22. Diego
22
DIEGO
B uoyed by the thought that Sofia loved me, I tried to keep the demons of uncertainty away. If she loved me, if she could vow to stand by me no matter what, then what was the purpose of worrying about who I used to be?
That was the question that plagued me, though. That was the question that I couldn’t ignore on the principle that ignorance was bliss. It wasn’t. Knowledge was power, and I was determined, more than ever, to have all the power of being prepared for whatever darkness lingered in my past. Especially if it could come back to hurt her or Ramon.
An association with the Cartel would certainly be a means of harming them.
If I were to believe Manny, I used to work with him on runs. And that sure as hell didn’t mean anything recreational or fun. No way. When a man was clearly marked and branded as an employee of the Cartel, a run meant drugs. Or women. Or guns. Or any other number of coveted things on the black market.
I wanted nothing to do with that. I couldn’t believe that I was ever a person to be affiliated with such evil.
But the more I mulled over it all, I convinced myself that it couldn’t be that far-fetched. That it couldn’t be a lie that I was once involved with the Cartel to some extent.
I knew how to kill, and kill well.
I didn’t have to stop and think twice about how to dispose of a body or clean up blood, clearly experienced with it.
I fell into what seemed like a stealth mode all too easily.
I was found wearing a disguise.
What bothered me the most was that pleasure in inflicting pain. When I fought and killed those two men threatening Sofia and Ramon, I enjoyed it. I took glee in knowing I’d hurt them and would end their lives. If that didn’t make me a sicko, a sadist, then what would?
You did that to save them, though. You did that in the name of self-defense and protecting those you loved.
If I were a Cartel member, that justification wouldn’t work.
The next day, I drove Sofia’s car to drop her off. It was the first time I’d done it, and the only reason I drove her and Ramon was to be able to pick him up at the end of his early release from school and Se?ora Vasquez wouldn’t be able to drive him home like usual. It was the last day before his Christmas break. While I wanted to look forward to his being around more, I couldn’t evade this dark gloom.
I wanted to have money and the means to make it to get Sofia and Ramon gifts.
I wished I could go out and let everyone see that I was starting to view him as my son.
I thought about what we could do together to further celebrate Christmas. Mass, festivities, and parades.
Instead, I was just stuck in this limbo.
“I love you, Diego,” Sofia said before she got out of the car to go to work.
I would never tire of hearing her say that. I only prayed I could deserve her love.
“I love you too, my angel.” I leaned over to kiss her good-bye.
“Remember, Pamela will drop me off. Another short day.” She paused outside before shutting the door. “I wish I could get used to these short days for good.”
“Maybe we can use that time wisely again. Like we did yesterday.” I smiled cockily.
“I wouldn’t say no.” She winked and shut the door.
After I dropped her off, the brightness she exuded faded. I fell right back to the negativity and worry.
On the way back to her house, I caught sight of someone tailing me.
“Fuck.”
This was the first time I’d driven her car. The first time I’d ventured this far from her house.
For someone to be tailing me as I drove, they had to have known I’d left Sofia’s house. They had to have seen me with Ramon. With Sofia.
And the only person or group that could come to mind was the fucking Cartel. If I hadn’t seen and recognized Manny’s face, and if I hadn’t heard him say that he wanted me to come back with him, I wouldn’t be so quick to assume. But things were lining up. Connections were too clear to ignore.
The Cartel was on to me. They knew where I’d been staying. And they were aware of where Sofia and Ramon lived.
Everything was colliding, crashing and muddled into a big mess. I couldn’t help but feel like all the chips were falling into place and the pile of pieces that I had been trying to figure out depicted a picture I didn’t welcome.
I used to be involved with the Cartel in some way, and now, they seemed determined to find me.
For what?
Why?
To try to kill me again?
If I were a target of the Cartel, I had no clue what I could’ve done to warrant their wrath. With my freaky skills in combat, I was clearly in some type of a violent career.
Maybe I was a cop?
That didn’t sound or feel right. I doubted I’d ever want to stick with such a regulated authority, too independent to be a follower.
Even now, as I drove through the streets that were still familiar to me because of the mental map that stayed intact despite losing my memories, I was skilled at losing my tail.
Was I a spy?
Maybe I was a cop?
I couldn’t stomach another possibility, that I could’ve worked for the Cartel. Like what Manny made it sound like. That I helped him with runs.
If I was working for the Cartel, then why would they try to kill me at the hospital?
That worked only on the assumption that Sofia followed. That if I faced violence at or near the hospital, it had to be the Cartel’s fault.
Or could I have double-crossed them, and they had to silence me?
I slammed my fist on the steering wheel, swept away with all these questions I couldn’t answer.
What if I go to get them?
The impulse to go after the car following me was strong. I could stop wondering and do something about this fucking mystery. I’d lost the tail, but I’d done so that I now followed them .
I tried to envision taking charge of the situation. I imagined how I could approach them and demand they talk to me, tell me what was going on.
Doing so would out me even more. I couldn’t hide after showing my face again, but what the hell was the difference now? They’d be able to trace me to Sofia’s house.
Shit. Ramon would be there soon.
I couldn’t let him just show up there. Or Sofia. They couldn’t go home and be vulnerable with Cartel members knowing their residence.
The thought of making them relocate—days before Christmas—broke my heart, but it wouldn’t be the end of the world to adjust. It would be the end of my world if they were hurt or dead.
Not on my watch.
Never on my watch.
I had to make this quick. If this was to be the moment I’d take charge and control this situation, to get answers, I had to do it now so I could make the next decision with all the possible information I could have. If I had to move Sofia and Ramon, I would.
Tailing after the car the Cartel members drove was almost too easy. Soon enough, they pulled over at an abandoned city park. I stopped Sofia’s car a ways back, and then I approached, careful to stay out of sight. Several men stood around talking, and I had to be smart about this. There were too many of them for me to face just by myself. I could try to eavesdrop, though.
The closest I could get was hunching behind a junky car left to rot. This wasn’t the best part of the city, so as I spied, I kept a careful eye on my surroundings.
They stood too far away for me to hear anything. The name of a neighborhood popped up in their conversation, but I couldn’t tell what they’d said about it. I wasn’t sure how to get closer and not risk them spotting me.
When I leaned up to peer through the windows of the car I hid behind, to mark where they were and if anyone was scouting out the area, I held my breath and stared.
Antonio.
His name smacked me in the face. Recognition hit hard, and I had no doubt who he was. His name came too quickly, and I didn’t doubt that short, bald man’s face matched it.
Antonio.
I definitely knew him.
Unlike my encounter with Manny, I didn’t have to even think about who Antonio was. I must have dealt with him a lot to be this instantly familiar with him.
But who Antonio was failed to register. He was someone in my past, but I didn’t know why.
He wasn’t a friend. That detail also hit me swiftly. Just seeing his smirking face triggered me to recall not a fact about him, but a feeling. A strong reaction. I had, somehow and in some way, been conditioned to dislike him.
He wasn’t a friend, but a foe. Yet, I couldn’t use that information for much.
Did I have an issue with only him?
Did I get along with others in the Cartel? Manny had smiled and been friendly.
Is there something specific about Antonio?
They all teamed up, getting into cars again, and I glanced at the time on my watch before I got back to Sofia’s car.
Fuck it all. I had to get moving if I wanted to pick up Ramon on time. I sighed and hustled to it, driving carefully and making sure no one was following me.
Is he even safe at school? If they had followed me from the house to the school, nowhere was safe anymore.
I could take them to a hotel. I didn’t have money, but Sofia could afford it and I would pay her back. I would compensate her for this expense. Hell, after I figured out who I was and where the danger lay, I could get a job and provide for them for good.
I parked at the school and walked out to the pickup area, seeking out the teacher I’d met this morning. When we dropped off Ramon, Sofia introduced me and explained I would be picking up Ramon while she was still at work.
“Oh! Diego.” The kind old woman smiled at me. “You just missed him. He went with Juan and his abuela since she could come do the dismissal pickup after all.”
“Oh. Huh. Okay.”
That actually worked out even better. If I knew Ramon was with Se?ora Vasquez, he’d be even safer there than at home. And I could have the time to drive by the area I thought I heard those Cartel men mention when they gathered at the park.
I had to do whatever I could to protect my woman and the boy I saw as my son now.
No one would hurt them again.
Not on my damn watch.
Not when I could have been the reason the Cartel was lured toward them.