Chapter 35
SADIE
I have to give Ali credit. As far as best friends go, she’s a keeper.
All it took was one incoherent sob through the phone line, and she knew just what to do.
Within half an hour of me arriving back at my crappy old rental, she showed up with a bottle of tequila and a giant bag of chocolate covered almonds.
She made me take two shots before I told her anything. Even with the alcohol warming me, loosening the choke hold around my heart, I couldn’t bring myself to share certain details that felt too private for anyone to know.
But I told her about Eli and Maverick’s reaction to me talking to him. When I finish explaining how he told me to focus on my own issues instead of his, I feel hollow inside. Like saying it somehow makes it real and steals everything good and warm and happy from me.
“Oh, Sadie. You know he didn’t mean it, right?” Ali wraps her arms around me, pulling me in for a hug I’m not sure I really want.
I do want a hug, just from someone else. But the man I want one from has pushed me away, so I guess I’ll take what I can get. I reluctantly hug her back and let her take some of the emotional weight from me.
“I know he didn’t mean it to be hurtful, but he meant what he said.
And he’s right. I did get caught up in helping him with his image.
And then I fell for him. I did forget about my own mess for a while, but that didn’t make it go away.
I hid from it, staying at his apartment and getting wrapped up in his world.
But that’s not where I belong.” I push back against her hold, turning to grab the tequila, pouring another shot, and tossing it back before continuing.
“If anything, he did me a favour, showing me where I stood with him before I told him how I felt. I don’t know that I could have handled seeing his face when he heard me say I’m falling in love with him.
” My shudder isn’t feigned, and I shake my head.
“No. This is better. I had to walk away. I already stayed too long in a relationship where I wasn’t actually loved. I won’t do it again.”
Ali doesn’t say a word, just fills our shot glasses again and hands me mine, clinking the two together before throwing hers back. Four shots in and I’m feeling no pain. In fact, the room is spinning a bit, to be honest.
I slump back against the couch and shift around, trying to get comfortable.
“I will miss his apartment, though. And the sex. Definitely gonna miss the sex.”
“Okay, you’re cut off.” Ali giggles, rolling her head to the side to look at me. “But I bet it was good. He looks like he’d be good with his bat and balls.”
We both dissolve into laughter at that, and it takes a while to calm down.
But once I have a little bit of control, I look at her, feeling morose.
“It was really good. Like, home run every time good.” Ali snorts, but I’m on a roll.
“He hit it out of the park. Rounded all the bases. Handled his wood really well.”
“Oh my God!” Ali starts cackling and I let myself go, joining her. It feels better to laugh instead of cry, which is the only other option right now.
Thanks, tequila.
I wake up the next morning confused. This isn’t Maverick’s bed, with pillows soft as clouds yet somehow still supportive. And it definitely isn’t him beside me.
“Ali?” I mumble, cringing when I get a whiff of my hangover breath. “Oh man. I hate tequila.”
With a groan, I drag myself out of bed as Ali starts to stir.
Stumbling into my dingy bathroom, I brush my teeth and try to run a comb through my hair, giving up half way through and pulling it back into a messy bun.
By the time I stagger back into the bedroom, Ali’s sitting up blinking at me with bleary eyes.
“That’s the last time we drink that much tequila,” I say, pointing a finger at her and frowning.
“Whatever. You needed some oblivion last night.” She rolls out of bed, somehow shaking off the effects of last night a lot easier than me.
I make my way into the tiny kitchen and turn on the coffee maker. Looking around the sad apartment, a wave of sorrow hits me. Wrapping my arms around my stomach, I lean against the counter, remembering the last time I was here. The night Maverick insisted I was moving in with him.
When Ali reappears, I stare at her. “I want to move out of here.”
She simply nods. “I don’t blame you, this place is gross.”
“It was the best I could do when everything went bad with Dirk,” I say defensively. But apparently, Ali’s not going easy on me today.
“No, it wasn’t. You could have stayed with your parents or with me, but you wanted to get into a place of your own.
You settled. Just like you did with Dirk, and with so many other things.
You don’t think you deserve nice things, to be happy, to live the life you want to live.
That’s why you keep ending up in crappy apartments and crappy relationships.
Because you get so focused on keeping everyone else happy, and then you settle for less yourself.
You forget how long I’ve known you. And I know Sienna and Simon took a lot of the attention when you were kids, and you were happy to let them.
But somewhere along the way, you turned that into a reason to believe you weren’t as important as them.
You deserve happiness just as much as anyone else. ”
The beep of the coffee maker gives me an excuse to turn away from her harsh truth, so similar to what Maverick said last night.
But once I have a steaming mug in my hand and have passed another to her, I’ve come up with a reply.
One that doesn’t exactly address everything she’s saying, but it’s a start.
“What’s so wrong with wanting everyone around me to be happy?” I blow across the steam coming from my mug. “I like taking care of people.”
“Yeah, but you forget rule number one. Put your own oxygen mask on first. You use up all your energy on everyone else and leave nothing for yourself. That’s not healthy, Sadie. And that’s not going to change until you figure out what you want and you go get it.”
I take a sip of coffee. “The problem is, I want a man who doesn’t want me back.” My heart physically hurts saying it. “I can’t put my needs first. Because all I’ll get is heartbreak.”
Ali comes up beside me and rests her head on my shoulder. I let mine fall on top of hers and we stand like that for a minute.
“I’m sorry, Sadie.”
“I know.”
Straightening, I push off the counter and look around the crappy apartment. “But if I can’t have him, I can at least have a better apartment.” Turning to look at her, I raise my eyebrows. “Want to help me find somewhere to live?”
Ali’s face breaks into a grin. “I’ve got an even better idea.” She drains her coffee cup and sets it down before continuing. “Wanna be roomies?”
“Your place is tiny, Ali,” I protest.
“I know it is. And my lease is up next month. You can move into my place until then and we can find a two bedroom to share. Who needs men? Chicks before dicks.”
I let out a laugh as I consider her idea.
Part of me rebels. Just like the hug last night, she’s ultimately not who I want to be with.
But it’s a smart plan. Together we can afford something a hell of a lot nicer than this.
And having her around all the time will help me get over Maverick a lot faster.
“Let’s do it.”
Against my better judgment, we end up at an upscale wine bar with Willow and Lark that night. I had no desire to go out, but when Willow’s message came through, Ali saw it and insisted we go.
Which is how I landed here, sitting at a high-top table with my best friend and two women who work with my ex…whatever Maverick was to me.
Willow, being remarkably perceptive, figured out something was wrong as soon as we walked into the bar.
“What did he do?” she asks, pulling me into a hug. “And do I need to hide a body or write a press release?”
“I like her,” Ali comments, nodding at Willow. She lifts her hand and waves at the two other women. “I’m the best friend. And if there’s ever a body to deal with, I’ll help.”
Once our glasses are full of a delicious-looking pinot, I take a deep breath.
“Maverick and I aren’t together anymore.”
That’s all I say, and all I plan to divulge. There’s no way I’m revealing details about Eli or Maverick to Willow and Lark. I won’t betray him by sharing anything he wouldn’t want them to know.
“Something tells me there’s a hell of a lot more to that story, but I won’t pry. I will say, he’s more of an idiot than I expected if he’s pushing you away.” Willow covers my hand with hers. “I’m sorry, babe.”
I sniff back a tear, dashing away the one that actually does fall. “I’d say I’m fine, but I’m not.” I blink at the other girls. “And I don’t want to talk about it. Honestly. So someone else say something, please.”
“Baron asked me to marry him and I said yes.” Lark looks like she might be sick, which seems odd, considering what she just said. That is, until she goes on to say, “But I think I made a big mistake.”
Silence falls over the table as we all stare at her in shock. Willow recovers first, giving her head a slight shake. “Okay, one thing at a time. What’s the big mistake?” she asks cautiously.
Lark turns a morose look her way. “I don’t really want to marry him.”
“Oh, thank fuck.” Willow relaxes into her seat. “That’s not a mistake, that’s the smartest thing you’ve said about that idiot in a long time.”
She’s pulling no punches, and it’s clear how Willow feels about Lark’s partner. I’m just happy to have the attention off me and my relationship woes, though I feel for Lark. She looks miserable.
“You’re not the one who has to tell him and his mother,” Lark says miserably, staring into her glass of wine. “It’s going to be awful.”
“Maybe, but you can do so much better than him.”
I raise my glass, tilting it toward Lark. “To doing better than the men we’re with.”
She lets our glasses touch but frowns at me. “Mav’s a good man. I really am sorry it didn’t work out.”
“I know he’s a good man. I’m just not right for him.” I shrug, trying not to let it show how much that statement stings. “Besides, I was talking about my ex. He wasn’t even half the man Maverick is. And now that I’ve been with someone like him, I know I’ll never settle for less again.”
“I can drink to that,” Lark says with a watery smile. “To never settling for less.”
The four of us raise our glasses and drink together. And while it still hurts, and I know I’ll be missing Maverick for a while, I feel a little bit better having my friends around me.
The pain feels more manageable with their support.