Chapter 8 Oren #2
“Now I know you’re lying to make me feel better.
That man in there would say far worse. Told me far worse,” I corrected.
“Everything he said last night was true. It’s my fault she died.
It’s my fault I’m a fucked up failure, and I goddamn know it would’ve been better if I’d killed myself that night. ”
He pulled back, his fingers grabbing my cheeks.
“That is a two-faced fucking lie, and you know it. Simon and Liam would be devastated if you weren’t a part of this world.
And Thorne?” He shook his head, laughing softly.
“He’d never forgive himself. Though I’m not certain he will after last night anyway. ”
Would they?
“You can’t let your dad win, Oren. Do not let him snuff out your radiance because I’ve seen it happen once already.
And that damnation? That soul-sucking lifelessness?
You don’t deserve it.” He brushed a tear from my cheek before it could continue its path down my face.
“Do you really think your mom would want this? Want you broken beyond recognition?”
The answer was there, but I couldn’t find the strength to say it. If she saw my current state, she’d be horrified. Drag me out for ice cream and a movie until a smile eventually cracked its way through my makeshift walls. But here? Life was so difficult without her.
“I-I know, but I’m tired. I’m so tired of fighting against him, against Thorne, this place—everything.”
“Believe me. I understand. God, Oren, I understand.”
“Then how do I manage? How do I get up and do this shit daily without faltering?” I rubbed the rest of my tears away, exhaustion settling into my bones.
“By being fucking spiteful.” He smiled gently, a spark of life igniting in his gaze. “By continuing in this life to give your dad the fucking middle finger. By continuing to shine your light into his shadows.”
“But I can’t. I can’t afford for someone else to get hurt.
I don’t care what happens to me, but Simon or Liam?
He’d hurt them until I cooperated.” There was no longer a way to fight against him, and for the first time, I understood what Thorne had told me earlier.
Defiance came at a cost, and that cost was too high.
“And that’s why we fight back. That’s why we rebel.”
“Fight back? When has anyone ever fought back against my dad?” I might have tried over the years, but I was never going to win against him.
He shook his head. “Where do you think we got our bruises from?”
“Well, Simon said you two were fucking, but I wasn’t so sure,” I muttered, heat traveling across my cheeks. I wasn’t going to tell Matthew I thought it too. Especially not after he’d talked me off a ledge.
Laughing, he threw his head back, the definition of unfiltered joy rippling off him. “Oh, God. I love that man, and I can unashamingly admit that he is attractive, but fuck no.”
“So you two… aren’t a thing?”
“Furthest from it. He’s my best friend, my brother, but my dick is going nowhere near him.”
“O-Oh,” I muttered, rubbing the back of my neck before jerking my thumb to the closed door. My father was still inside with Thorne. “So… the bruises you earned from my dad?”
“None other than the mark of the General himself.” Matthew shrugged. “Not something we’re unfamiliar with.”
I raised my eyebrows.
“You mean… he punishes you, too?”
Despite my mother’s cries for help, no one believed the hatred my father held for her, but it was even worse for me.
When I expressed that my father was beating me, not even my teachers, friends, or classmates listened.
He was a decorated general. I was the one labeled as deranged and dangerous, not the man who wielded a leather belt.
He pulled away from me completely, reaching down. His fingers slipped around the hem of his shirt as he lifted the material from his stomach. On his side sat a fresh scar. “My latest addition.”
“He did that to you?” My father bruised, but not once had he ever left a scar on me.
“He did this to Thorne.”
“To Thorne? I don’t understand.”
“Your father loves to exploit weaknesses and trains all of his men to do the same.” Dropping his shirt, his eyes returned to me. “Thorne’s weakness is that he cares too fucking much.”
“So he did that to you to hurt him?” The pieces were fitting, making me feel like an ass for the way I treated him last night.
I disregarded the statements he’d told me in private as a farce rather than genuine.
Not once did I think he was telling the truth, but Matthew’s story explained a lot of shit, more than what I’d believed to be possible.
“He’s leveraged me against Thorne countless times.
Hell, he tortured and killed one of Thorne’s first recruits in front of him.
To break him. To destroy the man he once was.
” His tongue danced across his teeth as he ran his fingers through his hair.
“He sees himself in you, Oren. Who he used to be.”
I took a step back, my heart beating frantically at his words. “Matthew, I think I fucked up.” That’s why my dad had asked me those questions, because he was snooping on Thorne.
“What do you mean?”
“My dad’s in the room with Thorne right now.
I swear I didn’t know what he was doing at the time, but I told him everything.
I told him everything Thone had confided in me: killing his men, kissing me, refusing to break me like he wanted.
” I pressed my fingers into my scalp. “Did I just cause more damage?”
“Wait… What?” His eyes flashed to the closed door. Two soldiers now stood outside of it. “Shit.”
“Did I mess up again?” I took in shaky breaths, but it wasn’t helping.
Fuck, I was wrong about so much. Sure, it didn’t ease the past pain Thorne inflicted on me, but there was a reason behind it.
I’d spilled everything to my dad to condemn Thorne; he wasn’t the commander Dad thought he was.
His commander wanted no part of any of this, and knowing my dad, he wouldn’t let that shit fly.
Matthew’s words pulled me from my spiraling thoughts. “Look at me. It’s not your fault, Oren.”
“But it is. Can’t we go inside?” I took a step toward the room, but he caught my hand, stalling me.
“No. No, we can’t.”
“But he’s probably doing something to him in there! How can you stand out here knowing Thorne might be getting hurt?”
“Because if you go in there, you’re giving your dad another lever to pull. He will use you against him, Oren.”
“Why? I’m nothing to him, Matthew, but someone has to do something. It’s not right!” It wasn’t anger or wrath flooding me. No, this was about justice, and it was frightening me. I felt this way about Thorne Graves.
“Oren, we—”
“Is there an issue, Harveil?” one of the soldiers guarding the door snapped.
“No, there isn’t.”
“No? But you just said—”
“Stop. Talking.” Matthew snarled between clenched teeth.
My lips pursed together at the drastic change in his tone. One minute he’s telling me to defy orders, and now he wants me to listen?
“Fine. We’ll let God knows what happen to Thorne in there.”
The male who’d spoken to us first cocked his head to the side. “Something you’d like to share with us, Harveil? I believe you’re well acquainted with the charges that come with the disclosure of classified information to the ranks beneath you.”
“I’m well aware—”
“Treason,” the other crooned, his gaze flashing to me. “Punishable by death.”
Treason? Death?
I wrapped my hand around Matthew’s wrist. “We were discussing this past weekend. You know, dicks and all,” I added, “but we were just leaving.”
“Good,” the first snarled. “Best be on your way.”
I didn’t wait for Matthew to reply as I hauled both of us down the hallway toward my quarters. Once enough distance was gained, I narrowed my eyes. “How deep does the corruption go?” I whispered, more than aware I needed to be careful now.
“Deep, Oren. Too fucking deep.”
“Is there a way out?” I wasn’t sure why I asked. Maybe not for me, but for the chance that the rest could escape. Leave this place and start fresh.
Matthew bit his cheek, his words containing a finality I hadn’t expected, even though I knew my father was awful. “Not unless we kill every person involved. They’re all well-equipped soldiers but, just like your father, their believed impenetrability only runs as deep as their humanity.”
This was too much. I shook my head. “I can’t believe…” But could I really not? Could I really not believe my father’s corruption ran this deep? Had his hands so far embedded into the system that the only way out was through death?
“Your father has restructured the functionality of Special Operations. He has his own agenda, his own ties, and even we haven’t figured out what for yet.”
“What can I do to help?” I blurted before the statement registered. Me? Offering to help? Fuck, Matthew was exceptionally good at making me feel bad for everyone, not just him. Even Thorne, despite everything.
His smile returned, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I never thought you’d ask.”
“I didn’t think so either, but I want to do something with my life. Maybe you’re right. Maybe I honor my mom through this.”
What started as a pitiful conversation focused on my own self-deprecation had now turned into something far greater, far more dangerous, but also far more important.
I was tired of hiding from my dad. Tired of Graves stuffing his rhetoric down my throat because he didn’t have a choice. If breaking the system meant I would be free, maybe… maybe it was all worth it.