Chapter 26 Thorne #2
I cut him off, my blood boiling. “Oh? Payback then? Lovely.” Flicking the unfinished cigarette from between my fingers, I snuffed it out with a boot.
“Fuck you. Fuck every single one of you. I’m done.
Whatever ploy you wished for, whatever end game you were trying to reach?
Congratulations. You fucking won in breaking me.
Hope you’re happy, best friend. Don’t worry though, that title is long gone now, considering you chose Oren over me without batting an eye. ”
Matt’s jaw feathered, but his response remained neutral. “End game? The end game is for all of us to get the fuck out of here.”
“Alive? Good for you guys.” Pivoting on my heel, I turned my back to him.
“Because I’m already dead. And at this point?
When my best fucking friend turned his back on me and the man I gave everything,” my voice cracked, emotion splitting through my words, “fucking everything to drove a knife so deep into my chest… You can enjoy your freedoms, but in working to gain them, you murdered me with your bare fucking hands.”
“No one turned their backs on you, Thorne, and God, Oren of all people never would. Never.”
“Bullshit.” I seethed, my hands trembling at my sides.
“This? THIS?!” Whipping my head over my shoulder, I narrowed my gaze at him as I gestured between us.
“Is a key example of turning your back on someone. But if you can’t see that, if you wish to deny that, then you never loved or valued me to begin with. ”
“If it helps any, Oren wanted to tell you, but the group decided against it. We needed his father to believe you, wholeheartedly, otherwise we’d never be able to take him down. The mission? It’s a mission to kill him, Thorne. To rid us of—”
“And you’d rather the general be convinced than save me from the anguish?
Good to know, Matthew. Really fucking good to know.
” A manic chuckle left me, the definition of disbelief.
“Go fuck yourself. It’s beyond apparent your only care for me derived from your position, and now that Oren’s in those shoes, you’ve happily elected to ride his cock.
And look at you, you’re doing a damn good job, even speaking like his groomed little bitch.
I’ll catch you on this mission that was deemed far more pertinent than me, second. ”
“Thorne, that’s not it. To solidify this proposition, we—”
“I DON’T GIVE A FUCK, MATTHEW!” I screamed, my voice tearing through the open fields. “I. Do. Not. Give. A. Fuck. And why the fuck should I?! When none of you, none of you, gave a fuck about me!”
“We did it to protect you, to save you for once in your goddamn life. We, your squad, elected—”
“Save your fucking breath,” I muttered, shoving my hands in my pockets as I started walking away from the man I once trusted more than myself. “You all shoved me into that abyss, and I am gone. I’m fucking gone, Matthew. You did that. Not me.”
“If it takes you being gone now to save you later, I’ll bear the price, but don’t lash out at Oren. It was my final decision, not his.”
“You’re fucking unbelievable.” Biting my cheek, I swallowed my own blood to keep myself from lashing out, blood I planned to spill the instant I set foot in my bedroom.
“Don’t waste your time pretending to care about me anymore, Matthew.
Based on everything you’ve said, it’s apparent you don’t. Thanks for your wisdom, I’m done here.”
“Wisdom is sometimes difficult to swallow, but you need to talk to Oren. If not me, him, Thorne.” His voice trembled, but I didn’t fucking care.
“Yeah, I’d rather slit my own throat than involve myself with any of you outside of this mission. Thanks though.”
Not giving him another chance to speak to me, I put one foot in front of the other, walking away from the friendship I’d believed would last lifetimes.
The universe wished to laugh in my face, to prove to me that I was undeserving of anything and anyone, and I was done pretending I didn’t know how to read between the lines.
Their decisions told me everything I’d ever needed to know without them so much as having to utter a word.
There is no life if you are not here beside me. Not even if my father’s empire falls, because there is no reason for me to continue without your presence.
Lies.
I would do anything for you, for your happiness if it meant seeing this pure elation on your face.
Lies.
You taught me to stop running, to face my demons. You made me blossom and allowed me to find something worth protecting and fighting for.
Fucking lies.
“T-Thorne?” His blubbering voice echoed above the noise in my head, Oren saying my name no longer a prayer or devotion, instead, a damnation.
“Stay the fuck away from me,” I barked, a warning that I meant with every fractured remnant of my heart, a heart he shattered.
Oren’s face was red and raw from the tears coating his cheeks. “Please… Let me explain. You didn’t deserve—”
“No!” I screamed, anguish and ire fusing as one. “God! You are fucking maddening, fucking unbearable! Just like your goddamn father. So stay the fuck away from me. Never speak to me again outside of orders, or this bullshit mission you’ve elected to toss us into. I am done. We are done.”
“I know I am. I know… I know it was wrong.”
“Good. I’m glad you know,” I snarled, my skin itching with the need for me to shred it open, to somehow free myself from every goddamn feeling that threatened to crush my chest. “I’m glad you’re at least that coherent in your decision making, CCommander.”
“Not coherent. Not… not at all. I let them make the decision. I didn’t…”
“Didn’t fight for me?” Laughter tumbled from my lips as I closed my eyes, shoving the tears into the confines I’d wrapped around my subconscious.
“Why would you? Why would any of you when you were so willing to toss me to the goddamn wolves? If you wanted revenge or whatever the fuck it was for Simon? Amazing fucking job, Oren. Amazing fucking job. I hope destroying me was everything you yearned for.”
“I fought… I fought for you to know, but Matt—”
“Right, my best friend who was never my best friend.” Running my tongue over my canines, I shoved off everything else I wished to utter—to scream.
“I’ve been debriefed. No use in further wasting your time.
Your second is back there if you wish to speak to him.
I’ll see you during the briefing tomorrow, Commander. ”
“I’m not wasting my time, Thorne. I wish to speak to you. To let you yell at me, or express whatever you’re feeling.”
“No. You’ve wasted enough of my fucking time.”
A shattered sob left him as he shook his head. “You’ve never wasted my time.”
“That’s because I loved you.” My jaw feathered as I forced myself to ignore his agony, shoving the part of me that wished to comfort him away. “You never loved me. You merely loved the idea of me.”
Another wail left him, his hands covering his face. “Loved?”
“Loved,” I confirmed coldly. “We’re done. You lost me the second you turned your back on me after begging we never keep anything from one another again. I’m sure Matthew can fill that gap for you though.”
“Matthew can… can never be you. I’m in love with you, even if you tell yourself differently, or toss me away. I-I’m so sorry, Thorne.”
“It’s too late for apologies.” Turning away from him, I left him with all I’d ever offer him again. “Let’s just hope this mission gets me killed, because meeting death would be far more bearable than being around you any longer.”
Whether it was him that collapsed or something else, I didn’t care as a loud crash sounded from behind. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Fuck, I’m sorry,” he wailed, his syllables crashing together. “I-I’ll protect you, Thorne, even from the shadows. B-Because I am yours, my heart is yours, and I love you.”
Pulling the double doors open, my declaration became the seal of our relationship.
“But I was never yours, because protecting me? Protecting my heart? None of that was a priority in your eyes. Your priorities? Your values? They were always about impressing your dad, and for that, there is no way you ever loved me.” Stepping through the threshold, the utterance left me before I allowed the darkness to swallow me once more.
“Thanks for the quick fuck last night though, at least you gave me that before ripping my heart from my chest.”