Chapter 31 Tyler
As the guys and I take the elevator down to the lobby, my heartbeat pulses in my ears. Over and over. Deafening. Consuming.
I glance over at Jackson and Marcus, my head feeling as if it’s moving in slow motion.
Jackson stares ahead at the shiny doors, his jaw set tight. I’d make a joke about it getting locked in place because he’s always doing that, but I can’t string the words together in my head well enough.
Marcus checks his phone, and I can only assume he’s hoping that Cassidy needs us for something. He’s always so attentive when it comes to her. He thinks of things that I don’t.
And Jackson is always first at the scene, ready to act. Ready to save the day.
As for me…there’s no sort of comic relief that I can bring to the situation. I can’t help Cassidy relax when her entire life is being shaken up.
I can’t even get myself out of this vortex of panic that keeps sweeping me up, spitting me back out, and sucking me in again.
“I hope she’ll actually rest and eat,” Marcus says as he tucks his phone away.
“She will for the baby. Just not for herself,” Jackson mutters with a slight shake of his head.
The elevator stops, and the doors slide open, revealing the busy lobby as guests check in and check out.
Jackson leads us out, slowly rolling his neck. His shoulders are so tense that he looks as stiff as a brick wall. “We’ll check on her tomorrow. No bothering her for the rest of the day. Got it, Marcus?”
Marcus scoffs. “Why are you calling me out?”
“Because if anyone is going to be too far up her ass, it’s you,” Jackson replies, flashing him a warning look. “I get you want to help her, but you see how she has been lately. She’s flighty and sensitive right now. You’re just going to overwhelm her.”
“Or do you want me to pull back so that you can be the hero? Again?” Marcus asks, his expression growing stony.
“Stop,” I manage to say, but I can hardly hear my own voice.
Jackson rolls his eyes at Marcus. “It’s not about that. One of you is completely checked out. The other is too in her face. I’m keeping the balance.”
“Because you’re so perfect,” Marcus mutters under his breath.
Jackson stops in the middle of the lobby and turns to face Marcus so abruptly that Marcus almost runs straight into him. “What did you say?”
“Okay, stop,” I bite out sharper, pushing the two of them apart. “We all need a drink, and we all need to stop speaking our thoughts right now. It’s not helping anything.”
Jackson and Marcus stare hard at each other for another few seconds before finally backing off.
I exhale slowly as Jackson turns around and continues on toward the bar connected to the lobby. It’s bad enough that we’re getting the cold shoulder from Ryan. We can’t be tearing at each other’s throats too.
We’ll never make it out of this in one piece if that happens.
When we step into the bar, most of the bar stools are taken, but there is a gap toward the far end that we make our way toward.
“Shit,” Jackson mutters, slowing his pace.
I glance around him and freeze in place at the sight of Ryan and Derek seated at the bar near where we were going to sit.
“Maybe we should…” Marcus trails off when Ryan glances in our direction and immediately frowns.
Instead of throwing his whiskey in our faces or cussing us out, Ryan says something to Derek that I can’t hear and gets up from his seat. He tosses money onto the bar and pockets his wallet, abandoning the remaining half of his drink.
Derek does the same and follows Ryan away from the bar. He doesn’t look disappointed and bothered like Ryan, though. There’s a slight tilt to his lips.
He looks smug.
We stay still as Ryan passes by us, his eyes not meeting ours. Is this how the rest of the week is going to be? We’re mere days away from the wedding, and the groom doesn’t even want to look at his groomsmen.
“Karma’s a bitch, huh?” Derek comments under his breath, his shoulder clipping Jackson’s as he passes.
Of course, Jackson can’t let that go. His hand lashes out and snags the front of Derek’s shirt, jerking him backward so that they’re face to face.
“What did you say?” Jackson questions him.
Derek tenses up, nearly losing his balance and stumbling into Jackson. “Let me go.”
Jackson leans close, ignoring Marcus’ hand on his arm to try to pull him back. “Tell me what you said. Say what you’re thinking to my face.”
Ryan pushes at Jackson’s shoulder, making him lose his grip on Derek’s shirt. “Knock it off!”
Derek steps back, glaring like he’s some kind of threat.
Not from what I’ve seen.
“I can’t believe you’re friends with this asshole,” Jackson says with a scoff.
“Jax,” Marcus warns him. He’s nearing a line that we swore to Cassidy that we wouldn’t cross.
“Really? You think he’s the asshole?” Ryan questions Jackson. “At least he had the balls to tell me himself that he wanted to date my sister.”
Jackson lets out a dry laugh. “But did we break her heart and make her question her own worth?”
Derek grits his teeth at that, looking like he’s ready to swing if he was actually brave enough to act instead of just talk shit.
Ryan’s expression twitches for a moment, but it quickly hardens. “There’s still time for that.”
Jackson starts to step forward, but Marcus and I grab each arm to stop him. He doesn’t need to piss off Ryan even more than we already have collectively.
Ryan shakes his head. “Just stop. You’ve already done enough damage.”
Jackson’s shoulders drop as Ryan turns and walks out of the bar.
Derek sneers at us before following.
I glare at the back of his head, an ember of anger burning low in my chest. He needs to be knocked down to size.
If only that wouldn’t make things even worse than they already are.
“Get off me,” Jackson grunts as he shrugs us off of him. He claims one of the empty barstools and flags the bartender down. “Whiskey. Neat.”
The bartender looks a little wary, but he springs into action and grabs a glass and a bottle of whiskey from the shelves of liquor behind him.
I share a disappointed look with Marcus before we sit down on either side of Jackson and tell the bartender what we want. “You’ve got to cool it. I know you hate Derek, but we made a promise to Cassidy.”
Jackson rakes his fingers through his hair as he stares down at the bar. “And she kept the biggest secret of her life from us for weeks. Damn near months.”
“You told her that you weren’t mad at her for that. We’ve forgiven her,” Marcus reminds him.
“Promises and secrets,” Jackson mutters, grabbing his glass of whiskey once the bartender sets it down in front of him. “Overrated if you ask me.”
A sigh drifts from me, exhaustion overtaking me. I’m too tired to argue with him, and it’s kind of hard to chastise him when I can’t stand Derek either. That asshole thinks he can do no wrong, and I’m sure he’s getting off on the fact that Ryan is pissed with us.
I knock back my shot of tequila before motioning for the bartender to give me another.
“Shots?” Marcus comments, his forehead creasing.
“We’re here to drink, right?” I reply with a shrug.
“To try to relax. Not to get shit faced,” Marcus says. “You think that’s going to help anything?”
“It’ll help me feel a little better.”
“I think we deserve to get shit faced tonight,” Jackson tells him. “Won’t get much of a chance if we’re changing diapers and losing sleep when the kid comes.”
Shit. I completely forgot about that.
I’ll be keeping another person alive. Making sure they’re fed. But also making sure they don’t choke on anything. Making sure they sleep enough. But also making sure they don’t somehow roll over and suffocate or something.
There are five million ways for me to fuck this up.
“Don’t be like that,” Marcus sighs.
“Like what?”
“Acting like this is a curse,” Marcus replies. “Yeah, being a parent isn’t a walk in the park, but this can be a really good thing.”
Jackson stares down into his glass for a moment before downing the rest of his drink. “Well, so far it’s just a shit show.”
I don’t know what’s making him so pessimistic, but he’s definitely not helping me calm down.
I do another shot of tequila before lifting the empty glass to let the bartender know that I want another. I need this to start kicking in before I start really losing it.
Even when my first club was about to go bankrupt before I landed an angel investor, I didn’t feel this much panic.
A baby is going to change the rest of my life.
“You know, I’m about to say fuck it and just tell Ryan the truth about Derek,” Jackson says after a few minutes of silence.
“No, you’re not,” I mutter, resting my forehead against my hand. “That’ll piss her off.”
“Well, Ryan is all pissy that we lied to him. If he wants honesty, she should give it to him and stop protecting that jackass following him around like a puppy,” Jackson replies. “Ryan thinks Derek is perfect. If only he knew.”
“It’s not our problem to deal with. Cassidy made that clear,” I remind him.
Of course, I want to put Derek on blast because he deserves that, but we have to put Cassidy’s feelings before our own. Our anger toward Derek wouldn’t justify our actions.
It would just make us look like hotheads who can’t control their own emotions.
“Well, Derek is a problem to us. He’s probably whispering things in Ryan’s ear, making him hate us even more,” Jackson replies, tapping the side of his glass with his forefinger angrily. “If the baby was Derek’s, Ryan would probably be over the damn moon.”
“It’s different. He knew they were dating. It was never a secret,” Marcus tells him. “Our relationship with Cassidy was built off a secret that turned into lies. That’s all he sees.”
“Well, he should look past the surface and see that we treat her better than Derek ever did,” Jackson mutters. “He should stop being so damn close minded.”
“He’s not the enemy,” I sigh. “He’s just hurt.”
“He should talk to us instead of giving us the cold shoulder. How is that mature?” Jackson questions me. “We could fix this and settle things, but he just wants to simmer in his own anger.”
“He does have a wedding coming up,” Marcus points out. “I’m sure he has other things on his mind.”
“We’re his groomsmen. I think patching things up with us would be a priority before the big day,” Jackson replies with a faint scoff. “And you don’t think he should know the truth about his best man before then?”
I flash him a pointed look. “We can’t blow up every bit of his life before his wife walks down the aisle. Do you know how upset he would be with us?”
Jackson shrugs and takes a sip of his drink and stares into the glass. “What do we have to lose now? He’s not going to forgive us.”
Marcus gives him a pointed look. “We still have a lot to lose. We can still win him back.”
Jackson lets out a bitter laugh. “Win him back? He’s not the girl I have feelings for. He’s just…he’s…”
“He’s our best friend,” I tell him. “It would suck to lose him. He’s family.”
Marcus nods in agreement. “They didn’t have much growing up because of their parents, but Ryan always made it a point to help us however he could.”
Jackson doesn’t say anything.
“Maybe we can try to talk to him before the wedding. At least get back on speaking terms,” I suggest, hating the feeling of the guilt gnawing away at my soul.
“Yeah, we should try,” Marcus says. “We can’t just sit around and do nothing.”
“Or maybe that’s the way to stop us from doing even more damage,” Jackson replies before taking another long sip, his eyes sliding shut.
If we push too much, things can go wrong. If we don’t act enough, it’ll seem like we don’t care.
How can we walk a fine line that we can’t even see?
I take another shot of tequila, finally starting to feel the hazy buzz from the first few. I motion to the bartender again, not wanting to hear my thoughts any longer.
Honestly, right now, I don’t want to feel a thing.