Chapter 29 Cassidy
When Jackson and Marcus leave to check on Tyler, I shut myself in my suite and sit on my bed, listening to my own rapid heartbeat as it pounds in my ears.
Today was supposed to be a day of rest. I was supposed to recover enough to bounce back from last night and finish this week strong but today isn’t peaceful. Or relaxing. Or quiet.
It’s a disaster, and I can only see things getting worse.
Has Derek told Ryan yet? Does Sarah know?
My stomach twists. Sarah. She’ll be so upset that I didn’t tell her anything.
We’re best friends. We tell each other everything! But I’ve been hiding so much from her lately.
What if I lose them both?
My eyes sting, my vision blurring. Maybe I should get ahead of Derek and tell Ryan the truth. Wouldn’t that look better than him finding out through Derek?
Or maybe it wouldn’t matter at all how he found out. He’ll be furious regardless.
A knock comes from the door, and my first thought is of Tyler. Maybe he came by on his own to talk.
Watching him run off like that hurt me more than I expected. It almost felt like he gave up on me. On the baby. On us.
I can’t blame him for panicking, and if he’s back to talk, I think we can get back to a good place. At least a place where we can co-parent or something.
Hopefully, I’m not being too optimistic.
I get off my bed and walk over to the door to open it, the hope in my chest rising and dying in one breath as I see Ryan standing outside. He doesn’t look concerned or confused.
There’s hurt in his narrowed eyes and anger in his tight jaw.
My throat tenses, making me swallow hard as I stare at him. I can’t think of a single thing to say first.
“We need to talk,” Ryan says before stepping into my suite. He walks past me with heavy, quick steps.
I let the door swing shut, anxiety buzzing under my skin. I almost want to run to the airport right now, but what will that fix? One way or another, I have to face this.
It might as well be right now.
“Did Derek talk to you?” I ask as I turn to him.
Ryan flashes me a confused look. “Derek?”
Now, I’m the one who looks confused.
“Derek found my prenatal vitamins in the bathroom. I thought he told you the news,” I tell him.
Ryan shakes his head. “Sarah told me.”
My heart stops. “What? How’d she know?”
“She overheard you, Jackson, Tyler, and Marcus talking in here,” Ryan replies as he places his hands on his waist, every muscle in his body looking tense. “She said you’re pregnant and one of them is the father.”
A spark of anger burns through me. Sarah ran and told Ryan without even trying to talk to me? How could she do that to me?
But Ryan is her fiancé. They have a closer relationship than Sarah and I ever will.
I’m still disappointed that I didn’t get a chance to talk to her first, but what’s done is done. Now, there’s the aftermath to deal with.
“Yes,” I say, my voice trembling slightly. “It wasn’t planned. It just…happened.”
Ryan rubs his jaw, his head shaking. “What were you thinking, Cassidy? You grew up with these guys! They’re like your brothers too.”
I immediately wrinkle my nose at him. “What? No, I never saw them like that, Ryan. I had a crush on them!”
His eyes widen. “What?”
I sigh, my cheeks flushing in embarrassment. “I’ve always liked them. I just never acted on my feelings because I didn’t think they felt the same way and I didn’t want to upset you.”
Ryan rubs his hand over his face. “They’re older than you. They were supposed to look after you. Not…this.”
“You’re older than Sarah,” I remind him.
“She didn’t grow up with me.”
“Stop saying it like that,” I tell him, my voice growing sharper. “This isn’t some weird power dynamics thing. I wanted to be with them.”
He grimaces in discomfort. I’m sure he doesn’t like picturing this, but he needs to know the truth. Not the lies he’s making in his own head.
“Was it a one time thing?” he questions me.
I shake my head. “It started in Vegas. It continued here.”
“Cassidy…”
“If you’re going to ask me questions, you’re going to get answers that you’re not going to like,” I tell him, tears brimming my eyes.
This might be uncomfortable for him, but it’s humiliating for me.
“So, what is it? Some sort of friends with benefits thing or something?”
“No, it’s not. It’s…” I trail off, not knowing how to continue.
The guys and I haven’t talked about that yet. They only just found out about the baby.
Ryan gives me an impatient look. “It’s what? Do you even want this?”
I blink at him. “What do you mean by that?”
Ryan sighs and moves closer to me. “They’re older than you. There are three of them. Is this something that you want to do?”
My jaw nearly hits the floor. “Do you think they took advantage of me or something?”
Ryan shrugs. “Well, I feel like I have to ask because this isn’t like you, Cassidy. I never would’ve guessed that something like this would happen. Ever.”
“Neither did I!” I tell him, tears breaking free from my eyes to tumble down my face.
“I just don’t understand, Cassidy. Why do you want to mess around with them? You just got out of a relationship with Derek.”
My nails sink into my palms. “Months ago! And I care about them.”
Ryan shakes his head. “How can I really be sure of that? Are you really thinking straight?”
I stare at him in shock. He has never questioned me like this before.
“I know my own feelings, Ryan, whether you want to accept them or not.”
“What are you going to do about the baby?” Ryan questions me.
“What do you mean? I’m going to raise them whether I’m alone or not,” I tell him, my hand dropping to my stomach protectively.
“You don’t even know who the father is.”
“We’re going to get a paternity test done,” I reply. “We’ll go from there. If the father doesn’t want to be involved, I’m not going to force him. I’ll do all of this on my own if I have to.”
“I can’t believe they did this,” he mutters. “This is what I told them not to do, and they still did it. Were you guys ever going to come forward and admit what you did?”
I swallow hard. “I wasn’t going to say anything until I found out that I was pregnant. When it first happened, I thought it would just be a one time thing, but things changed.”
Ryan places his hands on my shoulders. “I don’t think being with them is the right thing for you. Tyler is a womanizer. Jackson barely shows any emotion. And Marcus wouldn’t be a good fit either.”
All I hear are weak excuses.
“You know that they’re good guys. You wouldn’t be friends with them for years if they weren’t,” I tell him. “Why is the thought of me being with them so terrible to you?”
“They broke my trust and lied to me. You know how I feel about that,” Ryan says firmly. “That’s not something that I’m going to forget. How could I ever trust them again? How do I know that they actually care about you?”
“You’ll be able to see it in their actions,” I reply. “Don’t turn your back on them. Talk to them. Please.”
“I don’t even want to look at them right now,” Ryan mutters as he releases me and starts to back away. “Really think about things, Cassidy. What would be the best thing for you and your kid?”
Tears blur my sight as he turns and walks out of my suite, the door thudding shut behind him. I collapse on my bed, burying my face in the sheets as more tears pour from my eyes.
He doesn’t understand what I have with the guys. He doesn’t see how they still kept their word. They’ve protected me, cared for me, and supported me when I needed them.
Sleeping together was never the plan, but it happened, and I can’t say that I regretted it. The consequences are killing me on the inside, but I got to know three incredible men, and I’m going to be a mother.
There are silver linings. They’re just hard to see all the time through the darkness.
And things are really dark right now.
I don’t know how long I lay curled up like that for, but the sun eventually sets, and all the light fades from the room. There’s nothing but darkness and the sound of my sniffling.
There’s part of me that wants to call the guys over so that I’m not alone, but maybe Ryan is right. Maybe I should really sit and think about what’s going to be the best move to make for me and my child.
Being with three men is risky. Things could get overly complicated and tense quickly, and I don’t want my child to grow up in a chaotic, unstable environment like I did.
But I also want the father of my child to be present. I want a full, happy family with all three of them and our baby if possible.
And that’s just the question.
Is it?