Chapter 4 #2
I’d go first, and I was never going to meet someone. Those dreams — of boyfriends and love and marriage and forever — those would remain dreams. Regrets, really. The things I’d never done.
I forced a smile. “Sure, Mom.” I’d never made false promises to her before, and I wasn’t sure what made me do it now.
There was no way I was ever going to bring a man back here to meet her.
But it suddenly seemed like the less cruel option, to extend that hope, to pretend my life could be that normal.
That I lived in the light instead of the shadows.
I wanted all of those things that Mom wanted for me, and maybe we could both believe it. Just for a few minutes.
Until the pretense pricked my eyes anyway,
“Esmé’s waiting on me to start movie night.” I offered a pretty shitty explanation for my speedy exit as I stood and tucked my chair back under the table before loading my plates in the dishwasher.
I really didn’t want to eat and run but I didn’t want Mom’s focus on her future as a grandmother, either. That would hurt both of us way too much.
The streets were quiet on the way home, so the lights reflecting in my rearview made the car following me stand out. But picking up a tail while just going about my normal business was nothing new.
I was Esmé’s property and the Blackbloods kept tabs on me. Probably Brock had ordered it. Even if he didn’t actually care for Esmé, she held value for him, so he kept an eye on her walking blood bag to keep her happy.
The reminder of my situation chilled me, but there was nothing I could do about it.
They didn’t even hang back or pretend like they weren’t following me, and I had kind of a wicked, spiteful urge, so I led them all over New Orleans.
Riding through fancy neighborhoods where I pulled a three-point turn outside huge, gated properties and down winding alleys and backstreets lined with boarded -p buildings.
After two more U-turns, I headed home, glancing in my rearview one last time. “Hope you enjoyed the tour, boys.”
But I didn’t quite reach home. Something gave me pause just before I made the final turn.
Now that I looked closer, beyond the simple presence of the headlights, I didn’t recognize the car as one of Brock’s usual goon mobiles, and the guy in the driver’s seat looked unfamiliar, too.
The passenger seat was shrouded in darkness, and Esmé would kill me properly if I led anyone to her home.
I stopped at the curb and turned the engine off then just waited.
The car that had been following me pulled up behind me, and I drew in a quick breath, holding it until it burned in my chest. What was worse?
Being killed by Esmé if I led unknown people to her or being killed by the unknown people because I wasn’t even attempting self-preservation? I didn’t really have time to decide.
I focused straight ahead, my gaze unblinking and out through the windshield.
Someone tapped at my window, but I didn’t move, steeling myself against the flinch, turning on my capacity to tune out my surroundings — maybe that was in part to do with the constant distraction of being in thrall to venom.
There was another tap, and I’d expected it, but I was unwilling to look my potential death square in the face.
After interminable seconds, I finally turned my head.
What the fuck? Kyle?
He made a motion to the window, and I leaned forward slightly and actually rolled the fucker down inch by dramatic, jerking inch because my car was so old and beat up.
The car behind us was still idling.
“What are you doing, Sam?” His voice was hard, cold, like I owed him an explanation, but my damn chest still tightened when he said my name, like it mattered that he knew it and how it sounded on his lips. “Where the hell are you driving to?”
“Home.” It was only one word, and it was the truth.
“Through every bad part of town you can think of?” He made a scoffing noise, but this was really the most I’d heard him say in one go.
He left my window and as I rolled it up again, the passenger door opened. “I’ll ride with you then catch my other ride back to my apartment.”
I would have argued. Probably should have argued, but suddenly his scent filled the interior of my car, and I was a little dizzy from it. Instead of asking him to leave, I simply nodded before pulling away, watching in the rearview mirror as the car behind me moved in synchronicity with mine.
“Even with Esmé’s protection, you’re not safe in some of those places.” Those were the last words he spoke, and when I glanced at him, he wasn’t even looking at me.
We rode the rest of the way in silence, but there was something reassuring about his presence. A warmth I’d been lacking for a long time, although I very much doubted that Kyle wanted to be anyone’s warmth.
I pulled up on the cracked slab of a driveway in front of our house and before I could cut the engine for the final time, Kyle spoke.
“You didn’t answer before. What were you doing? Driving around like that.”
I didn’t intend to answer now, but I did anyway. “Shaking a tail.”
His lips twitched like I’d amused him.
“But what were you doing? Why were you following me?” I held my breath, unsure what I wanted his answer to be. Vampires never did anything for a good reason, in my experience.
Was I also just food to him? Had he been looking for a late-night snack? Was I the closest thing to a twenty-four-hour diner he knew of in New Orleans? The questions I asked myself sent a chill through me, and I risked another glance at him.
He could be very dangerous to me, but maybe not in the usual way vampires were dangerous to me. This one… this one I wanted to know.
He made me wish and want and hope.
All the dreams Mom had just awoken in me rushed to linger in my mind, of a future, of a man, of love, and I saw Kyle in them, and I looked away from him. I was being ridiculous. That wasn’t my future. Vampires would be my downfall, nothing more.
And this vampire was here for work, and I was part of his pretense. That knowledge lodged bitterly in my gut, but maybe pretending to love was better than not ever experiencing it.
He shifted in his seat and his scent swirled around me afresh.
It was all I could do not to press my nose to him and breathe him in until I couldn’t hold any more air.
I’d burst for him. That knowledge hit more like a sledgehammer, and as if he’d read my mind, he moved again, edging a little farther away.
“Just be careful where you go. It’s dangerous out there.” His voice was gruff.
Then he pressed a quick, surprise kiss to my cheek and slipped from the car, before taking the shadowed sidewalk back in the direction of the one that had stopped following us about a block from my place. My cheek tingled and I touched it, almost in danger of swearing to never wash again.
I wanted someone who wanted to kiss me. I’d never dared admit that to myself before, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to admit it now. I didn’t need the tidal wave of hope and sadness such an admission threatened to unleash.
But the unexpected display of affection was definitely all about appearances.
So, my tail on the drive back had been Kyle and whoever, but I was being watched by others now that I was home.
I flipped the bird to a car parked across the street as I sauntered to the front door.
Yeah, I’d been right. Two of Brock’s usual minions sat in the driver and passenger seats.
Still, if they had time to waste watching me, I was happy to greet them with the respect they deserved.
The strange triumph at my unexpected interaction with Kyle faded as soon as I stepped inside the house, and it was all in such stark relief to Mom’s place.
The unpleasant odors were stronger here again now that I’d been home, somewhere clean and filled with love, and the ratty furniture in my space was anything but welcoming.
A chill hung in the air, and I made my way slowly toward Esmé’s wing. She didn’t really like me down there very often, but I tried the handle anyway. The door was locked, which meant she wasn’t home.
That was happening more and more often, and Mom’s lasagna curdled in my stomach as I remembered how our friendship used to be.
There’d been a time when Esmé and I had really been friends.
Inseparable, even. Those were the moments I called to mind whenever I discussed Esmé with Mom.
I was able to borrow from the actual truth.
Esmé’s absence now, though, proved how little I meant to her. And that was pretty ironic considering the thing that had changed everything in our lives was when I’d saved hers.
In that split second, the worst decision I’d ever made, I’d saved Esmé’s life and damned my fucking own.
Sean had already been dead —beyond saving —killed by a fledgling vampire on a rampage, and Esmé had been beside herself and taking more risks than usual when she’d taken on that vampire in retribution.
She’d underestimated the strength of the newly made, though, because what they lacked in experience, they sometimes made up for in enthusiasm.
And when she’d had her throat slashed open, I’d been the one to provide the blood to keep her alive.
I couldn’t lose both Sean and Esmé in one night. I just couldn’t.
Except, if I’d truly known the future consequences, I would have. I’d have watched Esmé’s eyes turn glassy and empty if I’d known it would save me now.
She couldn’t even be bothered with me anymore. I’d changed my status from friend and equal to underling and food, and… I laughed, the sound dry and cold. Food was never a friend, apparently. At least not in the world of the Blackbloods.