CHAPTER 23 ALEXIS
Well, he made quick work of that.
I’m scrolling my phone as it starts to ring with a call from Danny. As much as I want to take the call, I’m still sitting in the ER with my father, so I send the call to voicemail even as I look at the photo that was just posted.
It’s him with some girl in a leopard print dress, and they’re both smiling. Danny’s eyes look glassy, and she looks like she’s ready to strip that animal print right off for him. Or maybe she looks sort of like she already has done that with him before.
The thought of all the women he’s been with darts through my mind. He can have his pick, and he chose me. And I can have my pick, too—and it appears like I’m choosing Brooks when I’m not.
I hate this. I hate everything about it.
But then I glance up at my father and see the oxygen still helping him breathe as he closes his eyes and rests, and a surge of confusion plows through me.
What if I’m too late? What if Danny doesn’t want to deal with this whole mess we’re in as I prepare to marry Brooks? What if he doesn’t want to pay off his father to protect me?
What if it’s just too complicated and we can’t make it past all this?
I wouldn’t blame him if he ran.
I want to believe we can beat all this. I want to believe we will.
But there’s just so much in our way that it’s getting harder and harder to believe it.
I send him a text after he leaves the voicemail.
Me: I can’t listen to your message right now. When I landed, I got word my dad was back in the hospital. He didn’t take the rest of his meds. [eyeroll emoji] He’ll be fine, but I’m sitting with him now. Love you.
I wait for his reply, but it doesn’t come. It doesn’t even look like he’s read my message yet.
I set my phone aside, tired of looking at photos of him with other women when it should be me.
Just two weeks, and then it’ll be the wedding.
And I will make sure that as soon as the merger goes through, I can get out of this thing.
I’m curious how all that will work, though—considering my father isn’t going to want it to look like we only got married for the merger…even if that’s the truth.
I’m curious how long he’ll want us to stay married. I’m curious how it’ll look if I bow out immediately and what that will do to my brand, not to mention what it’ll do to Brooks’s reputation, too, and what it’ll do to the business.
What if my dad was lying when he said we could get divorced later?
What if he expects me to stay with Brooks for an extended period of time?
What, exactly, have I agreed to?
I feel a panic attack starting to edge its way in as I consider all these things, but I won’t let this get the better of me.
I draw in a deep breath. I consider borrowing the oxygen under my dad’s nose, but I know better.
I close my eyes and practice some deep breathing as I picture Danny’s face.
It seems to be about the only thing that works to calm my thoughts these days. My therapist once told me to picture a safe place like a tranquil beach.
My safe place has become Danny Brewer.
The panic moves out as I breathe in and out and imagine him and me together.
When thoughts of his father and the tape creep in, I push them out as I think about how it feels when Danny’s arms are around me.
When thoughts of marrying Brooks start to take over, I force myself to feel Danny’s lips on mine.
When confusion over the future of my brand and my business begin to overwhelm me, I visualize how safe I feel when I’m with Danny.
Danny appears to be my answer for everything.
But my dad would tell me I’m asking the wrong questions.
He can’t be my answer when I have to marry Brooks in two weeks.
And now that my dad is tied up here, it’s more important than ever that I see through the wedding that should never happen.
At what price, though? The price of my own happiness. My own freedom. My own safety.
I wish it could be different. I wish I could have those things. I wish I could live a free and happy life where I make my own decisions.
But apparently when I was sixteen, I decided I didn’t need those things, and now that I’m a grown woman…it’s too late. I already signed those things away, and I’m starting to think that Danny deserves more than I can give him anyway.
“What are you thinking about, my darling girl?” my dad asks.
I glance up at him. I hadn’t realized he was awake and watching me.
I clear my throat, about to unload some of the overwhelm I feel since I need some answers here when I realize…this isn’t the time or the place.
I can’t ask him how long he wants me to stay married to Brooks when he’s in a hospital bed.
These are conversations that would be better next week when we’re back home and talking about wedding plans.
“Nothing,” I say softly. “Just worried about you.” And everything else.
“No need to worry,” he says. “I’ll be fine. And I promise to finish my medication this time.”
“I’ll be there to make sure of it.” I purse my lips, and he chuckles at the role reversal of the daughter taking care of the dad.
I just wish we were in a place where he could still take care of me, too—in the ways that matter to me.
Not in the ways that matter to him.