Thirteen
THIRTEEN
Reagan
I wasn’t the kind of person who typically sought to punish myself for things outside of my control. But there was something about this situation that made it unavoidable.
Guilt.
Responsibility.
Mostly just guilt.
In the days that followed Erin’s rape, something changed inside me.
Sleep became elusive, my eyes shooting open when I heard her cries of despair and recalled the look on her face. The thought of food made my stomach turn, and I could barely stomach the water I was given. I hadn’t been able to eat anything for the last three mealtimes without feeling sick.
There was something about knowing awful things were happening to the women who were stuck in this situation with me and witnessing those awful things. The violation of the women was horrific, no matter where it happened, but seeing it and being unable to stop it felt like a cruel form of torture.
I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened to Erin or the fact that it was supposed to be me that it all happened to. I cried over it, knowing that one day soon, it would eventually be my turn. And if the guy chose to do it with an audience? I shuddered at the possibility.
In the end, the guy had decided he didn’t want Erin, and he wound up choosing another girl.
That meant I got a front-row seat to her response to the trauma she’d endured. In several instances, she caught my eyes across the hall, and I hated that I couldn’t do anything to comfort her, to fix it for her. And when we had our bathroom breaks, I had to fight back the tears as I listened to her retching over the toilet.
I spent more time than I cared to admit waking up and crying, haunted by the memory of what happened to Erin and dreading the next buying session.
Javier hadn’t come for me yet, so I could only assume—if he hadn’t been lying about things—that I hadn’t been here a full two weeks at this point. But I knew that day was approaching, and I didn’t know what was worse. Him or a buyer.
The days blended together as I lost all sense of reason and spark of hope for escape. Every hour that passed was more difficult than the one before. It was only a matter of time before I was lost to this whole world.
And today was the day that it could happen.
Because we’d just been ordered to take a shower. It seemed strange to call it an order, but in this case, it was. If I thought I could get away with refusing, I might have done it. Maybe that would keep anyone from wanting to come near me.
God, I had to clean my body to be part of something so filthy, so degrading.
I’d gotten my new mesh dress and was led back to my cell. Javier was with me today, but that didn’t mean I hadn’t, once again, used every opportunity when I was out of my cell to take in my surroundings. The problem was that I never ventured beyond the same places each time. I didn’t get to see where any of the additional doors down that hall led. I also didn’t have a clue where heading to the right outside of my cell would lead. Though, I did have a few guesses about that, considering it was where the women who’d been chosen by one of the buyers were taken.
The moments I spent alone in my cell leading up to the buyers’ arrival always left me feeling rattled, and today was no different.
“What do you think? Is today going to be your day?”
With the way I’d been feeling lately, it was entirely possible I’d lose my cool with Javier today. After what happened the last time and how horrible I’d been feeling ever since, I thought I might take that chance and attack him. Sure, he’d likely overpower me and leave me feeling worse than he had the first time he’d beaten me, but maybe that’d be a good thing. Maybe nobody would want the girl who’d been bruised up and unable to move. Although, considering the men in this place had no morals, that was unlikely.
“Leave me alone.”
Javier stepped closer, the front of his body brushing up against the side of mine. With my gaze lowered to the ground, I could see him grab his crotch. He leaned forward, his mouth coming to within inches of my ear. “I thought about you the other night. About how great it’s going to be when I fuck the attitude out of you.”
“You’re disgusting.”
He squeezed himself. “I think I’ll have you wrap that smart mouth around my cock first.”
I closed my eyes, dreading the possibility of this man having the opportunity to do any of what he was talking about doing to me. It might land me in worse trouble, but I swore to myself in that moment that if Javier ever thought about putting his cock anywhere near my mouth, I’d use my teeth, bite down, and not let go until I knew he’d never be able to use it again.
The footsteps sounded, only serving to put me on edge more than I already was.
While I would have given almost anything to get Javier to back off, I wasn’t quite sure this was what I would have wanted to face instead. But even if a buying session was imminent, Javier didn’t seem interested in getting into character. He was far too caught up in the fantasy playing out in his head.
With any luck—something I didn’t seem to have much of in my life—Javier might get reprimanded and removed from his position. At least that might save me from him, even if it wouldn’t keep me safe from the other horrors I faced.
I kept my head down, did my best to ignore everything Javier was doing, and focused my attention on the ground outside the cell. The footsteps slowed, and I waited, knowing I’d soon see the shoes and pants of the men who’d come here today.
The sound of muffled voices filtered into the cell, my stomach trembling with dread the closer they got. I didn’t know how many more times I could do this. It never got better. In fact, it was quite the opposite. With each buying session I stood through, I felt myself sinking away, falling deeper and deeper into some kind of dark depression.
Two pairs of legs came to a stop in front of my cell. They stayed there for a while before one turned and moved along. The other remained put, and something inside me told me that this was it. This guy was going to be the guy who didn’t turn and walk away. He was going to be the guy that saved me from Javier, but he would likely take me to someplace even worse.
I didn’t know if it was because I was so uncomfortable being in this position or what, but it felt like several long minutes had passed, and the man outside the cell didn’t move.
“Looks like someone’s got an admirer,” Javier goaded me.
My hands balled into fists at my sides, my nails digging harshly into my palms once again.
At least another minute passed before it happened. I heard the unmistakable sound of the lock on my door.
In an instant, the tears welled in my eyes. This was it. This was the day I’d be lost to the horrors of this world forever. As awful as it was being here, there was a part of me that held on to some semblance of hope.
Not now.
Once someone bought me and took me out of here, I knew there would never be a chance of anyone finding me—not that I believed there was truly anyone looking for me, anyway.
The man moved out from in front of the glass and walked toward the door. I continued to keep my head down, unsure I’d ever be able to look him in the eyes. To my surprise and utter horror, two sets of footsteps came in my direction.
Was it possible that they’d allow more than one man to try me out? Oh, God. I was certain I was going to be sick.
“I’m surprised you’ve selected this one, Mr. Anderson,” one man said to the other. “She’s been one of our most difficult to get in line.”
“Pardon?”
With just a single word, my entire world tilted on its axis. I knew that voice. For a year, I’d listened to that voice. That voice had whispered into my ear and made me laugh and brought me companionship. That voice was the voice of a man I’d found myself having feelings for when I promised him and myself that I would never go there.
But it didn’t make any sense. Was I so desperate to avoid this whole situation that I convinced myself it was Hart’s voice I heard?
And he’d been called Mr. Anderson. Was that his last name? I’d known him for a year, and he’d never once mentioned it.
“Well, I’ll let Javier tell you, as he’s had more direct contact with her, haven’t you, Javier?”
Javier took a half of a step closer to me, his body brushing up against mine. I clenched my jaw, biting down on the inside of my mouth once again as he lifted a hand and groped my breast.
“For starters, look at her,” Javier said, his hand moving to squeeze the opposite breast. “She’s exquisite.”
I’d stopped breathing, feeling fear like I’d never known before wash over me. Because I knew there wasn’t a chance it was Hart standing in front of me. Not only could he not ever be in a place like this, doing what these men did, but a man who bought his grandmother birdhouses wouldn’t stand by and watch as another man groped me. That simply wasn’t who he was.
Or maybe that was what I’d hoped.
The sad fact was that I’d known there was something mysterious about him. Hart had refused to tell me what he did for a living. I had always assumed it was merely his way of not getting too close, of wanting to be certain there was never any false hope or promises of something deeper and more meaningful between us. Now, I had to wonder. Was his secrecy surrounding so much of his life simply because he feared I might learn the truth about what he did in his spare time?
Oh, God, I hoped I was wrong. I hoped it wasn’t him.
But I knew it was wrong to believe that was the case. Because in addition to hearing his voice just once, I could smell him. I’d loved his scent so much; I would have recognized it anywhere.
Javier dropped his hand away from my body and shifted his frame halfway behind mine. “But that’s about as nice as it gets with her. You might want to reconsider choosing her, because she’s been the most troublesome. She hadn’t even been here a full day when she thought she’d try to attack us and escape. We had to teach her a harsh lesson that left her wincing for days afterward. Ever since, she’s fallen in line with doing what she’s told, but she still talks back quite frequently.”
There was a long pause before anyone spoke, a tense silence filling the room.
“So, I’ve got a fighter on my hands. Is that what you’re telling me?”
It was him.
I knew it was him.
But I couldn’t look up to confirm my suspicions.
Was he here to rescue me? Maybe he did search for me, and when he found me, he figured out a way to get in here and save me. I felt a spark of hope at the center of my chest.
“Oh, she’s a fighter, for sure. If you’d rather not deal with the hassle, most of the other girls are much meeker.”
The man with Hart’s voice stepped closer, and I felt Javier take several steps back. For quite a few long moments, he didn’t do anything. I was on the verge of losing it. I could feel myself teetering on the edge. And just when I thought I’d break down, he lifted a crooked finger beneath my chin and tipped my head back, so my eyes could meet his at the precise moment his thumb stroked along my jaw the way he’d done so many times before.
It was him.
It was Hart.
But where I’d seen such tenderness or desire in his gaze before, it no longer existed. There was something cold in his stare now, something that told me I had not a clue about the man I’d become close to over the last year.
Hart never took his eyes off mine as he spoke. “I prefer them feisty. They’re much tougher to break, but the satisfaction when it happens makes it all worth it.”
My stomach dropped, and with it went any of the hope I’d had about why Hart was here.
This couldn’t be happening. How? Why?
Tears filled my eyes as Hart continued to stare at me. He wasn’t the least bit affected by the state I was in, and I wondered how I’d gotten him so wrong.
“I was thinking the same thing myself,” Javier agreed. “It certainly would have been fun to break her. You lucked out.”
I could have sworn I felt Hart’s fingers twitch against my skin at Javier’s words, but that look on his face assured me I’d imagined it. How was it possible I was this desperate for any shred of evidence I hadn’t been wrong about him?
The man I’d never seen before decided to join the conversation. “Are you satisfied with your choice, sir, or did you want some time to try her out? I’d be happy to give you extra time here with her, since she’s likely to be a challenge.”
Hart’s thumb stroked along my jaw again, and I hated myself for ever thinking it meant something.
“I think I’d like some time alone with her first,” Hart informed them. “I want to be certain the girl I wind up spending my money on has some fight in her, and based on what I’m seeing so far, there’s not much here.”
The devastation I felt was unmatched.
In all the time I’d spent with Hart, I never expected anything special between us, but I never imagined he had the capacity to be this kind of guy.
Maybe I was just na?ve, because the writing had been on the wall. I simply chose to ignore it for a year.
Never again.
If I ever managed to see the light of day again and get myself free of this mess, I’d never, ever trust another soul.
“You’re the first man brave enough to take a chance on her, so we hope she won’t disappoint you.”
“If she’s as much of a fighter as you say she is, I think I’m going to be very satisfied.”
“Great. Javier will lead you to one of the rooms we have set up for our highest paying clients. We’ve already taken your bag there for you. Take all the time you need, Mr. Anderson. And be sure to enjoy yourself.”
Hart’s hand dropped away from my jaw, and he linked his fingers with mine as Javier escorted us out of my cell. I tried to pull my hand from his, but Hart refused to let me go.
When we made it outside of my cell, I realized the rest of the men had already made their choices and had disappeared to some other place in the house. And just before I turned to the right to go wherever they were taking me, my eyes met Erin’s.
For the first time since she’d been raped in her cell, I saw a hint of a new emotion—empathy. She knew what was going to happen to me, and the only thing she could do was show me that she understood all the emotions coursing through me right now.
I tried to be tough, to be brave, but it wasn’t easy.
Something told me that I was the only woman in this situation who’d been unlucky enough to already be acquainted with the man who was going to violate her. It was humiliating. At least if it had been a stranger, if it had been Javier, I could have accepted it easier. But it was impossible to do that now. Not when I was already intimately acquainted with the man who was about to make me his sex slave.
After learning how the buying sessions went, I promised myself that if I was ever taken to any new parts of this place, I’d pay attention and find an escape. But I’d never anticipated seeing someone I knew coming to buy me. That had left me so distraught, I hadn’t been paying attention to where I was going and what was around me.
A fool. That’s what I was. A fool who’d just been given another harsh dose of the reality of her life. Nobody but me would ever take care of me.
The next thing I knew, Javier had opened a door to a room on the lower level and swept his hand out toward it.
Hart, still holding my hand, urged me forward by giving a gentle tug on my arm and placing his opposite hand on the small of my back.
He only released me to shut and lock the door after murmuring something to Javier, and I’d have been lying if I said I wasn’t the least bit terrified about what was in store for me.