Chapter 23 Thorne
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
THORNE
Iwas always told that the instant you slipped from this life and into the next you’d be greeted with a vibrant light and the arrival of loved ones who’d passed before you. But when it was me? When it was my last breath?
Darkness. Never-ending and unrelenting darkness.
I don’t know why I expected any different, considering I’d tainted so many others when I was alive—destroyed families and selfishly took the lives of many men.
Part of me prayed that when I closed my eyes, when my gaze finally departed from him, that he’d have still greeted me.
I wanted to experience those five to seven minutes of memory those who’d nearly passed had spoken of.
I desired nothing more than to have that time filled with Oren, because he was the only memory worth keeping.
And still, as if the fates waited to mock me even in death, it didn’t happen.
He wasn’t there.
Did I even deserve his presence, his essence, when I was such a broken piece of shit?
At least he gifted me with his beautiful cerulean stare as I took my last breath, for it was something I planned to hold onto as I traversed purgatory, trying to find—
A gasp tore through my throat, my body lurching forward as I abruptly sat upright. My head throbbed, my body aching as I glanced around the room—a clinic setting, various medical equipment hung up on walls and pushed up beside my bed, the incessant beep of a heart monitor.
I was…alive?
My eyes immediately closed as I tried to push the pain to the side, but it was useless, my stomach throbbing with the worst level of affliction I’d ever felt. And I’d been through a lot of bullshit.
“A-Ah, fuck…”
The rhythmic chime alerting the medics of my status increased with the influx, only continuing to grow as I sat in the sinking realization. I was alone.
Alone.
Alone.
God, not again. I couldn’t do this shit again. I understood that I’d never been easy to love, easy to hold, but it never made it any easier. It never made the abandonment bearable, and somehow, that’s all I ever experienced in this life.
Stop doubting him, Thorne.
Why didn’t anyone ever fight for me?
Oren did.
Why wasn’t I good enough for one to scream for me to stay, to fight, to live?
Oren saw me as someone worthy.
A knock at the door was barely noticeable above my blaring thoughts, the sound of footsteps mixing with the beeping from the machines in the room.
The sound of a chair scraping against the floor interrupted the melodic beeps, and then a long sigh, one I was all too familiar with. I didn’t need my best friend here. I didn’t—
“When are you going to stop scaring me with how fucking idiotic you are?”
Swallowing, I lifted my gaze to find Matthew. “God, Matt… I-I—”
“You’re lucky you’re even breathing, Thorne.” He placed a hand on my shoulder, gentle, but firm enough to remind me he was here.
“I-I don’t even remember what the fuck happened…” Running a hand down my face, I shook my head. “The last thing… The last… Oren… Where’s Oren?”
Matt shook his head. “You should focus on yourself. The general beat the living shit out of you.”
His words were like ice water; the surge was nearly enough to send me off the bed. “Where. The. Fuck. Is. Oren?”
He gritted his teeth, but that soft, pliable nature returned almost instantly. “He’s… okay, I think. We rushed you here and well, Oren stayed behind. I’m assuming it’s because he didn’t want his father to suspect anything.”
“You think? You fucking think?” I moved, a sharp pain shooting across my stomach with enough of a bite to make me stop. My breathing hitched. “Where the fuck is he, Matthew?”
“Probably in his room, but sit the fuck down.” The hand on my shoulder tightened. “If you don’t heal, you’re only going to hurt Oren more. You need the rest.”
“Fuck that,” I seethed, wrapping my hand around the wires connected to my body. With one yank, I tore the IV from my arm alongside a few of the pads attached to my chest. “If you’re not going to help me out of this bed, then get the fuck out of my way.”
With a reluctant sigh, he stood, offering his hand. “You’re lucky I owe you, but after you see him, I’m bringing you right back. Got it?”
“I’m not staying in this clinic. I’m awake. I’m alive. Let them use the room for someone who actually needs it.” Taking his hand, I bit my cheek as he helped me stand from the bed, every inch of my body aching with even the most minimal movements. “How long was I out…?”
“Several hours. Surprised you woke up so fast, but at the same time, you’re one stubborn man.” Wrapping an arm beneath the blades of my shoulders, he collected most of my weight, easing some of the pain.
“Yeah… Shut the fuck up,” I groaned, leaning into him.
He chuckled. “Come on. I don’t want you walking longer than needed.”
“Then bridal carry me, bitch.”
“Don’t threaten me with a good time,” he said with a wink, reaching down to collect my feet. “I think I’d love to witness your former recruits staring at you being carried from place to place. Might help a bit with the ego.”
“If you’re even strong enough to carry my big ass—”
In one fell swoop, he lifted me with ease. “Might need you to open the door though.” He jerked his head to it, a smug grin lighting his features.
“And how in the blue fuck do you expect me to open the door?”
“With your hand, dumbass.” He stepped closer to it, shifting me slightly as the muscles in his arms tightened. “The longer you take, the less time you’ll get to visit your damsel.”
“Go fuck yourself.” Reaching for the handle, I hissed between clenched teeth, the agony only spreading. Barely slipping my pinky around the frigid metal, I tugged just enough for the latch to click, leaning back against Matthew’s chest as the door swung open. “T-There, fucker.”
He kicked it the rest of the way open. “Proved my point. I’m bringing you back here after we check on Oren. If you can’t even open a fucking door, you sure as hell don’t need to be in a cot.”
His footfalls echoed, each step moving closer to where I hoped Oren would be, the barren walls not helping to identify how far we’d traveled. An endless sea of white as Matt navigated through the hallways, each turn longer than the last.
The door to Oren’s room appeared, and Matt wasted no time as his boot collided with the door twice, sufficing as his knock. Seconds passed by, drawn out by the necessary need to see him.
I was about to reach for the door handle despite the pain in my hand when a click sounded, a pair of casual sweat pants greeting me.
Oren was covered in a thin layer of sweat, torso bare as he flicked his gaze down to me.
His eyes widened, and with a quick glance over Matt’s shoulder, he ushered us both inside, grabbing my shirt to haul me against him.
Wrapping his arms around me, he breathed in my scent as his shoulders shook, the tension of what occurred lingering in his shoulders and voice.
“You… God, you fucking idiot! I thought you died! Don’t…
Don’t ever do that again!” Taking another second before pulling away, his eyes were glossy as he slapped my chest. “No… but seriously… are you okay?”
“Yeah. I’m—” Hissing between clenched teeth, I fumbled to push myself from Matt’s arms even though I knew I’d collapse if my feet so much as touched the ground. “Fine…”
“God.” Matt brought me over to the couch, tossing my stubborn ass onto it to lessen the arrogance I was still clinging to. “Talk, but make it quick. I’m taking you back once you’re done.”
“Okay, mother,” I shot at him, groaning as he slapped my shoulder. “Fucking—”
“Talk.”
Rolling my eyes, I shifted back to Oren. Offering him a smile that I prayed hid my anguish, I stumbled into a gaping wound I wished would stop festering. “W-Why weren’t you there when I woke up?”
Oren took a knee, blowing out a breath before lifting his gaze to mine.
Tears filled his eyes as he collected my palms in his.
“I couldn’t risk my father finding out. I wanted nothing more because you…
almost died, Thorne. I had to stand there and watch my father devour what little divinity you had remaining. ”
“But didn’t, Oren.” Slipping my fingers beneath his chin, I pulled his beautiful cerulean eyes back to meet mine.
“I will never stop fighting for you. Not in the breaths I take. Not in the scars marring my skin. Not in the concept of sacrifice or devoting myself to every essence of your soul. You’re worth it.
Every bruise, every laceration inflicted, every fleeting breath…
There is none other I wish to dedicate myself, my life to, because…
God, because… because I fucking love you. ”
His tears pooled, collecting until they slipped down his cheeks. “I know… I know, but I’m not sure I can handle it. I love you too much to watch my father bleed you dry. How can you dedicate yourself to me when I’m trapped beneath his shadow? A shadow that continues to grow despite our efforts?”
“Because I’m here to pull you from the darkness,” I breathed, swiping my thumb across a fallen drop of his sadness. “You are worth it all and more, and I fucking refuse to listen to you say that you can’t handle it—can’t handle me, us.”
“I can handle you, us, no matter what, but I’m worried about my father.
If he leverages you, I will crack, because I fear you’ve entangled yourself into my heart.
” He brought my hand to his lips, brushing them over my knuckles.
“I wouldn’t avoid you if I had a choice, but it’s my turn to be the protector, your protector. ”
“You can stand in front of me as much as you wish, but as soon as a bullet heads your direction, I will be the one to take it.” Leaning into his touch, I exhaled.
“You deserve to live, Oren, and I want to be the one to give you that life. A life outside of this hell hole. A life where we have a chance together without the fears of anyone infiltrating or leveraging us against one another. And we will get there because we are going to manipulate your father to the point he does not know how to decipher the shifting gradient of truth or falsification. We will destroy him. Together.”
“Together. Always. It’s a promise.” He smiled softly, holding my gaze. “For now, you focus on healing, and then I’ll let you chase me until I’m pinned to the ground. Because I am yours, Thorne. Always and forever. Yours.”