CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
SHE'S RIGHT. Even though I said I wouldn’t be an asshole to her, I still am.
I don’t mean to be, and as much as I want to blame it on the trauma of what happened at my father’s estate, the truth is I am jealous.
Jealous of every touch and kiss she gives the others.
Fates. Even Killian lets her touch him. Which is something I never thought was possible after everything he has been through.
Maybe she and I should get away, just the two of us.
Somewhere secluded. The mountains maybe?
She lived there for years, maybe she misses it.
“If you two were dragons, you would battle it out with claws and fangs until one of you submitted,” Zaddro adds.
My gloved hand grips the saddle. “I’m not battling it out with her, but I think it’s time we talk.
She deserves better than me, and if she decides to send me away, I will deal with it.
It’s not like I’ve done anything to deserve her, but I want her.
Having her back healed something within our fractured brotherhood. ”
Zaddro snorts. “None of you are broken or fractured. You were missing a part of your soul. She is the center of your group. And you need to pull your damned head out of your ass. I’m surprised you can smell anything with the amount of shit that must be lodged up your nose.
It’s why your words are so vile. Just apologize and woo the female. ”
Right.
Apologize and woo.
I can do that… Right?
Panic starts to grip my chest. No. I can do this.
Thankfully Zaddro stays quiet for the rest of the flight back to Kraryn while I sort out my thoughts.
There’s only one way I can even apologize, and that’s to tell her everything.
Every awful thing I’ve done and endured to keep the others safe.
Maybe she will see for herself that I’m too broken.
Even as my mind drifts to the thought that she would be better without me, my soul fractures.
The back-and-forth gives me whiplash, and by the time we arrive at the Dragon Keep, Ravina is nowhere in sight, but her raven is sitting on the fence post just outside, eyeing me down.
“Do not hurt her, Talyn Craven, or—forbidden or not—your eyeballs will become my most treasured possession,” he croaks out loud, shocking me before flying off.
I watch, stunned, as he disappears behind the rooftops. Jesper told me he can speak but chooses not to, yet I didn’t believe him until now. That bird really does have a penchant for eyes. A small shiver wracks through me.
Stalling, I walk along the coastal cliffs, letting the soothing smell of the salty sea air calm me. She’s probably inside venting to her friends about what an asshole I am, and really, I think I’m scared of her rejection. It’s time to male up and get it over with.
Before I can talk myself out of it, I force my feet into the direction of her room.
I hear distant sneezing sounds from Jesper and his allergies to all the flowers Amethyst keeps here, but I follow the pull of our bond, knowing she isn’t with him.
He’s probably off to medical to get a fresh tonic for this stay.
When I get to her door, I freeze with my fist only a slight movement away from the pale wood. My hand flexes and my breath hitches and before I realize what I’m doing; my knuckles rap twice against the door.
Maybe I should have waited to have this conversation, but tomorrow isn’t promised.
I already lost her once, then almost again during the attack.
My trauma shouldn’t be thrust upon her when she’s done nothing wrong, but admitting to things can be horrifying.
Things you’d rather leave in the dark and keep buried with the skeletons of your past.
The door creaks open and wide blue eyes stare up at me in shock before they narrow. “What do you want, Talyn? Come to order me around again?”
I blow out a breath and scrub my hand along my dragon tattoos. “No. I want to talk to you about some things. Can I come in? Or would you like to come with me for a walk?”
She scoffs. “You can come in. I’m not going on a walk with you because you might throw me off the cliff into the ocean, and I don’t fancy a swim right now.
” She holds the door open and I walk in, heading to the small sitting area near the balcony and taking a seat on the deep blue wingback chair.
My armor clanks and I wince. Maybe I should have changed into my leathers, but I have a feeling if I went back to my room, I wouldn’t have found the courage to come here tonight.
Ravina, on the other hand, looks gorgeous, even if she’s in her nightwear.
She and Aemon would have arrived early this morning.
She took off after she yelled at me, and Aemon followed because Evisdor is the only dragon in our wing that can keep up with her.
So at least we both have had time to gather our thoughts.
Thoughts that now threaten to frazzle all over again.
She comes up behind the matching chair across from me and rests her arms on it, keeping her guard up. Her brow arches. “Why are you here, Talyn? It’s getting late and I’m tired.”
“I owe you apologies and an explanation,” I state, watching as her gaze widens and then narrows, and she crosses her arms against her chest as if to protect herself.
“I think at the bare minimum yes, you do owe me those things, because I have done nothing to deserve this path of destruction you put us on.”
I nod in agreement, rubbing my hands against my armor. “I’m not sure where to start. I’m not used to talking like this, but I know I can’t treat you like this anymore. It’s hurting both of us and our group.”
She watches me for a moment and then her eyes glaze over like she’s communicating with someone before she huffs out a sigh and sits in the chair across from me.
“Maybe start at the beginning?” she suggests.
“You were a different male when we were younger. Even at Phixmery you were distant and a bit harsh, but ever since you arrived here… I don’t even recognize the fledgling I grew up with like I could with the others… ”
We sit in silence for a moment while I gather my thoughts.
“Your death was the catalyst that started it. You were this precious female who was bossy, funny, kind and generous, and even back then I wanted to protect you from the realm. I was much more innocent then with regards to how everything worked, but I knew my father was not a kind male. After you were gone, he killed my mother. She was very sick and not in her right mind, but he was done taking care of her, or at least that’s what he told me.
His idea of how females should behave and their purpose is sickening, and I did my best to protect Cynder.
But if I paid too much attention to her, or tried to teach her ‘male activities’ like training or sword fighting, we would both pay the consequences. ”
She gasps and I see her hand raise towards me before pulling it back. I give her a small smile—I’m not sure if it’s to comfort me or to comfort her, but I continue.
“So I pulled away. Did tasks for him to keep him away from Cynder. She was relatively safe as long as she was kept locked away. At least, until things started going south at Phixmery and we made the move to get her out. Anyway, five years ago, Jesper overheard his father talking about plans to take over Damorleia with the other Lords and officially wipe Vathia off the map, since Aemon’s dad had become useless.
It got gears turning, and everything the others and I had heard over the years began to come together like a sick and twisted puzzle.
We still don’t know the reason for why our fathers did this, or why the dragons are becoming brainwashed, but I know it all stems from my father alone.
I’ve had to… do things… to keep the others safe. ”
My eyes squeeze shut as memory after memory tries to push its way to the front. The innocents I’ve had to kill to prove to my father I was on his side. The engagement to Evera… what happened after we found our mate.
I swallow thickly. “I’m a broken male, Ravina.
My father made some sort of deal with Evera’s father and I was supposed to mate her.
Of course I was never going to willingly agree to it, and that was even before we found you and our bond began to form.
But after The Choosing, my father drugged me and had taken me back to his estate… ”
“Talyn…” she whispers and I shake my head.
“Just let me get through this. I don’t want your pity, I just need you to understand why I’ve been pushing you away.”
She goes to open her mouth but bites down on her lip with grim determination.
I look away from her to the sea, unable to tell her this next part while watching her expression fill with disgust. “I woke up strapped to the bed with iron cuffs. My father wanted to make sure I didn’t find some other excuse to escape the mating with Evera.
” I chuckle dryly. “They made a whole ceremony out of it. Stripped me bare and tried to force a mate bond. It didn’t work though because fate already gave me to you…
Fate gave you this broken male who doesn’t know how to love anyone without anger. ”
Small, soft hands grab my face, and what shocks me are the anger and tears. No pity. No disgust.
“You are not broken, Talyn. You fell into the fire and came out the other side reforged and stronger. Fuck them. And I’m going to kill that female when I see her next,” she hisses, her words soaked in venom. “How dare she try to take what’s mine.”
The possessiveness in her voice lights something inside of me but I’m not done… She still needs to know about her bond mark.