I know you’ve had your fair share of shit handed to you lately.”
I choke out a laugh. “That’s one way to put it.”
“How are you doing since the whole Austin thing?”
“Surprisingly really well.”
He pauses his spoon mid-scoop as if he doubts me, and I flood with guilt. I want to offer more, but I can’t tell him about the ways Jax has been there to push me out of my comfort zone and show me what I deserve. Even if I were ready to tell him about us, Jax should be part of the discussion.
I also can’t tell Charlie how overwhelmed I’ve felt stepping into a lead role on the ranch because I don’t want to make him feel bad for leaving.
I’m proud of him for recognizing he wanted to try something else, and until recently, I had no reason to think things weren’t going well for him in California.
At the end of the day, none of this stuff matters because I’m doing well, considering the stress of the ranch, Dad’s condition, and my breakup with Austin. I just need to get through this busy season of life, but I’m fine.
“Seriously, Char, I’m good.” I lower my carton of ice cream to my lap, looking him in the eye.
“Things were pretty difficult at first, but I’ve had a lot of people supporting me lately, and with some time and space, I’ve come to realize Austin didn’t treat me the way I deserve.
I couldn’t even fathom spending the rest of my life with him now.
It’s been good for me to explore who I am again.
I lost myself somewhere between fifteen and twenty-three. ”
He locks eyes with me, like he’s searching my soul. “And you’re doing okay with everything that’s been going on with Dad?”
“That part has been tough, but you know him. He’s never going to give up. We had a minor emergency on the ranch last week, and he refused to sit back and let us deal with it.”
“Classic Dad. He always wants to be in control, kind of like someone else I know.”
I ignore his remark. I know he’s right, but I don’t want to go there right now.
Drilling my spoon into the chocolate heaven before me, I ask, “Do you have any questions for me about Dad?”
“You’ve kept me pretty informed, and he and Mom filled me in the other night. I’m not worried about him. He’s a strong man.” Charlie sticks his chest out in pride, but I don’t miss the slight falter of his voice. “So, you promise you’re okay?”
“I promise.”
“After the whole dog-stealing incident, I didn’t expect to come home and see you so at peace, but something has seemed different. It almost—never mind. It sounds ridiculous.”
“Almost what?”
“Your energy today at the bake-off almost reminded me of your pre-Austin days.”
I turn my face down to search for a glob of brownie, hoping to hide the way my cheeks are turning bright pink. “Well, there’s all the evidence you need. I don’t lie to you, Char. I told you I’m good.”
Except I am a big fat liar, aren’t I? He should know what’s going on between his sister and his best friend, two of the most important people in his life.
I savor the rich and melty chocolate notes, but they don’t hit the same tonight with this awful guilt churning in my gut. Desperate to take the attention off me and rid myself of the possibility of telling Charlie a real lie, I ask, “How are you doing?”
He shifts uncomfortably, but before he can respond, I add, “I know you’re going to say you’re great because that’s what you’ve always done around me.
Maybe I shouldn’t be worried, but I’m a little concerned about your sudden decision to come home for longer.
I thought it was because of Dad, but it feels like something else is going on. ”
He shoves a massive bite of cherry chunk into his mouth, and that’s all the answer I need. Something is going on.
“Come on.” I extend my leg, tapping him with my foot. “I’m your sister. Tell me what’s going on.”
“It’s not a big deal.” He shrugs. “Work has been shitty for a while. I don’t like the people I work with or the lifestyle of the people I hang around.
It’s made me miss my family and even made me miss Roots a little.
There’s something about the slower pace of life here.
I’ve missed being outside every day, riding horseback, and being in touch with nature. ”
In an instant, I’m across the couch and wrapping him up in a hug. “I’ve missed you so much.”
“I’ve missed you too.” He squeezes me tight.
When I pull back, he pounces on the sad look in my eyes, going into overprotective brother mode. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I force a smile. “I’ve just really missed having you around. It was hard on all of us when you left, and it’s nice to hear you don’t hate all of this, all of us.”
“I could never hate you.” He pulls me in for another embrace. “I was just young and curious, maybe even a little stubborn when I left. It had nothing to do with you or Mom or Dad.”
“I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear that,” I mumble against him.
“I’m sorry it took this long for me to say it.”
“Have you thought about coming home?” Hope floats inside of me. Everything I’ve been dealing with lately would be easier with my big brother around again. Gosh, I’ve missed him.
“I can’t come back.” He turns his eyes down.
“Why not?”
“I left so abruptly. People were counting on me. It’s one thing for me to come back and visit, but I definitely can’t move back here just because I’m having some sort of quarter-life crisis, not after what I did.”
“No one cares about how you left anymore. We just want you home again.”
He shakes his head. “It’s not in the cards for me.
I’m sorry.” Setting his carton on the table, he straightens up a bit.
“I’m trying to be better though. I’m calling home more and making family a bigger priority.
I don’t want to hide everything I’m going through from the people I love anymore, and it feels good to talk to you now. ”
I gulp, his words striking a chord. I don’t want to hide everything I’m going through from the people I love anymore.
It feels good to talk to you now. Meanwhile, I won’t admit that I need help with the ranch or that I’m dating my brother’s best friend, but my whole life has been spent hiding to keep everyone else around me happy.
Maybe there’s a way to have more balance, but I don’t know how to get there yet, so I keep my mouth shut, instead wrapping my arms around Charlie’s neck.
“I’m proud of you. I’ve missed you so much, and I need you to know that if you ever stop being so stubborn and decide you want to come home, I’ll be here to support you. ”
He gives me a soft smile. “Thank you.” When he pulls away, he gently punches my shoulder as he adds, “I love you.”
I can tell from the punch that I got too sappy for him. Maybe Charlie isn’t quite where he wants to be yet, but he’s definitely opening up more than when he left this town.
While brushing my teeth, I type out my to-do list for tomorrow on my phone.
I should create some pamphlets with information about regenerative agriculture and what it will mean for our ranch and Roots.
I also need to print out an updated pricing guide for our products and maybe I should try to stop by the general store on the way over to the festival to get some cute Christmas decorations for the booth.
Gosh, I’m going to need to get up earlier than I thought.
A wave of exhaustion rolls over me, but I power through and keep adding to my list because what else am I going to do? The work needs to get done, and it’s important to me, the ranch, and my family.
I put my toothbrush away and inhale a deep breath, closing my eyes as I do so. My ringtone brings my eyes open as I grab my phone off the bed next to me, checking the screen and expecting to find Jax’s name. Instead, it’s Olivia’s contact photo.
I answer hesitantly, sitting on the corner of my bed. “Hello?”
“Hey! I’m sorry for calling so late. We’re at the vet right now with the puppy you got along with so well at yoga.”
“Oh no. Is she okay?”
“She will be. There was an incident.” A dog barks in the background.
“She’s going to need some stitches, and we need to find her a foster home where she can recover, preferably one that doesn’t have other dogs she’ll want to play with, so my house is out of the question.
I thought maybe you’d be open to taking her? ”
I pick at a stray thread on my bedspread. I can’t fathom taking on more responsibility right now, but how am I supposed to say no to my friend and this poor dog?
“Of course I’ll help out. What do you need from me?”
“They’re going to keep her in the hospital overnight, but maybe you could pick her up tomorrow after the festival? She’ll have the stitches in for two weeks. Once they’re out, we can take her back at the rescue, unless you want to keep her.”
The hope in her voice only adds to my building overwhelm. I can’t believe I’m adding take care of a puppy to my never-ending to-do list.
“Two weeks sounds manageable.” I try to keep my voice even.
“Thank you so much! We’ll provide you with food, a bed, and all that fun stuff. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
“Sounds great.”
When I hang up, there’s a light tapping on my window. Jax’s smiling face is peering through the glass. He’s already in a plain white T-shirt and gray sweatpants, his eyes light with joy and a hint of mischief.
I slide my window open as quietly as I can because Charlie is staying in the guest bedroom on the other side of my bedroom wall. “Hey, handsome.”
“Now that nickname I could get used to.” He smirks. “Can you help me? I’m getting too old for this sneaking around stuff.”
“You’re only twenty-five.”
“I hear that’s when things go downhill. You wouldn’t understand. You’re still so young.”
“I’m barely a year younger than you.” I giggle, offering him a hand.
“Oh, what I’d give to be twenty-three again.” He gives an exaggerated groan as he pulls himself through my window.
“You’re ridiculous.”
“Talk to me when you’re my age. Then you’ll get it.” Once he’s through the window, he wraps me in his arms, pressing a kiss to the crown of my head before drawing back to look me in the eyes. “How’s my girl doing?”
“Better now that you’re here.”
I settle into the warmth of his touch, releasing a breath. I’m so grateful for Jax and his gentle comfort. Being in his arms relieves the weight of everything that was plaguing me moments ago. It’s as if I no longer have a single responsibility except to be cared for by him.
“I missed you.”
“We were with each other all day.” He squeezes me tight.
“That’s not what I meant.”
“I know. I missed you too.”
In an instant, his lips are on mine. In our frenzy to show each other how much we mean to each other, I bump against my dresser, a surprised squeak escaping me. Jax chuckles as he maneuvers me to safety, but then there’s a knock on the door.
“Is everything okay in there?”