Chapter 18
Eighteen
Rory walked to his gate, thinking about Kate. Her bruises had changed color and lightened up. He’d resumed spanking her, though not as roughly as he had the first night. She could tell he was holding back, and he knew she didn’t like it because she’d told him so.
“You can be your roughest again,” she’d said the last time they were together. “I’m fine. I’m ready.”
“Was my cock as hard as stone when I put it in you?”
“Yes.”
“Did I get off?”
“Yes.”
“Right. I’m getting what I want from our scenes. Why are you worried?”
She chewed her lip. “But they could be even better for you, right?”
“Kitten," he’d said, trying to use his most patient voice because he knew how sensitive she could be. During a scene, she wanted him ruthlessly rough in every way. But outside a scene, her mind could turn the littlest thing into a harsh criticism. “I’ve already told you, what I do or don’t do isn’t your concern.
All I want you thinking about is what you’re feeling. ”
“What I feel is that I would feel better if I knew you were being as rough as you want to be again.”
He’d laughed. She was so damned clever and so damned adorable.
But also so poorly trained. Rory had learned her ex, the asshole, had berated her when a scene didn’t go exactly the way he wanted.
To Rory, that was fucking criminal, because he knew Kate had submitted until it had almost killed her.
Until Rory was sure he could trust her to know her own limits, he would continue to keep a tight leash on his urge to give her more when she begged for it.
“Your skin’s almost a normal color, which is what I want. No bruises when we go back to the club.”
“Other girls will have bruises there, right?” she’d countered.
“Kate, enough,” he’d warned. “Or I’ll punish you by making you sit alone in the bedroom for an hour.”
She pouted and was dead fucking sexy when she did.
“Are they still asking when we’re coming back?” she asked.
He’d nodded. There had been a few texts from Shay and others on various days, asking if he planned to be in. He held off. Better to let things die down, and for him and Kate to spend some time together alone. He did want to get her into the club. There was a lot of equipment there he liked to use.
She had a couple of exams she was supposed to be studying for, but she never seemed to settle down to work for very long when she was at his place.
She wanted to see what he was doing. She wanted to cook.
She wanted to clean something, even though the maid came twice a week.
He walked into the bathroom at one point to find Kate washing the walls.
The walls? Whatever. He’d wanted her, so he’d plucked her off the step ladder.
He was going on a business trip to Austria and was really tempted to take her with him, but he knew if he suggested it she would come and miss her exams. He didn’t know how that would play out in terms of her grades.
If she could make them up, he’d gladly take her, but if not, it could screw her grades and potentially her GPA.
He wouldn’t have been a good Dom if he started letting her do things that weren’t in her long-term best interest. They had plenty of time together.
Still when he told her about the trip, she started crying and he couldn’t get her to stop.
He’d very nearly caved. It was funny how when they were at play, he could keep going even if she cried or screamed, but when it came to real life, sometimes he babied her more than his little nieces.
It seemed to him there were two Rorys and two Kates in the relationship.
Or maybe it was just that they had two very different relationships going on at once.
He was at the airport on the phone with her, and she was sniffling again. He’d woken her from a nap, and she sounded groggy and sad.
“Hey, I’ve gotta board.”
“Okay. Be safe. I love you.”
“Yeah, you too. Be good and study hard tonight, Kate. I’m going to make you show me your scores. They better be as good as the grades you got before we met.”
“I’ll try. Will you call me as soon as you land?”
“I’m sure I will, but I’m not gonna have anything new to tell you. Gotta go,” he said, hanging up the phone.
Kate had been so upset and anxious, she’d taken a Xanax. She didn’t tell Rory. She didn’t think he would like it. The only pill bottles in his medicine cabinet were Tylenol and Motrin.
Kate didn’t take Xanax often, and it caused her to oversleep. She arrived for her French exam just before the doors closed, and she had trouble concentrating. She wasn’t sure if she’d gone back to the questions she’d flagged or if she’d submitted an unfinished exam.
By midday, she felt worried and sick. She didn’t want to disappoint him.
She drank coffee to wake herself up, which made her feel worse.
She walked around campus for an hour to get some fresh air.
When she finally started studying for her science exam, she felt like she wasn’t as far behind as she’d thought.
In the end, she did have to stay up until three in the morning.
She texted Rory, knowing he was six hours ahead and would be starting his day.
His response had been: Why are you awake? Go to bed.
She’d replied, I’m studying. How are you? I MISS U!
Business all good. Not gonna talk about what I miss. I’ll show u when I get back. Go to sleep, k.
k for kitten, she thought. She missed him so, so much.
She did go to bed, but her thoughts chased themselves around in circles. And it was too late to take a sleeping pill.
The science exam went ok. Rory texted that he was going to an underground bar.
He thought she would’ve liked the scene.
She knew that meant he’d found a BDSM club to explore.
She pictured him with tall blue-eyed blondes with big breasts.
He wouldn’t have to hold back. He was the master and could play with whoever he wanted whenever he wanted.
She wished she could go to the Marquis Club.
Even just to help Nikki at the door. She wanted to be around people like them.
She never felt like she could get really close to anyone on campus.
She didn’t want the same things. When she’d gotten to college, she’d just finished that relationship that had gone so badly.
The last thing she’d wanted was to be around young guys who drank and got loud and out of control.
It was one of the many things she loved about Rory. He was always in control of everything, even when he was angry; especially when he was angry. He never broke things or hit her. He never did things to terrorize her.
She’d always said no to Breath Play. It was a hard limit and always had been. She swallowed, remembering the last night with Brandon when he’d choked her into unconsciousness. At the time, she’d believed he was killing her. He could have accidentally. He’d been drunk.
When she’d regained consciousness seven minutes later, he’d tried to make a joke of it. “Oh good. I was starting to worry that I’d have to bury your body.”
There had been nightmares for a long time, and anxiety when she was awake. It took her so many months to get herself back. Thankfully, she didn’t have the nightmares anymore, but she still remembered those moments of fear so clearly.
Bran still texted her sometimes, as if he didn’t know that he’d destroyed her that night for months to come. She tried to resist texting him back, and most times she won that battle, but it was hard. When anyone texted her, she felt pressure to send a return text. It felt rude not to.
It was a relief when she told Rory, and he ordered her not to answer Brandon anymore. Rory said if someone was going to reply, it would be him. That completely took the pressure off. There was only one person she needed to please these days.
She loved being with Rory for so many reasons, but an important one was that his natural dominance and decisiveness helped quell her anxiety.
She had always had a tendency to agonize over important decisions, and she’d struggled with anxiety since elementary school.
Being around Rory who made a thousand business decisions by lunchtime and never looked back at any of them was teaching her to worry less.
Also, when she used him as a sounding board, she never second-guessed anything.
She’d hesitated to tell him about Brandon’s texts at first, thinking Rory might become angry or suspicious about why she was getting texts from her ex, but his reaction hadn’t been about that at all.
He’d wanted to know if the texts brought back bad memories or nightmares for her.
Sometimes, she’d admitted, but she was honest when she said she was sleeping better than ever.
What she meant was that she slept great in Rory’s bed because she was always calm and exhausted by the time she laid down.
She did wonder about Rory’s feelings on breath play.
He’d never said whether he wanted to do any of the things she couldn’t.
Did he like to control a girl’s breathing during a scene or during sex?
If so, did he miss it? Could he get that in an underground Austrian club?
She did not want to picture him standing between the thighs of a girl with pale eyes and cheekbones as high and sharp as icicles, but she did.
Everywhere they went, women noticed him.
It wasn’t just that he was handsome, though of course he was.
The bigger thing was the way he occupied a space.
He was naturally charismatic, naturally the center of attention.
The animal attraction was impossible to ignore.
It bothered her that he was going to a sex club without her because she knew women would want to have sex with him.
She knew he had a right to be with other submissives, but the thought of him with someone else left her feeling heartbroken and terrified she’d lose him.
There was noise in the common room. Her college was having a party. She turned off the lights so her suite mates wouldn’t see it and bang on the door. She had no desire to be around anyone at the moment, except the one person who was out of reach.
She couldn’t be awake any longer. She took two sleeping pills and crawled under her covers.
Something was wrong. There were long gaps between messages, and Kate seemed to be avoiding talking to him on the phone. The girl who had been desperate for him not to leave, now didn’t ask what time he’d come for her when he got back.
Rory had signed the contracts with his new partners and had a drink with them, but rather than staying on for the last day to celebrate and have a final planning meeting, he’d had his assistant move up his flights.
His mind was like a photograph with only Kate in sharp focus.
Other things were scattered around the edges in an inconsequential blur.
What had happened in the past forty-eight hours?
A lot of scenarios went through his head.
None of them good. He didn’t know her friends, so no information could be gotten that way.
He considered sending Nikki or Shay to check on her, but with the way things were with the club, he didn’t want them in his business.
It was a really long flight.
He did not go home from the airport. He also did not tell her he was back. He would see the lay of the land unfiltered.
He’d never been in her suite, but he knew where it was. He’d been to the door to get her because he wanted to know exactly where she lived and slept when she wasn’t with him. In case he ever needed to get to her in a hurry. He hadn’t expected the circumstances to be as they were.
He knocked, and a girl with copper dreadlocks opened the door.
“I’m here for Kate.”
“Hi, I’m Maya, one of her suite mates. I take it you’re the him with the capital H? The new boyfriend?”
He nodded. “Rory.”
“Well, I don’t think she’ll see you.”
“Yes, she will,” he said, every muscle tightening. Wouldn’t see him? What the fuck was going on?
“She’s been holed up in her room for hours. She hasn’t eaten anything since yesterday. I had to threaten to call someone to get her to text me back that she’s okay.”
“What happened?” he asked in a low voice, following Maya to Kate’s door. He knocked.
“I don’t know really. Did you guys have a fight? I thought maybe you broke up with her.”
“Do you have a spare key?” he said.
She shook her head.
Rory knocked louder. “Kate, it’s Rory. Open the door.” The silence was like a knife driving into him. “Plan B,” he said, putting his shoulder against the door. He popped it open, splintering it at the lock.
The room smelled like bleach. She was on her side in the bed, completely still. Too still.
Jesus Christ!
He crossed the room to her and rolled her onto her back.
She was warm and limp, her breathing very slow.
Was she just very sound asleep? No, it was more than that.
She never slept that soundly at his house.
He shook her gently, then harder when she didn’t rouse.
He didn’t know how many times he said her name before her lids finally rose halfway.
She smiled. “I miss you.”
“Kate, what did you take? Answer me,” he said sharply.
Her eyes seemed to focus. “Ambia. For sleep.”
“Ambien? How many?”
Her head lolled, and she drifted off.
“How many?” he demanded, giving her another shake.
“Should I call an ambulance?” Maya asked from the doorway.
“No, she’s talking. I’ve got her.” Rory stood and went to the door. “Thanks for checking on her. Do me a favor and keep this quiet.”
“Maybe we shouldn’t. Maybe she needs help so that she doesn’t—”
“I’ll take care of it.”
Maya looked up at him, trying to decide.
He nodded. “She’ll be all right.” He closed the door on her and pushed Kate’s desk chair against it to hold it closed.
He called the driver who waited downstairs and gave him instructions, then he turned on the lights and acquainted himself with the contents of Kate’s dorm room.
It smelled like bleach because she’d apparently been cleaning every surface with Clorox wipes.
The little white trash can was full of them.