Chapter 8 Oren
CHAPTER EIGHT
OREN
Find friends who help you pick up discarded metal fragments from a dirty club bathroom because they refuse to leave any behind. It was how we spent the remainder of the evening until we finally stumbled back home, tired and emotionally drained.
I’d wanted to climb into bed until Simon rounded the corner, his face void of its normal color.
Screaming ensued, waking everyone in the building as Matthew stumbled around with a limp Thorne.
Blood coated Matthew, but Thorne was in worse shape, arms shredded to his elbows.
From personal experience, I recognized that the edges were too serrated to be from anything other than some type of broken glass.
I was too numb to react as Simon and Liam jumped in. All I managed to do was stare at the man who’d broken me while they ran to get help.
So tell me, why did I find myself with a vase of flowers, staring at him in the medic wing?
The sheet was folded across his lower torso, bandages coating him from fingers to elbow, hiding the gruesome marks he’d inflicted on himself.
Tubes were wound into a spot on his wrist, pumping fluids and blood into his system.
He’d lost a lot, and per Simon’s words, it was a miracle he even survived.
Did I feel remorse? No, not at fucking all because he’d destroyed the last thing she’d given me…
but there was a tug I couldn’t silence. An undeniable pull I wanted gone.
I set the flowers beside him, crossing my arms over my chest as I rubbed them to ease the chill in the room.
My eyes were red and puffy, because I hadn’t slept a wink last night.
Simon promised he could fix the necklace, but I wanted it hidden. I didn’t want anyone to find it again, not until I managed to escape this hellhole I’d been thrust into.
Maybe Thorne had the right idea. Living was undeniably harder than dying, and with him making it so clear I had nothing left, who would even miss me?
My friends back home were superficial, based on the items I could buy them or the entertainment I could provide on a club floor.
I didn’t have anyone besides Dad and extended family who refused to acknowledge the most significant part of myself.
Sure, Simon and Liam were friends, but we’d bonded due to the trauma of this place. They wouldn’t cry over me.
No one would.
I inhaled, my breath shaky as my fingers curled and uncurled.
“Fuck you,” I muttered, hoping he heard me in whatever state he was in.
“Fuck you for everything, for making me mad you did this shit. For breaking me when I clearly didn’t mean it.
Hell, I don’t even know what I want, and you wanted me to fix you? ”
My fingers dug into the bridge of my nose. What the fuck was I doing? Venting to a near corpse? To the man who’d inflicted every bit of pain I still felt?
I opened my mouth, but a throat cleared, turning my attention to my father. I rolled my eyes, but I was too tired to find the will to fight anymore.
“Surprised to see you visiting your commander,” he hummed, kicking the door shut behind him. “All things considered.”
“Obeying the chain of command,” I replied, that once lively spark replaced with the robotic tone I knew he’d enjoy. “It’s frowned upon not to provide a gift.”
“Since when have you obeyed anything?” he asked, coming to stand beside me. “You’ve been nothing but a worthless, disobedient pain in my ass your entire fucking life.”
“You won, isn’t that enough?” My fingers pressed into my arms, gripping hard enough to bruise. “Whatever you want, I’ll give it to you. I’m tired.”
Grabbing the back of my neck, he forced me to look at him just as he always had since I was a child. “I’ve won? One of my top commanders is nearly dead because of you—”
“Don’t pin this shit on me,” I muttered. “He probably did it because of how much he despises you for killing his men.”
His jaw feathered, a scoffed chuckle leaving him. “How adorable. You really are na?ve.” Squeezing tighter, he sneered. “Where’s your necklace?”
“Destroyed,” I answered.
“Due to your own carelessness, I’m presuming?”
My laugh was anything but humorous. “Playing ignorant?” I pointed at Thorne, wishing he’d wake up so I could strangle him.
“He broke it based on your orders. You told him everything, and guess what? It worked. I’m broken, worthless, a pathetic stain on your life, so if you have anything else you want to add, tattoo it on me. ”
His soulless gaze lifted to Thorne before returning to me.
“Oh, good. It seems his time with me was sufficient.” He squeezed my neck once more before shoving me away from him.
“I’m glad to hear you’ve come to see your true colors in this world.
Your mother’s pregnancy with you was the start of her sickness.
Your childhood years? Poison to her soul, to our marriage because she chose you over her treatments. ”
I bit the inside of my cheek, but he was right. She’d probably be alive if she’d never had me. I only brought her pain in the short span of life she’d been granted.
“Agreed,” I simply stated, my lip unable to stop quivering. Crying in front of him would earn me a bullet to the head. I’d have to do it back in my room.
“Bland. Baseless.” His tongue clicked against the roof of his mouth. “Exactly as I’ve wanted you to be. Now, is there anything you wish to tell me, soldier?”
I settled the emotion welling in me before staring into eyes that mirrored mine. “Just that I commend you for setting all of this… all of this shit up. Having Thorne play to my emotions was next level, even for you.”
Another feigned smile. “Happily.”
“But did you have to manipulate my sexuality, too? He’d already won the moment he smashed her necklace.
The kiss wasn’t necessary.” Even for Dad, it was too much, and I hated both of them for setting this up.
“But you know what was the weirdest? He acted like all of it, everything you’d inflicted on him, was against his will.
That he wanted nothing more than to avoid breaking me.
Smart, even for you,” I settled on, flicking my gaze to the ceiling.
A laugh, an actual, genuine laugh, fell from him. “Oh, you stupid boy. I had nothing to do with this weekend. But it seems my commander was rather reckless in multiple ways.”
“What… What do you mean you didn’t have anything to do with this weekend?” That wasn’t right. Everything Thorne had done was because of him and his orders.
“Must I always fucking repeat myself with you?” he snapped, shaking his head in a clear display of disappointment. “You’ve given me everything I needed to know. You’re excused.”
“Yes, sir.” Opting to remain quiet used to be hard, but maybe that’s why Thorne agreed to everything. It was easier to let someone else command you, to pick your personality and attributes. “Like… From the room or—”
“Get. The. Fuck. Out.”
I gave my father a quick nod before storming out, not wanting to talk to him longer than I needed to. He finally had the son he’d always wanted. A silent, obedient soldier he could manipulate and mold to his liking.
Me?
All I wanted to do was go back to my room and rot, but I was sure Simon or Liam wouldn’t let me. What if I just… didn’t return? Found a place to do exactly what Thorne had done, but better?
It’s not like I’d have someone like Matthew who’d—
Rounding the corner, my shoulder collided with someone. I prepared to be yelled at, punished for my lack of attention, but when my gaze lifted, I found the exact man I’d been thinking about.
Matthew.
“Oren?” His brows furrowed, genuine confusion coating his expression. “What’re you doing here?”
“Oh. I dropped flowers off, but I was just leaving,” I said, unable to hold his gaze. For someone so intimidating in stature and presence, he was anything but that when he spoke.
He offered a half-hearted smile. “Oh. Come on. Don’t shut down on me.”
I bit my lip, a horde of statements flooding my brain, but I shoved them back. “I’m fine,” I replied. “Just going back to my quarters.”
He gently grabbed my shoulder, his gaze softening. “I’ve run interrogations for years, Valens, and I can see it in your eyes. You are anything but.”
“I’m fine. If you want details, ask your friend when he wakes up.” I was a minute from sobbing, and I didn’t want to unleash that in front of him.
He lifted his hand, letting go of me as a means of respect. “Alright. I won’t pry. Just… Maybe talk to Simon or Liam, yeah?”
“Thank you.” I swiped the back of my hand across my eyes, wiping the wetness beginning to linger there. “Sure,” I answered, but I knew I wasn’t planning on going to them.
Pivoting, I went to take a step forward, but before I could, his hand wrapped around my wrist. Ripping me toward him, Matthew’s arms wrapped around me, pulling me into a hug I’d needed for far too long.
“You’ve got the same look in your eyes,” he whispered, rubbing my back. “I’ve seen it with Thorne, and if there’s one thing I can offer you, one plea to extend… Your presence is needed here, Oren.”
“No.” It was muffled as my head rested on his chest, my shoulders loosening for the first time in hours.
At my confession, the tears poured, and I wiped at them furiously.
“It doesn’t make a difference if I’m here or not.
Thorne said it best. I fucking run away from everything because I’m worthless.
I can’t even honor my own fucking mother or protect what’s left of her. ”
“Stop,” he muttered, his hand coming to rest on the back of my head. “You honor your mother every day. By living, by choosing life. And you protect her when you protect yourself. You are part of her, Oren.”
“What parts?” I shouted, nearly wailing. “All the parts that make me up are pitiful. My life is meaningless, I have a father who wishes I were dead, and a commander who—”
“A commander who would disagree with everything you’re saying.”