Chapter 10
I was fucking up so hard and I couldn’t seem to stop myself. How had I managed to stress Ava out so much that Jesse had whisked her away so she wouldn’t even have to see me? We’d been so close growing up and now she could barely look at me.
It was my fault.
The second I had gotten the opportunity to get out and away from my mom, I had jumped on it. At the time I hadn’t cared how far it took me from everything I knew, but now it was biting me in the ass.
I knew it was better for both of us that I had gone when I did. Ava might have liked me back then, but my mom got me so fucking twisted up in self-loathing and misery that I knew I would’ve inevitably dumped all of that on a partner. No one deserved that, let alone Ava.
I had done so much self-work and mountains of therapy since leaving California. I was so much better now than I was, but my little blast from the past with Ava had dredged up a lot of memories that I had long since buried.
Ava and Nathan’s house had been a refuge for me growing up. I had been over there more often than I was at my own home. Nathan hadn’t really enjoyed Little Ava trailing after us, but she was cute as hell as a kid with a serious case of hero worship for her older brother. I had always tried to include her in our less dangerous shenanigans. She was fun to have around even if it did mean sometimes participating in tea parties and letting her style my hair. It was a taste of a world I had never gotten to experience with a deadbeat dad who had booked it when I was eight and a mom who had slipped into alcoholism not long after that. Luckily, Nathan and Ava’s mom was willing to mama bear for the entire neighborhood.
Ava was in the vast majority of my happy childhood memories. She was a bright spot I had always cherished even though I couldn’t have made myself go back there. Having her be here and finding out she was my scent matched omega, had ripped open a lot of wounds I had thought were closed. I needed to get a hold of myself or I was going to lose her again.
My whole body ached with the need to hold her.
I had walked away from that life once and she had walked right back in. Fate was giving me another chance and I wasn’t going to squander it. Before, I had needed help that she couldn’t give me, being a child herself, and now she needed help. I’d be damned if I didn’t do everything I could to help her when I was in a position to do so. If I had faced my demons earlier, I could’ve saved her a lot of pain.
Luke:
Please come back
I’ll behave
I hated sending the message to Jesse. It needed to be done, though. Bryce and I had gotten off on a shitty foot, and Micah was right. I couldn’t expect Ava to push out a bondmate for me. I shouldn’t even be considering asking her to.
Jesse:
We’ll come for dinner
If you stress her out, we’re staying at the hotel
Luke:
OK
Jesse had a protective streak a mile wide, and it worked well for someone in his career choice, but it wasn’t often that I got to see it in our personal lives. Even with all our years of friendship, he wouldn’t hesitate to call me on my shit or intervene for Ava. I didn’t want to stress her out. What I wanted was some space to talk to her. I needed time to come back to the person I had grown into since I’d moved away and show her that I was ready to support her.
Luke:
I’ll cook
I didn’t know how to make a lot of things, but I remembered in the months before I had bolted, Ava’s favorite had been teriyaki salmon bowls. I could probably handle a decent recreation. A quick trip to the nearest Asian grocery store got me everything I needed.
The salmon was broiled, the rice was warming in the cooker, the cucumber, carrot, and daikon radish was sliced, edamame deshelled, and the homemade sauce was ready and waiting when everyone arrived.
I was setting the table when the apartment door opened. Ava’s tentative smile disappeared instantly, the color draining from her face. She spun on her heel and stepped out into the hallway.
What the hell?
I took the salmon from under the broiler and set it on the stove so it wouldn’t burn before going to check on her, the others crowded around.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
She took another step back, her hand clapped over her nose and mouth. “The salmon,” she mumbled.
Oh, shit. “You used to love salmon.”
“I do.” She gulped. “I did. The pregnancy made me really sensitive to the smell. I haven’t been able to eat it for months.”
Fucking hell.
I should’ve checked before making it. The whole apartment smelled like salmon. I dashed back in and flipped on the hood fan, turned on the ventilation fan in the bathroom, and opened the windows. I put all the salmon into a container and shoved it into the freezer, and then put the pan into the sink so I could rinse off all the oils.
“We have one more night at the hotel,” I heard Bryce say. “Should we go back there?”
Goddamnit. No . The whole point of this was to show Ava I was on board with things. I couldn’t let him take her away again.
“Want some help?” Jesse asked.
“I guess.” I shrugged, hope draining away along with the soap suds off the pan.
“You didn’t know,” he said softly. “We can go out for dinner.”
I nodded stiffly while he packed up all of the toppings I had prepared and set them in the fridge. “I didn’t even notice it smelling that strongly.”
“That’s because you got nose-blind to it while you were cooking. It was a nice gesture, though.”
“Can I please have some time with her tonight?”
“That’s a question for her, not me. If it makes you feel better, she seemed excited on the way home that you were making food for her.”
It did make me feel better even if I wasn’t able to feed it to her. Alphas were supposed to provide for their omegas.
“Go out and ask her if you can take her somewhere. I’ll finish the cleanup.”
I diverted to my room and changed my clothes. The last thing I wanted was the scent of salmon stuck to the fabric if it was going to make her queasy.
Ava was standing at the far end of the hallway with Bryce and Micah.
“I’m sorry,” she said before I could open my mouth.
“Don’t be. I should’ve checked if it was something you still like.”
“I’m kind of impressed you remembered I liked it to begin with.”
“Hard to forget when I think we ate that for a month straight before I moved.”
Her cheeks flushed pink.
“Can I take you out for something that won’t make you nauseated?”
Ava’s blush got darker. “Just me?”
I only wanted her right now, but I had to be open to everyone being with her. “The others are welcome to join.”
Tension melted out of her posture and she glanced between Bryce and Micah. “Do you mind if Luke and I go for dinner?”
Bryce sized me up, standing there with his perfect hair and his expensive suit and his fucking first bond with the most important person in my world. “Have fun.”
I bit down on my growl when he kissed her cheek. He was giving me a chance and I couldn’t ruin it by being a petty asshole.
I held stock-still as Micah and Bryce went back to the apartment, leaving me alone in the hall with Ava.
“Where are we going?” Ava asked.
“Depends what you’re hungry for. Anything else off the menu besides salmon?”
“A lot of things. Baby is pretty fussy. Noodles are pretty safe.”
“How about a ramen bar?”
“That should be okay.”
She let me take her hand as I led her down to where my car was parked, her skin warm against mine. Ava stared at me as we rode the elevator down, but neither of us spoke until I was getting her settled in the car.
“Did you have the homemade sauce and the edamame?”
“Absolutely.”
Ava made a little groan that had heat rushing through me. “I’m sorry I couldn’t eat it. I’m sure it was going to taste amazing.”
“I’ll make it again when the baby is out and about in the world.”
Her eyes shone. “You’re not going to disappear on me again?”
Those eyes were a gut punch, reaching right into me and squeezing my heart until I could hardly breathe.
“I never meant to the first time.” I rounded the vehicle, slipping into my seat and buckling up. “Did Nathan or your mom tell you about what things were like at my house?”
She shook her head.
I sighed. Might as well get this part over quickly. I set off on the familiar route to the ramen bar I went to at least once a week. “I only told them the short version. It was a nightmare. There was a reason I never let you come inside.”
I kept my eyes on the road even though I could feel her wide-eyed gaze on me. “What do you mean?”
“I wasn’t over at your house all the time just because Nathan and I were best friends. It was pretty rare that we had groceries at home, and even rarer that my mom would make an actual meal for either of us. I can’t remember the last time she cleaned anything. By the time I was nine, I was the one taking care of her.”
“Was she sick? How did I not know any of this?”
“I never wanted you to know. And yeah, she was an alcoholic. It got really, really bad around the time I graduated high school. We fought constantly. The second I turned eighteen, I bolted and never looked back.”
“Luke, I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”
“I should’ve told you. You were this one bright spot in my life and I couldn’t stand the thought of you looking at me with pity.”
“I wouldn’t have,” she insisted.
“Maybe not, but you would’ve tried to help.”
“Almost definitely,” she agreed.
“I needed to protect you from that. Your mom and brother agreed. My mom would’ve been a vampire on your compassion, sucking every drop she could get from you. She’d have gotten you doing chores, running errands, loaning her money until you had nothing left to give. I couldn’t let that happen.”
“Why’d you leave entirely instead of moving out?”
We pulled to a stop at the parking lot and I turned to her. “The only way I was getting out of that situation alive was going where she’d never find me again. I was trying so hard not to self-destruct and become just like her. If I stayed under her influence, I’d have been like her sooner rather than later. I haven’t spoken a word to her since I left California.”
“Or me,” Ava said quietly. “Have you talked to Nathan at all?”
I grimaced. “Not as much as I should have, and not anytime recently. I told him when I arrived, but then he got busy with school and I got busy carving out a life for myself here.”
“It really sucked losing both of you at once.”
Nathan had gone off to university not too long after I’d bolted. “I can’t change any of what I did in the past, but I promise I am not going to do that to you again.”
Ava pursed her lips. “I’m going to have to let actions prove that. Can I have my phone back?”
With a nod, I hopped out, rounded the vehicle to open her door for her, and offered my hand to counterbalance. I fished her phone out of my pocket and passed it over while we walked into the small restaurant.
“This is…a lot.” She stared down at the screen, scrolling through the multitude of missed messages and calls.
“He started getting pretty aggressive. I didn’t want you to see it when you were already stressed out.”
She was quiet while the host seated us in a little booth, setting down waters before taking our orders. Ava deferred to me on what to choose since I ate here so often. I ordered her a classic chicken shoyu ramen.
“I don’t understand,” Ava said when the server had gone. “Andrew has never talked to me like this before.”
“You’ve never left him before either.”
She frowned.
“A lot of people don’t show their true colors until you stop giving them what they want. I wish that wasn’t the case for you. I know absolutely nothing is ideal about the situation, but I hope you know the pack will take care of you.”
Her eyes blazed with quiet fire. “Because you have to since I bonded Jesse, or because you want to?”
I let out a breath. “You know the answer, Aves. Didn’t I always protect you when we were kids?”
“We’re not kids anymore.”
“No, we’re not, but I’m going to protect you anyway.”
Her gaze dropped, focusing on the chopstick wrapper she was fiddling with. “I’m still mad at you.”
“Join the club.” I huffed a laugh. “Everyone is mad at me, including myself.”
The arrival of our ramen bowls alleviated some of the tension. I watched Ava dive in, her hair slipping dangerously close to the broth. I pushed my bowl across the table and moved to sit next to her, gathering up her hair and holding it securely. I didn’t have a hair tie, but my hand was the next best thing.
She looked at me from the corner of her eye and smiled as she ate. We polished off both bowls, sitting side by side like that. When she sipped up the last drop, I freed her sandy blonde locks to cascade down her back.
“That was really good. Thank you.”
“You’re more than welcome. I’m glad I could feed you something.” I sighed. “Ava, I don’t claim to deserve it, but I would love a chance to make things up to you.”
She chewed her lip. “I’ll think about it.”