33. James
33
JAMES
W hen Ivy took off, I felt embarrassed, but seeing the fear in her eyes as she backed away, I put my own emotions aside to think of her. I'd read her wrong. I stared after her in disbelief for a second until the hushed murmurs started, and then I cleared my throat and turned back to my waiting guests. I'd never been wrong about something like this, but there was a first time for everything. I wondered if she was embarrassed or worse. The gnawing fear that she didn’t reciprocate my emotion made me feel tense as I continued.
"Well, that didn’t go as planned," I said into the mic, and it earned a few chuckles, but a few of my closer friends had stern expressions on their faces. If they thought that was a shock, my next statement would really rattle them. "I know some of you are aware that Barbra and I had some problems these past few years.
"This past year has been the worst for us, and as of mid-December, we have separated." There were a few gasps, a few looks of pity or sympathy. But the weight was lifting off my shoulders as I thought of Ivy and my freedom to pursue her now. "Barbra was no longer happy to continue trying to repair our relationship, and we signed paperwork to have our marriage annulled in December."
Now that I had my announcement over with, I wanted nothing more than to go find Ms. Hart and talk about why she ran out like that. I wasn't going to let it stand for another second. I'd spent the past month in yo-yo, waiting for her to notice that I was here wanting more. She'd used work as an excuse for her business, but I knew she was purposefully avoiding me. And when her sister said to "tell me everything", I got the feeling Ivy was hiding something too. Maybe a secret similar to my own.
"I know you'll all have lots of questions, and honestly, I'd love to answer them all. But right now, I need to go find Ms. Hart and make sure she's okay. Please, continue to enjoy the wine and snacks, and enjoy the dance floor and Mr. Sullivan's music. I'll be with you again shortly." I smiled at the band, a very plastic smile, and replaced the mic, and then I left the dais as the music swelled in volume.
When I stormed into the hallway hoping to find Ivy, I saw Mimi curled around her. She appeared to be sniffling and clinging to her, and I felt bad for interrupting. Then I heard Mimi say something about "telling me" something again, and my curiosity drove me forward toward them.
"Ms. Hart?" I said, and she straightened. She was shivering, and a tear had formed a tiny ice droplet on her lower eyelash. Mimi backed away, and I slipped my tux jacket off and draped it around her shoulder. "Thank you," I told Mimi with a nod as she squeezed Ivy's hand one more time and walked away. "Are you alright?" I asked as I pulled the jacket more snugly around her shoulders.
Ivy scrubbed the tears off her cheeks and looked up at me. There was so much emotion storming in her eyes, I didn't know what to think. It didn't appear to be pain or anger. Fear, maybe, or something else…
I hated to see her so upset and hurting, especially when she looked so beautiful in that gown with her hair and makeup done. Everything about her was perfect.
"Did I go too far?" I asked her, and I stepped closer. She didn’t back away from me, but her lower lip quivered. "Because I truly do love you, Ms. Hart. I've been wanting to tell you, waiting for the right moment. We have this connection, and we've never really said it to each other, but I don’t want you to leave my house. It's stupid and impulsive, and I just got out of a bad relationship like you, but I'm in love.
"I know I’m way older than you, and is that it? Am I just too old, or do you think I'm too doting or controlling? Because I can?—"
"I'm pregnant." Ivy's intense eyes only stormed more. They bounced around my face as her lower lip slid between her teeth and her hands wrung in front of her.
A thousand thoughts rushed through me followed by a thousand emotions. I stood there speechless, taking it in, gazing at her incredibly beautiful face. Sam's words needled at my thoughts, that she could be a gold digger out for my money. He warned me to protect myself. But the tears in her eyes, the way she was wrestling, didn't look like she was doing this for money. And if I had to be honest, it didn't matter.
What I felt for this woman was freedom. Real love. Love that was here to support her, build her up, help her, encourage her, champion her, and all with no strings attached. With no expectation of anything in return. But that didn't mean I didn't hope she'd return it to me with her own love.
"Okay," I said softly. I took a step toward her, letting that blow to my reality sink in for a second. I took her hands in mine and brought them to my lips and looked her dead in the eye and said, "It changes nothing." The hurricane pounding around my chest threatened to suck me in, but I refused to give in. I'd have stood by Barbra's side while she cheated on me repeatedly if it meant she didn't leave, but she left anyway.
This woman in front of me wasn't telling me this to hurt me. The expression in her eyes told me she'd been burdened by this secret and she needed to know I'd be there for her. How many times had I seen that expression in my former wife's eyes and I neglected it? I refused to let Ivy down in that same manner. I refused because I truly loved her.
"James, I… I'll pay back every cent of your investment. I don’t want your money. I just wanted?—"
"Ivy," I said, interrupting her. One of the very few times I'd said her given name aloud, and it felt right. She was shaking her head, almost as if refusing to believe this could be true. "I am in love with you." I laced my fingers through hers with one hand and pinched her chin with the other, forcing the shock of her revelation away.
"I have been waiting weeks to tell you this, and I won't let you push me away again. I don't want you to pay the money back. I don't want you to beat yourself up. I don't want you to think about anything except the fact that I love you."
"But the baby… What will people think?" Her eyes were full of tears again, and when she blinked, I brushed them away with my thumb.
"Who cares? It's a huge shock for me, I'm not going to lie. But I will take time to process my thoughts about that later. Right now, I need to know that you understand how I feel. I need to know how you feel." My own heart felt desperate for validation now. I felt a deep thirst to know she felt the same way.
When she threw her arms around me sobbing, I wrapped her in my embrace. "I do love you, James. I was just so worried. I didn't want you to think I did that on purpose. I’m not a gold digger." Her confession exploded inside my heart with such joy, I almost couldn't stand it.
I lifted her off the ground and spun her in a circle and laughed before setting her down. When her feet touched the floor, I kissed her lips and cradled her face in my palms. I had the most beautiful and amazing woman in the world here, and there was nothing in the world I wouldn’t do for her.
"Come dance with me," I urged, and she smiled and nodded.
"Of course," she said, and she took my hand.
The music was fast and I was energized, and even though the idea of becoming a father this late in life was a shock, it was an adventure I knew I could take on with her by my side. We danced and laughed for hours, and the stolen kisses were a prelude to what I knew was coming when we got home. To our home, because there was no way I was letting her leave my side now.