32. Ivy
32
IVY
W ith the heels on the dress wasn't quite as long, but it was heavy. I bustled about with orders for servers, musicians, the bartender, and even the chef in the kitchen. The hotel staff flitted about too, dressed in their most dapper attire, and I felt like a queen.
Mimi had tied my hair up into some twisted mess on my head with pins and ribbons, and while I would never have done it to myself, I thought it was beautiful. If I weren't wearing a million dollars on my body, I'd have thought the up-do was a bit much, especially when she pinned the beautiful barrette James gave me into the back and kissed my cheek.
Mimi and I, along with my few interns, made sure things were running smoothly. When the fountain ran out of chocolate, Mimi left my side, only to return less than two minutes later with a report that someone else was on it. She felt like a tiny dog locked on my ankle, but I couldn’t shake her off, not after the way I'd been melting down periodically all week and especially all day today.
I was avoiding James, and Mimi was my buffer. He approached us, and she stayed firmly at my side with a smile, and I felt nervous flutters when his eyes dropped to my chest, then my hips, then my hidden feet. And as they swept back up to my face, I saw desire crest in his gaze.
"Ms. Hart," he said casually, and my heart did a flip.
Mimi squeezed my arm and smirked at me, and my cheeks warmed to relatively close to the temperature of the sun. "Mr. Carver, is there anything I can do for you?" I asked. I kept my tone professional, because tonight was not the time to break down crying, at least not until the event was over and most of the guests had left. Then I would allow myself to feel.
"Everything is perfect," he said as he stepped closer, and his eyes flicked to Mimi. "May we have a word?" he asked, but my throat constricted and Mimi had to speak for me.
"Actually, she's needed in the kitchen." With a polite nod, she yanked me away from him, and I was never more grateful. We had hours more of this to endure, and my heart was raw from warring against itself.
The way he devoured me, undressing me with his eyes, didn't help either. Part of me wanted to think he wasn’t just objectifying me, that he was looking at me like that because he felt things for me. But I reminded myself of his stature and position. James was a very good-looking, wealthy man. He could have any woman he wanted now that he was available. He wouldn't choose someone like me.
"What are you doing," Mimi hissed, and she pulled me into the coat closet. "You're all starry eyed and drooling, and that man wanted to talk to you alone. Pull yourself together."
Shame warmed my cheeks again, and I wrung my hands together and sighed. "He's my client, Mimi. And I will have to dance with him later. I'm thinking that's when I'll do it. I'll tell him while we're dancing because there's no way he can freak out and shout at me in front of all of his friends."
I chewed the insides of my cheeks as she relaxed her grip on my arm and furrowed her eyebrows in compassion. "I thought you were waiting until after the event was over?"
I shrugged and threw my hands up in the air. "I don't know what I'm doing." Tears threatened to well up, and I turned toward the door. Waiters were carrying the silver-domed plates of food into the ballroom to serve, and I was a nervous wreck. Hiding in the coat closet wasn't going to help me at all. I thought I was doing a great job of keeping a professional demeanor, but if Mimi saw through it, James must've too.
"You may as well walk right up onto the dais and take the mic and tell the whole room. You're sweating and pale, and your hands have been shaking all day. Is it the nerves or hormones?" Her eyebrows peaked in the center now as she tilted her head to one side. "I'll help with dinner, but honestly, Ivy, you have to get this over with. Your potential customers are watching every step you take. The whole reason for coming to this party was to impress them and earn new customers for future parties, right?"
Her pinky looped through mine, and I was grateful she'd come to help me. The moral support meant more than the physical help she was being, but both were much appreciated. I squeezed her pinky and nodded, blinking back a few tears. I could do this. I was a strong woman and I didn’t need a man on my arm at all. I wanted to tell James I loved him, but if it didn't work out, I knew I'd make it. My sister's support reminded me how independent I was.
We stepped back into the hallway, and I checked a few plates as they passed to make sure the quality was up to snuff. Then I peeked into the dining room to see everyone seated and dining. There was a spot next to James that was empty. It was where I assumed Barbra would typically sit, probably reserved for me. I was avoiding that, so I ducked back into the hallway and turned to see Mimi's smile.
"I'm going to grab a plate and eat. We still have the dances to deal with, and someone keeps dripping melted chocolate on the dance floor." She rolled her eyes. "Are you going to be okay for a few minutes?" she asked, and her eyes widened as she looked over my shoulder.
I slowly turned on my heel, already knowing what I would see there. James stood with one hand clasped around his other wrist, smiling at me.
"Ms. Hart, I've finished my meal and I'm ready for our dance. It's my honor each year to have the first dance before the dance floor reopens after dinner." He held his elbow out to me. "Would you do me the honor?" The way his eyes sparkled when he looked at me started to put me at ease, but anxiety rankled that peace that wanted to swell up in my chest. He was calm because he didn't know what I was about to tell him.
"You guys will be so adorable out there dancing," Mimi said. Then she leaned in to speak directly into my ear. "Tell him. Everything." She emphasized the word "everything", and I knew she meant more than just the bit about the baby. We discussed how if I was going to be fully honest, I had to admit I had feelings for him, which I was terrified to do. I didn't want him to think I was lying.
"Tell me?" James said, narrowing his eyes in confusion.
But I took his arm and stepped closer to his side, forcing a smile to my face to hide the nervous flush. I ignored his question, and his hand wrapped around my hand which gripped his bicep. He led me out to the ballroom and through the tables to the dance floor. When one of his hands slid to the small of my back, it made warm pulses dance up my spine. His palm against my naked flesh did things to me, things I wanted to continue to feel.
"The evening has been fantastic, Ms. Hart."
That name. The way he said it. It felt like he possessed me. I wanted him to possess me. I wanted him to own my heart and my body, and the rest of my future.
"I'm glad you’ve enjoyed it." I couldn’t look at him. I kept my eyes focused outward along the walls as his other hand slid up my arm to my hand. I rested my other hand on his shoulder and let him guide my body along in beat to the slow music.
"Everything looks as exquisite as you do…" I could feel his eyes boring into the side of my face, tempting me to meet his gaze. I felt a million things all at once, and yet felt so calm in his arms, as if he had the power to still the storm inside me. But I couldn't lean into that compliment. I couldn't let it make my heart feel things right now. He was saying that because he thought we were having a fling and perhaps he'd get lucky tonight. But he didn’t know.
"My team worked very hard to put this together." I pressed my lips into a line and smiled at a partygoer whose eye I caught. It felt stiff and fake, because it was. I wasn't happy. I was torn up inside. I blinked my eyes rapidly and sucked in a breath. I wanted to tell him now, here on the dance floor, but the words weren't coming.
"And I think…" He paused, and I looked up to meet his eyes. "Well, what I'm trying to say is…" He faltered for words too. His tongue drew across his lower lip, and his eyes dipped to watch me bite my lip. Then he looked back into my eyes. "Please… come with me?"
There was such a pained expression of confusion and yet desire on his face, I couldn’t say no. James took my hand and led me off the dance floor toward the dais. I wobbled on my heels. My palms felt like I'd dipped them in a bowl of water, and my heart pounded. This wasn't supposed to be happening. I was supposed to have a moment during our dance where I told him about the baby, about how much I loved him, and things were changing. This wasn’t the plan.
He guided me toward the mic, and the singer stopped singing and directed the band to bring the music down. The volume lowered as James took the mic off the stand and smiled at his guests. My cheeks felt like I was bathed in lava, but I offered a nod of thanks to Mr. Sullivan and then tried my best not to look like a deer in headlights as I turned to address James's guests too.
"Good evening, friends and family." James stood a bit taller and his chest puffed out. "Thank you all for coming." His iron grip on my hand was crushing, but I didn't want him to let go. I felt like if he did, I'd float away. Anxiety beat on my mind. "I wanted to let you know that all of this—this whole evening, the dinner, the decorations, the band—it's all thanks to this woman right here. Ms. Ivy Hart." As he said it, he lifted my hand into the air slowly.
My head dropped, but I smiled as everyone in the room clapped and cheered. They'd obviously had a good night tonight and were grateful, but it was a bit over the top and kind of embarrassing that he put me on the spot like this.
When the cheering subsided, James continued. "I also want you all to consider her for your next event. She has been the one in charge of all of my events this year, as sadly, things in my life have changed abruptly."
The weight on my shoulders to do the right thing only got increasingly heavy. With the eyes of more than one hundred of James's peers boring into me, I felt shame and guilt multiply. This dress, this night, the way he held my hand—they weren't mine to treasure. I was a poser. A palate cleanser for him in his post-relationship status. A way he could transition from one woman to something new in the future, and I had to get off this stage before I started crying.
I started to step away, but he held me there, pulling me back to his side. "One of the changes that came about recently was this woman here by my side." I looked up at him as he stared out at his guests and wondered what the hell he was doing now. Panic seeped its way into my chest and gut, swirling around and making me feel dizzy.
"Ms. Hart hasn’t just been a part of the plans for these events. She's become a part of my life." A lump formed in my throat, and I felt my palms getting even sweatier. I backed away again and shook my head. What was he doing? "Ms. Hart has become someone very dear to me."
My tongue felt like it was swelling up. It clung to the roof of my mouth, and I shook my head again as tears welled up. This wasn’t happening. He couldn’t be about to tell them about us, not here, not like this. He didn’t know my secret. He couldn’t do this to me.
"Here in front of all of you, it's my deepest heart's desire to tell you…" James turned to me, and I could've sworn there were tears in his eyes. "That I love you, Ivy Hart. You have changed my life in ways I'll never be able to explain, and?—"
And I ran. I pulled my hand from his, and I turned and bolted off the stage so quickly, one of my shoes flew off, so I kicked the other off and ran faster. Tears streamed down my cheeks, and my heart felt like it would explode, and I didn't even know where to go, but I was so hot, I knew I needed air or I'd pass out. I grabbed the skirt of the long blue dress and hiked it up as I charged out the front door into the brisk February air and cried.
James loved me? But he didn't know my secret. It wasn't real. How could it be real if he didn’t even know me?