Chapter 26 Thorne
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
THORNE
The early morning sun tore through the curtains lazily, draped around a decorative tieback, the material still neatly folded per the expectation of the general, the fucking prick who’d demanded we arrive at his office unarmed.
Perhaps he’d learned something.
“Commander. Recruit,” he said with scorn. “I’ve brought you here to discuss the situation that occurred yesterday and to see if that same fire remains lit.”
Oren cleared his throat, his uniform doing little to hide the bruises I’d marred his skin with last night. “Sir, yesterday was not an accurate impression of the status of my squad. While I know my recruit acted out of line—”
“Acted out of—”
“I believe your commander has every right to finish what he was saying without your interference,” I cut in, my wrath audible in every syllable.
“And as a recruit, it is your place to stand and fucking remain silent.” General Valens lifted a hand to his son, curling his fingers in a beckoning call. “Continue.”
With a glare at me, Oren parted his lips, his stance stoic despite the fidgeting of his hands behind his back.
“As I was saying, my recruit acted out of line, and I am determined it will not happen again. While his emotions run strong, he is the best soldier on the squad, and losing him to treason will reduce the capabilities of Special Operations.”
“And what are you willing to sacrifice to avoid treason for your mutt?”
Oren bit his lip, his brows furrowing with the disdain he tried to hide. Before he could answer, I interrupted once more. “He’s not sacrificing jack shit for you. Punish me accordingly.”
He kept his eyes trained on Oren. “I asked you a question, Commander.”
Oren swallowed, something glinting in his eyes. A dangerous glimmer I knew too well. “I want to make a proposition. My squad completes a mission for you, of your choosing, and if we successfully—”
“Bullshit!” I screamed, stepping forward from my position behind him.
“You will not agree to a mission for this man when he willingly tossed us into the crossfire last time. He is the reason Simon lost his leg. He is the reason we nearly died there. And you want to offer us up again? What the fuck are you thinking?!”
He hadn’t told me.
He hadn’t told me.
He hadn’t fucking told me.
The General laughed, running a hand down his face as he took a few extra seconds to stroke his beard. “Now this is a proposition worthy of my time.” A flick of his wrist sent a guard to confine Thorne. “Continue again.”
Oren looked at me as I thrashed against the hold of the soldier, a pity in the depths of his eyes so deep I knew there was something else beneath that stare, but I didn’t fucking care.
“One mission of your choice with your best—Thorne, Simon, Liam, Matt, myself—and you present. If we succeed, you release Thorne of any treason charges. Plus, the rest of my squad is free to go with Honorable Discharge, including Thorne. I will remain here as your right-hand man, and do not fucking twist my words. This is my proposition.”
Yanking against the soldier, my scream tore through the room.
“You said we wouldn’t keep shit from one another anymore!
You fucking lied to me!” I didn’t care how desperate I sounded; he’d betrayed me, and he willingly went behind my back knowing I couldn’t survive without him.
I couldn’t fucking survive knowing he was trapped here, and he leveraged that. “YOU’RE NOT STAYING HERE!”
“I did, and I am,” Oren said, meeting my glare. “And I would do it again to make this deal for my men.”
“You…” My chest shuddered, the entire world feeling like it was crumbling beneath my feet. “You fucking lied to me. Us? All of it? Everything we promised? A FUCKING LIE!”
“All a lie,” he repeated. He wasn’t denying shit. He wasn’t denying it. “I am willing to sacrifice what I need to so that the entire squad is free.”
I shook my head as panic overrode every ounce of my logic.
“I offered all of myself to you, and you took my heart, only to tear it to fucking shreds.” A manic laugh left me as I swallowed the tears I wished to let fall, tearing myself free from the soldier holding me.
“Fuck you, Oren Valens. I was idiotic to ever believe you’d be anything different than your fucking father.
A hypocrite. A liar. A manipulative piece of shit. ”
All I saw was red, my vision tunneling as I stepped away from the man I believed wanted to follow me from this life and into the next, a man who’d gone against everything he’d told me. Everything he’d asked of me.
With shaking legs, I walked toward the door, needing to escape the confining encroachment of the asphyxiation I knew would undoubtedly swallow me whole. “Enjoy planning your fucking mission, Commander. I’m sure Matthew will enjoy discussing the details as your second.”
Oren turned to his father, the sound of his voice colder. “Do we have a deal?”
A chuckle, deep and dark filled the office. “We have a deal, Commander.”
I was done.
Fucking done.
My fingers curled around the handle as I ripped the door open, leaving Oren with the man he’d become—his own goddamn father, the man he vowed he never wished to be.
He’d played me—leveraged my vulnerabilities to his advantage and ran with it.
There was no remorse, no regret, nothing…
Fucking nothing. And somehow, the only person I hated the most amidst the realization was myself.
I’d been stupid enough to believe I was lovable.
Idiotic enough to think I ever deserved an honest love, to be held and cradled in the ways in which I’d craved.
He’d only solidified everything I’d always felt.
My chest heaved, my hands trembling as I swept them across my desk, spilling the contents on top of it to the floor.
Old mission reports and books scattered across my floor haphazardly, sprinkling throughout the room as a mockery of my failures.
Fingers curling in on themselves, I clenched my fist before driving it into the wall, sheetrock crumbling beneath my wrath.
“FUCK!”
I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t fucking think. I couldn’t. I couldn’t—
Through blurry vision, I spotted the box at the foot of my bed, a container filled with the memories Oren had attempted to mend for me; the memories he’d willingly destroyed just like my fucking heart.
In a state of disassociation, I closed the gap without realizing it, flipping the lid open to reveal the contents inside.
The taped photos and the drawings. Apologies from him that I didn’t fucking want anymore, because they’d all been fabricated. None of it had meant a damn thing to him.
My hand dove into the box, gathering the items. Without wasting another second, I ripped my desk drawer open, grabbing my pack of cigarettes and a lighter. Moving from my room, a space that’d become safe once he’d finally occupied it, I passed the other dormitories determined to be left alone.
I needed fresh air. I needed to get the fuck away from this, away from everyone.
Losing track of my travel, I shoved the double-doors open, stepping out into the heat-filled early afternoon.
Commands filtered through the air, other squads running through regimented drills, each conversation nullified into nothing more than white noise.
Overhead, the golden beams lathered the asphalt in their warmth, and I leveraged the heat that emanated from it.
Flicking the lighter once, I lifted the balled mess of fabricated devotion.
With one breath, I brought the flame to meet the photographs and drawings, watching as its orange hue ignited.
It grew in intensity, its hunger swallowing every lie and ounce of deceit I’d been fed, devouring it until mere ash remained.
An ash that’d come to represent all I was, the remnants of my soul scattered with no plausible cure.
I tossed the ball of fire to the ground, basking in watching the destruction unfold. Reaching into my pocket, I freed the pack, peeling the top back to free a cigarette. With one step forward, I knelt, leveraging the damage Oren had caused to light my only remaining reprieve.
Bringing it to my mouth, I inhaled, savoring the burn that roared through my throat and lungs, rendering me numb to everything once more.
As the smoke polluted my essence, vulnerability vanished beneath its clouded influence, the stone-cold exterior that’d become my mask for far too many years returning home.
They’d won.
He’d won.
And I was nothing more than a dead man.
The double doors clicked open, footsteps reverberating against the pavement before stopping next to me, a sigh escaping his lips. “Spare a cigarette for me?” Matt asked, a neutrality to his tone.
Ignoring his question, mine came with a monotonality I’d completely forgotten about. “Did you know?”
Reaching across to grab the pack from my hands, he tugged one free, using the flames to light his cigarette. He took a drag slowly, slow enough I knew the answer before he parted his lips to confess. “It’s not that simple.”
“Yes or fucking no, Matthew.” I snarled. “It’s a yes or no question.”
“If I answer with the response you’re looking for, you’ll shut down completely. You won’t hear me out.”
Laughing, my tongue trailed over my lips. “So fuck our friendship, right? That was another mirage in my life? Another painted image to what? For what? God,” I ran a hand down my face, praying it’d somehow wake me up from whatever nightmare I’d stumbled into, “I’m such a fucking idiot.”
“You’re filling a role we decided for you to play. We needed you—”