Chapter 20
Ciara
As if I needed another reminder that I was defective, there it fucking was. Apparently, I was a vampire’s mate…and I’d had no fucking clue. No idea at all. I should have known, right? If I was a mate for another supernatural, I would have expected to have known.
How was any of this even possible? I was a shifter. I lived with my pack. I was a shifter, right?
Right?
How could I not fucking know?
How long would he have stayed scared? No matter what he said about me being his soul, had he ever planned to tell me? Or was he hoping he’d never have to, because I wasn’t what he wanted?
But shit. Maybe I did know. Maybe I’d always known. All those times away from him when all I could do was think about him anyway? Those times when I felt like part of him had stayed with me after I walked away, lodged in my chest next to my heart?
The idea I might walk away and actually never see him again… That hurt.
But there were too many questions I couldn’t answer. If I was a vampire mate, I didn’t know where I’d live or whether my brother would disown me. He hated vampires and what they did to people. What they’d done to his parents—our mom.
Surely this was a betrayal on a pretty epic scale?
It simply wasn’t possible. I didn’t like vampires.
I only worked with them to make Conri’s life easier.
That was all. If I couldn’t live with the vamps, Jason could hardly come live with me.
I was unpopular enough already with the rest of the pack.
I couldn’t exactly introduce them to my vampire mate.
Mate. The word whirled through my head again, still not making any sense at all.
I couldn’t have a mate. I just couldn’t. That shit was forever… that shit was…was… it was a fairytale.
I slowed. Sweet fuck. I had no idea where I was going in this fucking house. I needed a door, a way out. But not through the kitchen.
I’d left Kayla in there and probably Sebastian was there now, too. I didn’t want to see them.
I darted into one of the rooms when I heard footsteps behind me, and I spotted a pair of French doors. Perfect. A way out. I didn’t know how I’d find my way out of this small structured yard—there were walls—but one problem at a time. I actually needed to leave the house first.
As I twisted the tiny key in the lock then pushed the door open, a hand caught my upper arm, the fingers strong but gentle.
I tried to break free.
“It’s just me,” Jason murmured.
That was literally what I’d been afraid of. I didn’t want his touch on me, and I didn’t want the warmth that crept through me in his presence. I wasn’t ready for any of that.
“I need to be alone,” I said.
“That’s the last thing you need in a house of vampires. You’re female, you’re a virgin, and you’re my mate. That makes you a beacon for even the most well-behaved guard.”
A memory of the way the guard had held me before invaded my brain. Maybe not all of that had been aggression. I shuddered.
“I need to keep you safe. Please allow me that.” Jason’s tone was nothing but reasonable, and there was something about his presence.
He only needed to be near me to bring comfort. I’d never known anything like it.
I hesitated, absorbing the feeling.
“It’s okay. We’ll work it out.”
But I focused on my breathing and the rest of his words were lost to the wah-wah sounds of Charlie Brown adults. They were just indistinguishable white noise rather than real concepts I could understand.
Really though, all that mattered was that Jason was here with me and I was safe.
He spun me a little, the extra pressure still so gentle, and I allowed him to turn me toward him. He was looking at me like I’d hung the stars. Like I’d created the lands and seas. Like I was everything.
There was something different between us now that I’d overheard him talking to Sebastian. Now that I’d heard the word mate. But really, there’d been something between us since the very beginning, no matter how much rationalizing I tried to do. Because we were mates.
That damn word. It wouldn’t leave my head. In fact, it was a recurring thought. Front and center. Echoing in my brain.
What if this whole mate thing was actually my fate? We could have been thrown together. Maybe the universe did have a plan. He affected me like no other man had before. I’d allowed him to do things to me that no other man had done, things that I’d never trusted another man to do before.
Nothing had been the same since our first kiss.
I glanced at his lips. Always so tempting. I replayed our kisses through my mind often, and I always wanted more. Maybe that feeling would never go away.
I wanted to kiss him now.
The moment seemed to hang between us as I lifted myself on my tiptoes, one hand on his shoulder for stability, the other on his cheek. I wanted.
I touched my lips against his, the gentle pressure almost fleeting at first. But it wasn’t enough. I kissed him again, the pressure firmer this time so I could feel him in the moment with me.
He looped an arm around my waist and rested his other hand against the back of my head as he both drew me against him and held me in place. My knees threatened to buckle at the realization I was wanted, not just merely tolerated by this man.
I parted my lips and flicked the tip of my tongue against his mouth, waiting for him to accept me. When he did, I touched his tongue with mine, reveling in the way he caught his breath.
My fingers were in his short hair, my fingertips against his scalp, my kisses suddenly urgent as I moved my lips against his, dipping in and out of his mouth with my tongue. I caught his lower lip between my teeth, and a low growl rumbled through his chest.
I pressed closer to him, moving my arms to twine them around his neck. But he drew away as I offered myself to him.
“I can’t… we can’t… not like this.” He didn’t let go of me completely. “I don’t want to take things further in a yard full of guards.”
I glanced over my shoulder. My night vision was pretty good, but I couldn’t see into the deepest shadows. “Full of guards?”
“More than you’d likely be aware of.” He smiled wryly. “Sebastian likes Kayla very well protected.”
I nodded. I could see why Sebastian would want Kayla protected. She seemed like a very sweet person. Although I was only half listening to Jason as he spoke. I wanted nothing more than to kiss him again. His lips were…distracting.
And maybe a little bit magic. What would those lips feel like on other parts of me? My blood heated and my heart rate picked up at the thought.
He drew me back into the house. “Let’s go somewhere more private.”
A shiver rippled through me at the promise in his tone. I wanted to do so much more than talk. I wanted him to make me feel the way he had before.
He led me up the wide stairs in the entrance hall and out of an upstairs door.
I glanced around. “What the…?” We were standing on a pretty wrought-iron bridge that led over the yard we’d just been in.
Jason chuckled. “Sebastian keeps his guests in their own private wing. Well, he says it’s for our privacy.”
“You have your doubts?” I lifted an eyebrow.
“Well, let’s just say I can guess whose privacy Sebastian is most worried about, and I suspect it isn’t that of his guests.” He opened the door we’d crossed to. “My old room is over here. Kayla probably left a lot of my shit as it was.” He grimaced. “At least I hope she did.”
We entered a bedroom, and I inhaled. Yeah, this was his room. It smelled just like him. It was like being wrapped up in one of his hugs.
He switched on the light. “Home, sweet home.”
I smiled at the relief in his tone. “As you remembered?”
“Yes, absolutely yes.” He spun slowly around before taking my hand and leading me to the edge of the bed. “This is the only place I have to sit, though.”
I shrugged like it was no big deal, but I hadn’t sat on a man’s bed with him before. Not a man I felt like this about anyway. A man who’d declared me his mate.
The bed dipped slightly, and I shifted. I’d perched hesitantly on the end, but the addition of Jason’s weight unbalanced me, and I fell against him. He caught me, and his deep chuckle seemed to resonate through both of us.
“Oops…” He chuckled again as he adjusted his hold on me, and one of his hands palmed my breast over my clothes.
I pushed farther into his hold and sighed as my nipple hardened under his touch. I took a quick breath then another.
“Hey, it’s okay.” He moved his hand to my shoulder. “I don’t want to do anything you don’t want to—”
“No.” I launched myself at him and pressed my mouth against his. If he thought I didn’t want to do this, he was very definitely wrong. I couldn’t imagine anything I wanted to do more.
His lips softened under mine, and he responded, taking control and holding me closer as his tongue probed into my mouth. His hands slid under my shirt, and his touch against my skin sent a shiver of desire through me.
Holy shit. I was about to have sex for the first time. With this gorgeous man—my mate.
I froze.
With a vampire.
He drew away and focused his gaze on me. “You okay?”
“I…” I shook my head, trying to collect my thoughts. “I… yeah. Sure, I’m okay.”
“Sure?” He drew his eyebrows into a quizzical frown.
“It’s just.” I stopped and sighed. Did I really want to unroll all of my insecurity right now? “I’ve never done this before. And…”
“And?” He lowered his chin like he was gesturing for me to continue.
“And you must have done it with lots of women.”
He laughed but it was short and sharp, and he looked surprised by the sound. Then his cheeks colored, and he raked his fingers through his hair. “I guess. But no one else matters. You’re it for me now. A mate is forever. It’s you and only you.”
“Okay.” I nodded and leaned back toward him. Wasn’t even sure what I was saying okay to. I hadn’t really meant to question his past. It had just spilled out.
“And, Ciara?”
“Yes?”
“More than simply being a virgin…” he stopped speaking. “I mean… The vampire mates I’ve mentioned…”