Chapter 32 Marcus
The next morning, I find myself alone on the beach with my sketchbook on my lap and a pencil in my hand.
This helps me relax far better than taking shots.
Of course, Tyler overdid it, and Jackson and I had to nearly carry him back to the suite. We couldn’t just leave him at the bar while he knocked back shots between old stories about us and Ryan and how great of friends we were.
We all need to stay out of trouble as much as we possibly can.
I tap the end of my pencil against my jaw as I stare out at the ocean, watching the waves shimmer with a light golden glow as the sun continues to rise higher and higher in the sky.
I didn’t think it would be so difficult to relax in paradise, but I also didn’t expect to find out that I’m potentially the father of Cassidy’s baby.
That’s a twist that I didn’t see coming.
I glance back down at the page I’ve been working on this morning, and Cassidy’s smiling face peers back up at me. I used to sketch her from time to time when we were younger, especially when she was deep in thought.
She’d get this almost curious look on her face that made her eyebrows shift closer and her lips slightly curl up. She looked beautiful.
As an artist, I just want to capture beauty on a page as much as I possibly can, but she has the type of beauty that’s impossible to replicate. Even if I got every single line and shading right, it wouldn’t amount to how radiant she is in person.
She’s the woman who I have loved since I was a teenager. Since I first realized what love actually felt like.
As badly as I wanted her as mine, I never made a move on her. I didn’t purposely try to spend time with her alone. I didn’t brush my hand against hers when we walked side by side.
And I didn’t kiss her when she gazed up at me with those beautiful eyes and that perfect smile.
Even if I really wanted to.
Of course, Ryan was a big reason why I didn’t do anything about my feelings, but my biggest obstacle was and is myself. Obviously, Ryan doesn’t think we’re good enough to be with his sister, but he still doesn’t feel that as strongly as I do about myself.
I’ve been kicked around from foster home to foster home. I know what kind of worth I have, and it’s not good enough for her.
I wish it was.
I stop sketching as my shading becomes too harsh. I loosen my hand up a little and flex my fingers, not realizing just how much pent up tension fills me.
I can’t draw in this state.
A tired sigh drifts from me as I flip my sketchbook shut and tuck my pencil in the spiral spine. My eyes sweep left to right, taking in the quiet, empty beach on either side of me. Other than the birds crying and the waves crashing, I don’t hear a single other thing aside from my thoughts.
I’d turn the volume down on them if I could.
But I can’t stop thinking about one certain question.
Am I the father?
I draw in a deep breath through my nose, filling my lungs with fresh air. The weight on my chest stays because I know the truth.
I don’t think I’m worthy of the dream life that I want with Cassidy. Our baby. Our family. Our future.
It just seems too good to be true.
I push myself up to my feet and dust the sand off my legs and hands before walking back to the resort, putting my back to the sun. My shadow leads me to the pool area where I can walk through to get into the resort without walking all the way around to a side door.
When I step through the gate, I pause at the sight of Cassidy eating breakfast with some of the bridesmaids. Sarah is nowhere to be seen.
Has she even spoken to Cassidy about everything that’s going on? Or is she giving her best friend the cold shoulder like her soon to be husband?
Cassidy bites into a piece of plain toast, chewing slowly as she listens to whatever her friends are saying. I can’t hear them from here. She puts on a smile that looks as fake as plastic, and her laugh is just as brittle.
And she still looks so tired.
Did she rest at all yesterday?
Concern pierces me, and I find myself walking over there before I can stop myself.
“Morning,” I greet everyone.
“Hey, Marcus,” Kara says with a warm smile. “What are you doing up so early?”
I glance at Cassidy for a second, but she focuses on slowly finishing off her piece of toast. At least she’s eating.
“Just doing a little sketching,” I reply as I hold up my sketchbook.
Kara lifts her eyebrows. “Oh, yeah? Show us what you sketched! I checked out your Instagram. You’re such a talented artist.”
Cassidy bites into her toast a little harder than before.
I press my sketchbook flat against my chest as some of the other girls chime in. If they see my sketch of Cassidy, it’s game over. How could I even begin to explain that without the truth being obvious?
“It was just something quick. A sketch of the beach,” I lie with a nonchalant shrug.
Cassidy’s eyebrow crooks. If anyone at this table can tell when I’m being dishonest, it’s her.
“Well, I bet it’s nice,” Becca replies, subtly nudging Kara.
“Do you draw people?” Kara asks, tilting her head at me. She twirls a locket of her red hair around her finger. “Like could you draw me?”
Some of the girls giggle and whisper to each other.
Cassidy drops the crust of her toast on her plate and stands. “Bathroom.”
My eyes follow her as she gets up from the table and walks toward the door that leads into the resort building. “It’s not really my forte. Sorry, I should head in and change. I’ve got sand all over me.”
I barely catch Kara’s disappointed look before I turn and head into the building.
Cassidy stands outside of the women’s restroom, running her fingers through her hair and fidgeting with the straps of her sundress like she’s agitated.
I glance around, making sure no one like Ryan is around before approaching her.
“I take it they haven’t heard anything about our…situation.”
Cassidy lifts her eyes to mine. “I guess not. Or they’re really good at hiding that they know.”
I have a feeling some of those girls aren’t great at covering up how they really feel. For now, I think we’re in the clear, but if anyone says anything, my money is on Derek.
I’m surprised he hasn’t gone around the whole resort trying to slander us in front of the whole wedding party.
“Have you talked to Sarah?” I ask her, resting my sketchbook on my hip.
Cassidy frowns and shakes her head. “I haven’t tried to reach out. I’m too scared to hear back from her. I don’t know if she’s angry or not.”
“She hasn’t reached out to you?”
“No. The silence is killing me,” she sighs, her back thumping against the wall. “None of this was supposed to happen, Marcus.”
Everything in me wants to pull her into my arms, but I’d rather not have someone walk in and see us like that. We don’t need the extra drama.
“I know,” I say. “But we’re going to figure it out and get through this.”
She doesn’t look all that optimistic. I hope she’s not as pessimistic as Jackson.
“I keep checking my phone over and over again in case I missed a call from the doctor,” she admits as she glances at her phone screen.
“It’ll probably be tomorrow,” I tell her. “I’ve been dying to know too.”
I don’t know the first thing about what it’s like to be in an actual happy family. That makes me wary of how I’ll be as a father, but deep down, past the uncertainty and fear that I feel, there is a resounding hope that the baby is mine.
Why wouldn’t I want a baby with the woman I love?
I just have to prove to her and to myself that I’m good enough to be the father of her child.
“Well, you guys will be the first to know when I get the call,” she replies. “I should probably head back out there before they send someone to come look for me.”
“Wait,” I say. “How are you feeling?”
Cassidy sighs. “I’m tired. I miss my brother and my best friend. My entire body hurts. I’m nauseous and hungry at the same time. That kind of summarizes it all.”
I frown. “Is there anything I can do for you? I can head into town and get whatever you need. Maybe a heating pad could help with the aches. Or I could have room service bring you a ginger ale.”
Cassidy shakes her head. “It’s fine, Marcus.”
“You don’t have to handle this alone, Cass,” I tell her as I step closer to her, automatically reaching for her hand.
Cassidy motions for me to stop, her eyes widening. “What are you doing? Do you want us to be seen?”
I drop my hand and glance around, making sure no one we know is around us. “I’m sorry. I’m just worried about you.”
“I know. And I know Jackson and Tyler are too, but you can’t fix every problem and soothe every ache for me,” Cassidy says, lowering her voice. “Especially when other people can see or hear us.”
I nod, knowing she’s right. Knowing I’m stepping over a line.
But I’m still so damn worried.
She hasn’t been taking care of herself as much as she should, and the stress on top of it all could cost her heavily. She could hurt herself. She could lose the baby.
“I get that. Just…don’t hesitate to call if you need something,” I tell her. “We’ll sneak it to you or whatever.”
Cassidy closes her eyes and exhales heavily. “No, I’m tired of sneaking around. I’m tired of…everything. Just back off a little.”
Her words hit like a punch to the chest, but I still nod because I’m going to do as she asks.
“I should head to the room,” I say as I back away from her.
“I’m going back out to them,” Cassidy replies as she stays put. “I’ll let you know when the doctor calls with the results.”
“Okay,” I tell her before forcing myself to turn around and head to the elevator.
I can’t help but glance over my shoulder once I reach it. She’s long gone by then.