CHAPTER 29 KAYLEE
We sway to a Taylor Swift song, and as it ends and the next song comes on, I can’t help my laugh as Nickelback starts crooning about how I’m never going to be alone. “You had to slide one in, didn’t you?”
“It’s a great song,” he says with a shrug.
Okay, fine. It’s not bad…not that I’ll ever admit that to him.
I still can’t believe he did all this for me. The night has been perfect down to every last detail—the dress, the Italian restaurant, the wrist corsage…even the music selection. Every song that came on was hand selected by him for this night, and this is just something I will never forget.
And so, as he kissed me the way he did…after he held me in his arms and physically showed me how much he cares for me without needing to strip me naked to prove it…I was hit with Gramma Jean’s words.
The love she had with Walter would’ve been enough. Chevy and Susan never had kids…and they were enough for each other.
Maybe dreams change a little when you meet the right person.
I don’t know if I’ll always regret it, but I’m still young enough that I have time to make that choice. Nothing in this life is permanent, and while nobody gets married with divorce as their end game, that doesn’t mean we can’t give this thing a go past September.
My dream was always to be a young mom with a big family, but tonight, as Ben held me and we kissed and swayed to the music…I felt like maybe I could give that dream up if it means I get to have a lifetime of moments like this with him.
The next week and a half passes in a total blur of sex and hikes and horseback riding and ATVs.
We race through the forest, we sing as he teaches me how to cook, we laugh, we have a whole lot of naked time, and we grow even closer as we both find ourselves falling deeper and deeper.
We’re so wrapped up in each other that we barely even leave the house after the Homecoming night.
He tells me he wants to take me into Great Falls to show me his gym, Tight Fit, but we never make it there.
Instead, he tells me he’d rather experience the tight fit of being inside me, and I absolutely have no complaints about that.
I haven’t told him about the realization I had at our Homecoming dance. I’m too scared to admit that I want him more than I want the dream I had my entire life.
To be honest, I’m sort of dreading going back to Vegas for Jack and Kate’s wedding.
Out here when it’s just the two of us, nothing else matters.
When we go back home, we’re inviting in outside forces to mess with everything we’ve worked so hard to build.
We’re back to being a secret. We’re back to simply looking at each other across the room and finding secret places and dark corners to kiss in rather than just being ourselves.
I’m starting to get to the point where I want to let my family in on our secret.
It’s not the first time I’ve thought that, but with the fear of what will happen once the season starts back up always at the forefront of my mind, I’m afraid to drag them into it.
I love my family dearly, but they tend to get overly involved, and I’m quite sure I don’t want that for the two of us.
Besides, Jack and Kate deserve the attention on their wedding weekend.
And so we’ll pretend.
We’re flying back to Vegas since we’re only going for the weekend, and as we board the plane the Thursday before the wedding, my stomach feels a little nervous.
I’m not usually a nervous flyer, but with how close Ben and I have gotten over the last couple weeks, I’m certain it’s that feeling hovering over me like everything’s going to change on us when we get back to Vegas. It won’t just be the two of us anymore.
And that’s sort of terrifying. It’s no wonder my stomach aches and my head throbs.
The feeling doesn’t pass when we land, and paparazzi are waiting near the area where we’re picking up our ride back to Ben’s place.
They scream and shout at us as flashbulb after flashbulb blinds us, and it’s a complete world of difference from the privacy we had in Montana to being thrust front and center back into the public eye here in Vegas.
I don’t like it.
I want to get the hell out of here and never look back.
Ben ushers me into the car as we both ignore the photographers, and he closes his eyes and leans his head back once we’re in the backseat. He shakes his head and turns toward me. “Did you miss that?”
I shake my head. “Not even a little.”
“Me either.”
“I thought you liked the spotlight,” I say.
He reaches over and grabs my hand, and then he leans in and presses a soft kiss to my neck. “I preferred the quiet life in Montana with you.”
“Me too,” I admit.
We get home, and it’s the same thing there—the person in the car parked across the street snaps our picture. A feeling like we’re being watched weighs heavily on my chest because we are. The lack of privacy is back as we haul my suitcase and his small duffel bag into the house.
It’s quiet here without Buddy. George, the man who tends the stables, agreed to take Buddy home to his place for the days we’re gone, and I miss him already.
He’s like our little boy, and the more I watch Ben interact with his dog, the more I see the traits in him that would make him such a good dad.
But if I’m truly okay with giving up on that dream, I need to get those thoughts out of my head.
I get it—the reasons why he decided kids just aren’t for him.
He’s afraid all women leave and he’ll end up raising a child he doesn’t feel he’s capable of raising, or he’s afraid he won’t be enough, or he’s afraid something will happen and he’ll lose another child like he lost the one he thought he was having with Tatum.
And all those are fears that could be overcome, but like Gramma Jean said, he’s a lot like his grandfather: stubborn as a mule. He made up his mind a decade ago that he didn’t want kids, and I didn’t walk into his life to change his mind.
I think maybe I just walked into his life to love him for however long we’re allowed.
“You okay?” he asks once we’re upstairs and I’ve unpacked my suitcase. I zip it up, and he grabs it from me and sets it in the hallway to take down to my bedroom that I never stay in later.
I nod. “Yeah. Just exhausted. I’ve had a headache since we boarded the plane and I think my stomach’s a little nervous that something’s going to go wrong while we’re here.”
He takes a step toward me and wraps his arms around me. “Montana was kind of perfect, barring the run-in with Tatum, wasn’t it?”
I nod. “It was totally perfect.” I draw in a deep breath. I think it’s time to tell him what’s been on my mind. “It made me fall even harder for you, and it made me really rethink what I want out of the future.”
He raises a brow. “Oh? In what way?”
I lift a shoulder, but my stomach lurches just as I’m about to respond.
I toss a hand over my mouth as my eyes widen, and then I bolt for the bathroom as I get sick.
Apparently I’m also nervous over having this conversation with him. I lie down to get some rest after all that, all thoughts of the conversation disappearing down the toilet.
I pray I’m not coming down with something. We’ve got a busy weekend ahead of us, and the last thing I need is to get everyone around me sick, too.