Chapter 11
I felt like an asshole not saying yes. I understood him better now, but the hurt of being left behind wasn’t going to go away because of one conversation. Teen Ava had fantasized about this moment a thousand times over. But I wasn’t a teenage girl panting over a crush anymore. Now I was fresh off a betrayal with a baby on the way and two bondmates. I had to figure out what I wanted my life to look like, and decide if Luke was meant to be a part of my future instead of just my past.
“I don’t know what the right answer is, Luke.”
“I don’t either,” he confessed. His shoulders were hunched with tension as he stared at the table.
My instincts urged me to soothe him.
“What can I do?” he asked.
“I need time to settle into things with Jesse and Bryce,” I said carefully. “In a couple of months it won’t be just me, and I’m already overwhelmed. Please don’t ask me to give any more of myself right now.”
Our eyes met, turmoil roiling behind his, but he nodded quickly and decisively. “I’m here whether you keep me or not.”
I wanted to believe it. I didn’t know if we were staying in Vegas. Bryce was already established in New York, and I had been planning to move anyway. What would Luke do if I made it inconvenient for him to be there? I hadn’t even gotten a phone call the last time and I didn’t want the scent match to be the reason he tried now. I knew that was why the others were trying, but it felt wrong for that to be why Luke wanted to be around. Strangers felt easier. They started at a brand-new baseline that Luke still needed to climb up to.
“What do you think I should do about Andrew?”
“My preference is that you never speak to him again.”
“What about the baby?”
“It’s not his according to pack law. You don’t owe him anything.”
“You don’t think my child should get to meet their father?”
“If you want them to, sure, but it sounds like everyone’s lives would only improve with less Andrew in them. Jesse will be a great dad. I don’t know anything about Bryce so I can’t comment on that, but it wouldn’t be hard to be better than the bullshit this guy has pulled.”
The words were true and sharp, cutting deep. It seemed cruel not to give Andrew the opportunity to meet his child, but maybe he had dished out enough cruelty to be served some himself? Who was to say if he would even care at this point?
“What do you want me to do, Luke?”
“I want you to be safe. That’s what I’ve always wanted.”
My throat tightened. If Luke had given me the slightest hint all those years ago that he wanted me, I would’ve made every effort to follow him. I could’ve graduated early, gone to school where he moved…I couldn’t even say that it was better that he hadn’t. I didn’t regret the little life I was going to bring into the world, but I sure as hell regretted who I had done it with.
“We should get back.”
“Do you want me to take you to the apartment or to the hotel?”
“That depends on if the apartment still smells like salmon.”
The tiniest smile tugged at his mouth. “We’ll start there. You can at least pick up some of your nesting supplies.”
He was quiet on the short trip back to the apartment. The silence was a relief. All my emotions were in a twisted knot that sat heavy in my chest.
Warmth rolled through me when he opened the car door for me again, not letting go of my hand once he’d helped me out. He’d held my hand many times when we were younger and that familiar excitement I always felt then was still present now, even if it was muted beneath my uncertainty.
The temptation to ask to sleep in his bed tonight, to fulfill the fantasy of falling asleep in his arms, was poised on my tongue.
“Thank you for dinner,” I said instead as we lingered in the hall.
“You’re welcome.” He leaned down to kiss my cheek, my perfume instantly erupting and betraying my desires. Luke didn’t say anything about it, but the heat in his eyes had me grinding my teeth to silence a whine that wanted to escape.
He swung open the door without a word, all the alphas inside turning to us. Bryce was on his feet first, already at my side by the time Jesse stood. Luke tensed behind me.
All their scents washed over me. Luke’s fresh oranges and Bryce’s cranberry and rum, Jesse’s roasted chestnut and Micah’s sweet apple. Any trace of the salmon from earlier was gone, and I breathed easy, letting myself be gathered into a sandwiched hug with Jesse and Bryce. I glanced back at Luke, seeing the conflict in his gaze along with his molten desire.
It wasn’t fair. I’d have killed for him to look at me like that before he left California. Goosebumps decorated my skin everywhere Bryce and Jesse touched. Micah’s presence hovered next to me, my nerves alight to have them so close.
“How was dinner?” Micah asked.
“Delicious,” I replied.
“Can I talk to you?” Bryce asked.
“Of course.”
“If you want to come to New York with me, I’ll need to book your flight. Jesse’s too. And Micah’s if he wants to come.” He glanced at Luke but didn’t say anything more.
I hesitated. “I would like to see where you live, but I don’t know if I’m up for a trip right now. I know you have to go, though. I don’t want you to feel sick because I’m not there.”
“I understand that. You wouldn’t have to do anything in the city. My home is yours and you can rest the entire time while I sort things out.”
“She said she doesn’t want to go,” snapped Luke.
Bryce let the tiniest bit of a growl sneak free. “That’s not what she said and I’m trying to reassure her she can rest as much as she needs.”
The moment I looked at Luke, the fight left him. His mouth snapped shut and he walked off into the kitchen.
“We have time,” Bryce continued. “Before it’s unsafe for you to fly, I mean. I do have to go back to New York, at least to arrange things to come back here if you prefer Vegas, or anywhere else.”
“Why can’t you use omega leave and be done with it,” Luke asked while he poured himself a glass of water.
“Because these big companies comply with the law in name only. They would give me the leave, but they would fuck me over in other ways for taking it last minute. Plus, I need to tell my father everything that’s happened. He deserves that in person.”
“I guess I should tell my mom too.” I wasn’t looking forward to that phone call at all.
“Should we look at a bigger place?” Micah asked.
I had too many decisions to make that felt like very permanent things. It didn’t seem fair to ask them to do something bigger when I wasn’t sure if I was staying.
“This place is fine for now.”
Tension filled the air. I felt all of it tighten around me. I wasn’t committing to this place, to them. I should go to New York, at least to see if that was somewhere I wanted to be. If Bryce had no choice but to be there, I didn’t have a choice either.
I sighed. “Book me a ticket. I’ll come to New York at least for a few days.”
“I have leave,” said Jesse. “We can go together.”
The relief from Bryce was palpable. Luke didn’t look pleased at all, but Jesse seemed relaxed.
“Room for one more?” Micah asked. “I can pay for myself.”
Bryce waved off the statement. “I’m covering all the expenses. Luke, are you coming as well?”
“I don’t think you want me to.”
“That has nothing to do with anything,” Bryce countered. “I need to know how many seats I’m booking.”
“I’m not taking your money.”
“ Luke ,” I admonished, “Bryce is being very generous right now.”
“I don’t think it counts as generosity when you have money to burn. If it actually hurt him, sure, but his suits cost more than what most people make in a month. I’m not impressed by him offering up pocket change.”
I sighed. “Have fun by yourself, then. When do we leave?”
“Tomorrow night. I have one event around dinner I have to attend and then we can head to the airport.”
“For your private jet?” Luke snarked.
“First class commercial. I wouldn’t waste a private jet on a flight that short.”
“Jesse, can I use your room to call my mom?” I asked, interrupting the awkwardness between Luke and Bryce.
“Of course you can, sweetness. My room is your room as long as you’re here.”
I departed the cloud of testosterone and closed myself off in Jesse’s room, dialing my mom.
“Congratulations, Mrs. Lane-to-be!”
Great. Perfect start to the call.
“We broke up.”
Glass shattered on the other end of the line. “What do you mean you broke up? You’re pregnant!”
“I found out he’s married with kids.”
My mother was silent for so long I checked to make sure the call was still connected.
“Mom?”
“How can he be married? You’ve been dating for years. Surely he would’ve said?”
“You would think so, but no.”
“Oh, Ava. When are you coming home? I’ve already turned your room into my craft space.”
“I’m not coming home.”
“Excuse me? You can’t still be considering going to New York?”
“I’m going to stay with friends while I figure things out. I promise I’m safe. I’ll let you know when I decide where I’m staying more permanently.”
I couldn’t bring myself to tell her I had scent matches, let alone who they were.
“No offense, but this is a terrible idea. You can’t be a single mother.”
“You were.”
“Ava, you are so much softer than I ever was. You have no idea how hard it’s going to be. Are you sure Andrew won’t leave his wife? Or you could join them as a pack. Is his wife an omega? It’s not common for packs to have multiples, but it’s not entirely unheard of.”
“Andrew isn’t a pack. He’s just an alpha who lied to me. I don’t want to stay with him when I can’t trust him.”
“My darling girl, that man has money and means. You need both to take care of your child. Ask him to form a pack. You can always find others to join it if he’s open to that. But you need him. That is the father of your child.”
“Okay, well, it’s been a really long day and I don’t think I can keep having this conversation right now. I’ll talk to you later. Love you.”
I hung up before she could respond.
Mom had been Team Andrew from the start, eager for me to be with someone who could give me a comfortable life. Mom had always had dreams of being a lady of leisure like the ones she saw on TV: philanthropists’ wives and socialite omegas. I’d never cared about any of that, but it was what she wanted for me.
I didn’t know exactly what I wanted for myself, but I sure as hell knew it wasn’t a life with Andrew.