CHAPTER 5 BEN
I didn’t anticipate getting any of the attention from Kaylee’s family, but when we arrive at Jack’s house for Monday night’s dinner, everyone smothers Kaylee with attention while I stand idly by.
“Are you okay?” “How’s your head?” “How bad did it hurt?” The cacophony of voices can’t be helping her headache.
“Toughen up, kid.” That one was Jack, obviously. He turns toward me. “Hey assclown, couldn’t figure out some way to stop that from happening?”
“It’s not his fault,” Kaylee protests.
And we haven’t even exited the foyer yet.
I want to pull her close into my side to thank her for sticking up for me, but I can’t. It’s weird being in a secret relationship with somebody whose family is like family to me, too.
And what’s even weirder is when the doorbell rings behind me as we’re all still gathered in the front hall. I turn around and open it and come face-to-face with none other than Jeb Olson. That’s right. My dad’s here.
"Pops," I say jovially. "What the hell are you doing here, old man?"
Carol laughs. "I invited him. And before you all jump on top of us about what this is or what it isn’t, it’s simply so he has a permanent place at our dinner table just like his son does."
Jeb nods at Carol. “Thank you for the invitation.”
Kaylee moves over and gives my dad a hug. “I’m glad you’re here.”
My dad looks surprised that she’s hugging him and he awkwardly pats her back with one hand. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” Kaylee offers a wry smile as she answers the same question again.
I know she’s fine—we all know she’s fine—but she has to know how concerned we all are about her.
As annoying as it is to continue to answer the same question over and over, it’s nice to be asked by the people who care about you.
“And how about you, kid?” my dad asks, grabbing my shoulder affectionately.
“Been better, been worse. I’ll be fine by training camp, and that’s all I’m really worried about right now.”
“Glad to hear it.” He squeezes my shoulder again, his way of giving me a hug in front of all these people.
Kate invites us all toward the dining room where we all take our seats at the table.
My dad is sitting across from Kaylee and me, which will definitely prevent our extracurricular under the table activities.
But that doesn’t mean I can’t find a way to get her into her old bedroom while we’re here tonight.
In fact, now it’s my mission. We are a day out from what happened, and I have the strong urge to remind her why we’re so good together. I’m not sure I can think of a better way to do that besides showing her with my body.
And so we keep up the conversation at the table.
In fact, tonight we’re the center of attention.
We talk about what happened at the nightclub.
Kaylee fields questions about her last week at school.
We talk about moving in together, our Instagram competition, and how our charade for the media is going.
“Any word on Shannon?” Ellie asks Kate.
“Sounds like she’ll be able to plead it down to a misdemeanor since it’s her first offense,” Kate says.
“So she’ll get fucking probation when she deserves to spend time in prison,” Jack finishes. He looks pissed, and I don’t blame him. What she did was a huge invasion of privacy, but at least she was caught before she could do anything with all the shit she recorded.
“So where is she now?” Ellie asks.
Kate shrugs. “Don’t know, don’t care.”
“That’s my girl,” Jack says, tossing an arm around the back of her chair.
“No! Boy!” JJ says, and the attention turns back to the kids as usual.
Once dinner is over, Kaylee excuses herself to the restroom.
This is my chance.
I follow her upstairs a minute later and find her just exiting the bathroom.
I grab her hand and pull her into her old bedroom.
“What are you doing?” she asks.
My fingers curl around the back of her neck while my thumb finds that spot to the side of her throat. Her pulse is erratic, a sure sign she’s interested and ready for me. Her body responds to mine every single time.
“I think you know exactly what I’m doing.” I drag my lips along her neck as I say the words.
She leans back a little as I continue to kiss her neck. She lets off a soft moan, which only tells me she’s into this. I push my hips toward hers, and she sets her hands on my chest.
She lets out a heavy sigh. “Not tonight, okay?”
It feels like a punch to the gut.
All the times we’ve been doing this, she’s always been totally into it. I never saw a rejection coming…but if she’s not into it, I respect that even if I don’t agree with it.
I take a step back. I want to ask her if she’s feeling okay, but I’m pretty sure she’ll get angry if she has to answer that particular question again. See? I’m learning some stuff about women.
“Whatever you want,” I say softly against the sting of rejection. “I’m here when you’re ready.”
She presses her lips together. “Thank you for understanding. My head is just pounding.”
I shrug. “It’s fine. You don’t owe me an explanation.”
She nods.
“Can I ask you a question?”
She peers up at me and tilts her head a little as she waits for the question to come.
“After the fall, and the concussion…the video last night and the interview…just everything mixed together…” I trail off as I try to form a question other than are you okay. “Are we okay?”
Her brows draw together. “Is this because I don’t want to…?” She gestures with her head toward the spot where I just had her up against the wall.
I shake my head. “Not at all. You’ve just seemed…different since last night, and I just want to know that everything is still the same between us.”
She twists her lips, and her voice is a whisper when it finally comes. “I don’t know.”
I take a seat on the bed. First the gut punch, and now the heart punch. My chest feels heavy.
“I just feel really guilty about the reason why that stuff flew off that table and down onto a dance floor below,” she admits as she sits beside me.
“And then Calvin said that thing yesterday about staying true to what we want, and as much as I feel for you, we both know we want different things. Isn’t the end inevitable? ”
I lift a shoulder as I slide my hand into hers. “Not if one of us changes what we want.”
She presses her lips together. “Are you going to?”
I glance up at her and her eyes meet mine. I squeeze her hand as I shake my head. “No, I’m not.”
Her eyes seem to get a little misty at that. “Me neither.”
I press my lips together. “Well, we’ve got two choices then. We could part ways and you could stay on your side of the house, or we can make the most of the time we have together.”
She offers a weak, sad smile. “I vote for option two. Better to have lost than to never have had, right?”
We both know the word that she left out of that sentence.
And I also know that making the most of our time together is the more dangerous option. Because the more time I spend with her, the harder I’ll fall…and the harder I fall, the harder it’ll be to pick myself up when it comes to an end.