Chapter 7
Van
Reggie walks in, acting like nothing is different, like nothing has changed. The girls stand near the bar with their hands on Chy’s belly, feeling the baby move. Mask is off in his office, and I’m here, just watching the scene in front of me. Chyanne has been here for a few weeks now, and the more I talk to her, the more I find I like her. She’s a nice person who thinks highly of others. She has a good heart and would be the kind of girl I would be attracted to if she weren’t having a baby. At least, that’s what I’m telling myself.
“You okay?” Pike asks as he passes me a beer.
“I’m good. Just ready to handle Reggie,” I tell him. We’ve been keeping an eye on him for the last couple of weeks, hoping he would stop selling our drugs for his own profit, but he hasn’t. And he doesn’t know we know.
“Heard that, brother. I’m with you. I don’t know how much longer we have to wait on this shit,” he says.
“What shit?” Free asks as he joins our little conversation.
“Reggie shit,” I tell him. He nods and brings his beer to his lips before sitting on the chair and leaning back.
“I want it over,” Free states.
“We all do. I think Mask is just givin’ him a little time to change, and I don’t think that’s gonna happen,” I tell him.
“Don’t seem that way, does it?”
“No. Not at all.” I turn my head when I hear Chy laughing and look at her. She looks beautiful. Fucking perfect, and I’m a sick motherfucker for thinking about her like that. I can’t get involved with her. I know I can’t.
“You like the new girl?” Pike asks me.
“What’s not to like?” I ask him back as I look at her. She’s beautiful.
“She’s pregnant.”
“There is that,” I say as I nod my head. I know she’s pregnant, and that’s exactly why I can’t get involved with her, no matter how much I like being around her. I shove out of my chair and walk over to the girls, sliding up next to Nicole. She immediately throws her arms around my neck, pressing her lips to my cheek.
“What are you doing?” she asks as she presses her body against mine.
“Just seein’ what you girls are up to. Kinda lonely over there with the guys,” I tell her. She nods her head and leans in, pressing her lips to mine. I kiss her back, hell any man would kiss her back but it all feels wrong. The laughter stops around us when I pull away and glance at the other girls. No one is laughing now that Chy has turned and walked away. Fuck. Did she walk off because of me?
“She okay?” I ask Nicole.
“She’s fine. Just having a bad day,” she says as she runs her hands up and down my chest and abs. I came over here and started this, so why the fuck don’t I want to finish it? Instead of playing, I step back and let her hands fall away from me. She looks at me strangely when I run my hand over my face and smile.
“I need to piss,” I tell her before turning and walking down the hall. I don’t have to piss. I need to see what’s wrong with Chyanne. And that’s exactly where I go, too. I knock on her door before I think better of it, and when she says it’s open, I walk in.
“I didn’t know it was you,” she murmurs.
“What difference does that make?”
“I’m not really into dealing with men today,” she tells me as I walk over and drop into the chair in the corner of her room. She looks at me, really looks at me and I find myself wondering what it is she’s thinking about.
“Talk to me.”
“I don’t want to.”
“I think you do,” I tell her. I can see the look in her eyes. She has something to say, and I want to hear it. I need to hear it.
“I just don’t feel like talking today, Van.”
“What happened?”
“Don’t you have girls waiting for you?” she asks, a slight attitude in her tone. She didn’t like seeing me with Nic, and maybe that’s the problem. She doesn’t want to see anyone with her friend.
“I shouldn’t have touched her in front of you,” I tell her. Her eyes fly to mine and lock there.
“Why do you say that?”
“Maybe you’re not used to seein’ her with men.”
“That’s what you got from that?” she asks. I shrug. What the hell else should I have gotten out of that?
“Just leave, Van. Please.”
“I don’t wanna leave. Not yet,” I tell her.
“What is it you want then?” Before I can think better of what I’m saying, I blurt out what I want.
“You.” Her lips part before her hand comes to rest on her stomach. She knows I don’t want kids or anything like that right now.
“What are you talking about?” I run my hand through my hair as I look anywhere but at her. I don’t know what the fuck to say here. I don’t know what I’m doing.
“You, Chy. I’m talkin’ about you.”
“What about me?”
“I don’t know! Fuck this is stupid,” I tell her.
“What is? I don’t get it.”
“I like bein’ around you, Chy. I think you’re a great person, and I like you.”
“That’s sweet, but I’m pregnant,” she tells me what I already know.
“You think I don’t know that?” I tease. She smiles, and it melts me inside. I want to see her smile. I want to see her happy all the time, and fuck, what am I doing?
“I need to go,” I tell her, shoving out of the chair and heading for the door. When I reach out and grab the handle, she speaks.
“I like you too, Van.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. You’ve been great to me. I appreciate everything you’ve done, but I like having you around too.”
“So what do we do?” I ask, turning to look at her.
“I don’t know. The baby situation isn’t going to change, and I know you don’t want kids.”
“I don’t even know what I want anymore, Chyanne.”
“Are you saying you might want kids?” she asks me. Is that what I’m saying? I shrug my shoulders, unsure what to say. I don’t know if I want kids. I don’t know if I’d want to step up to the plate and be someone’s stepdad. Am I ready for that? Fuck if I know.
“I don’t know, Chy. I know I want you, but you come as a package deal,” I tell her.
“And if you can’t accept the baby, then you don’t need me,” she says, and she’s right. If I can’t get over the fact she’s pregnant, then I don’t need to mess with her. I need space. I need to get away from her, but that doesn’t sound like a good enough plan either.
“Looks like I have some thinkin’ to do, yeah?”
“No, you don’t. I don’t want a relationship right now, Van. I just got out of one that was shit.”
“That doesn’t mean ours would be shit, Chy. Come on.”
“Doesn’t mean ours would work out either, and I have the baby to worry about,” she adds.
“I don’t want to make this complicated for you. That’s not my intention. I just …” Shit. What do I want? I just what?
“I get it, Van. I do, but you’re good. Go be with Nicole.” She shoves herself off the bed and walks toward the door. I know it might be stupid, but it’s been coming, and we all know it. I grab her and pull her against me before kissing her like my life depends on it. I let my tongue slip past her lips and slide into her mouth, caressing hers. A moan slips free as I press her body against mine. She feels right in my arms like she belongs. This feels too right.
Chyanne slowly pulls back and stares into my eyes. She doesn’t know what to say, and frankly, neither do I.
“What was that?” she asks softly.
“That was me kissin’ you.”
“Why?”
“Because I want you to know I’m serious, Chy. I wasn’t jokin’ about what I said.”
“But the baby.”
“I know. I told you I’m gonna think about all of this. I just needed one taste.”
“One isn’t enough,” she says softly before I press my lips to hers once more. I kiss her hard this time, letting her know I’m serious about this. I don’t know how this is going to play out, but I’m sure as hell willing to find out.