Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
“Mommy issues,” Gideon repeated, his lips curling as he shook his head, “that’s not even the half of it.”
Kendra furrowed her brows, her hand against his chest turning so her palm was pressed against him, as if to offer him comfort.
Fuck, even when he was an asshole, she was still the most beautiful and compassionate woman.
And you’ve taken her for granted for three years….
Never again!
“My mother met my father when she was just nineteen. Thalia Lykaios was the coddled daughter of a Greek shipping magnate, and when she met older, handsome, charming Nathaniel Maddox, she had hearts in her eyes. To her, he was the man of her dreams, but to him, she was the key to a fortune.”
“But he was a Maddox,” Kendra remarked, far too curious to remain unaffected, “why would he need to marry into a fortune?”
Gideon snarled, “Because my grandfather recognized his son for what he was; a degenerate, unworthy of the helm of the Maddox empire. So, Nathaniel married a rich, young, na?ve woman, eager to get his hands on her money, and she had no idea the hell she married into.”
Kendra’s face drained of color, her hand going limp in his grasp.
“My mother and father married soon after they met, and she got pregnant with me right away. She was a young mother, but she loved me, I knew that…but love….” He trailed off, holding his breath, then let if all go at once. “Love couldn’t save her from Nathaniel Maddox.”
Staring up at him, Kendra leaned in until he could feel her breath on his neck. The urge to wrap his arm around her, to hold her to him, to absorb all the beauty that was his wife was so strong he had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself.
Her need to nurture was instinctual, but he knew, in that moment, he couldn’t take advantage of it.
It wasn’t right.
“From the very beginning, my father was unfaithful to her, not even bothering to hide the fact that he was fucking around on her, but she was so in love with him, with the dream man she’d met, that she’d stayed. She’d always accepted his lame apology jewelry, truly believing he’d change.”
Growling, Gideon tensed, knowing the rest of it was only worse.
“He broke her so utterly, that she completely forgot she wasn’t just a wife but also a mother—she left, Kendra, she left us with him, no hesitation, no goodbye, and not a single word from her since.
At just thirteen years old, I was abandoned by the woman I loved the most in the world, thrust into the role of father, mother, protector, and brother all at once, all without knowing what the fuck I was doing.
My brothers were my rock, they held me down when all I wanted to do was fly away, and so I dedicated my life to them, to making sure they never missed her, they never knew hunger or loss or failure.
I determined to build an empire so big and powerful that no one could touch us—” he paused, leaning forward to press his forehead against hers.
Her breath caught. “And I succeeded…until my greatest vulnerability took my heart and placed it securely in her hands.” Kendra tensed and pulled back just enough to meet his gaze.
There was shock there, but also hope…so much desperate hope.
“You’ve untethered me, you’ve shattered me, piece by piece, until all that’s left is the darkest most hideous parts.
With you, I am undone…and yet…I am also remade, fashioned into something I don’t recognize but so desperately want to hold on to, because what I am when I am with you is the best of me—you make me the best me I can be, Kendra. ”
“But Gideon,” she breathed, “you don’t love me; our marriage was a lie from the beginning—you can’t change that fact.” She tried to stand up, to move away from him, but he couldn’t part with her warmth for even a moment. He gripped her arms, dragging her into his lap.
Immediately, his cock turned to stone, throbbing against her plump, bouncy ass.
He groaned at the friction, the pleasure, and thrust upward, pressing his erection against the heat of her.
She gasped, struggling to get free, but he planted his face in her neck, drew in a breath, and rasped into her flesh, “Stop wriggling, or you’ll end up on your back on this couch with my cock nine inches deep in that tight, wet pussy.”
She jerked to a stop, her chest heaving with uneven breaths.
“You wouldn’t—you don’t want me like that; you said so yourself—”
He snarled, “I fucking lied!”
She started, shocked at his tone and volume—he’d never raised his voice at her before, then again, he’d been so fucking emotionally constipated, he hadn’t allowed himself to show this level of anger, of frustration, of fear.
“From the moment I saw you across that gala, I wanted you,” he admitted, his deep voice raw with stark truth.
He allowed her to pull away far enough to see his face; she wanted to see the truth or lies written there.
“You’re lying,” she croaked, “you told me—”
“That night you left, I said a lot of things that weren’t true, and the biggest lie of all of them was that I didn’t want you, that you were just a marriage of convenience to me.
From the very beginning, you have owned my heart, my soul, and my fucking cock—I got so hard at first sight, I honest to God thought I was having a stroke.
But then that voice in my head, the one that sounds like Nathaniel Maddox, told me I was high on the power, the sick knowledge that I was going to use you, control you, and you’d never know about it.
Kendra slapped her palm against his chest, the pain stinging.
“You’re sick, Gideon! Who gets an erection from something like that?”
He chuckled, quickly leaning in to nip at her chin. “To some men, power is an aphrodisiac.”
She hummed, her skin flushing. Catching herself leaning into his mouth, she pulled away and squared her shoulders as she asked, “Are you one of those men?”
“No, baby—I can tell you with 100% certainty that the hard on I sported for most of the evening was because of you in that sexy-as-fuck dress. Your smile and laugh just about made me come, too.” His let his hand drift from her waist to her thigh, making her shudder. “And they still do.”
Trying to pry his hand from her leg, she demanded, “So why the contrived courtship, the hush-hush, rushed wedding, and the three years of prescription sex?”
“Prescription sex?” he asked, his lips quirking.
She huffed, rolling her eyes. “Sex three nights a week, every week, for three years—like a prescription, and you didn’t want to miss a dose.”
He threw his head back and laughed, his throat working to expel a sound wholly unlike him that even he was shocked by it.
Had it really been that long since he’d laughed?
From the wide eyes and gaping mouth on his wife, he guessed it had been.
Maybe even three years.
At the thought of those three years, he quickly sobered.
“If you wanted me, explain to me why you always treated me so coldly—hell, Gideon, you only ever had a civil conversation with me when I initiated it, and even then, you were slightly buzzed from whatever you were drinking that night or the orgasm you just had. I can’t tell you how many times I went to bed crying because my husband only ever saw me as a person when he was drunk or had just nutted. ”
Shaking his head violently, he exclaimed, “I was an asshole, no doubt about that, and I am so fucking sorry for how I’ve treated you over the years.
I was at fault for everything wrong in our marriage, and I admit that.
You were always the brightest part of my darkest days, baby,” he rasped, cupping her face.
She was crying again, the tear slowly gliding down her face. He wiped them away, gently, reverently.
“So many times I wanted to open my mouth and ask you about your day, just to hear your voice. So many times I wanted to call you just to hear you breathe on the line—even when I was sitting in a board meeting. Do you know how hard it is to go on a business trip and miss you so much that everywhere I look I see something I want to get for you or talk to you about or experience with you?”
She pinched her lips, frustration framing her mouth.
“So why didn’t you, Gideon? Why was the only trip we ever took our honeymoon?
If you wanted to take me places, buy me things, and experience these things with me, why didn’t you?
You have the power, the money, the opportunity, so why did I fall through the cracks with you? ”
Heaving a sigh, he leaned back until he was propped against the arm of the couch, pulling her with him so she was reclining on his chest.
She didn’t fight him, but she didn’t come easy, either; she was tense, coiling to spring up and make another run for it, but he’d catch her. He always would.
“In the beginning, I was drawing a distinct line between us, determined not to let you cross it—you were basically a stranger to me, an outsider that I’d invited in, only so far, and I didn’t trust you.
You’re smart, you know that men of my stature are targets for those who’d wish me and my family ill, or they want my money or my contacts or my resources. ”
“Yes, but Gideon, you came to me, you pursued me—what had I ever done to make you think I was out to get you?” Kendra inquired, her tone telling him she was completely flummoxed.
“It was never about you, baby, it was me—after my childhood, the struggles to keep Maddox from collapsing, and doing all the things I did to protect my brothers…I learned hard lessons about trust. No, you never did anything to lose my trust, but in the very beginning, you hadn’t earned it, either,” he admitted, the words coming easier, smoother and yet more anxious the more he spoke, like he was letting the air out of a balloon… hoping it didn’t burst.
Kendra hummed, nodding thoughtfully. “I can understand that….” She met his gaze, questions and pain swirling, and asked, “But what about later? Why didn’t you ever let me in, Gideon?
I would think that after a full year, two years, three years, you’d know whether you could trust me, whether I was worthy of Gideon Maddox’s trust.”
Swallowing thickly, he replied, “By the second year, it wasn’t about trust anymore….”
He nearly moaned when his warm, caring wife placed her hand on his cheek—she could sense the struggle, the battle within him—man and beast—fighting for survival.
“What was it, Gideon?” she inquired, her voice soft. “Why can’t you let me in?”
Sucking in a breath, he filled his chest to bursting and held it, willing the nausea away even as the bile surged in his throat.
For a man as powerful and dangerous as Gideon Maddox, in that moment, he was nothing.